Raising Children with Discipline and Grace: Ephesians 6:4

Devotional

Day 1: Parenting Without Provoking: The Call to Humble Authority

Parents are called not to provoke or exasperate their children, but instead to nurture them with patience, humility, and understanding. This means being aware of the subtle ways we can frustrate our kids—through unreasonable demands, inconsistency, harshness, or favoritism—and instead striving to create an environment where children feel secure, valued, and loved. It’s a call to self-examination: to ask whether our patterns and methods are building up or tearing down, and to be willing to change when we see that our approach is causing harm. Parenting is not about perfection, but about humility, growth, and a willingness to admit when we’re wrong and try again. [37:42]

Ephesians 6:4 (ESV)
"Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord."

Reflection: In what area of your parenting or relationships with children do you sense you may be provoking frustration or discouragement, and what is one practical step you can take today to change that pattern?

Day 2: The Power of Clear, Consistent, and Consequential Training

Effective discipline is not about rigid rules or harsh punishments, but about clear expectations, consistent boundaries, and fair, age-appropriate consequences. Children thrive when they know where the boundaries are and what is expected of them, and when those boundaries are enforced with love and steadiness. Training is not a one-time event but a process of repetition, patience, and modeling, where parents are called to be clear in their instructions, consistent in their enforcement, and just in their consequences. This approach not only prevents exasperation but also helps children grow into responsible, secure adults. [55:11]

Proverbs 22:6 (ESV)
"Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it."

Reflection: Are there any boundaries or expectations in your home or relationships that need to be clarified or made more consistent? What is one boundary you can reinforce with loving consistency this week?

Day 3: Bringing Up Children in the Lord: Pointing to Jesus in Everyday Life

Raising children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord means more than just teaching good behavior—it’s about cultivating awe and love for Jesus in the everyday moments of life. This happens as parents point to the life of Christ, pray with and for their children, and seize opportunities to weave faith into daily experiences. Whether it’s responding to challenges, celebrating joys, or facing disappointments, parents are called to model a life that continually points to Jesus as the source of wisdom, strength, and hope. [01:03:45]

Deuteronomy 6:6-7 (ESV)
"And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise."

Reflection: What is one ordinary moment today where you can intentionally point your child (or someone you influence) to Jesus—through prayer, a story, or a simple conversation?

Day 4: The Transforming Power of Grace in Our Parenting Failures

Every parent knows the pain of regret and the weight of past mistakes, but God’s grace is greater than our failures. Where we have been inconsistent, unclear, or have fallen short, we can trust that Jesus fills in the gaps, covers our weaknesses, and is able to draw straight with our crooked lines. The hope for every parent is not in perfect performance, but in the sufficiency of Christ’s grace to redeem, restore, and transform both us and our children. [01:18:11]

2 Corinthians 12:9 (ESV)
"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me."

Reflection: Where do you feel most inadequate or regretful in your parenting or influence? Take a moment to bring that area to Jesus, asking Him to cover it with His grace and to work through your weakness.

Day 5: The Joy of Seeing Children Walk in Truth

There is no greater joy than knowing that your children are walking in the truth, following Jesus, and living out the faith you have sought to instill in them. This joy surpasses any material success or achievement, and it is the fruit of a life spent pointing the next generation to Christ. Even when the journey is hard and the results are not immediate, parents are invited to commit their children to the Lord, trusting that He loves them even more than we do and is faithful to complete the work He has begun. [01:10:00]

3 John 1:4 (ESV)
"I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth."

Reflection: Who in your life are you praying will walk in the truth? Take time today to pray specifically for them, entrusting their journey to God’s faithful hands.

Sermon Summary

Parenting is a sacred calling, one that humbles us and keeps us hungry for God’s wisdom and grace. We come to the table with only a few loaves and fish, but in God’s hands, even our small offerings can be multiplied for great good. Our children, though often convinced of their own brilliance, are in desperate need of parents—mothers and fathers who will lovingly guide, correct, and nurture them. The task is not to raise perfect children, but to raise adults who walk in the truth, who know the awe and majesty of Jesus Christ, and who are equipped to give rather than take.

Children are not self-raising; they require intentional, loving involvement. Ephesians 6:4 gives a simple but profound charge: do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. Provoking can happen subtly—through unreasonable demands, too many rules, lack of explanation, public embarrassment, harsh punishment, favoritism, or conditional love. Instead, we are called to self-examination and humility, willing to change our methods as we learn and grow alongside our children.

Bringing up children means training them, not just correcting behavior. Training is repetitive, clear, consistent, and comes with fair consequences. It’s not about one-and-done lectures, but about patiently walking with our children, setting boundaries, and helping them understand the “why” behind our guidance. Both “dad energy” and “mom energy” are vital—authority and empathy together create a healthy environment for growth.

