Recognizing and Preventing Spiritual Abuse in Ministry
Summary
### Summary
Hello family, this is Pastor Gideon, and today we are delving into a critical topic: spiritual abuses in the church. This is particularly important for young pastors who might unknowingly adopt toxic behaviors. We have previously discussed how pastors can abuse their rights in the gospel and how to spot an abusive church. Today, we focus on how to recognize if you, as a pastor, are becoming an abusive leader.
The first sign of an abusive pastor is cursing the people of God. This is especially prevalent among those who are involved in crusades and evangelism. They might curse those who leave their ministry, but this is not the way of Jesus. In John 6:61-69, many disciples left Jesus, but He never cursed them. Instead, He asked the remaining disciples if they also wanted to leave, showing a non-coercive approach. As pastors, we should adopt this attitude and not be bothered when people leave our ministry. It is a natural part of following the truth.
The second sign is talking to members and leaders in a disrespectful manner. This often happens when ministries grow, but it can also occur in smaller congregations. Using phrases like "Are you a fool?" or "Don't you have brains?" is unchristian and a sign of pride. Ephesians 4:29 advises against corrupt communication, and Luke 22:26 emphasizes that leaders should be like servants. When you insult people, you are not acting as a servant but as someone who is prideful and unfaithful to the work of the Lord.
The third abusive behavior is forcing money out of members through lies, guilt, and coercion. Some pastors say things like, "Those who give me money are loyal to me," or "If you don't have money, don't call me." This is not the language of a shepherd but of a hireling. The love of money should not take precedence over the love for the members. James 2 warns against showing favoritism, and as pastors, we should not prioritize wealthy members over the poor and needy.
The fourth sign is using personal and confidential information to manipulate or control people. As shepherds, we often have access to sensitive information about our members. Using this information to keep people in line or to manipulate them is abusive. Jesus never used the past mistakes of His disciples against them, and we should follow His example. We should deal with people based on their present situation and not use their past to control them.
Finally, the fifth sign is sexually harassing members. Pastors must know their limits when dealing with the opposite sex. Asking inappropriate questions or making suggestive comments is abusive. Even praising someone's physical appearance can be inappropriate. When visiting members, avoid sitting on their beds or overstaying your welcome. These actions can easily be misconstrued and are a form of abuse.
In conclusion, these behaviors are signs that you are becoming an abusive pastor. It is crucial to recognize and correct these actions to lead a ministry that honors God and respects His people.
### Key Takeaways
1. Cursing the People of God: As pastors, we must avoid cursing those who leave our ministry. Jesus never cursed His disciples who left Him; instead, He asked the remaining ones if they also wanted to leave. This non-coercive approach should be our model. We should not be bothered when people leave our ministry, as it is a natural part of following the truth. [01:56]
2. Disrespectful Communication: Talking to members and leaders in a disrespectful manner is unchristian and a sign of pride. Ephesians 4:29 advises against corrupt communication, and Luke 22:26 emphasizes that leaders should be like servants. Insulting people is a sign that pride has set in, and it is crucial to correct this behavior to remain faithful to the work of the Lord. [04:46]
3. Forcing Money Out of Members: Using lies, guilt, and coercion to force money out of members is abusive. Statements like "Those who give me money are loyal to me" are not the language of a shepherd but of a hireling. The love of money should not take precedence over the love for the members. James 2 warns against showing favoritism, and as pastors, we should prioritize the spiritual well-being of all members, regardless of their financial status. [06:17]
4. Manipulating with Confidential Information: Using personal and confidential information to manipulate or control people is abusive. As shepherds, we often have access to sensitive information about our members. Jesus never used the past mistakes of His disciples against them, and we should follow His example. We should deal with people based on their present situation and not use their past to control them. [07:53]
5. Sexual Harassment: Pastors must know their limits when dealing with the opposite sex. Asking inappropriate questions or making suggestive comments is abusive. Even praising someone's physical appearance can be inappropriate. When visiting members, avoid sitting on their beds or overstaying your welcome. These actions can easily be misconstrued and are a form of abuse. [10:59]
### Youtube Chapters
[0:00] - Welcome
[01:56] - Cursing the People of God
[03:23] - Disrespectful Communication
[06:17] - Forcing Money Out of Members
[07:53] - Manipulating with Confidential Information
[10:59] - Sexual Harassment
Study Guide
### Bible Study Discussion Guide
#### Bible Reading
1. John 6:61-69: "Aware that his disciples were grumbling about this, Jesus said to them, 'Does this offend you? What if you see the Son of Man ascend to where he was before! The Spirit gives life; the flesh counts for nothing. The words I have spoken to you—they are full of the Spirit and life. Yet there are some of you who do not believe.' For Jesus had known from the beginning which of them did not believe and who would betray him. He went on to say, 'This is why I told you that no one can come to me unless the Father has enabled them.' From this time many of his disciples turned back and no longer followed him. 'You do not want to leave too, do you?' Jesus asked the Twelve. Simon Peter answered him, 'Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. We have come to believe and to know that you are the Holy One of God.'"
