Overcoming Offense: The Path to Spiritual Restoration

Summary

Letting go of offense is not just a noble act—it is an honor and a spiritual necessity. Overlooking an offense, when possible, is a mark of maturity and releases the power of God into our lives. Yet, there are times when an offense cannot simply be ignored; it must be addressed for the sake of restoration and spiritual health. The enemy often uses offense to divide the church, uproot believers from their spiritual homes, and hinder the flourishing that comes from being planted in the right place, under the right leadership. God’s design is for each of us to be planted in a specific church, where we are fortified, equipped, and able to fulfill our unique role in the body of Christ.

When we are not planted, we become vulnerable, unfruitful, and easily swayed by offense. Many have left the church, not because God led them elsewhere, but because they allowed hurt to uproot them. Offense distorts our perspective, making everything seem negative, and often leads us to gather allies, spreading our pain rather than seeking healing. This is not God’s way. Instead, Scripture calls us to either overlook the offense or, if it cannot be overlooked, to address it directly with the person involved. Gossip, grudge-holding, and venting to others only deepen the wound and spread division.

The biblical process for resolving offense is clear: go directly to the person, share how their behavior impacted you, and seek restoration, not retribution. This requires humility, courage, and a commitment to God’s way over our own feelings. When we are on the receiving end, we must listen with understanding, validate the other’s pain, apologize sincerely, and make amends. True restoration may even require public acknowledgment if the offense was public. All of this is only possible through the love and power of Christ within us. God’s grace enables us to forgive, to seek reconciliation, and to remain planted where He has called us, so that we may flourish and bear fruit in every season of life.

Key Takeaways

- Being planted in the right church is essential for spiritual flourishing. God places each member in the body where they fit, and when we are rooted in the place He has chosen, we receive the fortification and grace needed for life’s challenges. Uprooting ourselves due to offense diminishes God’s plan for our lives and leaves us vulnerable. [06:17]

- Offense is a primary tool the enemy uses to divide the church and stunt spiritual growth. When we allow hurt to fester, it distorts our perception, making us critical and negative, and often leads us to seek validation from others rather than healing from God. Recognizing this pattern is the first step toward breaking its power. [14:57]

- The biblical response to offense is either to overlook it or to address it directly with the person involved. Venting to others, gossiping, or harboring resentment only compounds the problem and leads us into sin. God’s way is always aimed at restoration, not retaliation or self-justification. [17:39]

- When addressing offense, focus on the specific situation, the behavior, and its impact, rather than attacking motives or compiling a list of grievances. Restoration requires humility, honest communication, and a willingness to listen, validate, apologize, and make amends. This process is not about winning an argument but about healing relationships and honoring Christ. [26:25]

- True forgiveness and reconciliation are only possible through the love and power of Christ within us. Our natural capacity is insufficient for the depth of forgiveness and restoration God calls us to, but His Spirit enables us to obey, to love, and to remain planted. God’s acceptance is unwavering, and He invites us to say “yes” to His way, even when it is difficult. [36:12]

Youtube Chapters

[00:00] - Welcome
[00:45] - Foundation Scripture: The Honor of Overlooking Offense
[02:30] - When Offense Must Be Addressed
[04:47] - The Body of Christ: Finding Your Place
[06:17] - The Importance of Being Planted
[08:55] - The Dangers of Being Uprooted by Offense
[10:20] - Common Causes and Expressions of Church Hurt
[12:45] - How Offense Distorts Our Perspective
[14:57] - The Maturity of Feeding Yourself Spiritually
[16:05] - The Spread of Offense and the Role of Allies
[17:39] - The Unbiblical “Sounding Board” and Redirecting Offense
[20:01] - Biblical Process: Taking Offense to the Offender
[24:45] - The SBI Model: Situation, Behavior, Impact
[26:25] - Responding to Confrontation: Listening and Validation
[29:04] - Gaslighting and the Importance of Ownership
[30:06] - Genuine Apology and Making Amends
[31:15] - Public Offense and Public Restoration
[36:12] - Christ in You: The Power to Forgive
[38:55] - God’s Unconditional Acceptance
[41:15] - Invitation to Say Yes to God
[43:22] - The Call to Be Planted and Flourish
[46:33] - Final Challenge: Handling Offense God’s Way

Study Guide

Small Group Bible Study Guide: Handling Offense God’s Way

---

### Bible Reading

1. Proverbs 19:11 (AMP)
> Good sense and discretion make a man slow to anger, and it is his honor and glory to overlook a transgression or an offense without seeking revenge and harboring resentment.

2. 1 Corinthians 12:18 (NIV)
> But in fact God has placed the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be.

3. Matthew 18:15 (Easy English)
> If another believer has done something wrong against you, you must go and speak to him when you are alone with him. Tell him what he has done that is wrong. He may agree with what you say. If he does, then you can call him your friend again.

