Overcoming Offense: Choosing Freedom and Forgiveness
Summary
Today, we explored the reality and danger of offense in our lives, especially as we step into new seasons of growth and opportunity. Offense is not just a minor irritation; it is a spiritual trap, a bait set by the enemy to cage or even kill our potential and calling. Jesus himself warned that offense is inevitable in this world, but he also modeled a way of living that refuses to be ensnared by it. The challenge is not to avoid being offended—because that’s impossible—but to refuse to live offended, to not let bitterness take root in our hearts.
We looked at how offense operates like a trap, using the Greek word “scandalon,” which refers to the trigger of a trap. When we hold onto offense, we allow bitterness to sink its fangs into us, caging us and, if left unchecked, destroying us from the inside out. The enemy is creative and relentless, always offering new bait, but we have a choice: to pick up the offense or to step over it.
Scripture teaches that it is to our glory to overlook an offense. This isn’t about being weak or passive; it’s about being wise and strong enough to step over the bait, to “abar”—the Hebrew word for “overlook”—and keep moving forward. Our heroes, both in faith and in history, are those who have endured great offense but chose not to be defined or trapped by it. Forgiveness is not about restoring broken relationships to what they were, but about releasing ourselves from the bondage of bitterness.
Practically, this means assuming the best about others, recognizing that we rarely know the full story behind their actions or words. It means closing the gap with love, even when it’s undeserved, just as God has done for us. And it means developing patience—a “long nose,” as Proverbs puts it—so that we don’t react in anger or hold onto the stone of offense, but instead drop it and walk in freedom. The only way to change our cities and our world is to change the way we handle hurt, refusing to let offense dictate our future.
Key Takeaways
- Offense is the Enemy’s Most Subtle Trap
Offense is not just a feeling; it is a spiritual snare designed to cage or kill our calling. The enemy uses offense as bait, knowing it is often invisible until it has already taken hold. Recognizing offense as a trap is the first step to freedom, because what we hold onto can either make us bitter or better. [45:01]
- Overlooking Offense is a Mark of Wisdom and Glory
Not everyone chooses to overlook offense; it is the path of the wise and the magnificent. Scripture says it is to our glory to overlook an offense, meaning that those who step over the bait are the ones who shine with true strength and character. Our heroes are not those who never face offense, but those who refuse to be defined by it. [54:24]
- To Overlook Means to Step Over, Not Deny or Suppress
The biblical word “overlook” (abar) means to literally step over the offense, not to pretend it didn’t happen or to stuff it down. This is an active, intentional choice to keep moving forward, refusing to be trapped by what was said or done. The real weakness is not in stepping over, but in stepping into the trap and letting it cage us. [56:58]
- Forgiveness Releases Us, Not Necessarily the Relationship
Forgiveness is not the same as reconciliation; it is about releasing ourselves from the bondage of offense. We may not be able to restore every relationship, but we can refuse to let bitterness control our hearts. True forgiveness is measured by our ability to respond in love, even when the other person does not deserve it. [01:03:11]
- Patience and Love Close the Gap Offense Creates
Patience—literally “long-nosed” in Hebrew—gives us the space to respond with love rather than accusation. When we assume the best about others and recognize that we don’t know their whole story, we close the gap that offense tries to widen. Dropping the stone of offense is not just about not retaliating, but about refusing to carry the weight any longer. [01:01:25]
Youtube Chapters
[00:00] - Welcome
[36:00] - Honoring Generational Faithfulness
[37:04] - Introducing the Topic: The Defense for Offense
[37:44] - Real People, Real Hope, Real Offense
[38:52] - The Universality of Offense
[39:55] - Jesus’ Response to Offense and Questions
[40:37] - The Enemy’s Hidden Weapon
[41:22] - Offense is Inevitable
[42:17] - Everyday Examples of Offense
[43:48] - Offense Creeps Up Unexpectedly
[45:01] - The Trap of Offense: Scandalon
[47:04] - Bitterness: The Fruit of Holding On
[47:57] - Visualizing the Traps
[48:42] - God’s Plan is Too Big for Past Offense
[52:39] - Only the Wise Overlook Offense
[54:24] - Glory in Overlooking Offense
[56:58] - The Practice of Stepping Over
[58:09] - Revenge vs. Justice
[01:01:25] - Closing the Gap with Love
[01:03:11] - Forgiveness and Releasing Offense
[01:07:37] - Dropping the Stone of Offense
[01:09:12] - Invitation to Salvation
[01:10:17] - Final Prayer and Benediction
Study Guide
Small Group Bible Study Guide: The Trap of Offense
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### Bible Reading
- Luke 17:1
"Jesus said to his disciples: 'It is impossible that no offense should come, but woe to him through whom they do come.'"
- Proverbs 19:11
"A person’s wisdom yields patience; it is to one’s glory to overlook an offense."
