Prioritizing Love in Parenting Over Material Possessions
Summary
In today's message, we explored the profound challenges and joys of parenting, particularly in the context of balancing our love for our children with our attachment to material possessions. The story of my daughter Allie practicing her letters on the hood of my car with a rock served as a humorous yet poignant illustration of these challenges. It highlighted the importance of prioritizing relationships over possessions and the need for grace and understanding in parenting.
We delved into the New Testament's guidance on love, particularly through the teachings of Jesus and the Apostle Paul. While the Bible may not provide perfect examples of family life, it offers a North Star for parenting through the command to love others as Jesus loved us. This love is patient, kind, and not self-seeking. It does not keep a record of wrongs and always protects, trusts, hopes, and perseveres.
We discussed how love is not easily angered, emphasizing that our children do not make us angry; rather, they stir up what is already within us. This realization calls for self-reflection and the acknowledgment of our own desires and frustrations. By owning our slice of the conflict pie, we can better manage our emotions and model healthy emotional expression for our children.
Furthermore, we explored the importance of setting a North Star for parenting, aiming for a healthy adult relationship with our children. This involves prioritizing honor over obedience and maintaining influence rather than control. By focusing on future relationships, we can avoid the pitfalls of NOT goals, which are reactive and uninspiring.
Ultimately, the most significant thing we may do as parents is not something we do, but someone we raise. By anchoring our parenting in the love of Christ, we can guide our children toward becoming individuals who love and honor others as they have been loved and honored by us.
Key Takeaways:
- Balancing Love and Possessions: The story of Allie and the car hood illustrates the tension between our love for possessions and our love for our children. It reminds us to prioritize relationships over material things and to approach parenting with grace and understanding. [02:36]
- The Foundation of Love: Jesus' command to love others as He loved us serves as a guiding principle for parenting. This love is patient, kind, and not self-seeking, providing a framework for nurturing healthy relationships with our children. [04:10]
- Managing Anger and Self-Reflection: Our children do not make us angry; they reveal what is already within us. By acknowledging our own desires and frustrations, we can better manage our emotions and model healthy emotional expression for our children. [08:25]
- Setting a North Star for Parenting: Aim for a healthy adult relationship with your children by prioritizing honor over obedience and maintaining influence rather than control. Avoid reactive NOT goals and focus on future relationships. [23:25]
- The Significance of Raising Children: The most significant thing we may do as parents is not something we do, but someone we raise. By anchoring our parenting in the love of Christ, we guide our children toward becoming individuals who love and honor others. [28:33]
Youtube Chapters:
- [00:00] - Welcome
- [00:10] - Love for Stuff vs. Love for Kids
- [00:36] - The Car Hood Incident
- [01:31] - Allie's Innocent Confession
- [02:36] - Parenting Challenges
- [03:03] - Series Overview
- [03:40] - Biblical Guidance on Parenting
- [04:10] - Jesus' New Command
- [05:18] - Love is Patient and Kind
- [06:35] - Love is Not Self-Seeking
- [07:19] - Understanding Anger
- [09:18] - Emotional Side of Parenting
- [11:22] - Source of Conflict
- [14:05] - Owning the Conflict Pie
- [17:20] - Love Keeps No Record of Wrongs
- [19:15] - Love Always Protects
- [21:56] - Imperfect Families
- [23:25] - Parenting Toward Future Relationships
- [28:33] - The Significance of Raising Children
Study Guide
Bible Study Discussion Guide
Bible Reading:
1. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7
2. John 13:34
3. James 4:1-3
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Observation Questions:
1. What humorous story did the pastor share to illustrate the tension between love for possessions and love for children? How did he resolve the situation? [01:31]
2. According to the sermon, what is the "North Star" for parenting as suggested by the New Testament? [03:55]
3. How does the pastor describe the relationship between anger and self-seeking behavior in the context of parenting? [07:06]
4. What does the pastor suggest is the most significant thing parents might do, according to the sermon? [28:33]
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Interpretation Questions:
1. How does the command to love others as Jesus loved us serve as a guiding principle for parenting, according to the sermon? [04:10]
2. In what ways does the pastor suggest that children reveal what is already within us, rather than causing anger? How does this perspective change the approach to parenting? [08:25]
3. What does the pastor mean by "owning your slice of the conflict pie," and how does this concept relate to managing emotions in parenting? [13:34]
4. How does the sermon suggest that setting a "North Star" for parenting can help avoid the pitfalls of reactive "NOT goals"? [23:25]
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Application Questions:
1. Reflect on a recent situation where your love for possessions conflicted with your love for your children. How did you handle it, and what might you do differently next time? [02:36]
2. Consider the command to love others as Jesus loved us. How can you apply this principle in a specific parenting challenge you are currently facing? [04:10]
3. Think about a time when you felt anger towards your child. What underlying desires or frustrations were stirred up in you, and how can you address them constructively? [08:25]
4. Identify a "NOT goal" you might have unconsciously set in your parenting. How can you reframe this into a positive, future-oriented goal? [26:38]
5. How can you create a culture of mutual honor in your home, and what specific steps can you take to prioritize honor over obedience? [24:56]
6. Reflect on the idea that the most significant thing you do may be someone you raise. How does this perspective influence your daily interactions with your children? [28:33]
7. Consider a situation where you need to apologize to your child. How can you use this moment to model humility and strengthen your relationship? [16:59]
Devotional
Day 1: Prioritizing Relationships Over Possessions
In the journey of parenting, one often encounters the tension between valuing material possessions and nurturing relationships with children. The story of a child innocently scratching a car hood with a rock serves as a humorous yet profound reminder of this challenge. It highlights the need to prioritize the love and connection with our children over the temporary nature of material things. This perspective encourages parents to approach situations with grace and understanding, recognizing that the true value lies in the bonds we build with our children rather than the objects we own. [02:36]
"Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." (Matthew 6:19-21, ESV)
Reflection: Think of a recent situation where you prioritized a material possession over a relationship. How can you shift your focus to prioritize the relationship today?
