Reflexes of Forgiveness: Embracing Grace in Relationships

Summary

### Summary

Today, we explored the profound lessons embedded in one of Jesus' parables, focusing on our natural reflexes when wronged and when righted. I began by sharing a personal story from my sports days, where I developed a reflex to laugh off provocations, which later seeped into my personal relationships, causing harm. This led us to reflect on our own reflexes when wronged—whether we retaliate, cut people off, or hold grudges. Conversely, we also considered our reflexes when someone does good for us.

We then delved into Jesus' parable from the Gospel of Matthew, where a king forgives an enormous debt of 10,000 talents owed by a servant. This act of radical forgiveness is a picture of what life looks like when God is king. The servant, however, fails to extend the same mercy to a fellow servant who owes him a much smaller debt, highlighting the discrepancy between receiving and giving forgiveness.

The story challenges us to examine our reflexes and the natural tendency to forget the grace we've received. It underscores the importance of intentionally remembering and extending the same grace to others. The parable also warns us about the consequences of living with a ledger, keeping track of others' wrongs, which ultimately tortures us more than anyone else.

In our fast-paced lives, we often rush to judgment without gaining perspective. Slowing down, reflecting, and zooming out to see the bigger picture can transform our relationships. The story concludes with a powerful reminder that forgiveness is not about excusing wrongs but about choosing not to hold them against others, just as God does with us.

### Key Takeaways

1. Reflexes in Relationships: Our natural reflexes when wronged often involve retaliation or holding grudges. However, Jesus' parable challenges us to reflect on these reflexes and consider a more grace-filled response. By examining our reactions, we can begin to align them more closely with the radical forgiveness exemplified by the king in the story. [02:37]

2. Radical Forgiveness: The king's forgiveness of the servant's enormous debt illustrates the radical nature of God's grace. This act of mercy is not about keeping a ledger but about canceling debts entirely. For many, this challenges the traditional understanding of Christianity as a system of moral bookkeeping. [10:37]

3. The Curse of Knowledge: Once we have moved on from a difficult situation, we often forget what it was like to be in that place. This "curse of knowledge" can make us less empathetic and more judgmental. Jesus' parable reminds us to intentionally remember the grace we've received and extend it to others. [17:12]

4. The Consequences of Unforgiveness: Living with a ledger, keeping track of others' wrongs, ultimately tortures us. When we withhold forgiveness, we are the ones who suffer the most. This insight is crucial for both believers and non-believers, as it highlights the universal need for grace in our relationships. [26:08]

5. Intentional Reflection: In our hurried lives, we often rush to judgment without gaining perspective. Slowing down and reflecting can help us see the bigger picture and transform our relationships. This intentional act of pulling over and gaining perspective can lead to more grace-filled interactions. [22:25]

### YouTube Chapters

[0:00] - Welcome
[01:18] - Personal Story: Sports and Reflexes
[02:37] - Reflexes When Wronged
[04:09] - Reflexes When Righted
[05:03] - Introduction to Jesus' Parable
[06:10] - The King's Radical Forgiveness
[07:53] - The Servant's Unforgiving Reflex
[09:55] - The Shocking Forgiveness
[10:37] - Life Without a Ledger
[12:03] - Misunderstanding Christianity
[13:00] - The Servant's Response
[14:49] - The Curse of Knowledge
[17:12] - Natural vs. Intentional Responses
[20:58] - The Importance of Perspective
[22:25] - Slowing Down to Reflect
[26:08] - Consequences of Unforgiveness
[28:03] - Final Reflections and Call to Action

Study Guide

### Bible Study Discussion Guide

#### Bible Reading
- Matthew 18:23-35 (The Parable of the Unforgiving Servant)

#### Observation Questions
1. What was the initial debt owed by the servant to the king, and how did the king respond to the servant's plea? [06:10]
2. How did the forgiven servant react when he encountered a fellow servant who owed him a smaller debt? [13:26]
3. What was the reaction of the other servants and the king when they learned about the forgiven servant's actions? [14:49]

#### Interpretation Questions
1. What does the king's radical forgiveness of the enormous debt illustrate about God's grace and the nature of His kingdom? [10:37]
2. How does the concept of the "curse of knowledge" affect our ability to extend grace and forgiveness to others? [17:12]
3. What are the consequences of living with a ledger, keeping track of others' wrongs, according to the parable and the sermon? [26:08]