- John 8:1-11
(The story of the woman caught in adultery, where Jesus challenges those holding stones of judgment.)
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### Observation Questions
1. In Luke 17:1, what does Jesus say about the reality of offense in our lives? How does this set our expectations for relationships and community? [43:48]
2. According to Proverbs 19:11, what is the connection between wisdom, patience, and overlooking offense? [54:24]
3. In the story from John 8, what did the people do with their stones after Jesus spoke to them? What does this action represent? [01:03:11]
4. The sermon described the Greek word “scandalon” as the trigger of a trap. What are some examples of “bait” for offense that were mentioned? [45:01]
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### Interpretation Questions
1. Why does Jesus say that offense is “inevitable” rather than something we can avoid completely? What does this reveal about human nature and life in community? [43:48]
2. The sermon said that holding onto offense allows bitterness to “sink its fangs” into us. Why is bitterness so dangerous to our spiritual health and relationships? [45:58]
3. The Hebrew word “abar” means to step over or pass over an offense. Why is this considered an act of strength and wisdom, rather than weakness? [56:58]
4. In the story of the woman caught in adultery (John 8), why is it not enough to just not throw the stone? What does it mean to actually drop the stone of offense? [01:03:11]
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### Application Questions
1. Think about a recent time when you felt offended—maybe by a comment, a social media post, or something at work or home. Did you pick up the “bait” or were you able to step over it? What was the result? [45:01]
2. The sermon said, “Avoiding an offense is impossible, but living offended is a choice.” What are some practical ways you can refuse to let bitterness take root when you are hurt? [43:48]
3. The speaker shared that forgiveness is not always about restoring a relationship, but about releasing yourself from the bondage of offense. Is there someone you need to forgive—not to reconcile, but to set yourself free? What would that look like? [01:03:11]
4. The idea of “assuming the best” about others was highlighted as a way to close the gap offense creates. Who in your life do you struggle to assume the best about? What is one step you can take this week to change your mindset toward them? [01:01:25]
5. The sermon described patience as being “long-nosed”—slow to anger. What is one situation or relationship where you need to develop more patience? How can you practice this in a tangible way? [01:03:11]
6. The story of Jackie Robinson was used as an example of someone who endured great offense but chose not to be defined by it. Who is a “hero” in your life or faith who has modeled this? How can you follow their example? [54:24]
7. The speaker said, “The only way to change our cities is if we change the way that we handle hurt.” What would it look like for our group or church to be known for dropping the stone of offense? What impact could that have on our community? [01:10:17]
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Close in prayer, asking God for the strength to step over offense, to forgive, and to walk in freedom and love.
Devotional
Day 1: Offense Is Inevitable—But Living Offended Is a Choice
Offense is a part of life that none of us can avoid, but we do have the power to choose whether we remain trapped by it or step into freedom. The enemy uses offense as a hidden trap, baiting us with moments big and small, hoping we’ll hold onto bitterness and let it take root in our hearts. While we cannot control what others do or say, we can control our response—choosing to release the offense rather than letting it cage or even kill our spirit. God’s plan for your future is too important to let past hurts keep you bound; you can’t change what happened, but you can choose what you do with it today. [45:58]
Luke 17:1 (ESV)
And he said to his disciples, “Temptations to sin are sure to come, but woe to the one through whom they come!”
Reflection: Is there a recent situation where you felt the sting of offense? What would it look like for you to choose not to stay offended, but to release it to God today?
Day 2: The Trap of Bitterness—Letting Go for Your Own Freedom
Holding onto offense is like stepping into a trap that either cages or kills your spirit, allowing bitterness to sink its fangs into your heart. Bitterness doesn’t just affect your mood; it shapes your outlook, your relationships, and your future. Every time you hold onto an offense, you’re giving bitterness permission to grow, and over time, it can become a defining feature of your life. But you have a choice: you can let what happened make you bitter, or you can let it make you better. God calls you to grow calluses—not to become calloused, but to let the pain stay on the outside and not poison your heart within. [47:04]
Hebrews 12:15 (ESV)
See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no “root of bitterness” springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled.
Reflection: Who comes to mind when you think of bitterness in your life? What step can you take today to begin letting go of that offense and prevent bitterness from taking root?
Day 3: Overlooking Offense—The Pathway to Wisdom and Glory
Not everyone chooses to overlook offense, but those who do are counted among the wisest and most magnificent people. The Bible teaches that it is to one’s glory to overlook an offense, and history is full of heroes who have done just that—choosing to step over the trap rather than into it. Overlooking offense doesn’t mean ignoring pain or pretending it didn’t happen; it means making a conscious decision to step over the hurt, trusting God with justice and refusing to let the offense define your story. This is not weakness, but strength—choosing to keep moving forward rather than being caged by what was done to you. [54:24]
Proverbs 19:11 (ESV)
Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense.