Day 2: Love as the Guiding Principle
The New Testament provides a profound framework for parenting through the command to love others as Jesus loved us. This love is characterized by patience, kindness, and selflessness, offering a guiding principle for nurturing healthy relationships with our children. By embodying this love, parents can create an environment where children feel valued and understood, fostering a deep sense of security and belonging. This approach encourages parents to reflect on their actions and attitudes, ensuring they align with the love that Jesus exemplified. [04:10]
"Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins. Show hospitality to one another without grumbling." (1 Peter 4:8-9, ESV)
Reflection: Consider how you can demonstrate patient and selfless love to your children today. What specific action can you take to show them they are valued?
Day 3: Understanding and Managing Anger
Parenting often brings to light emotions that are already present within us, such as anger. It is crucial to recognize that children do not create these emotions but rather reveal them. This understanding calls for self-reflection and the acknowledgment of personal desires and frustrations. By owning one's part in conflicts, parents can better manage their emotions and model healthy emotional expression for their children. This approach not only helps in resolving conflicts but also teaches children how to handle their emotions constructively. [08:25]
"Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil." (Ephesians 4:26-27, ESV)
Reflection: Identify a recent moment when you felt anger towards your child. What underlying emotions or desires were revealed, and how can you address them constructively?
Day 4: Setting a North Star for Parenting
Aiming for a healthy adult relationship with children involves prioritizing honor over obedience and maintaining influence rather than control. This approach encourages parents to focus on future relationships, avoiding reactive and uninspiring goals. By setting a North Star for parenting, parents can guide their children towards becoming individuals who respect and honor others. This perspective shifts the focus from immediate compliance to long-term relational health, fostering an environment where children feel empowered and respected. [23:25]
"Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it." (Proverbs 22:6, ESV)
Reflection: Reflect on your current parenting goals. How can you adjust them to prioritize honor and influence over obedience and control?
Day 5: The Significance of Raising Children
The most significant impact parents may have is not in their actions but in the individuals they raise. By anchoring parenting in the love of Christ, parents can guide their children towards becoming individuals who love and honor others. This perspective emphasizes the importance of modeling Christ-like love and values, creating a foundation for children to grow into compassionate and respectful adults. It encourages parents to focus on the long-term development of their children's character and relationships, rather than just immediate behaviors. [28:33]
"And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise." (Deuteronomy 6:6-7, ESV)
Reflection: Consider the values and character traits you want to instill in your children. How can you model these traits in your daily interactions with them?
Quotes
"A new command, I give you." And specifically the new command was for us to love others, the way that he, Jesus loved us. And the way forward I believe, and this is what we've been talking about, the way forward for us as parents is actually embedded in this one, big, all encompassing command. [00:04:12]
Love is kind. And we said that kindness is loaning someone your strength rather than reminding them of their weakness. It's loaning your children your strength, rather than constantly reminding them of their weakness. And then he says this, "Love does not envy, it does not boast, and it is not proud." [00:05:39]
Love isn't selfish, love puts the interest and the needs of other people first, which would pretty much solve all relationship problems, I think. And then the most significant thing about these two phrases, is the Apostle Paul connects two important dots for us by addressing what is perhaps the most common expression of self-seeking within the context of relationships, and certainly within the context of parenting. [00:06:44]
Our children, our kids don't actually make us angry, our kids simply stir up or bring to the surface what's already in us, and they do it better than anybody else. In fact, it's in those moments that we finally understand our own parents, right? And what is it that's already in us, that they're so good at bringing to the surface? [00:08:28]
The source of our anger, the source of our arguments, the source of our conflict, the source of our quarrels, is we're not getting something that we want. Now, parents I'm pointing my finger, I'm speaking from personal experience. This is so true, but it is so difficult to see, especially when it involves our children. [00:12:25]
Love keeps no record of wrongs. Now this is so difficult in parenting, because the days are long and so are our memories, right? But remember, there is no win in reminding our kids of their past failures. They already know, besides it's a bit of a power play. Think about it, when somebody holds your past over you, who's in the elevated position? [00:17:26]
Love always protects. In other words, love, always defends. Love stands guard. Love keeps bad things out. And knowing how to protect our children is really hard. Especially as they get older, between social media and friends, it is hard to know how to protect our children without being overly protective. [00:19:20]
So, if I had to boil everything in this series down to one thing, it would be this, parent toward, if you're gonna create a North Star for your parenting, parent toward a healthy adult relationship with your children. Set your sights on parenting toward a healthy adult relationship with your children. [00:23:13]
We established as our North Star, our objective to raise our kids in such a way that they would enjoy being with us and with each other when they no longer had to be, we wanted them to enjoy and look forward to being with us and with each other once they were old enough to decide for themselves. [00:24:26]
Choosing to parent with our future relationships in mind, I think more than anything helped me, avoid a trap I've seen so many young parents fall into. They settle for what our friend, Adam Johnson refers to as NOT goals. Do you know what a NOT goal is? You may have some NOT goals. [00:26:15]
This is why anchoring our parenting to Jesus all encompassing command to love as God through Christ has loved us. This is why that's so important. It's why, what the Apostle Paul left us with, in 1 Corinthians 13 is so important, because it instructs and it informs our behavior. [00:27:36]
The most significant thing you do, the most significant thing you do, may not be something that you do. It may be someone that you raise. [00:28:33]
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