Perfect Marriages | PERFCT | Menlo Church Live Stream

that moment, you complete me. The whole movie theater swoons in delight, and we all thought, like, wow. This is what I want. I want someone to complete me. I want the chance to be able to complete someone else. It's the one of the most famous romantic lines in movie history, and it's also a theological heresy. [00:21:31] (20 seconds)  #CompletenessFromChrist

Now if you got married or, you are thinking about marry getting married and you're looking for someone to complete you, I wanna make it clear. You are not looking for a spouse. You are looking for a savior. And no human being can bear the weight of your soul no matter how hard they try. When sinners try to be saviors, it actually crushes everybody every time. You won't get the perfect ending. You're hoping you will you'll end up resentful, bitter, disappointed, and exhausted. [00:21:57] (33 seconds)  #SaviorNotSpouse

Now if you're married and someone someone tries to take any of what I share today and use it as a reason for you to stay in an unsafe place with an abusive spouse, do not listen to them. Talk to your campus pastor. Talk to someone on our team. Get the resources and help you need to get safe right now. [00:25:07] (21 seconds)  #GetSafeSeekHelp

Because if you're married, you didn't marry a savior. You married a sinner. And before you get on your high horse, before you think, you know what, Phil? You're right. I did marry a sinner, so did they. So I just wanna clear it up. Ultimately, most of us are trying to settle for a version of temporary happiness in all of our relationships, but especially our marriages. [00:26:04] (21 seconds)  #MarriedASinner

Today, you and I live in the most romantically free culture in human history. We have apps to find the perfect match. We have removed almost all stigma from walking away when things get hard, not that that describes the end of every marriage by any stretch. And we have normalized the idea of test driving relationships for years before committing to them. So if the cultural map were accurate, if personal autonomy and following your heart were the keys to happiness, we should be the most relationally satisfied generation in history. How's that going? We know that the numbers tell a devastatingly different story. [00:29:32] (44 seconds)  #CultureCantSatisfy

The second requirement is, relational. You have to cleave. The ESV translation says hold fast. In the old King James translation, it actually translates it to this word that feels kinda funny to us called cleave. It comes from the Hebrew word debak, and it's a construction term. It has this idea of being glued together, being welded, or being fused. Now this is a snapshot of how different our culture's understanding of marriage as a contract is from the Bible's understanding of marriage as a covenant. We live in a consumer culture, but marriage is designed as a covenant reality. [00:35:38] (35 seconds)  #CleaveHoldFast

A consumer relationship says, I am stuck to you like a Post it note. As long as you are sticky, as long as you are helpful, as long as you are attractive, as long as you are fun, I'm here. But if the glue wears off or if I find a stickier option, I'm out. Now covenant relationship, a cleaving relationship says we are superglued. We are welded. If you try to separate two things that are merely stuck together, they pop apart. But if you try to separate two things that are welded, that are cleaved, you don't get two clean pieces back. You get damage. You get tearing. [00:36:14] (42 seconds)  #CovenantNotConsumer

You become one flesh. As, verse 25 adds this. And then the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed. Now this is the part of a service where when somebody says that in church, there's a number of us that just wanna giggle a little. Like our internal middle schoolers, like, he's Ed naked. You know? And that's a funny part. It's fine. We can chuckle at that. But what we maybe normally think about and giggle in a passage like this is actually not the miracle. The miracle is not that they're not wearing clothes. It's not the lack of style. It's the lack of shame. [00:37:25] (30 seconds)  #NakedAndUnashamed

This is the antidote to Tom Cruise, by the way. Culture tells you to find someone who validates you, someone who makes you feel good, someone who tells you that you're right all the time. But God, he tells you to find someone who knows you, someone who sees your mess, sees your scars, sees your weaknesses, and stays anyway. Validation may feed your ego, but being known will feed and heal your soul. [00:38:08] (25 seconds)  #BeKnownNotValidated

So what happens? You you slide into marriage. It's like the next logical thing. You get married not because you made a hard radical covenant choice to be one flesh for one life with one person, but because it was the next logical step, and it seemed easier than breaking up. How romantic. See, the problem is that sliding it creates weak foundations. Deciding creates strong ones. [00:39:30] (27 seconds)  #DecideDontSlide