---

### Observation Questions

1. According to Proverbs 19:11, what is considered an “honor and glory” when it comes to handling offense?
*([00:45])*

2. In 1 Corinthians 12:18, what does Paul say about how God places people in the body of Christ?
*([06:17])*

3. What is the first step Jesus gives in Matthew 18:15 for dealing with someone who has wronged you?
*([20:01])*

4. In the sermon, what are some common ways people respond to church hurt or offense that are NOT biblical?
*([16:05])*

---

### Interpretation Questions

1. Why do you think the Bible calls it an “honor” to overlook an offense, rather than to seek revenge or hold a grudge?
*([00:45])*

2. The sermon says that being “planted” in the right church is essential for spiritual flourishing. What does it mean to be “planted,” and how does offense threaten that?
*([08:55])*

3. According to the sermon, why is it dangerous to vent, gossip, or seek allies when we are offended, instead of going directly to the person?
*([17:39])*

4. What is the goal of addressing offense according to Matthew 18:15 and the sermon? Is it to “win” or to restore?
*([20:01])*

---

### Application Questions

1. The sermon says that many people leave churches not because God led them, but because they were hurt or offended. Have you ever felt tempted to leave a church or ministry because of offense? What was the situation, and looking back, do you think it was handled God’s way?
*([10:20])*

2. When you are hurt by someone in church, what is your natural first response—do you tend to overlook it, talk to others about it, or go directly to the person? How does your response line up with what the Bible teaches?
*([17:39])*

3. The sermon talks about the “SBI” model: Situation, Behavior, Impact. Think of a recent conflict or offense. How could you use this model to address it biblically?
*([24:45])*

4. If someone comes to you to “vent” about another person in church, how can you lovingly redirect them to handle it God’s way? What would you actually say?
*([17:39])*

5. The sermon says that true restoration may require a public apology if the offense was public. Have you ever witnessed or been part of a public restoration? How did it impact you or the group?
*([31:15])*

6. The pastor said, “You don’t forgive with your love, you forgive with God’s love.” What does this mean for you personally? Is there someone you need God’s help to forgive right now?
*([00:45])*

7. What is one specific step you can take this week to remain “planted” where God has called you, even if you are facing offense or disappointment?
*([43:22])*

---

Closing Prayer Suggestion:
Ask God for the humility, courage, and love to handle offense His way, to remain planted, and to be a source of unity and healing in His church.

Devotional

Day 1: The Honor and Power of Overlooking Offense
Choosing to overlook an offense is not a sign of weakness, but a mark of honor and spiritual maturity. When you let go of resentment and refuse to seek revenge, you open the door for God’s power to work in your life and relationships. Forgiveness is not something you muster up from your own strength; it is a supernatural act made possible by God’s love flowing through you. When you say, “God, I can’t forgive on my own, but with Your love, I forgive,” you are aligning yourself with His heart and releasing yourself from the bondage of bitterness. [01:00]

Proverbs 19:11 (AMP)
Good sense and discretion make a man slow to anger, and it is his honor and glory to overlook a transgression or an offense [without seeking revenge and harboring resentment].

Reflection: Who is one person you need to ask God for help to forgive today, even if you feel you can’t do it on your own?


Day 2: God Plants You in the Right Place for Flourishing
God’s design for your life includes being planted in the right church, under the right leadership, where you can be nourished, protected, and equipped for your purpose. Just as every part of the body has a specific place and function, God places each believer in a church family where they fit and can thrive. When you are truly planted, not just attending, you experience spiritual flourishing that overflows into every area of your life—your relationships, your work, your health, and your future. Uprooting yourself or remaining uncommitted leaves you vulnerable and unfruitful, but being planted brings lasting fruitfulness and stability. [06:17]

1 Corinthians 12:18 (ESV)
But as it is, God arranged the members in the body, each one of them, as he chose.

Reflection: Are you truly planted and committed in your church, or are you just loosely connected? What step can you take this week to become more rooted where God has placed you?


Day 3: Planted in God’s House Leads to Lifelong Fruitfulness
Being planted in the house of the Lord is the key to flourishing—not just spiritually, but in every area of your life. When you are rooted in the right place, you will bear fruit even into old age, remaining fresh and vibrant. The enemy will do everything he can to keep you from being planted or to uproot you through offense, but your commitment to God’s house brings blessings that endure. If you find yourself unfruitful or spiritually stagnant, consider whether you are truly planted or just attending. Flourishing comes from deep roots, not shallow connections. [08:55]

Psalm 92:13-14 (NKJV)
Those who are planted in the house of the Lord
Shall flourish in the courts of our God.
They shall still bear fruit in old age;
They shall be fresh and flourishing.

