Radical Acceptance: Embracing Love and Transformation

 

Summary

In this Advent season, we are invited to explore the profound concept of radical acceptance, a theme that resonates deeply with the coming of Jesus. The essence of this season is the understanding that God loves and accepts us wholly and unconditionally. This divine acceptance is something we all yearn for, and it is through this acceptance that we can learn to accept ourselves and others. The Apostle Paul, in his letter to the Romans, encourages us to "accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God." This call to acceptance is not just a passive act but a transformative journey that can enrich our relationships and personal growth.

Dr. Rick Blackman and his wife Sherry have developed a "scale of acceptance" that provides a framework for understanding how we can move from condemnation to embrace in our relationships. This scale is particularly useful in marriage counseling, where differences between partners can often lead to conflict. The scale ranges from condemnation to endurance, tolerance, acceptance, and finally, embrace. The goal is to move up this scale, fostering a deeper connection and understanding between individuals.

In relationships, whether marital, familial, or friendships, the ability to accept and embrace differences is crucial. It is not about changing the other person but about loving and accepting them as they are. This acceptance sets the stage for genuine transformation and growth. The same principle applies to our emotions. By welcoming and tolerating our negative emotions, rather than condemning them, we can reduce their power over us and open the door to healing and change.

The greatest barrier to moving up the scale of acceptance is often pride. Our instinct to criticize and condemn can be strong, but it is counterintuitive to the path of acceptance. Embracing the Jesus way, which involves surrendering our pride and allowing God to work through us, is the key to overcoming this challenge. Radical acceptance is not just a concept but a way of life that aligns with the teachings of Jesus and leads to a more fulfilling and harmonious existence.

Key Takeaways:

1. Radical Acceptance: Embracing radical acceptance means understanding that God loves us unconditionally, and this divine love empowers us to accept ourselves and others. This acceptance is not passive but transformative, leading to deeper relationships and personal growth. [00:36]

2. Scale of Acceptance: The scale of acceptance, ranging from condemnation to embrace, provides a framework for improving relationships. By moving up this scale, we can foster deeper connections and understanding, whether in marriage, family, or friendships. [03:06]

3. Acceptance in Relationships: True acceptance in relationships is not about changing the other person but loving them as they are. This acceptance sets the stage for genuine transformation and growth, aligning with the teachings of Jesus. [05:14]

4. Welcoming Emotions: By welcoming and tolerating our negative emotions, rather than condemning them, we can reduce their power over us and open the door to healing and change. This approach is practical and aligns with the path of acceptance. [07:08]

5. Overcoming Pride: Pride is often the greatest barrier to acceptance. Embracing the Jesus way, which involves surrendering our pride and allowing God to work through us, is key to overcoming this challenge and living a life of radical acceptance. [10:13]

Youtube Chapters:

- [00:00] - Welcome
- [00:23] - Introduction to Radical Acceptance
- [00:51] - Apostle Paul's Call to Acceptance
- [01:28] - The Scale of Acceptance
- [02:05] - Embracing Differences in Marriage
- [03:06] - Moving Up the Scale
- [04:22] - Personal Story: Country Music
- [05:14] - Spiritual Implications of Acceptance
- [06:19] - Rules for Changing Others
- [07:08] - Welcoming Negative Emotions
- [08:28] - Allowing Differences to Exist
- [09:14] - God's Embrace and Transformation
- [10:13] - Pride as a Barrier to Acceptance
- [11:04] - Embracing the Jesus Way
- [11:14] - Closing Remarks and Community Invitation

Study Guide

Bible Study Discussion Guide: Radical Acceptance

Bible Reading:
- Romans 15:7: "Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God."

Observation Questions:
1. What does the Apostle Paul instruct the church in Rome to do in Romans 15:7, and how does this relate to the theme of radical acceptance? [01:01]
2. How does the "scale of acceptance" developed by Dr. Rick Blackman and his wife Sherry help in understanding relationships? [01:28]
3. What are the five stages of the scale of acceptance mentioned in the sermon, and how do they apply to relationships? [03:06]
4. How does the sermon describe the role of pride in hindering acceptance? [09:59]

Interpretation Questions:
1. How might the instruction in Romans 15:7 to "accept one another" challenge common attitudes in relationships today? [01:01]
2. In what ways does the scale of acceptance provide a practical framework for dealing with differences in relationships? [03:06]
3. How does the sermon suggest that welcoming negative emotions can lead to healing and change? [07:08]
4. Why is pride identified as a significant barrier to moving up the scale of acceptance, and how does this relate to the teachings of Jesus? [10:13]

Application Questions:
1. Reflect on a relationship in your life where you struggle with acceptance. What steps can you take to move up the scale from condemnation to embrace? [03:06]
2. Consider a negative emotion you frequently experience. How can you begin to welcome and tolerate this emotion rather than condemning it? [07:08]
3. Identify an area in your life where pride might be preventing you from accepting others or yourself. What practical steps can you take to surrender this pride? [10:13]
4. Think about a time when you felt unconditionally accepted by someone. How did that experience impact your relationship with them, and how can you offer similar acceptance to others? [05:14]
5. How can you apply the principle of radical acceptance in your daily interactions, especially with those who are different from you? [05:14]
6. What specific action can you take this week to demonstrate acceptance to someone who feels marginalized or misunderstood? [01:01]
7. Reflect on the concept of "embracing the Jesus way" as described in the sermon. How can you incorporate this approach into your spiritual journey? [11:04]

Devotional

Day 1: Embracing God's Unconditional Love
Understanding that God loves us unconditionally is the foundation of radical acceptance. This divine love empowers us to accept ourselves and others, not as a passive act but as a transformative journey. When we embrace this love, we open ourselves to deeper relationships and personal growth. The Apostle Paul reminds us to "accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God." This acceptance is a call to action, inviting us to live in a way that reflects God's love to the world. [00:36]

"For the mountains may depart and the hills be removed, but my steadfast love shall not depart from you, and my covenant of peace shall not be removed,” says the Lord, who has compassion on you." (Isaiah 54:10, ESV)

Reflection: How can you actively demonstrate God's unconditional love to someone in your life today?