#### Application Questions
1. Reflect on your natural reflexes when wronged. Do you tend to retaliate, hold grudges, or cut people off? How can you begin to align your reactions more closely with the radical forgiveness exemplified by the king in the parable? [02:37]
2. Think about a time when you received grace or forgiveness. How did it impact you, and how can you intentionally remember and extend that same grace to others in your current relationships? [17:12]
3. Are there any relationships in your life where you are keeping a ledger of wrongs? How is this affecting you, and what steps can you take to let go of this ledger and offer forgiveness? [26:08]
4. In what ways can you slow down and reflect to gain perspective in your relationships? Share a specific situation where pulling over and gaining perspective could transform your interaction with someone. [22:25]
5. How can you intentionally practice empathy and put yourself in someone else's shoes, especially when you feel wronged? Think of a specific person or situation where you can apply this practice. [21:49]
6. Consider the idea that forgiveness is not about excusing wrongs but choosing not to hold them against others. How can this understanding change the way you approach forgiveness in your life? [29:05]
7. Identify a relationship where you need to pull over and gain perspective. What practical steps can you take this week to see the bigger picture and extend grace in that relationship? [30:01]

Devotional

Day 1: Reflexes in Relationships
When we are wronged, our natural reflexes often involve retaliation or holding grudges. Jesus' parable challenges us to reflect on these reflexes and consider a more grace-filled response. By examining our reactions, we can begin to align them more closely with the radical forgiveness exemplified by the king in the story. This requires a conscious effort to change our immediate responses and cultivate a heart of forgiveness and grace. [02:37]

Ephesians 4:31-32 (ESV): "Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you."

Reflection: Think of a recent situation where you felt wronged. How did you react? What would a grace-filled response look like in that situation, and how can you practice this in future interactions?

Day 2: Radical Forgiveness
The king's forgiveness of the servant's enormous debt illustrates the radical nature of God's grace. This act of mercy is not about keeping a ledger but about canceling debts entirely. For many, this challenges the traditional understanding of Christianity as a system of moral bookkeeping. Instead, it invites us to embrace a life of radical forgiveness, where we do not keep score but freely extend the grace we have received. [10:37]

Colossians 3:13 (ESV): "Bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive."

Reflection: Is there someone in your life to whom you are keeping a ledger of wrongs? How can you begin to cancel that debt and extend radical forgiveness to them today?

Day 3: The Curse of Knowledge
Once we have moved on from a difficult situation, we often forget what it was like to be in that place. This "curse of knowledge" can make us less empathetic and more judgmental. Jesus' parable reminds us to intentionally remember the grace we've received and extend it to others. By doing so, we can cultivate empathy and a deeper understanding of others' struggles. [17:12]

James 2:13 (ESV): "For judgment is without mercy to one who has shown no mercy. Mercy triumphs over judgment."

Reflection: Recall a time when you were shown grace during a difficult period. How can remembering this experience help you extend grace to someone else who is currently struggling?

Day 4: The Consequences of Unforgiveness
Living with a ledger, keeping track of others' wrongs, ultimately tortures us. When we withhold forgiveness, we are the ones who suffer the most. This insight is crucial for both believers and non-believers, as it highlights the universal need for grace in our relationships. Unforgiveness can lead to bitterness and emotional turmoil, whereas forgiveness brings freedom and peace. [26:08]

Matthew 6:14-15 (ESV): "For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses."

Reflection: Are you holding onto any grudges or past hurts? What steps can you take today to begin the process of forgiveness and release the burden of unforgiveness?

Day 5: Intentional Reflection
In our hurried lives, we often rush to judgment without gaining perspective. Slowing down and reflecting can help us see the bigger picture and transform our relationships. This intentional act of pulling over and gaining perspective can lead to more grace-filled interactions. Taking time to reflect allows us to respond thoughtfully rather than react impulsively. [22:25]

Psalm 46:10 (ESV): "Be still, and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!"

Reflection: Set aside time today to reflect on a recent conflict or misunderstanding. How might slowing down and gaining perspective change your response and improve your relationship with the other person?