2. Ephesians 4:29: "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen."
3. Luke 22:26: "But you are not to be like that. Instead, the greatest among you should be like the youngest, and the one who rules like the one who serves."
#### Observation Questions
1. According to John 6:61-69, how did Jesus respond when many of His disciples decided to leave Him? What does this teach us about handling people who leave our ministry? [01:56]
2. What kind of language does Ephesians 4:29 instruct us to avoid, and what kind of speech should we use instead? [04:46]
3. In Luke 22:26, what does Jesus say about the attitude leaders should have? How does this contrast with the behavior of an abusive pastor? [04:46]
4. What are some specific examples given in the sermon of how pastors might force money out of their members? [06:17]
#### Interpretation Questions
1. Why is it important for pastors to adopt a non-coercive approach when people leave their ministry, as seen in John 6:61-69? How does this reflect the character of Jesus? [01:56]
2. How does using disrespectful language towards church members and leaders indicate a heart issue, according to Ephesians 4:29 and the sermon? [04:46]
3. What does Luke 22:26 suggest about the nature of true leadership in the church? How should this influence the way pastors interact with their congregation? [04:46]
4. How does the love of money conflict with the role of a shepherd, as discussed in the sermon and supported by James 2? [06:17]
#### Application Questions
1. Reflect on a time when you felt disrespected by a leader. How did it affect your relationship with that leader and your faith community? How can you ensure you do not repeat this behavior if you are in a leadership position? [04:46]
2. Have you ever felt pressured to give money in a church setting? How did it make you feel, and what steps can you take to address this issue if it arises again? [06:17]
3. Think about a situation where you might have used someone's past against them, even unintentionally. How can you change your approach to be more like Jesus, who never used His disciples' past mistakes against them? [07:53]
4. How can you create a safe environment in your church or small group to ensure that no one feels sexually harassed or uncomfortable? What specific actions can you take to maintain appropriate boundaries? [10:59]
5. If you are a leader, how can you practice servant leadership as described in Luke 22:26? What are some practical ways you can serve those you lead this week? [04:46]
6. How can you support someone who has left your church or ministry in a way that reflects the non-coercive approach of Jesus? What steps can you take to ensure they feel loved and respected, even if they choose to leave? [01:56]
7. Identify one area in your life where you might be showing favoritism, especially towards those who are financially well-off. How can you change your behavior to treat all members of your community equally, as instructed in James 2? [06:17]
Devotional
### Day 1: Embracing a Non-Coercive Approach
When people leave a ministry, it can be tempting to react with frustration or even anger. However, Jesus provides a different model. In John 6:61-69, many disciples left Jesus, but He did not curse them or try to coerce them into staying. Instead, He asked the remaining disciples if they also wanted to leave, showing a non-coercive approach. This teaches us that it is natural for people to come and go in their spiritual journeys. As leaders, we should not be bothered when people leave our ministry. Instead, we should trust that God is guiding them and us in the right direction. This approach not only respects the individual's journey but also aligns with the truth of the gospel.
