Rediscovering Phileo Love: The Value of Friendship
Summary
In our journey of understanding the theology of the body, we have been exploring how God has designed us to reflect His image and His plans. Today, we delve into the subtle crisis of phileo love, or friendship love, which is often overlooked in our culture. This crisis is marked by a decline in same-sex friendships, largely due to the hyper-focus on family and the sexualization of friendships. Our culture often misinterprets same-sex friendships as having a sexual nature, overshadowing the profound, non-sexual bond that phileo love represents.
The original phrase "blood is thicker than water" actually means "the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb," emphasizing that covenantal friendships can be stronger than familial ties. Jesus Himself highlighted the importance of these friendships, urging us to prioritize our relationship with Him and with each other over familial bonds. This is not to diminish the value of family but to recognize the unique and vital role that friendships play in our spiritual journey.
Singleness and celibacy are also significant aspects of God's design, offering a unique opportunity for undivided devotion to God. The Apostle Paul speaks to this in 1 Corinthians, suggesting that singleness can be a better state for some, allowing for a focused life of service to the Lord. This is not a call to isolation but an invitation to deeper communion with God and others.
In the New Testament, Jesus and Paul exemplify the celibate life, showing that it is not a lesser calling but a distinct and valuable one. This life points to the future reality of our relationship with Christ, where earthly marriages will be replaced by the ultimate union with Him. As we navigate our own lives, whether in marriage or singleness, we are called to foster spirit-bonded friendships that reflect God's love and design.
Key Takeaways:
- Phileo love, or friendship love, is in crisis due to cultural misunderstandings and the overshadowing focus on family and sexualization. This type of love is crucial for spiritual growth and community, offering a unique bond that complements familial and romantic relationships. [49:48]
- The phrase "blood is thicker than water" originally meant that covenantal friendships are stronger than familial ties. This highlights the importance of choosing and investing in friendships that reflect God's love and commitment. [52:42]
- Singleness and celibacy are not states of isolation but opportunities for deeper communion with God. They allow for a focused life of service and devotion, pointing to the future reality of our union with Christ. [01:00:48]
- Jesus and Paul exemplify the celibate life, showing that it is a valuable calling that anticipates our eternal relationship with Christ. This life is not lesser but runs parallel to marriage, offering a unique witness to God's design. [01:11:20]
- Spirit-bonded friendships are essential for spiritual growth and community. They provide support and accountability, helping us to live out God's design for our lives and reflect His love to the world. [01:15:49]
Youtube Chapters:
[0:00] - Welcome
[43:20] - Introduction to Theology of the Body
[44:19] - Building Blocks of Theology
[45:40] - Subtle Crisis in Culture
[46:46] - Understanding Love in the New Testament
[48:09] - Phileo Love and Its Crisis
[49:48] - Decline in Same-Sex Friendships
[50:48] - Family vs. Friendship
[52:42] - Original Meaning of "Blood is Thicker"
[53:21] - Jesus' Teachings on Love
[54:23] - Sexualization of Friendships
[55:18] - Impact on Church and Culture
[56:15] - Jesus' Counter-Cultural Teachings
[57:24] - Addressing Same-Sex Attraction
[58:37] - Singleness and Celibacy
[59:44] - Biblical Examples of Celibacy
[01:00:48] - Paul's Teachings on Singleness
[01:01:36] - Singleness as a Gift
[01:02:45] - Temporary Celibacy
[01:03:39] - Old Testament Examples
[01:05:46] - New Testament Insights
[01:06:20] - Jesus' Teachings on Marriage
[01:08:19] - Disciples' Response
[01:09:29] - Jesus' Response to Sadducees
[01:10:46] - Marriage in Eternity
[01:11:20] - Celibacy and Singleness
[01:12:42] - Witness of Celibate Life
[01:13:20] - Temporary Celibacy for All
[01:14:37] - Paul's Teachings on Marital Celibacy
[01:15:49] - Spirit-Bonded Friendships
[01:16:57] - Communion and Reflection
[01:19:06] - Jesus' Call to Focus
[01:27:17] - Jesus' Desire for Friendship
[01:28:46] - Covenant Over Family
[01:30:21] - Forming DNA Groups
[01:31:55] - Communion and Closing Prayer
Study Guide
Bible Study Discussion Guide
Bible Reading:
1. John 15:13-14
2. 1 Corinthians 7:38
3. Matthew 10:37
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Observation Questions:
1. What does Jesus say about the greatest form of love in John 15:13-14, and how does this relate to the concept of phileo love discussed in the sermon? [56:15]
2. According to 1 Corinthians 7:38, what does Paul suggest about the state of singleness, and how does this align with the sermon’s perspective on singleness and celibacy? [01:00:48]
3. How does the original meaning of the phrase "blood is thicker than water" challenge our cultural understanding of family versus friendship? [52:42]
4. What are the two main reasons mentioned in the sermon for the decline in same-sex friendships? [50:48]