Quotes

1. "What's your reflex when you've been wronged? Do you laugh at them? Do you get angry? Like, power up. You cut them off. Like you don't pick up their phone calls anymore. You ghost them, shun them, keep track. Remember what they did. Wait for the right time to bring it up. Like what's your reflex when you've been wronged? Think about that. Here's another question. What's your reflex, not when you've been wronged, but when you've been righted, right? When someone has done good for you. When they've gone above and beyond. They've gone out of their way. They've been thoughtful. They've been caring. They have done good for your sake. What's your reflex? How do you respond?" [03:37] (55 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)

2. "Now, right here. Is the picture of what the kingdom of God is like. What it looks like to live as if God is king. This is the first part of it. I don't know about you, but for a long time, this is not how I understood the whole Christianity, church, following Jesus, whatever you want to call it. This is not how I understood it. Right? The king has the opportunity to cancel everything. And he does. For me, I understood Christianity. Like, if I'm going to buy into it. If I'm going to buy into this. If I'm going to do this. It's like he takes out a ledger. And now, you've got to live with a ledger." [10:37] (42 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)

3. "The story here is Jesus saying, the king leaves behind the ledger. But for so many of us, we think about church. We think about God. We think about following Jesus. And it's like, all right, well, now I'm signed up for God to watch me at a distance and keep track of the things that I do. You know? And so, it feels like there's God just waiting. Like, oh, I heard you say the F word. You know? Like, that was one too many drinks. Should we really be watching that show? If you're someone who's new to church and that's how you picture God, then it's time to repaint the picture. It's not life with a ledger. The story is that God leaves behind the ledger." [11:18] (43 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)

4. "If your faith feels heavy, if it feels like a have to instead of a get to, if you feel like you've got to perform, if you feel like you've got to put on your Christian hat, you might be living as if God has a ledger. And the story is, like, right off the bat, this guy who owes an unbelievable amount of his debt is canceled. It's radical. It's radical. Okay. So, there it is. There's part one, right? Now, this is a pretty amazing story if you think about it. The guy owes $4 billion and instantly it's gone. His portfolio is transformed. It's a weight lifted. So, the question is, well, what's his reflex? What is he going to do?" [12:03] (41 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)

5. "It's not natural to remember. It's natural to forget. It's not natural for a teacher to remember what it's like to be a student. It's not natural for a parent to remember what it's like to be a kid. It's not natural for someone who's in church to remember what it feels like to not be in church. To remember that feeling of being an outsider. That awkward feeling of walking to a new place for the first time. Those are things that need to be done intentionally because we tend to forget. It's not natural to remember. It's natural to forget." [17:12] (31 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)

6. "If you're struggling to let go because someone's wronged you, it might be because you're right. They had no right to do what they did, to say what they said, to ask for what they asked for, to cross that line. To go to that place. They had no right. They're wrong and you're right. And you might be. You might be. Until you zoom out and you step back and find out, whoa, this guy was just forgiven this. A debt of an unbelievable amount was just canceled. Now he's unwilling to cancel that. And everyone's outraged. It's universal outrage when you know the whole story." [18:44] (45 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)

7. "The biggest enemy of spiritual growth for us, the thing that gets in the way of our spiritual development, our faith continuing to grow, it's hurry. It's like, we're in such a rush. And so we jump to conclusions. We see things with a limited perspective. Not too long ago, I was going to see one of my good friends in New Hampshire. And my plan was to take the ferry out of Port Jeff to go to Bridgeport and then drive the rest of the way up. And I was going there to relax. It was his birthday. We were going to go skiing. And I'm like, okay, I'm going to go relax, celebrate my friend's birthday with him, go skiing." [22:25] (35 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)

8. "If you're someone who follows Jesus, then there's a King in your story who canceled your debt. And the idea is that God looks. He looks at the ugliest parts of me, like the most twisted, self-gratifying, selfish parts of me. And he doesn't excuse them. He doesn't say, well, all right, if I think about it, you kind of had a reason for acting that way. And so I'm willing to look the other way. No, he looks at the things that are inexcusable and he chooses not to hold them against me. That's a canceled debt. And if we'll sit and like, maybe pull over and think of that, like I've got my issues." [28:03] (55 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)

9. "What I'm not saying when I say forgive, what I'm not saying is you put yourself in a situation where you're going to continue to be hurt or you put yourself in danger or you let him move back in or whatever the situation is, right? The king does not give that servant 10,000 more talents to go blow, but he doesn't hold it against him. And within you, there's part of you, you can choose to hold it against him or not. But if you do, if Jesus meant what he said and knew what he was talking about, then you're the one that pays for that. Then I'm the one that pays for that." [30:01] (34 seconds) ( | | )

10. "Who needs you to pull over? And gain perspective? Because there are none of us, there are none of us that are out of the reach of situations like this. You might be surprised to see the clarity that you find when you pull over." [34:00] (14 seconds) ( | | )

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Transcript

What was the most surprising thing in this sermon?

Were there any personal stories shared?