Prioritizing Relationships in Intentional Parenting
Summary
In my sermon, I began by acknowledging the diverse stages of parenting represented within our church community. Some of us are new parents, others are in the thick of it, and some are nearing the end of their active parenting years. I emphasized the importance of discipleship starting at home and the need for our church to support parents in guiding their children towards following Jesus. I shared my dream for our church to become a hub for parenting support within our community, recognizing the unique cultural pressures parents face today.
I then introduced the concept of being experience-rich but relationship-poor, cautioning against the cultural idol of busyness that can lead to neglecting relationships. I challenged the notion that experiences are paramount in shaping our children's futures, pointing out that relationships are far more influential. I shared that our children's relationships with us, with God, and with others are like dials we can turn up or down to influence who they become.
I presented three key relationships that impact who our children become: their relationship with us as parents, with God, and with others outside the home. I explained that as parents, we have the opportunity and responsibility to control the mix of these relationships. I encouraged parents to be intentional in nurturing these relationships from an early age, emphasizing the long-term benefits of doing so.
I also addressed the tendency to parent based on fear, which can lead to over-scheduling our children's lives with activities at the expense of cultivating meaningful relationships. I shared personal reflections on my own parenting journey, acknowledging that while experiences are valuable, they should not come at the cost of relationships.
I then outlined three questions to guide us in our parenting journey: What am I doing to enhance my relationship with my child? What am I doing to advance my child's relationship with God? And what am I doing to influence my child's relationship with those outside the home? I stressed the importance of these questions in every stage of parenting and the need to apply them thoughtfully as our children grow.
I concluded by offering practical resources to support parents in this journey, including a book on parenting that provides a vision for approaching parenting with intentionality. I invited parents to commit to reading the book as a way to further their understanding and application of the principles discussed in the sermon.
Key Takeaways:
1. Parenting begins with a focus on relationships, not experiences. While experiences can enrich our children's lives, it is the quality of their relationships that truly shapes who they become. As parents, we must prioritize nurturing our children's relationships with us, with God, and with others. ([00:58])
2. The cultural pressure to keep our children constantly engaged in activities can lead to an experience-rich but relationship-poor upbringing. We must resist this pressure and ensure that our family life allows for the cultivation of deep, meaningful relationships. ([12:40])
3. As parents, we have the power to influence our children's relationships like a soundboard, turning up the volume on positive influences and turning it down on negative ones. This control is a responsibility we must take seriously, starting as early as possible for the greatest long-term benefit. ([31:50])
4. Fear can drive us to make parenting decisions that are not in the best interest of our children's relational development. We must have the courage to say no to over-scheduling and yes to fostering a home environment where relationships can thrive. ([14:06])
5. Committing to intentional parenting requires both time and resources. By investing in our children's relational development now, we set them up for a future where they possess the emotional freedom to explore their life's full potential. ([43:20])
Study Guide
### Bible Study Discussion Guide
#### Bible Reading
1. Luke 10:38-42 (The story of Mary and Martha)
2. Ephesians 6:4 ("Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.")
3. Proverbs 13:20 ("He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm.")
#### Observation Questions
1. In the story of Mary and Martha (Luke 10:38-42), what was Martha's main concern, and how did Jesus respond to her? How does this relate to the sermon’s emphasis on prioritizing relationships over busyness? [16:48]
2. According to Ephesians 6:4, what are fathers (or parents) instructed to do, and what are they warned against? How does this align with the sermon’s message about nurturing relationships with our children? [35:32]
3. Proverbs 13:20 speaks about the influence of companions. How does this verse support the sermon’s point about the importance of our children's relationships with others outside the home? [39:08]
#### Interpretation Questions
1. Why do you think Jesus emphasized the importance of Mary’s choice to sit and listen to Him over Martha’s busyness? How can this principle be applied to modern parenting? [17:23]
2. How might the instruction in Ephesians 6:4 to bring children up in the training and instruction of the Lord influence a parent's daily interactions with their children? [35:32]
3. What are some practical ways parents can "turn up the volume" on positive influences in their children's lives, as suggested by Proverbs 13:20? [39:53]
#### Application Questions
1. Reflect on your current family schedule. Are there activities that might be contributing to an "experience-rich but relationship-poor" environment? What changes can you make to prioritize relationships? [12:40]
2. How can you intentionally enhance your relationship with your child this week? Consider specific actions or conversations that could strengthen your bond. [35:32]
3. What steps can you take to advance your child's relationship with God? Think about incorporating new spiritual practices or routines into your family life. [37:22]
4. Identify one or two people outside your home who could positively influence your child. How can you facilitate more interactions between your child and these individuals? [39:53]
5. Fear can often drive parenting decisions. Are there any areas where fear might be influencing your choices? How can you address these fears and make more relationship-focused decisions? [14:06]
6. Consider the long-term benefits of investing in your child's relational development. What specific time investments can you make this week to foster deeper connections within your family? [43:20]
7. Reflect on the sermon’s challenge to resist cultural pressures. How can you create a home environment that values being over doing? What practical steps can you take to ensure your family has time to simply be together? [18:38]
Devotional
Day 1: Relationships Over Experiences
Relationships are the cornerstone of a child's development, not the experiences we often prioritize. In a world that glorifies busyness and a packed schedule, it's crucial to remember that the most profound impact on our children comes from the quality of their relationships. This includes the relationship they have with their parents, with God, and with their community. As parents, it's essential to foster a home environment where these relationships can be nurtured and grown, rather than filling every moment with activities that may not contribute to their relational well-being. By doing so, we lay a foundation for our children that will guide them throughout their lives, teaching them the value of connection over mere activity. [00:58]
"Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one's youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate." - Psalm 127:3-5
Reflection: How can you create more space in your family's schedule this week to enhance the quality of your relationships at home?
