The Preseason - Singleness and Dating | XO Week 6

Devotional

Day 1: Yoked for the Long Haul

The disciples knew the weight of plows and oxen. Jesus used their everyday tool – the yoke – to describe partnership with Him. Paul sharpens the image: two oxen unequally yoked strain against each other, their paths diverging. A believer yoked to an unbeliever faces constant spiritual friction, like David’s restless pacing that led to Bathsheba. [10:13]

Jesus doesn’t forbid relationships – He guards your peace. An unequal yoke forces you to drag dead weight spiritually, emotionally, and morally. The disciples left nets to follow; Ruth clung to Naomi’s God. Your closest bonds must pull in step with Christ.

Who shares your yoke? Does this relationship help or hinder your grip on Jesus’ easy burden? List three non-negotiable faith markers for any potential partner. When did you last feel your spiritual direction clash with someone’s pull?

“Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?”
(2 Corinthians 6:14, NIV)

Prayer: Ask Jesus to reveal any relationships pulling you off-course.
Challenge: Text one trusted friend your top three faith non-negotiables in relationships.

Day 2: The Unforced Rhythm of Grace

Fishermen dropped nets. Tax collectors left booths. Jesus didn’t recruit the “qualified” – He called the willing to share His yoke. “My burden is light,” He promised the crowd, contrasting man-made religious loads with His rest. The disciples’ calloused hands learned new rhythms – not lazy, but purposeful. [10:58]

Your singleness or dating life isn’t a holding pattern. Jesus yokes you NOW to kingdom work – teaching VBS, serving neighbors, mentoring teens. David abandoned his warrior yoke for rooftop idleness; don’t mistake comfort for Christ’s easy burden.

What heavy expectations have you added to Jesus’ simple yoke? Where does “trying harder” replace trusting? Set a timer for five minutes tonight. Sit still. Breathe. Repeat: “Your yoke fits me.”

“Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
(Matthew 11:29-30, NIV)

Prayer: Confess one self-imposed burden you’ve mistaken for discipleship.
Challenge: Delete one productivity app or calendar item stealing your soul-rest.

Day 3: Roofs and Relapses

David’s downfall began with a stroll, not a sprint. Kings wage war; he lingered at the palace. One glance at Bathsheba became adultery, murder, and a shattered legacy. The disciples faced storms but stayed in the boat; David abandoned his post. [25:00]

Boundaries aren’t prison walls – they’re guardrails for your calling. Singles: your late-night DMs matter. Couples: your Netflix choices shape intimacy. The woman at the well changed towns after encountering Jesus; you’ll need new routines to break old patterns.

What “harmless” habit positions you for a fall? When did you last cancel plans to protect purity? Write your Bathsheba – the situation, person, or app most likely to ambush your vigilance.

“It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable.”
(1 Thessalonians 4:3-5, NIV)

Prayer: Name one place where you’ve substituted caution for conviction.
Challenge: Set a phone alarm for 8 PM titled “Am I where I should be?”

Day 4: The Idle King’s Downfall

David’s springtime laziness bred autumn disaster. While warriors fought, he napped. Boredom birthed voyeurism; leisure became lust. The disciples fished all night but worked nets at Jesus’ command. Idle hands aren’t just the devil’s workshop – they’re his throne room. [26:21]

Your singleness or dating life thrives on purpose. Paul made tents between sermons; Jesus healed until sundown. David’s rooftop was a lookout for enemies, not entertainment. Your free hours determine your spiritual trajectory more than church Sundays.

What “downtime” activity saps your spiritual edge? How could redirecting 30 idle minutes this week advance God’s kingdom? Replace one scrolling session with a prayer walk around your literal or metaphorical palace.

“In the spring, at the time when kings go off to war, David sent Joab out with the king’s men… But David remained in Jerusalem.”
(2 Samuel 11:1, NIV)

Prayer: Confess one area where laziness masquerades as “self-care.”
Challenge: Research one local mission needing volunteers – sign up for a shift.

Day 5: Priority Lists Burn; Allegiance Lasts

The rich young ruler clutched priority lists. Jesus demanded total allegiance: “Sell everything.” Disciples left boats and tax booths not to prioritize God, but to belong wholly to Him. David’s divided heart cost a kingdom; your whole heart gains eternity. [28:39]

Christ doesn’t want first place – He wants every place. Your dating life isn’t 80% God’s and 20% yours. Singleness isn’t a holding tank for future ministry. Like the widow’s mites, surrender what you’re guarding “just in case” God’s plan fails.

