The Power of Words: Building Life-Giving Relationships

You you you've gotta draw a line in the sand and say as a couple, our ground rules are simply this, we're not gonna criticize each other. We'll talk about the problem, not the person. We we we're we're we're not going to show contempt. Right? We're not we're not going to be this defensive, and we're not gonna stonewall. We're not gonna let these habits become a part of how we do our relationship. If you just implement those four, they can bring transformation to your relationship. [01:09:09] (29 seconds)  #HealthyCoupleRules

Studies show this is the top predictor of divorce because this one here, this one is when a person views themself above their spouse. This is eye rolling. This is sarcasm. Sure. Try it again. It didn't work last time. Did it? I mean, this is this is that attitude of being of demeaning. It's it sometimes it's put downs. Sometimes it's name calling. Right? It is constantly downing one's another person's partner. And what it does is it really poisons the relationship. [01:04:55] (33 seconds)  #NoContemptAllowed

I love the this passage that says that life and death is in the power of the tongue, but it also reminds us that we get to control which way we wanna use our words. The truth of the matter, friends, that you can't do it alone. Only way we can do this is through a relationship with Jesus Christ. It is through a relationship with Jesus Christ that he helps get our words all together. When he saves us, he saves our tongues too. And he then gives us the power to be able to use our words to build and not to break down. [01:33:12] (32 seconds)  #SpeakLifeInChrist

You you start out in the morning and you make deposits by just saying, thank you. I appreciate you. You get the lunchtime, you send a text. You get later in the day, say, hey, you want anything for they don't need me to pick anything up from the grocery store. You you you tell them later, man, I'm so thank you for how hard you work for our family. You're making deposits all day. So when a negative does have to come, right, it doesn't deteriorate because you've already invested so much. The question we have to ask ourselves is really this, am I filling my spouse's cup or am I draining it? [01:00:50] (32 seconds)  #MakeDailyDeposits

Jesus was the best communicator that ever walked on earth. He was the one that when he saw people that were that were tired, he said, come on to me all who are heavy laden, and I'll give you rest for your soul. It was him that saw people needing to have purpose in life. He says, seek first the kingdom of God and his riches, and all these things will be added into you. It was Jesus who was a great listener. He would say to them, who do men say that I am? And he listened to their responses. [01:33:45] (30 seconds)  #CommunicateLikeJesus

this this verse helps us to understand that life and death are in the power of the tongue. That our words, right, the words that we share in our relationships in marriage, they're not neutral. The words that we share, they are either they are either building or tearing down. They they are either healing or wounding. They're either drawing together or pushing apart. The question every couple, every relation must ask is daily is, which direction are my words taking our relationship? [00:51:12] (36 seconds)  #WordsBuildOrBreak

Four habits, according to doctor Gottman, are are the are the four habits or four phrases or four words that we need to avoid in relationship. As a matter of fact, studies can show that using these words can almost ninety percent predict divorce in a relationship. These four, criticism. Let me explain. Criticism is attacking someone's character. Right? It's you always, you never, you're so lazy, you never help, you you messed it up again, I gotta show you again. It's attacking someone's character. [01:03:31] (33 seconds)  #StopCriticism

Sometimes the tension show up because we've never set down to set some goals about what are we asking the Lord for for the next year together in this relationship. Alright, family. So we've given you five foundational principles, okay, for strengthening communication. Be positive, avoid reckless words, watch your tone, manage my emotions, and be a good listener. K? These five, but none of these work unless we practice them. Alright? I wanna encourage you this week to pick one of them. [01:32:09] (33 seconds)  #PracticeHealthyCommunication

Alright. It can bring life, truth, encouragement, hope, inspiration, or it can bring death, discouragement, and depression. But here's the good news. Because God has put so much power in our mouths, so much power in our words, so much power in our tongues, God also helps us to know we get to control what comes out of our mouths. We we we get to control whether or not it will be life or whether it be death. And I believe all of us want marriages and relationships that will thrive. [00:51:48] (32 seconds)  #SpeakLifeNotDeath

It was Jesus that when they were trying to figure out the future, he said this, greater things than this, you will do. When he wanted to help people find a mission in life, he said, I came not to be served, but to serve others. Friends, Jesus is the ultimate model of communication. And as we follow Jesus, he will help us to communicate with others well. Let's pray together. Father, we thank you for this moment and opportunity to spend time in your word. We are grateful for you, father, because you have been so kind to us. [01:34:14] (36 seconds)  #ServeAndCommunicate

Because over a period of time, you keep shutting down. Some couples, you shut down for not one day, you shut down for two days. Shut down for three days. It it can be a week. Right? Just walking by each other, talking to everybody in that where you're on the phone talking to everybody else, but won't talk to the person in the room. Right? This is the and so we we also learned we had some dear friends of ours that were doing the same thing and ended up going through a divorce because they never even talked to each other. These are four habits that you've gotta decide that these we're not gonna do these. [01:08:37] (33 seconds)  #StopStonewalling

You know, I just I just have gone silent. Or watching ESPN. Right. Or I or I you know, I just start ignoring her. Right? I I start I I start I don't give any feedback. I just shut down. I just shut down. Alright? We we we we used to and and there were times when I would shut down, she would shut down. nobody's talking to each other. I remember one occasion, some years ago, we were shut each I we had shut down, weren't talking to each other, and got in the car, came to church, and still wasn't talking to each other. That's somebody that's your testimony [01:07:05] (43 seconds)  #NoSilentTreatment

We are grateful for you, father, because you have been so kind to us. And now, Lord, we ask you, God, that the words of our mouths, Lord, may honor you. Lord, help us to build our relationships. Lord, help us to strengthen our relationships. Lord, help us to honor you in every way. Father, we are grateful for you, God, for all that you've done, for all that you're doing, and for all you're going to do. Lord, forgive us for the way sometimes our words have been reckless. [01:34:47] (30 seconds)  #PrayForWiseWords