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Interpretation Questions:
1. How might Jesus' teaching in Matthew 10:37 about prioritizing love for Him over familial ties be understood in the context of building strong friendships? [53:21]
2. In what ways does the sermon suggest that singleness and celibacy offer unique opportunities for spiritual growth and service? [01:02:45]
3. How does the sermon propose that spirit-bonded friendships can counteract the cultural crisis of phileo love? [01:15:49]
4. What implications does the sermon draw from the celibate lives of Jesus and Paul for contemporary Christian living? [01:11:20]
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Application Questions:
1. Reflect on your current friendships. Are there any that you feel could be deepened to reflect the phileo love described in the sermon? What steps can you take to nurture these relationships? [49:48]
2. How do you currently balance your time and energy between family and friendships? Is there a shift you feel called to make in light of the sermon’s message? [50:48]
3. If you are single, how can you embrace this season as an opportunity for undivided devotion to God? What specific actions can you take to deepen your relationship with Him? [01:00:48]
4. Consider the idea of spirit-bonded friendships. Who in your life could you reach out to this week to form a deeper, more intentional connection? [01:15:49]
5. How can you challenge the cultural assumptions about same-sex friendships in your own life and community? What conversations or actions might help shift these perceptions? [55:18]
6. Reflect on the sermon’s discussion of celibacy and singleness as a calling. How does this perspective influence your view of your own life stage, whether single or married? [01:11:20]
7. What practical steps can you take to form or join a DNA group focused on discipleship, networking, and accountability? How might this help you grow spiritually and relationally? [01:15:49]
Devotional
Day 1: Rediscovering the Depth of Phileo Love
In today's world, the concept of phileo love, or friendship love, is often misunderstood and undervalued. This type of love is crucial for spiritual growth and community, offering a unique bond that complements familial and romantic relationships. Our culture's hyper-focus on family and the sexualization of friendships has led to a decline in same-sex friendships, overshadowing the profound, non-sexual bond that phileo love represents. By understanding and nurturing these friendships, we can reflect God's love and design in our lives. [49:48]
"Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up!" (Ecclesiastes 4:9-10, ESV)
Reflection: Think of a same-sex friendship in your life that you may have neglected. How can you intentionally invest in this friendship to reflect God's love today?
Day 2: Covenant Friendships Over Familial Ties
The phrase "blood is thicker than water" originally meant that covenantal friendships are stronger than familial ties. This highlights the importance of choosing and investing in friendships that reflect God's love and commitment. Jesus Himself emphasized the significance of these friendships, urging us to prioritize our relationship with Him and with each other over familial bonds. This is not to diminish the value of family but to recognize the unique and vital role that friendships play in our spiritual journey. [52:42]
"A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity." (Proverbs 17:17, ESV)
Reflection: Consider a friendship that has been a source of strength and support in your life. How can you express gratitude and deepen this covenantal bond today?
Day 3: Singleness and Celibacy as Divine Opportunities
Singleness and celibacy are not states of isolation but opportunities for deeper communion with God. They allow for a focused life of service and devotion, pointing to the future reality of our union with Christ. The Apostle Paul speaks to this in 1 Corinthians, suggesting that singleness can be a better state for some, allowing for undivided devotion to the Lord. Embracing this calling is not about being alone but about fostering a deeper relationship with God and others. [01:00:48]
"I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord." (1 Corinthians 7:32, ESV)
Reflection: If you are single, how can you use this season to deepen your relationship with God? If you are married, how can you support those who are single in your community?
Day 4: The Celibate Life as a Witness to God's Design
Jesus and Paul exemplify the celibate life, showing that it is a valuable calling that anticipates our eternal relationship with Christ. This life is not lesser but runs parallel to marriage, offering a unique witness to God's design. By living a celibate life, individuals can point to the future reality of our ultimate union with Christ, where earthly marriages will be replaced by the ultimate union with Him. This calling is a testament to the diverse ways we can reflect God's love and purpose. [01:11:20]
"For there are eunuchs who have been so from birth, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. Let the one who is able to receive this receive it." (Matthew 19:12, ESV)
Reflection: How can you honor and support those who have chosen a celibate life in your community? What can you learn from their witness to God's design?