Reflection: Think of a time when you chose to overlook an offense. How did that decision impact your heart and your relationships, and how might you apply that same wisdom to a current situation?
Day 4: Close the Gap With Love—Assume the Best, Not the Worst
When you’re offended, your natural instinct may be to accuse or assume the worst about others, but God calls you to close the gap with love. This means choosing to believe the best about others, even when you don’t know the whole story, and responding with grace rather than accusation. Forgiveness doesn’t always mean restoration of relationship, but it does mean releasing yourself from the bondage of offense. Just as God has shown you undeserved love and forgiveness, you are called to extend that same love to others, trusting that love covers a multitude of offenses. [01:02:05]
Proverbs 10:12 (ESV)
Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all offenses.
Reflection: Who is someone you need to assume the best about today, even if you feel hurt by them? What would it look like to respond with love instead of accusation?
Day 5: Drop the Stone—Let Go of the Right to Retaliate
It’s not enough to simply refrain from retaliating; God calls you to drop the stone of offense altogether. In the story of the woman caught in adultery, the accusers walked away, but only after dropping their stones—symbolizing a true release of judgment and offense. Holding onto the stone, even if you never throw it, keeps you bound and prevents you from experiencing the freedom Jesus offers. Today, God invites you to let go—not just of the desire to get even, but of the offense itself—so you can walk in the fullness of His grace and love. [01:03:11]
John 8:7-9 (ESV)
And as they continued to ask him, he stood up and said to them, “Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone at her.” And once more he bent down and wrote on the ground. But when they heard it, they went away one by one, beginning with the older ones, and Jesus was left alone with the woman standing before him.
Reflection: Are you still holding onto a “stone” of offense, even if you haven’t acted on it? What would it mean for you to drop it today and trust God with the outcome?
Quotes
God's plan for your future is too big for you to hold on to the offense from your past, oh, listen, listen to me, church, I'm not minimizing the pain, the pain was awful, the pain was difficult, you lost moments and seasons of time, I'm not minimizing the pain, I can't do anything to fix, and neither can you do anything to fix what happened to you, you can only fix what you do with what happened to you, can I tell you what's up for grabs, your future, your calling, what's next for you, that's what's important. [00:49:48] (38 seconds)
It is impossible to avoid being offended. You can avoid offense, but you will never avoid being offended. It's part of life. John 16, Jesus said, in this world, you will have trouble. I wish you'd be more positive. I'm positive you're going to get offended. Positive. [00:41:25] (24 seconds)
Avoiding an offense is impossible, but living offended is a choice, listen to me, you have a choice today, you cannot avoid being offended, Jesus said that, but you can avoid staying offended. [00:51:30] (17 seconds)
Everything that you and I go through does one of two things. It either makes us bitter or makes us better. I said this to somebody already today. I said this, that what we need to do is grow calluses. Not be calloused, but grow calluses. Every good musician knows you're only good if you have calluses. Because what the calluses do is allows the pain not to get on the inside, just on the outside. [00:47:14] (25 seconds)
Anything you hold on to, anytime you hold on to an offense, what you're doing is you're allowing bitterness into your heart. Every time. Can we go there? I'm going to pastor you today. You're allowing bitterness into your heart. And that bitterness, I wrote it this way, holding on to the offense allows that bitterness to sink its fangs into your heart. [00:46:05] (25 seconds)
Proverbs 19 says this, a person's wisdom, say wisdom, a person's wisdom, here's what it yields, it yields patience, offense, it is to one's glory, you're the one, it is to one's glory, to what, to overlook the offense, so you have a choice today, you can pick up the offense, or you can release the offense. [00:51:47] (25 seconds)
The trap is Satan himself, he is a deceiver, He is your enemy. He wants to destroy you. He's not in a red jumpsuit with a pitchfork and horns. He is the devil. He is demonic. And he wants to destroy your life. And what he does is he puts bait in the trap. And there's a litany of bait. But I think the most secretive of all of his bait is offense. Because you can't prepare for it. It just creeps up on us. [00:52:15] (40 seconds)
There's a story in John chapter 8 where this woman is caught in adultery do you know the story I won't belabor it because I'd freak you out but she was in the act of adultery the men pulled her out I think was mean but they pulled her out and they have their rocks of offense they choose not to throw their rock but they ask Jesus to throw his rock they think they're doing the right thing by not throwing the rock now we don't know what Jesus why G what Jesus wrote but we do know that Jesus wrote a line in the sand and he began to write tradition tells us we don't know if this is accurate but tradition tells us that he was probably writing out their sins and the reason why is because they left one at a time but the part that gets missed in the story is what did they do before they left they dropped their stone see some of you are walking away but you're still holding on to the stone of offense and God wants to tell you today you're not just sinning you're not just not sinning by not throwing the rock but you're actually sinning by holding on to the rock of offense. [01:05:49] (67 seconds)
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