Persevering in Friendships: Embracing Love and Intentionality

 

Summary

Persevering in friendships, especially when they feel one-sided, is a challenge many of us face. In our series, "Created for Connection," we explore how to maintain and nurture these relationships, drawing inspiration from Proverbs 17:17, which reminds us that "a friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity." This scripture calls us to love consistently, even when our expectations aren't met or when friendships become difficult.

In cities like D.C., where many live alone and life is transient, forming and maintaining friendships requires intentionality. External barriers such as geographic spread and career-focused mindsets can make genuine connections challenging. However, internal barriers, like differing beliefs or personal struggles, also test our ability to persevere in friendships. The key is to work at these relationships, just as we work to develop them.

Jesus exemplifies the different types of love—storge, phylos, eros, and agape—and shows us how to embody these in our friendships. His light exposes unhealthy connections, urging us to evaluate and sometimes end relationships that separate us from God. Yet, Jesus also teaches us to bridge expectation gaps in our friendships, just as He bridges the gap between us and God.

To persevere in friendships, we must clarify expectations, recognizing that not all friendships require the same level of commitment. Jesus had different circles of friends, from the crowd to the core, and we should understand the roles our friends play in our lives. Being intentional in our friendships, both within and outside the church, is crucial. We must practice healthy boundaries, acknowledging our limitations and allowing others to help when needed.

Reframing past wounds is essential for trusting again. Sharing our stories with friends helps us reinterpret them in light of God's truth, moving from trauma to healing. Finally, asking for help is vital. Even Jesus asked His friends for support in His darkest moments. As we seek to persevere in friendships, we rely on the supernatural love of God, which empowers us to love others as He loves us.

Key Takeaways:

1. Clarify Expectations: Understanding the different roles friends play in our lives helps us set realistic expectations. Jesus had various circles of friends, and we should recognize that not all friendships require the same level of commitment. This clarity helps bridge expectation gaps and fosters healthier relationships. [09:53]

2. Be Intentional: Friendships require intentional effort, especially those that align with our spiritual direction. Being part of a church community that shares our values helps us form deeper connections. However, we must also be intentional with friendships outside the church, loving others without compromising our values. [16:26]

3. Practice Healthy Boundaries: Acknowledging our limitations allows us to love others without overextending ourselves. Healthy boundaries enable us to support friends in crisis while recognizing when we need to step back and let others help. This approach fosters sustainable, long-lasting friendships. [19:30]

4. Reframe Past Wounds: Sharing our stories with trusted friends helps us reinterpret past traumas in light of God's truth. This process allows us to move from rigid, trauma-based thinking to a more open, healing perspective, enabling us to trust and persevere in friendships. [22:53]

5. Ask for Help: Vulnerability in friendships is crucial. Even Jesus asked His friends for support in His darkest moments. By expressing our needs and asking for help, we strengthen our friendships and allow others to be part of our journey. [27:08]

Youtube Chapters:

- [00:00] - Welcome
- [01:21] - Challenges of Modern Friendships
- [03:36] - Internal Barriers to Friendship
- [04:55] - Jesus as the Model of Love
- [08:09] - Bridging Expectation Gaps
- [09:53] - Clarifying Expectations
- [13:21] - The Importance of Intentionality
- [16:26] - Loving Beyond the Church
- [19:30] - Practicing Healthy Boundaries
- [22:53] - Reframing Past Wounds
- [25:45] - The Power of Storytelling
- [27:08] - Asking for Help
- [30:10] - The Supernatural Love of God

Study Guide

### Bible Study Discussion Guide: Persevering in Friendships

#### Bible Reading
- Proverbs 17:17: "A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity."
- 1 John 4:7-19: "Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God..."

#### Observation Questions
1. What are some of the external barriers to forming and maintaining friendships mentioned in the sermon? [01:21]
2. How does Jesus exemplify the different types of love in friendships, according to the sermon? [04:55]
3. What does the sermon suggest about the importance of clarifying expectations in friendships? [09:53]
4. How does the sermon describe the role of healthy boundaries in sustaining friendships? [19:30]

#### Interpretation Questions
1. How might Proverbs 17:17 challenge someone to rethink their approach to friendships during difficult times? [03:36]
2. In what ways does the sermon suggest that Jesus' model of love can help bridge expectation gaps in friendships? [08:09]
3. How does the sermon interpret the role of vulnerability in friendships, especially in light of Jesus asking for help? [27:08]
4. What does the sermon imply about the relationship between past wounds and current friendships? How can reframing these wounds help? [22:53]

