Roadblocks to Great Relationships: Overcoming Self-Interest with Love

Jul 12, 2026

Devotional

Day 1: When Turkeys Disappear and Conversations Circle Back

Self-interest repels like matching magnet poles. It hijacks conversations, strains marriages, and turns helpers into competitors—like losing a grocery store turkey to someone’s quick grab. Jacob’s story reveals how scheming for personal gain fractures relationships, while Jesus models stopping mid-crisis to heal an overlooked woman. Lasting connection begins when we release our grip on being the main character. [01:22:25]

“Esau said, ‘I am about to die; of what use is a birthright to me?’ Jacob said, ‘Swear to me now.’ So he swore to him and sold his birthright to Jacob.” (Genesis 25:32-33, ESV)

Reflection: When did you last steer a conversation back to yourself without realizing it? What practical step could help you listen more intently to others this week?

Day 2: The Magnetism of Stopping for the Overlooked

Jesus paused a life-or-death mission to ask, “Who touched me?”—noticing one hidden face in a jostling crowd. His power flowed not just to heal bodies but to restore dignity, calling the shunned woman “daughter.” Selflessness isn’t grand gestures; it’s interrupting your agenda to see the person others brush past. [01:32:02]

“And he said to her, ‘Daughter, your faith has made you well; go in peace, and be healed of your disease.’” (Mark 5:34, ESV)

Reflection: Who in your life feels like a “hidden face” needing acknowledgment? How might you intentionally validate someone’s worth today?

Day 3: Fruit That Disarms Roadblocks

The Spirit grows love that reacts to malice, patience that answers frustration, and kindness that disarms cynicism. These aren’t personality traits but choices—like opting for self-control over cursing a stubborn screw. What grows determines whether relationships thrive or hit barricades. [01:38:07]

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.” (Galatians 5:22-23, ESV)

Reflection: Which fruit feels most underdeveloped in your interactions? What specific situation this week needs this fruit’s application?

Day 4: Calculators Versus Carpenters

Arthur treated relationships like ROI spreadsheets until a blackout exposed his coldness. Spencer chose radical generosity—mowing lawns and raising thousands for a stranger. Jesus-centered connection trades transactional thinking for open-handedness, turning roadblocks into bridges. [01:35:55]

“Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.” (Philippians 2:4, ESV)

Reflection: Where have you calculated “what’s in it for me” lately? What’s one unexpected act of generosity you could offer without strings attached?

Day 5: Screws, Swearing, and the Space Between Reaction

Frustration erupts when drills slip—but the gap between trigger and response is where fruit grows. Self-control isn’t suppression; it’s asking “What fruit fits here?” before reacting. Like choosing peace over profanity, we rebuild relationships one intentional pause at a time. [01:40:25]

“And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.” (Galatians 5:24, ESV)

Reflection: What daily irritation tempts you to “lose your cool”? How could pausing to name the needed fruit change your next reaction?

Sermon Summary

Galatians five sets the table by putting two ways of living side by side. The works of the flesh are plain, and the fruit of the Spirit is just as plain. The text says those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires, so relational life is not just personality management. Relational life is spiritual life showing up in how people treat each other.

Roadblocks to great relationships are those attitudes, emotions, habits, and spiritual problems that make closeness difficult or even impossible. A roadblock is a barrier, an obstacle, a hindrance, a stumbling block. A great relationship is not just people being in the same room. A great relationship has connection, bonding, closeness, and intimacy, the kind of life God intends for people.

The magnet picture makes the point plain. Same poles clash and push away, but opposite poles draw together. People are not magnets, because people can usually overcome differences and connect. Still, some barriers become so strong that relationships break down when they had the potential to be great.

Self interest is the first roadblock. Self interest says, “Do you know who I am?” Self interest takes over the conversation, steers everything back to itself, and makes other people feel like they have been emotionally slapped in the face. Self interest can ruin a marriage, hurt a parent and child, poison a workplace, and turn every relationship into a transaction.

Jacob gives a Bible picture of the damage. Jacob was over concerned with his own welfare and under concerned with his brother’s, and his selfish scheming brought years of strain with Esau. Arthur gives the modern picture. Arthur calculated every relationship by return on investment, kept the heated blanket for himself in the storm, and discovered that brilliance with finance means little when a person fails in the people business.

Jesus gives the opposite picture. Mark five shows Jesus surrounded by a great multitude, yet still aware of one desperate woman who touched his garment. Jesus calls her daughter, gives her peace, affirms her healing, and then continues to raise Jairus’s little girl. Jesus is the selfless miracle worker, the caring Savior, genuinely interested in others.

The fruit of the Spirit is the Bible prescription. Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control are not decorative words. The fruit fits real situations, especially when someone is maddening, unkind, difficult, or tempting another person to lose their cool.