Instruction in the Lord is about more than good behavior; it’s about pointing our children to Jesus in the everyday moments of life. We model Christ, pray with and for our children, and seize opportunities to teach as we go. Our homes should be marked by joy, laughter, and the abundant life Jesus promises. Ultimately, we entrust our children to God’s grace, knowing that where we are weak, He is strong. Our greatest joy is not in their achievements, but in seeing them walk in the truth. And when we fall short, we come back to the table, trusting God to draw straight with our crooked lines, to cover our failures with His sufficiency, and to change us and our children by His power.

Key Takeaways

1. Humility and Hunger in Parenting Parenting exposes our limitations and keeps us dependent on God. We must remain humble, recognizing that we bring only a little to the table, and hungry for God’s righteousness and wisdom. This posture allows God to multiply our efforts and cover our weaknesses with His grace. [31:05]
2. Avoid Provoking, Embrace Self-Examination It’s easy to provoke our children through subtle patterns—unreasonable demands, inconsistency, or harshness. Instead, we must regularly examine our own hearts and methods, being willing to admit when we’re wrong and to change. True growth in our children often begins with growth in ourselves. [38:28]
3. Training Requires Clarity, Consistency, and Consequences Effective discipline is not about control, but about training—clear expectations, consistent boundaries, and fair consequences. Children thrive when they know where the boundaries are and what is expected. This kind of training shapes character and prepares them for adulthood, not just compliance. [55:11]
4. Point Children to Jesus in Everyday Life Instruction in the Lord is woven into daily life—praying together, modeling Christ, and seizing teachable moments. Our goal is not just good behavior, but hearts captivated by Jesus. The most lasting lessons are caught, not just taught, as we live out our faith before our children. [64:32]
5. God’s Grace Covers Our Parenting Failures Every parent knows regret and weakness. Our hope is not in our perfection, but in God’s sufficiency. We entrust our children to Him, praying that He will fill in the gaps, redeem our mistakes, and draw our children to Himself. His grace is greater than our patterns and failures. [78:11]

Youtube Chapters

[00:00] - Welcome
[30:02] - Young Adult Announcements
[31:05] - Humble and Hungry Before God
[32:31] - Ephesians 6:4 and Parenting
[33:46] - Why Kids Need Parents
[34:44] - The Problem of Child “Brilliance”
[36:32] - The Sin Problem in Children
[37:08] - The “Don’t”: Provoking Children
[38:28] - Ways Parents Provoke
[41:35] - The Dangers of Playing Favorites
[42:56] - Parenting Changes Us
[46:00] - The “Do”: Bringing Up Children
[52:13] - Discipline and Training Explained
[55:11] - The Three Cs of Training
[59:02] - The Importance of Dad and Mom Energy
[61:29] - Instruction: What Your Life Calls Attention To
[64:32] - Pointing to Jesus in Daily Life
[70:30] - God’s Grace for Parenting Failures
[76:34] - Communion and Prayer for Families

Bible Study Guide

Bible Reading

Ephesians 6:4 (ESV) — > Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

Observation Questions

According to Ephesians 6:4, what two instructions are given to parents regarding their children?
The sermon described several subtle ways parents can provoke their children. What are some of these ways mentioned? [[38:28]]
What does the sermon say is the main goal of parenting—not raising perfect children, but what? [[46:00]]
How does the sermon describe the difference between “training” and simply correcting behavior? [[52:13]]

Interpretation Questions

Why do you think Paul specifically warns parents not to provoke their children to anger? What might be the long-term effects if this is ignored? [[37:08]]
The sermon says, “Our children, though often convinced of their own brilliance, are in desperate need of parents.” What does this reveal about the role of humility in both children and parents? [[34:44]]
The pastor emphasized the importance of both “dad energy” and “mom energy” in the home. What do these terms mean, and why are both important for a child’s growth? [[59:02]]
The sermon says, “Instruction in the Lord is about more than good behavior; it’s about pointing our children to Jesus in the everyday moments of life.” What are some practical ways this can happen? [[01:04:32]]

Application Questions

The sermon began by saying, “We come to the table with only a few loaves and fish, but in God’s hands, even our small offerings can be multiplied for great good.” In what areas of your parenting (or influence on children) do you feel inadequate? How can you invite God to multiply your efforts? [[31:05]]
Think about your own upbringing or your current parenting. Are there patterns of provoking—like unreasonable demands, inconsistency, or harshness—that you recognize? What is one step you could take this week to change that pattern? [[38:28]]
The sermon talked about the importance of being clear, consistent, and having fair consequences. Which of these three do you find most challenging, and why? What is one practical change you could make in your approach? [[55:11]]
The pastor shared that he has changed as a parent with each child and has had to admit when he was wrong. How easy or hard is it for you to admit mistakes to your children (or those you influence)? What might be the impact if you did this more often? [[44:49]]
“Instruction in the Lord is woven into daily life—praying together, modeling Christ, and seizing teachable moments.” Can you think of a recent everyday moment where you could have pointed a child to Jesus? How might you be more intentional about this in the coming week? [[01:04:32]]
The sermon says, “Our greatest joy is not in their achievements, but in seeing them walk in the truth.” What are some ways you can shift your focus from your child’s achievements to their spiritual growth? [[01:09:22]]
Every parent knows regret and weakness. The pastor prayed, “Jesus, where I’m weak, you be strong for them.” What is one area of regret or weakness you want to entrust to God’s grace this week? [[01:18:11]]