#### Application Questions
1. Reflect on a friendship that feels one-sided. How can you clarify expectations to improve this relationship? [09:53]
2. Identify a friendship where you need to be more intentional. What steps can you take this week to nurture that relationship? [16:26]
3. Consider a friendship where you might need to establish healthier boundaries. What specific actions can you take to ensure these boundaries are respected? [19:30]
4. Think about a past wound that affects your current friendships. How can you begin to reframe this experience in light of God's truth? [22:53]
5. Is there a friendship where you need to ask for help or express vulnerability? What holds you back, and how can you overcome this barrier? [27:08]
6. How can you apply the concept of different friendship circles in your life, similar to how Jesus had different circles of friends? [09:53]
7. Reflect on a non-Christian friend. How can you be intentional in showing Christ's love to them without compromising your values? [16:26]

Devotional

Day 1: Clarifying Expectations in Friendships
Understanding the different roles friends play in our lives helps us set realistic expectations. Not all friendships require the same level of commitment, and recognizing this can help bridge expectation gaps and foster healthier relationships. Jesus had various circles of friends, from the crowd to the core, and we should understand the roles our friends play in our lives. This clarity allows us to appreciate each friendship for what it is and to nurture it accordingly. By doing so, we can avoid unnecessary disappointments and cultivate more meaningful connections. [09:53]

"Do not be deceived: 'Bad company ruins good morals.' Wake up from your drunken stupor, as is right, and do not go on sinning. For some have no knowledge of God. I say this to your shame." (1 Corinthians 15:33-34, ESV)

Reflection: Think of a friendship where expectations have been unclear. How can you initiate a conversation to clarify these expectations and strengthen the relationship today?


Day 2: Intentionality in Building Friendships
Friendships require intentional effort, especially those that align with our spiritual direction. Being part of a church community that shares our values helps us form deeper connections. However, we must also be intentional with friendships outside the church, loving others without compromising our values. This intentionality involves actively seeking out opportunities to connect, being present in the lives of others, and investing time and energy into nurturing these relationships. By doing so, we create a supportive network that enriches our spiritual journey and personal growth. [16:26]

"Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near." (Hebrews 10:23-25, ESV)

Reflection: Identify one person outside your usual circle whom you can reach out to this week. How can you intentionally invest in this friendship to reflect Christ's love?


Day 3: Practicing Healthy Boundaries
Acknowledging our limitations allows us to love others without overextending ourselves. Healthy boundaries enable us to support friends in crisis while recognizing when we need to step back and let others help. This approach fosters sustainable, long-lasting friendships. By setting boundaries, we protect our emotional and spiritual well-being, ensuring that we can continue to be a source of support and encouragement to others without becoming overwhelmed. It is important to communicate these boundaries clearly and lovingly, allowing for mutual respect and understanding in our relationships. [19:30]

"Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins. Show hospitality to one another without grumbling. As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God's varied grace." (1 Peter 4:8-10, ESV)

Reflection: Reflect on a friendship where you feel overextended. What boundaries can you establish to maintain a healthy balance while still offering support?


Day 4: Reframing Past Wounds
Sharing our stories with trusted friends helps us reinterpret past traumas in light of God's truth. This process allows us to move from rigid, trauma-based thinking to a more open, healing perspective, enabling us to trust and persevere in friendships. By reframing our past wounds, we can find healing and growth, allowing us to build stronger, more resilient relationships. It is through vulnerability and openness that we can experience the transformative power of God's love and grace in our lives. [22:53]

"Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus." (Philippians 3:13-14, ESV)

Reflection: Consider a past wound that affects your current relationships. How can you share this with a trusted friend to begin the process of healing and reframing?


Day 5: The Importance of Asking for Help
Vulnerability in friendships is crucial. Even Jesus asked His friends for support in His darkest moments. By expressing our needs and asking for help, we strengthen our friendships and allow others to be part of our journey. This openness fosters deeper connections and mutual support, creating a community where everyone feels valued and cared for. It is through asking for help that we acknowledge our dependence on God and others, allowing His love to work through us and in us. [27:08]

"Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. For if anyone thinks he is something, when he is nothing, he deceives himself. But let each one test his own work, and then his reason to boast will be in himself alone and not in his neighbor." (Galatians 6:2-4, ESV)

Reflection: Identify an area in your life where you need support. Who can you reach out to today to ask for help and share your journey?