Day 2: Moving Up the Scale of Acceptance
The scale of acceptance, developed by Dr. Rick Blackman and his wife Sherry, provides a framework for improving relationships by moving from condemnation to embrace. This scale is particularly useful in marriage counseling, where differences between partners can often lead to conflict. By moving up this scale, we can foster deeper connections and understanding, whether in marriage, family, or friendships. The goal is to embrace differences, not to change the other person, but to love them as they are. [03:06]

"Therefore welcome one another as Christ has welcomed you, for the glory of God." (Romans 15:7, ESV)

Reflection: Identify a relationship where you can move from tolerance to acceptance. What practical steps can you take to embrace this person more fully?


Day 3: Loving Others as They Are
True acceptance in relationships is not about changing the other person but loving them as they are. This acceptance sets the stage for genuine transformation and growth, aligning with the teachings of Jesus. By accepting others, we create an environment where love can flourish, and individuals can grow into their true selves. This principle applies to all relationships, whether marital, familial, or friendships. [05:14]

"Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins." (1 Peter 4:8, ESV)

Reflection: Think of someone you struggle to accept as they are. What is one way you can show them love and acceptance today?


Day 4: Welcoming and Tolerating Negative Emotions
By welcoming and tolerating our negative emotions, rather than condemning them, we can reduce their power over us and open the door to healing and change. This approach is practical and aligns with the path of acceptance. Embracing our emotions allows us to understand ourselves better and to grow spiritually. It is through this process that we can find peace and healing. [07:08]

"Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil." (Ephesians 4:26-27, ESV)

Reflection: What negative emotion have you been avoiding? How can you begin to welcome and understand it today?


Day 5: Overcoming Pride to Live a Life of Radical Acceptance
Pride is often the greatest barrier to acceptance. Embracing the Jesus way, which involves surrendering our pride and allowing God to work through us, is key to overcoming this challenge and living a life of radical acceptance. By letting go of our pride, we open ourselves to God's transformative power and align our lives with His teachings. This surrender leads to a more fulfilling and harmonious existence. [10:13]

"Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will exalt you." (James 4:10, ESV)

Reflection: In what area of your life is pride holding you back from acceptance? What step can you take today to surrender this pride to God?

Quotes

"Radical acceptance is about understanding that God deeply, fully, wholly loves and longs to accept you and me. That's what we need the most, and we actually need to radically accept our lives, and we actually do that best through God." [00:38:43]

"Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you to the glory of God. Now we'll talk about that through the Advent season, that idea of accepting each other." [00:65:06]

"Sherry and I were going to do this talk on embracing differences, and we were taking a walk and kind of preparing for it, and Sherry asked this really good question. She says, what if there's some differences like you're never gonna embrace?" [00:153:28]

"We made up a scale on the spot that I have now on a board in my office, and it's a five-point scale that goes from condemn to endure to tolerate to accept to embrace. The way that I started off using it and the way we used it in this course that we were teaching is you want to as much as you can move up the scale." [00:176:23]

"I'll ask things like, you know, tell me how different you really are, and what is your ability to accept that person. Usually, I'll ask a question like this: do you feel loved and accepted by your spouse for who you are in contrast to who they want you to be?" [00:210:95]

"The three rules for changing anybody, certainly your spouse, are number one, lose interest in changing your spouse. Second rule, lose interest in changing your spouse. Third rule, losing sort of like real estate and location, location, location." [00:361:28]

"Based on our feeling loved and embraced, not just loved, really not just tolerated, but embraced for who we are, is, I believe, what you're teaching and what the Bible's teaching about setting the stage for transformation, growth, and change." [00:381:52]

"I might even use this just with an individual, John, like if they are dealing with a troublesome emotion, a negative emotion. I might be finding it with them in the Psalms, that sort of thing. I want to know the same thing: to what degree are you able to embrace?" [00:407:68]

"Sometimes I'll tell people my job right now with your anxiety, for example, is to try to get you to hate it less or to stop condemning because the very condemnation that you apply to your own, oh, I hate feeling anxious, I hate feeling depressed, in some ways can exacerbate and make the problem more stubbornly resistant to change." [00:426:56]

"If I can welcome it, allow it, sometimes even more aggressively, this is what I want, and think of doing that with differences like in a relationship that you're in, that it's really okay. I'm allowing, I'm permitting, if I can use that word, the differences to exist." [00:503:12]

"God truly died for me, embraces me in my brokenness and where I am, and springboarding from that, I want to know the different ways that I can participate with God in growth and transformation. That just feels like the right sequence to me, which is, I think, what radical acceptance probably ends up meaning." [00:559:83]

"Pride, I think their pride that they're right, and that their natural instinct, which is to point out, criticize, condemn, is just so strong. I think the hardest point is it's counterintuitive, you know, to accept things that are negative, negative emotions, or accept things that are challenging like differences in another person or even things in myself that I don't like." [00:596:32]

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Transcript
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