Raising Arrows | Relationship Expert | The Block Church | Scott and Lisa Mitchell

God’s mercy in the beginning of parenting showed up in a traumatic birth, a tiny baby, a rare diagnosis, and a special needs daughter whose life shaped the whole home. Psalm 127 puts parenting under that bigger frame: “Unless the Lord builds the house, the work of the builders is wasted.” Solomon calls children a heritage, a reward, a gracious gift from God, which means children are not possessions to control but sacred trusts to steward. The home, then, has to be built on Jesus, because without God as the architect, the whole thing is going up on shifting sand.

Children, in Solomon’s picture, are arrows in the hands of a warrior. The quiver is the home, the arrows are the kids, and the bow is the tool used to send them toward God’s purpose. The call to parenting is not passive, because this culture is dark, crazy, and messed up. Godly parents have to fight for their kids, protect them, train them, and prepare them to fly.

The four stages of parenting help give shape to that work. Discipline marks the preschool years, where basic obedience, respect, self control, rules, order, and correction have to be repeated over and over like boot camp. Training marks the elementary years, where children learn responsibility, teamwork, chores, gratitude, and the ordinary skills of life. Coaching marks the teenage years, where parents move more to the sidelines and let children practice responsibility, make decisions, handle money, cook meals, clean, fail, and learn how to honor God through it. Friendship belongs to the adult years, not the early years, because children need parents before they need buddies.

The arrow has to be crafted, straightened, aimed, and released. Crafting is about character, where Deuteronomy 6 calls God’s commands to be repeated at home, on the road, at bedtime, and in the morning. Straightening is about discipline with love and grace, not punishment, anger, humiliation, or abuse. Aiming is about purpose, because every child is God’s masterpiece with a calling, and the church can help but cannot replace the home. Releasing brings tension, because arrows are made to fly, and adult children have to be entrusted to God with prayer, encouragement, and an open hand.

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Key Takeaways

• 1. Children are sacred trusts Children belong first to God, not to the adults raising them. Psalm 127 names them as a heritage, an inheritance graciously given, which makes parenting stewardship before it is strategy. Gratitude, intentionality, and faith-filled release all grow from that one conviction. [02:50]
• 2. Discipline is not punishment God’s pattern for his children is not wrath but loving redirection toward righteousness. Discipline may be painful in the moment, but Hebrews names its fruit as a “peaceful harvest of right living.” Correction becomes holy when love, steadiness, and moral clarity replace anger, shame, and control. [25:09]
• 3. Arrows must be aimed Psalm 127 does not picture children sitting safely in the quiver forever. Arrows are shaped for direction, and Ephesians 2:10 says God has prepared good works for each life. Parenting becomes wiser when it looks for calling, not just performance, comfort, or success. [28:39]
• 4. Friendship comes after parenting The friendship stage is a gift, but it cannot become the foundation of childhood. Children need parents who can lead, correct, protect, and endure temporary disapproval without needing acceptance from them. Adult friendship becomes healthier when earlier authority was exercised with love and consistency. [14:17]
• 5. Release requires holy tension The bowstring has to be pulled back before the arrow can fly, and that pull creates real tension. Adult children have to be released little by little into God’s hands, even when fear wants to keep them close. Prayer remains the warrior’s work after control has ended. [32:19]

Youtube Chapters

• [00:00] - Welcome
• [00:23] - A Traumatic Start To Parenthood
• [01:23] - Psalm 127 And Building The House
• [02:50] - Children As God’s Heritage
• [04:38] - Discipline In The Preschool Years
• [07:13] - Training Through Responsibility
• [09:46] - Coaching Teenagers From The Sidelines
• [13:45] - Friendship With Adult Children
• [15:05] - Raising Arrows From Psalm 127
• [17:07] - Crafting Character In Children
• [20:10] - Straightening Through Loving Correction
• [25:09] - Discipline Versus Punishment
• [28:39] - Aiming Children Toward Purpose
• [32:19] - Releasing Arrows With Faith
• [34:08] - Prayer After Children Are Launched

Bible Reading

Psalm 127
“Unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labor in vain. Unless the Lord watches over the city, the watchman stays awake in vain. It is in vain that you rise up early and go late to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil; for he gives to his beloved sleep. Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one's youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.” [01:23] [02:50] [15:05] [35:30]

Deuteronomy 6:6-9
“And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.”

Ephesians 6:4
“Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”

Hebrews 12:11
“For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.” [25:09]

Observation questions

1. In Psalm 127, what two pictures are used for children, and what does each picture emphasize about parenting: heritage and arrows? [15:05]
2. According to Deuteronomy 6:6-9, in what everyday settings are God’s commands supposed to be talked about with children?
3. What are the four stages of parenting described here, and which season of life belongs with each one? [04:33]
4. What are some specific differences between discipline and punishment in the way Hebrews 12:11 was explained? [25:09]

Interpretation questions

1. Psalm 127 says that unless the Lord builds the house, the builders labor in vain. What does that suggest about the difference between a busy home and a God-built home? [02:03]
2. If children are a heritage from the Lord rather than possessions, how should that change the way parents think about control, gratitude, and responsibility? [02:50]
3. Ephesians 6:4 warns fathers not to provoke their children to anger. What kinds of parenting patterns are most likely to do that, and why are they so damaging? [20:51]
4. The image of aiming an arrow assumes direction and purpose. How does that challenge a parenting mindset that is focused only on behavior, grades, comfort, or success? [28:39]

Application questions

1. “Unless the Lord builds the house” puts Jesus at the center of family life. What is one area of the home that may be running more on anxiety, habit, or personality than on real dependence on God right now? [35:30]
2. Children are a sacred trust from God. For those raising kids now, what helps most to remember that they belong first to God? For those no longer raising children at home, how can that same truth still shape prayer and support for children or grandchildren? [03:20]
3. Repetition is part of how children are shaped. What kinds of truths, phrases, or habits are being repeated most often at home right now—and are they forming godly character or just managing behavior? [18:22]
4. Discipline should be loving correction, not anger, humiliation, or harsh control. When frustration rises, what usually makes it hardest to stay calm and steady, and what would “rewind” look like in real life? [27:36]
5. Teenagers need coaching, not constant rescue. Where might a parent need to step back a little and let a child practice responsibility, make decisions, or even fail safely? [09:50]
6. Friendship with children is a gift for the adult years, not the foundation of childhood. Is there any place where the desire to be liked could be weakening needed leadership, correction, or boundaries? [14:17]
7. Releasing arrows creates real tension. What does it look like to keep an open hand with adult children while still loving them deeply through prayer, encouragement, and trust in God? [32:19]