What backup plan are you hoarding? When did you last pray “Your will” without silent asterisks? Write down one dream you’ve refused to place on God’s altar. Light a match and burn the paper.

“And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.”
(Colossians 3:17, NIV)

Prayer: Thank Jesus for three specific ways He’s provided when you surrendered control.
Challenge: Donate one item you’ve clung to as a “security blanket” against God’s care.

Sermon Summary

Dating and singleness stand as a God-attended season, not a throwaway gap before marriage. The “preseason” gives space to get formed, to learn the weight of a Christ-first life, and to step into marriage already aimed in the right direction. Paul commands an equal yoke, because righteousness and lawlessness cannot pull the same load; light does not share fellowship with darkness. Jesus then reframes the whole weight issue with his invitation, “Take my yoke upon you,” promising rest to those who place everything on him. An unequal yoke, whether between believer and unbeliever or between spiritual maturity and complacency, drags, drifts, and sparks conflict, because hope, priorities, and rhythms are not shared. “Missionary dating” pretends that disobedience is a strategy for evangelism, but witness does not need romance to be faithful.

Boundaries belong to holiness, not to personal icks or sports loyalties. Natural impulses do not set the rules for God’s people; the Spirit does. Conviction happens before the act, not after it, because the Spirit flags the trap for those who are awake to him. God’s will is sanctification, which means sexual integrity before marriage, not aiming for intimacy with shortcuts that turn moments into patterns. David’s fall sketches the map of a boundaryless heart: not where a king should be, not doing what a king should do, lazy when vigilance was required. That vacuum gave the enemy a seat at the table, and sin multiplied to cover sin.

God does not just get first place; God owns the whole list. Priorities shift when humans manage them, so the only safe ordering is surrender. Colossians 3:17 names the posture: every word and deed done unto Christ. When plans, dreams, and timetables get laid at Jesus’ feet, God opens doors no human could pry loose, not as a vending machine of blessings but as a Father directing a life into its calling. Singleness and dating, lived under that surrender, become training ground for prayer, purity, mutual growth, and Spirit-led wisdom. Men are called even here to practice servant leadership by initiating prayer and patterns of faith, not as a checklist but as a calling. If a relationship hinders discipleship, peaceable endings can still honor God. If a heart is far from Christ, salvation begins where surrender starts.

Key Takeaways

1. Equally yoked or you drift A shared yoke keeps hope, habits, and decisions moving in the same direction. When belief and burden do not match, friction grows and one heart will pull the other off course. Equal yoking is not romance-speak; it is discipleship in tandem under Jesus’ easy yoke. The goal is shared dependence, not just shared interests. [11:40]
2. Missionary dating is not discipleship Evangelism does not require romantic attachment, and disobedience is never a strategy for someone else’s salvation. Dating to convert risks mistaking control for trust and fogs the clarity needed for holiness. Friendship can carry testimony without binding hearts into covenant trajectories. The relationship must already help faith, not hope to fix it later. [14:25]
3. Set boundaries and stand by them A boundary not kept is only a preference with churchy paint on it. Holiness requires concrete limits shaped by Scripture and guarded by Spirit-led conviction, especially when affection grows. God’s will is sanctification, which dignifies the body with honor and refuses shortcuts that turn moments into patterns. Guardrails protect joy; they do not punish it. [17:06]
4. Conviction comes before the sin Spirit-born conviction is the warning light that flashes before the fall, not the shame that floods after. Those who stay awake to the Spirit learn to spot the trap and take the exit early, even when feelings run hot. That sensitivity is formed by prayer, Scripture, and accountable rhythms. Wisdom heeds the check; folly explains it away. [19:28]
5. Jesus owns the priority list First place still treats Jesus like one item among many; Lordship means the whole list belongs to him. Surrender turns tight fists into open hands and makes room for God to reassign timing, calling, and desire. That posture does not guarantee ease, but it does guarantee direction and presence. Freedom follows where self-rule ends. [28:39]

Youtube Chapters

[00:00] - Welcome
[00:18] - XO series and NextGen intro
[03:31] - God has you in singleness
[04:46] - Is a Christian allowed to date?
[05:54] - Dating as the preseason
[07:02] - Equally yoked explained
[10:58] - Jesus’ easy yoke and rest
[12:04] - Maturity mismatch and missionary dating
[16:43] - Set boundaries and stand by them
[19:28] - Conviction before the sin
[20:06] - Call to sexual purity
[21:52] - David and Bathsheba warning
[24:34] - When kings stay home
[28:39] - Jesus owns the priority list
[33:06] - Invitation to follow Jesus

Bible Study Guide

Bible Reading
- 2 Corinthians 6:14 (ESV): “Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?”
- Colossians 3:17 (ESV): “And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.”
- 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5 (ESV): “For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God.”