Sermon Clips

So as a parent, if your children feel provoked and exasperated, back up. What am I doing? Am I the cause of this? And if I am, find a different method. It's okay to be wrong and try something different. So I tell my kids, I've been different for each one of you. Because each one of you, hopefully, is changing me to be a better parent. [00:45:32] (24 seconds) #AdaptToParentBetter

Discipline. It's training. Training is different. A lot of us, we work out. We don't train. It's a workout. As you go to the gym, you do whatever you want. You might do squats. You might do pecs. You might do guns. You might talk the whole time. That's working out. Training, though, is what an athlete does. An athlete will see the same curveball 10,000 times so that it becomes muscle memory. They don't even think about it. They know exactly what to do because they've done it 10,000 times. It becomes them. That's training. [00:52:23] (32 seconds) #BoysTakersMenGivers

Number two, consistent. This is the boundary. I will not move this boundary until my child is trained to obey and respect this boundary. It's not move it because I get tired or I can't do it anymore. It's, no, this is the boundary. And I'm going to consistently repeat 10,000 times if necessary. Here it is. And kids will test your boundaries. No. Nine o'clock, you're going to bed. That's bedtime. Clear. Consistent. [00:56:00] (41 seconds) #ChooseYourBattles

And so, you can evaluate yourself. And if you evaluate yourself and you haven't been clear and haven't been consistent and you've got just crazy consequences, you'll provoke your child to wrath. And it's a great way for me to evaluate my parenting. Have I been clear on this? Have I been consistent? Or have I been all over the board on this? And do I have the right consequence? Because then I'm not frustrated. And my kids are not frustrated. Clear. Clear. Consistent. And the correct consequences. [00:58:32] (33 seconds) #RaisingPeopleNotPets

Kids need dad energy and need mom energy. Kids need to know, go to your room now. And they do it because there's a dad energy to it. So, mom, dad, mom, dad, never feel ashamed of the power and authority that God has given to you. Not to the state. Not to the schools. Not to our society. That God has given to you to parent your children. To raise them up. To discipline them. To train them. Never. Fathers, use your father energy. Be wisely and correctly. Your kids need it. [01:00:41] (46 seconds) #LiveAbundantly

Sometimes I read parenting stuff, and it feels like the goal of parenting looks a lot closer to raising a pet than a person. We want good behavior. We want them to not cuss, at least not around us. We want them to listen to Amy Grant, go to the right movies, go to church, tuck in their shirt, comb their hair. And so since that's the goal, then the methods sound a lot like obedience school for a dog. We're not raising pets. We're raising people. Although your kids may eat the dog food and pee on your lawn, we're raising adults. That's what we're trying to do. [01:03:48] (39 seconds) #OutsourceJoyAtYourPeril

I want to raise my kids with an awe and majesty of Jesus Christ. That's what I want to do. How do you do that? Well, number one, point to the life of Jesus Christ. There's a classic bracelet, WWJD. It's amazing to me, if you read the Gospels, how Jesus encountered just about everything your kids are going to encounter. Bad people, bad friends, hard people, hard family, sinners, stupid people, unfair betrayal, abandonment, friends not dealing with it. You name it, Jesus encountered it. Find a Jesus story, because he's our model. He's our example. You're pointing to his life. [01:04:26] (45 seconds) #GraceForParentingFailures

And young families, I'll tell you this. The Bible says there is no greater joy. There's no greater joy than knowing your children are walking in the truth. Whatever you think might bring you joy right now. New house, new car, new trinket, new vacation, new whatever. It will never come close to the joy of knowing your kids are walking in the truth. [01:09:22] (37 seconds)

And you can talk to an older dad or an older mom here, and the opposite is just as true. When your kids are off doing something you know is bad and wrong, and there's nothing that will cause you greater pain, and your kids are not doing well. Because you outsource your joy the moment you have children to your kids for the rest of your life. That's why this is so important. [01:10:00] (25 seconds)

And there's not a parent in here that has a child over two that doesn't already regret some of the things that we've done. Doesn't already know, like, I blew it there. I should have done that better. And so my hope as a parent is, Jesus, where I'm weak, you be strong for them. Jesus, by your grace, cover me where I failed. The psalmist, when my mom and dad forsake me, then the Lord took me in. It's constantly praying, God, you fill in the gaps because I know where I failed. I know where I'm weak. I know where I didn't have it. Committing your children to the Lord. [01:10:25] (40 seconds)

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