[01:56]
John 6:61-69 (ESV): "But Jesus, knowing in himself that his disciples were grumbling about this, said to them, 'Do you take offense at this? Then what if you were to see the Son of Man ascending to where he was before? It is the Spirit who gives life; the flesh is no help at all. The words that I have spoken to you are spirit and life. But there are some of you who do not believe.' For Jesus knew from the beginning who those were who did not believe, and who it was who would betray him. And he said, 'This is why I told you that no one can come to me unless it is granted him by the Father.' After this many of his disciples turned back and no longer walked with him. So Jesus said to the twelve, 'Do you want to go away as well?' Simon Peter answered him, 'Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life, and we have believed, and have come to know, that you are the Holy One of God.'"
Reflection: Think of a time when someone left a group or ministry you were part of. How did you react? How can you adopt a more non-coercive approach in similar situations in the future?
### Day 2: Speaking with Respect and Humility
Respectful communication is a cornerstone of Christian leadership. Ephesians 4:29 advises against corrupt communication, and Luke 22:26 emphasizes that leaders should be like servants. When leaders use phrases like "Are you a fool?" or "Don't you have brains?" it reflects pride and a lack of respect for others. This kind of language is unchristian and can harm the spiritual well-being of the congregation. Instead, leaders should strive to speak with humility and respect, recognizing that every member is valuable in the eyes of God. By doing so, they remain faithful to the work of the Lord and build a more loving and supportive community.
[04:46]
Ephesians 4:29 (ESV): "Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear."
Reflection: Reflect on your recent conversations. Have you used language that could be considered disrespectful or prideful? How can you change your speech to be more uplifting and respectful?
### Day 3: Prioritizing Spiritual Well-Being Over Wealth
Forcing money out of members through lies, guilt, and coercion is a sign of an abusive leader. Statements like "Those who give me money are loyal to me" are not the language of a shepherd but of a hireling. The love of money should never take precedence over the love for the members. James 2 warns against showing favoritism, and as pastors, it is crucial to prioritize the spiritual well-being of all members, regardless of their financial status. This means treating everyone with equal respect and care, focusing on their spiritual growth rather than their financial contributions.
[06:17]
James 2:1-4 (ESV): "My brothers, show no partiality as you hold the faith in our Lord Jesus Christ, the Lord of glory. For if a man wearing a gold ring and fine clothing comes into your assembly, and a poor man in shabby clothing also comes in, and if you pay attention to the one who wears the fine clothing and say, 'You sit here in a good place,' while you say to the poor man, 'You stand over there,' or, 'Sit down at my feet,' have you not then made distinctions among yourselves and become judges with evil thoughts?"
Reflection: Consider how you treat people of different financial statuses in your community. Are there ways you can ensure that you are prioritizing their spiritual well-being over their financial contributions?
### Day 4: Handling Confidential Information with Integrity
As leaders, pastors often have access to sensitive information about their members. Using this information to manipulate or control people is abusive and goes against the example set by Jesus. Jesus never used the past mistakes of His disciples against them; instead, He dealt with them based on their present situation. Leaders should follow this example and handle confidential information with integrity, ensuring that it is used to support and guide members rather than control them. This builds trust and fosters a healthy, supportive community.
[07:53]
Proverbs 11:13 (ESV): "Whoever goes about slandering reveals secrets, but he who is trustworthy in spirit keeps a thing covered."
Reflection: Think about the confidential information you have access to. Are you using it to support and guide others, or are there ways you might be using it to control or manipulate? How can you ensure you handle this information with integrity?
### Day 5: Maintaining Appropriate Boundaries
Sexual harassment is a serious issue that can occur when pastors do not maintain appropriate boundaries. Asking inappropriate questions, making suggestive comments, or even praising someone's physical appearance can be abusive. It is essential for pastors to know their limits when dealing with the opposite sex. This includes avoiding situations that could be easily misconstrued, such as sitting on someone's bed or overstaying a visit. By maintaining appropriate boundaries, pastors can protect themselves and their members from misunderstandings and abuse.