Day 5: Spirit-Bonded Friendships for Spiritual Growth
Spirit-bonded friendships are essential for spiritual growth and community. They provide support and accountability, helping us to live out God's design for our lives and reflect His love to the world. These friendships are not just about companionship but about fostering a deeper connection with God and each other. By investing in these relationships, we can create a community that reflects the love and commitment of Christ. [01:15:49]
"And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near." (Hebrews 10:24-25, ESV)
Reflection: Identify a spirit-bonded friendship in your life. How can you encourage and support each other in your spiritual journeys today?
Quotes
1) "Throughout this series, we have been using the concept of building blocks as we have been trying to add elements to this theology of the body one element at a time. As we've walked this journey together. As we better understand how God has shaped us to model after. And to be a reflection of him and his plans that he has for us. And so, in brief review, I want to draw our attention back as I've done each day or each week in this series. And kind of connect the dots with the building blocks that we've looked at so far. And we started in the first week. Remember, we were at the outdoor service outside. And we started with the foundational building block that creation is good. Right? Creation is good. That our bodies were made in the image of God for the purpose of being his image bearers." [43:20] (47 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)
2) "The good news for us though is we don't have to rely just on our English language to understand love because we could do better. But we do get the word of God and particularly the language of the Greek language in the New Testament that actually takes this word love and unpacks it in four different expressions. And so when you're reading love in the New Testament, you know, the better way to understand it is to read it. You have a little understanding of the background language of Greek to help us understand it." [46:46] (27 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)
3) "I share with you those four points because I think it's important to see that when I talk about this subtle crisis this morning, I'm not talking about all of love, right? But I'm talking about one particular element. That's in crisis. That in our English language, I think we miss it. Right? I'm talking about the crisis that's facing our phileo friendship love. Without an English word to describe this type of love, we are left to try to interpret this through varying different ways in which we place weight on the word love. That just doesn't seem to apply." [49:48] (35 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)
4) "One of the reasons that I believe that there has been a decline in same-sex friendships is because of the hyper focus that our culture has placed on our families. In all forms, whether traditional form or in the redefined ways that our culture has made family today. There is a common phrase that is often used when evaluating the relationship of family and friends. It kind of serves as like a litmus test. And you're probably familiar with this phrase, right? The phrase that blood is thicker than water. Right? A phrase that we use to make the connection that family trumps friendship." [50:48] (36 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)
5) "Singleness is not autonomous solitude separate from Christian community but rather a beautiful gift of single-minded focus defined by an undivided life through an exclusive effort of intent to serve the Lord. Jesus and the Apostle Paul are great examples of those who chose or were chosen by God not to marry in order to represent the kingdom of God in their way. While those who receive and embrace this gift as a lifelong commitment certainly are rare. It is a common and even a focus that every one of us will certainly experience at least in seasons of our lives." [01:02:45] (47 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)
6) "Celibacy and singleness are tempered anticipations of a future resurrected life. It is an icon pointing to the new creation relationship that we will all share with one another. A celibate life is a compelling vision that stands side by side and works in concert with the idea of marriage. Tennant says this, I am convinced there is no greater witness against the overly sexualized world of late modernity and post-modernity than a person who embodies the celibate life in anticipation with the age to come." [01:11:58] (38 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)
7) "Bottom line, we're not all forced to choose between married and singleness or celibacy. This isn't necessarily an either-or conversation, but more a both-and understanding. For those of you who are here and not married but don't necessarily feel called or led to a life of singleness and celibacy, one day you hope to be married, you hope to experience the joy of sharing your life with someone and having children and having your family. God's not taking that away from you. But you are right now in a season of temporary celibacy." [01:13:20] (33 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)
8) "God's order design is certainly a far cry from autonomous isolation. And it is ultimately designed to help us to draw nearer to the Imago Dei and nearer to our Creator. We are not designed to be isolated and alone. We are designed to know and be known by our Heavenly Father. And we've been designed to engage in what we'll call spirit-bonded friendships. So as the church, as we try to redistribute and discover a theology of the body and an ordered design of our body, God certainly has a plan for us." [01:15:13] (37 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)
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