Day 2: Cultivating Depth in Relationships
The cultural idol of busyness often leads to a lifestyle where children are experience-rich but relationship-poor. It's important to resist this societal pressure and intentionally create opportunities for deep, meaningful relationships to develop within the family. This may mean saying no to certain activities or experiences that, while good, do not contribute to the relational richness we desire for our children. By prioritizing time spent together, engaging in meaningful conversations, and being present in the moment, we can foster a sense of belonging and emotional security that experiences alone cannot provide. [12:40]
"And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near." - Hebrews 10:24-25
Reflection: What is one activity you can reduce or eliminate this week to make room for cultivating deeper relationships with your family?
Day 3: The Power of Influence
Parents have a unique ability to influence their children's relationships, much like adjusting the dials on a soundboard. This control is a significant responsibility that should be exercised with intentionality and care. By turning up the volume on positive influences and minimizing negative ones, parents can guide their children toward healthy, life-giving relationships. This includes fostering a strong relationship with God, which will serve as the foundation for all other relationships in their lives. Starting this process early maximizes the long-term benefits, setting children on a path toward emotional and spiritual maturity. [31:50]
"Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it." - Proverbs 22:6
Reflection: In what ways can you actively turn up the positive relational influences in your child's life this week?
Day 4: Overcoming Fear-Based Parenting
Fear can be a powerful motivator in parenting, often leading to over-scheduling and an emphasis on achievement over relationships. It's essential to recognize this tendency and have the courage to prioritize our children's relational needs over the fear of them falling behind. By creating a home environment that values relationships, we provide our children with the emotional freedom to grow into their full potential. This requires a conscious effort to say no to the fear-driven impulse to fill every moment with structured activities and instead say yes to unstructured time that allows for relationship building. [14:06]
"For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control." - 2 Timothy 1:7
Reflection: What fear-based decision can you let go of this week to better foster your child's relational growth?
Day 5: Intentional Parenting Investment
Committing to intentional parenting is an investment in our children's future. It requires time, resources, and a dedication to their relational development. By investing in our children's ability to form and maintain healthy relationships, we set them up for a future where they can explore their life's full potential. This investment often means seeking out resources, such as books and community support, that can provide guidance and encouragement on the parenting journey. The return on this investment is immeasurable, as it contributes to the emotional and spiritual well-being of our children. [43:20]
"Whoever isolates himself seeks his own desire; he breaks out against all sound judgment. A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity." - Proverbs 18:1-2
Reflection: What resource can you commit to this week to enhance your approach to intentional parenting?
Quotes
1) "We don't draw strength from our experiences but we draw strength from our ability to connect with and relate to one another... the ability to function within mature relationships has so much to do with our long-term success in life way more than our experiences." [20:01]
2) "We've sacrificed the relationship on the altar of busyness and it's dangerous... we don't sit down for dinner together around a table unhurried, unrushed... we've sacrificed the relationship on the altar of busyness and it's dangerous." [21:27]
3) "You control the dial as a worship team comes... you are influencing your kids right now in all of those directions... Are you going to be wise enough to control the mix while you still can because one day you won't be able to control the mix." [41:14]
4) "The pressure to participate and provide for your children with experiences should never be allowed to govern your parenting to the point that it detracts from your ability to help cultivate healthy relationships." [43:20]
5) "Children who grow up relationship poor do not possess the emotional freedom to explore their life's full potential... we might need to really think and rethink the amount of experiences that you have for your kids so you can really focus on relationship." [43:58]
6) "We can't always control our kids' decisions, we can't always control their experiences, but as parents, we can have a tremendous amount of influence on their relationships... start now because we can't always control our kids' decisions." [33:04]
7) "What am I doing to enhance my relationship with my child?... As parents, we never want to lose influence in our kids' life... Each stage requires something different and I want us to be able to think about what does my kid or what do my kids need at this stage in their life." [35:32]
8) "It's to make our kids experience rich and relationship poor... we fall victim to this out of fear... we're afraid to say no to our kids... unknowingly we make our kids experience rich and relationship poor." [14:06]
9) "I want you to consider who your kids are becoming not how well they're behaving... the kind of people your kids are becoming... they are becoming someone because of your choices, your choice to parent intentionally or to parent by the seat of your pants." [06:14]
10) "Your kids' relationships are like a dial... as parents we have the opportunity and responsibility to control the mix... the earlier we start doing this, dialing up and dialing down the right and wrong influences, the better off our kids will be." [31:50]
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