[10:59]
1 Timothy 5:1-2 (ESV): "Do not rebuke an older man but encourage him as you would a father, younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, younger women as sisters, in all purity."
Reflection: Reflect on your interactions with members of the opposite sex. Are there boundaries you need to establish or reinforce to ensure that your behavior is always above reproach? How can you create a safe and respectful environment for everyone in your community?
Quotes
### Quotes for Outreach
1. "If you are a pastor, whatever you have done for people or continue to do for people should not be a reason why you should think that they should do certain things for you. Don’t use the things you have done for them, the good things you have done for people, to curse them, to hold them down, to limit them. That is not how it is supposed to be. If you do that, you are becoming toxic." [09:08]
2. "You need to know your limit as a pastor. The fact that we can handle the private and intimate matters of members doesn’t mean we can say and do anything to them. When dealing with the opposite sex, do not casually ask them questions like, 'Do you have sex with another person this week?' You are supposed to live holy and righteous. If they are not married, then there is a reason why you should ask those questions. You can’t just get up and ask them." [10:59]
3. "When you visit a member alone, don’t sit on their beds. Don’t ask members to sit on you. When you work with them, know how you touch them. Some people can easily put your hand around their necks and all that. When you visit, for example, don’t overstay. Don’t be in a member’s room for hours late into the night, and then around 11 pm, 10 pm, you are coming out alone. Listen, if you do these things, you are abusing your rights. You are abusing your right in the gospel, and you are becoming abusive." [11:54]
4. "Many people say Pastor Gideon is an abusive leader or shepherd. Northern people find themselves in these traits tend to think that it is normal. They tend to think that that is the way a pastor is supposed to behave, but it is wrong. You’re actually becoming toxic and very dangerous for the people of God." [01:56]
5. "The third way pastors are abusing members and leaders today is forcing money out of members with lies, guilt, and force. You hear some pastors say things like this: 'Those who give me money are those who are loyal to me. If you don’t have money, you are not my friend. If it is not about money, don’t call me. I love money. I am all about money.' This shouldn’t be the communication of a shepherd because shepherds don’t talk that way. It is hirelings that speak this way." [06:17]
### Quotes for Members
1. "The first character that you are becoming an abusive pastor is cursing the people of God. The worst of them are those that are doing crusades and evangelism and going all over the world to win souls. What you should be doing is breaking into a church and just now the question is how do you cross the sea and land to get souls into the faith, many of whom are worse than the ones we have issues with right now, only to be cursing the ones with us to destroy them because they later fell off with us." [01:56]
2. "Now in some places, the moment you get into the church, it is like Islam. There’s no way out. No matter how things get through, there is no way out. As a Muslim, you follow the Lord Jesus Christ, you get bad in there, and how you are being abused, you will be used as a scapegoat if you dare try to leave. Like every message, everything is done to make sure that anybody who leaves, no matter how you leave, you are like a devil." [03:23]
3. "The second abusive behavior in church today is talking to members and leaders anyhow. Now, this normally happens when the ministries begin to grow, but I’ve also seen some ministers who have done these things even with two or three members. They say things like, 'Are you a fool? Don’t you have brains? Use your mind, useless guy.' Now, first and foremost, it is unchristian to talk that way." [04:46]
4. "Besides it being an abuse of the members whom Jesus died for, it also reveals that if you even started well, your heart has now shifted from God to money. So don’t talk this way, and anytime your mind is moving and shifting towards these sayings, let it be known to you that the love of money is gradually taking over your heart, and then you must sit up and rebuke it and change from that way." [06:17]
5. "You are supposed to put it behind you in dealing with them, and then if they happen to go contrary to you, never bring it up. That’s what shows that you are a pastor after the order of Jesus Christ. You never see Jesus Christ talking about the bad past of His disciples. You never see Him refer them to their past. Are you getting it? So that is how we are supposed to behave, a pastor who knows how to hide and to deal with people based on their present situation." [09:08]
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