Reflection: In what ways have you seen flourishing or stagnation in your life as a result of your connection (or lack thereof) to God’s house? What does being “planted” look like for you?


Day 4: God’s Way of Handling Offense—Go to the Person
When you are hurt or offended, God’s Word gives clear instructions: don’t gossip or hold a grudge, but go directly to the person who offended you and seek restoration. This biblical process, rooted in love and accountability, prevents sin from multiplying through resentment, gossip, or division. By addressing the issue with the person involved, you honor God, protect the unity of the church, and open the door for healing and restored relationships. Avoiding or mishandling offense only deepens the wound, but God’s way brings freedom and peace. [24:45]

Matthew 18:15 (Easy English)
If another believer has done something wrong against you, you must go and speak to him when you are alone with him. Tell him what he has done that is wrong. He may agree with what you say. If he does, then you can call him your friend again.

Reflection: Is there someone you need to have a direct, honest conversation with about an offense? What’s stopping you from following God’s process for restoration?


Day 5: God’s Unfailing Desire for Relationship with You
No matter what you’ve done or how many times you’ve failed, God’s desire for relationship with you never changes. He stands at the door of your heart, knocking, waiting for you to say “yes” to His love and forgiveness. People may reject you, and even church people may let you down, but God will never reject you. The only thing that can keep you from His love is your own refusal to receive it. Today is the day to open your heart, say yes to God, and let His love empower you to live out His Word. [38:55]

Revelation 3:20 (ESV)
Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and eat with him, and he with me.

Reflection: Have you been giving God a “nice no” instead of a wholehearted yes? What would it look like for you to fully open your heart to Him today?

Quotes

It is an honor to let things go. It is honorable to forgive things. Because forgiveness releases the power of God into a situation. You don't forgive with your love. You forgive with God's love. Say God, you can say God I don't have the capacity to forgive this person. I don't have the capacity within me to do it on my own. But your love makes forgiveness possible. So with your love I forgive. [00:01:43] (00:00:25 seconds) Edit Clip

When you are planted, there's a flourishing that happens in your life in other areas of your life. You're planted in the house of the Lord, but the flourishing happens everywhere else. In your enterprise, in your health, in your wealth, in your finances, when you're planted, it all matters. It matters who you listen to. It matters who you're under. It matters the place where you go. [00:08:05] (00:00:22 seconds) Edit Clip

If you are an unfruitful Christian and you're not flourishing, you haven't been planted. And some of you go to the right church, but you're not planted in it. Anything that's not planted can't be fruitful. Do you understand that agriculturally? And anything that's not planted is wobbly. You just loose. [00:08:46] (00:00:19 seconds) Edit Clip

If they share their offense with you and you don't redirect them to the person that they're offended by, now you have elongated the problem by being a whisperer and a listener to a problem that you can't solve. All you're doing is being an ally for them. Now, you're jeopardizing your place where you're planted because now you're going to feel conflicted being loyal to something that hurts somebody and they're not even handling it right. [00:18:04] (00:00:27 seconds) Edit Clip

When you've been offended it is your responsibility to take your offense to your offender. It's not even a new problem this has been going on they had plenty of problems and Moses was the pastor of the people of Israel. Do not bear a grudge against others okay how do you handle it settle your differences with them so that you will not commit a sin because of them. [00:22:03] (00:00:23 seconds) Edit Clip

If you really know God, you should be able to open up your heart to somebody that you hurt and take ownership of the pain you cause and stop flipping and talking about what kind of nice person. I get a shirt off my back. Why would I do something like that? You did. You did something like that. You ain't Jesus. You make mistakes. Own it. [00:29:39] (00:00:19 seconds) Edit Clip

You know what validate means? You're not wrong for feeling this way. You have a right to feel this way. Nobody can tell you this shouldn't have hurt you. I now see what it was like to be in your shoes. That makes sense that you were... You weren't being petty. You weren't being immature. I understand how you feel that. Man, that makes... That feels good to somebody. [00:30:34] (00:00:21 seconds) Edit Clip

God wants a personal relationship with you. He Proved it he died for you suffered on your behalf and then Revelation 3 said God wants a relationship so bad Revelation 3 20 says he said behold I stand the door and knock if You hear my voice and open the door. I'll come in and sup with you and you and me I want relationship with you and There's nothing that you've done nothing that you're doing nothing that you'll ever do that will change my mind I want a relationship with you because I've already made provision for everything you'll ever do wrong. [00:37:37] (00:00:31 seconds) Edit Clip

You have to reject God. He will not reject you. He will not run. Okay with nobody to I don't care what your issue is People reject you church people will reject you. God will not reject you. I don't care what you've done. He will not reject you I said, I don't care what you've done. He will not reject you. Here's why because there's nothing you've done that he didn't know you were going to do. [00:38:17] (00:00:25 seconds) Edit Clip