Observation Questions

What does Paul mean by being “unequally yoked” in 2 Corinthians 6:14, and how does the sermon connect this to relationships? [09:47]
According to the sermon, how did David’s lack of boundaries lead to his downfall in 2 Samuel 11? [24:13]
What does Colossians 3:17 say about the motivation for our daily actions and priorities? [28:39]
How does 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5 define God’s will for believers in the context of relationships? [20:06]

Interpretation Questions

Why might Paul use the metaphor of a “yoke” to describe relationships, and how does this relate to Jesus’ invitation in Matthew 11:29-30? [10:58]
David’s story shows how laziness and misplaced priorities opened the door to sin. How might this apply to modern boundaries in dating or singleness? [25:00]
The sermon states, “Jesus owns the priority list, not just first place.” How does Colossians 3:17 challenge common assumptions about balancing faith with other life goals? [28:21]
How does the concept of “missionary dating” conflict with Paul’s warning in 2 Corinthians 6:14? [14:25]

Application Questions

In your current relationships (or past ones), how have differences in spiritual maturity or priorities created “drift” or friction? What practical steps could help align your relationships with Christ’s yoke? [11:40]
The sermon warns that “a boundary not kept is only a preference with churchy paint on it.” What is one physical, emotional, or spiritual boundary you need to set—or recommit to—to honor God in your singleness or dating life? [17:06]
David’s story shows how small compromises can lead to patterns of sin. Are there areas in your life where you’ve ignored the Holy Spirit’s conviction before a temptation arises? How can you cultivate sensitivity to His warnings? [19:28]
Colossians 3:17 calls believers to do everything in Jesus’ name. What specific plans, dreams, or timelines do you need to surrender to God’s ownership this week? [29:30]
The sermon challenges believers to avoid “missionary dating.” How can you faithfully witness to others without compromising holiness? What would it look like to prioritize friendship over romance in these situations? [14:25]
If a relationship is hindering your discipleship, what would a “peaceable ending” that honors God look like in your context? [16:14]

Sermon Clips

41s

“You need to set boundaries and stand by them. That's what I'm talking about. I love it. I love it. Hey, it's good that you set boundaries. I'm so glad you did that. But if you don't stand by them, that wasn't a boundary. That was a spiritual suggestion that you yourself couldn't follow. You need to set boundaries. You need to stand by them. I think sometimes we get confused with what boundaries are. Boundaries are not personal, I guess, indicators or or as some would call it red flags.”

56s

“If I can just be personal for a second, there's a bit of my testimony where man, I I was just I felt like I was waiting in water. And I was trying to do everything in my plans and with my priorities while still giving Jesus the partial credit. I'll never forget it. 01/03/2022, I'm outside of a gym in the parking lot in my car bawling my eyes out because I have realized for the past couple of years of adulthood, man, I have been doing things my way. I've been doing things my plans. Y'all know that Frank Sinatra song, My Way? Yeah. That's the anthem of hell. We're not called to do things our way.”

33s

“Hey, as men, yes, even single and in relationship, you are one day as a husband to be the head of the household. So you need to start practicing while you are single and in the relationship. Develop a pattern of prayer. Develop a pattern of consistent faith. Not because it's the to do list or a chore list but because that's what you've been called to do as a man of God. Okay? Do that now while you're single or in the relationship. Take your girlfriend, take your fiance before the marriage gets started and you say, hey, we're gonna implement these practices right here, right now because we trust in God. Right? Do that now.”

36s

“Football, they have a couple weeks. Baseball, they got spring training. And really what this is is you see the rookies, you see the new trade ins, they come in and put on the uniform for the first time, and you kinda practice all of the things that you went through in practice but actually in the stadium to see how the pressure feels. Right? In the same way singleness and dating is a preseason for marriage. It's a time and an opportunity for you to be molded and crafted and adjusted so that when you enter marriage you're you're good to go. You know what to do. It it's essentially to know that before you are in a relationship with anybody else, you know that your relationship with Christ comes first.”

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The Preseason - Singleness and Dating | XO Week 6 | Pastor Alex Cofield