Quotes

Have you ever felt like you're the only one putting effort into a friendship? What do you do when friendships start to feel one-sided? Let's talk today about how to persevere in friendships, even when it's hard. [00:00:00] (14 seconds)


So what does it look like to persevere in a relationship when it becomes one-sided and your expectations are not being met? We're in week two of our series, Created for Connection, and last week I spoke about how to develop a friendship, specifically friendships of virtue, Christian friendships, that are marked by looking in the same direction. And this week I want to talk to you about persevering in friendships. Our scripture, once again, comes from Proverbs 17, 17, where Solomon says, A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity. [00:00:20] (38 seconds)


And the key principle that we're highlighting in this whole series is just as it takes work to develop a friendship, it takes work to persevere in one. You don't just drift into deep and lifelong friendships. They take work. [00:04:23] (14 seconds)


Jesus actually embodies all four of these loves that we talked about before. There's storge love and we're reminded in the Bible that that God adopted us into his family that he is he he is our father just as he's Jesus's father there is phylos love for those who follow Jesus's Commandments he doesn't just call us servants but he calls us friends so we're experiencing love on all these levels there's eros love Jesus is the bridegroom and we are his church his bride who he loves the scripture says he's coming back for in fact his return in the Bible is described as a marriage supper of the lamb it's pretty romantic then there's agape love this is the highest form of love and this was demonstrated for us on the cross it's it's unconditional love that we experience from God that while we were still sinners Christ died for us completely selfless Jesus is the ultimate illuminator he embodies all these kinds of love he's literally the light of the world it says in John 1 in him and Jesus was life and that life was the light of all mankind his light doesn't diminish our connection it's actually what enables us to connect with one another in a proper way in the way that God is created us to so that in our relationships we bring the most glory to him and we experience you [00:04:55] (103 seconds)


And because Jesus brings the light, it exposes the darkness, specifically the connections in our lives that are not healthy, the ones that are separating us from God. [00:06:36] (13 seconds)


And yet he is greater than our sin. His light shines brighter than our sin. It says in the next verse, the light shines in the darkness and the darkness has not overcome it. So we can have the courage to ask Jesus to shine his light on our relationships, on our friendships, to show us what is healthy that we can keep watering and to show us what is unhealthy that we need to remove. And my prayer is that even as I'm speaking, that you are taking an honest inventory of the relationships in your life. [00:06:50] (33 seconds)


So the question is, what can we learn from Jesus about how to close this gap so we can better persevere? I want to share with you a couple of things that I've learned from Jesus. One is that we can do five different ways that we can persevere in our friendships, as Solomon challenges us to in Proverbs 17. So the first thing is to clarify expectations, and this is what we're already sort of talking about. The reality is is that not all friendships are the same, and different friendships require different levels of commitment and investment. This is something Jesus understood. He had different circles of friendship. There was the crowd. You know, the crowds were often thousands of people. There was the crowd. There was the crowd. There was the crowd. There were thousands of people. But a crowd is, you know, at least over a hundred people. This is where, you know, Jesus didn't know everyone's name. You won't know everybody's name in the crowd, but you can still love people through simple, brief, and sometimes [00:08:56] (52 seconds)


And then there's the committed. Jesus had his 12 disciples. And once again, Jesus didn't treat every friendship the same. In fact, he would often leave one circle to spend time with the smaller one, and he would upset the other. But Jesus had his 12, his inner circle of disciples that he chose, and they were the closest to him. And for us today, that could be, you know, folks in our life group. These are your closest relational community in the church. It could also be folks in your family or those you know at work or folks that you're just like, they know. There's not much you wouldn't share with them. You do much of life together. [00:10:22] (38 seconds)


The reality is that most friends are good at just a few things. They can only play like one or two roles at most. And so the goal is to focus on what role a friend does bring to your relationship and celebrate that instead of focusing on what they don't bring, which they're probably not even wired to bring in the first place. [00:13:02] (19 seconds)


Jesus teaches us that we exist to reach people beyond our walls. He didn't come for the healthy who didn't think they needed a doctor. He came for the sick. And so the love that you have for your non-Christian friend may be the closest thing to Christ that they experience in their life. [00:16:23] (18 seconds)


This is about creating the space to love people who are in a difficult season. The Proverbs says a friend loves at all times. It doesn't say in easy times. It says in all times, not just when you're on vacation and you're doing your hobby together. No, a true brother or sister is born for a time of adversity. [00:17:55] (19 seconds)


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Transcript
What was the most surprising thing in this sermon?
Were there any personal stories shared?