The blueprint of Genesis two, it isn't about shaming you for sharing an address. I promise, it's not. It's about forcing you and me to look in the mirror and make a decision that actually has blessing and grace and hope in the middle of it. God wants you to stand at an altar and say, I'm choosing you above all others. [00:39:57] (18 seconds)  #ChooseYourSpouse

But here's the problem. Knowing the blueprint doesn't mean we can build the house. Because even if you leave and cleave, you are still stuck in a house with a sinner. Friction is inevitable. Power struggles are natural. So how do we actually interact day after day without tearing one another apart? We need an operating system for how to actually implement the blueprint. And for that, we're gonna turn to the New Testament of your Bible where the apostle Paul lays out the code for our own marital operating system. [00:40:47] (33 seconds)  #MarriageOperatingSystem

Who's he talking to? Everybody, and especially your marriage. The Greek word here is a military term meaning to arrange yourself under. It's not about weakness. It's actually the strength to make a voluntary surrender. It's a decision to lay down your right to win, to be right, to be in control for the sake of the other person. [00:41:58] (23 seconds)  #StrengthInSubmission

See, in a normal marriage, in the Jerry Maguire cultural kind of marriage, we treat marriage like a competition, but we are competing for the wrong things. We compete to be right. We compete to be understood. We compete to seem more tired than the other person at the end of a long day in some sort of weird marriage martyr Olympics. We compete for control. And when we play that game, I think you know this, even if you win, you lose. [00:42:21] (32 seconds)  #CompeteToServeNotWin

So here's your homework. If you're wondering, what how can I do this? There's actually one question that you can ask that will instantly install this operating system into your marriage. Here's what I want you to do. I want you to ask your spouse. And if you're not married, you can ask your roommate this, ask your best friend this. Ask them this question. What is one way I can serve you this week? And then you know what you do? That thing. [00:46:00] (33 seconds)  #AskHowICanServe

Don't remind them of it later where you're like, hey. Remember yesterday when you said because he said in church, then I asked, and then you told me to do it, and then I did it, and I thought my life would get it still easier, and it isn't. You know? Like, don't do any of that. Just do it, and then be quiet. And you're like, but what if I do the thing that they say, but they don't ask me back and they're not doing their part and then who's gonna hold them accountable to that? Who's gonna deal with them? God. And I've got a great secret for you. He's way better at it than you are anyway. Now bad news. His timeline's not yours, but you can trust him. Just serve. [00:46:41] (36 seconds)  #ServeWithoutScorekeeping

And I've had the privilege of being able to do that for her when she's needed it. And weirdly, in our marriage of almost twenty years, she seems to need it a lot less than I have. Make of that what you will. But that's not weakness. That's the gospel. That's looking at someone who is bankrupt and saying, I'll pay your debt today. That is what Jesus does for us. And when you have a marriage like that, you don't need Tom Cruise to complete you because you are too busy washing one another's feet. [00:48:43] (36 seconds)  #ServeLikeJesus

``Jesus is the true groom who saw his bride, the church, you and me, in all of our mess, in all of our sin, and he didn't say you complete me. He didn't even ask us to complete him. He said, I will redeem you. He didn't fight for control. He submitted to the cross. He laid down his life to make us holy. [00:49:32] (21 seconds)  #RedeemedNotCompleted

And when you're anchored in his love, when you know that you are fully known and fully loved by God in a way that is unshakable for eternity, you stop looking for your spouse to save you. You've already been saved. You are finally free to love them, serve them, and enjoy them for who they actually are. [00:49:53] (21 seconds)  #AnchoredInHisLove

And if you find yourself going, you know what, Phil? I'm I'm living with somebody, and I'm not married. What should I do? You should either move out or get married. Like, where'd you get that from? The Bible. And I know it's countercultural, but I'm telling you, the promise of culture is broken. It's not working. And if we want God to honor our lives, we're willing to walk faithfully and trust the way he tells us they work best. [00:51:46] (34 seconds)  #MoveOutOrMarry