Key Takeaways

1. Self interest blocks real closeness Self interest can sound respectable, but it quietly turns people into tools for personal gain. A person may be brilliant, gifted, and important, yet still leave others feeling used, unseen, or pushed aside. Great relationships grow where another person’s welfare matters more than being noticed, obeyed, or admired. [77:31]
2. Jesus notices the hidden reach Jesus was pressed by a crowd, yet he knew when one suffering woman reached for him in faith. The multitude did not make her invisible to him, and her long pain did not make her a problem to manage. Christ’s care is deeply personal, and his power meets the person who reaches out from the middle of the crowd. [91:06]
3. Relationships are people business Arthur’s story shows that success without genuine concern becomes cold and empty. People may forget a deal, a title, or a clever plan, but they remember how a person made them feel. A changed life begins when relationship stops being traded for return on investment. [87:44]
4. The Spirit gives fitting fruit Every tense moment has a fruit that fits it. Patience answers what is maddening, kindness answers what is unkind, and self control answers the moment that tempts a person to lose their cool. Spiritual maturity is not vague niceness, but the right Christlike reaction in the exact place the old nature wants control. [100:50]

Youtube Chapters

[00:00] - Welcome
[67:47] - Galatians 5 And The Fruit
[69:27] - Roadblocks To Great Relationships
[73:06] - Defining Roadblocks And Relationships
[75:31] - Magnets, Barriers, And Connection
[77:31] - Roadblock One: Self Interest
[82:25] - Jacob’s Selfish Strain With Esau
[84:46] - Arthur And Transactional Relationships
[89:03] - Jesus, The Selfless Miracle Worker
[94:58] - Debbie’s Story Of Practical Care
[97:44] - Galatians 5 As The Prescription
[100:50] - What Fruit Fits This Moment?
[102:15] - Prayer For A Changed Heart

Bible Study Guide

Bible Reading
Galatians 5:19-23 (ESV)
Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God. But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.

Observation Questions

According to Galatians 5:22-23, what specific qualities are listed as the "fruit of the Spirit"? How do these contrast with the "works of the flesh" mentioned earlier in the passage?
In the story of Jesus healing the woman with a hemorrhage (Mark 5:21-34), what details show His awareness of her need despite the crowd’s pressure? [01:31:06]
How did Arthur’s transactional view of relationships (calculating "return on investment") lead to isolation, and what moment caused him to change? [01:27:44]
What practical example did the sermon use to illustrate how "opposite poles attract" in relationships, and how does this differ from human interactions? [01:15:31]

Interpretation Questions

Why might self-interest be particularly destructive in relationships, even if it’s framed as "rational" or "practical" (like Arthur’s ROI mindset)? How does this align with Paul’s warning about "rivalries" and "dissensions" in Galatians 5:20?
Jesus prioritized both the woman who touched His garment and Jairus’s daughter in Mark 5. What does this reveal about God’s view of individual worth in the midst of collective needs?
The sermon states, "Every tense moment has a fruit that fits it." How might patience, kindness, or self-control specifically address a conflict that "maddening" or "unkind" behavior creates? [01:40:50]
Jacob’s selfishness caused years of strain with Esau (Genesis 25:32-33). Why do relational wounds from self-interest often take prolonged effort to heal, and what role does humility play in reconciliation?

Application Questions

Reflect on a recent conversation where you steered the topic back to yourself. How could you intentionally shift focus to the other person’s needs this week? [01:17:31]
Identify a relationship where you feel disconnected. Which fruit of the Spirit (e.g., patience, kindness) could you actively practice to break down barriers? What tangible step will you take?
The Uber driver and Spencer helped Debbie by meeting practical needs. Who in your life is "hidden in the crowd" (like the woman in Mark 5) that you could intentionally notice and serve this week?
Arthur’s story shows that people remember how you make them feel. What is one habit or phrase you can adopt to leave others feeling valued rather than used? [01:27:44]
When faced with a frustrating interaction (e.g., someone cutting you off in traffic), how could you pause to ask, "What fruit of the Spirit fits this moment?" What would that look like practically? [01:40:50]
Jacob’s reconciliation required confronting his self-interest. Is there a relationship in your life where you need to confess selfishness or make amends? What’s stopping you from taking that step?

Sermon Clips

82s

#JesusCares

“``We see not self interest in Jesus, but someone with compassion who individually cares for others. These stories are not just about two great miracles friends. They're about a person named Jesus who is genuinely interested in others. Who has deep love for others. Who devotes time and effort to help others and who changes the lives of others as he connects with them and they connect with him relationally. The good news is this same Jesus is in this room today. He cares about you like he did the child in the story and the woman who had all these problems. He cares for each of us. He is genuinely interested in all of us and each of us.”

87s

#HealingTouch

“But notice four things in this story. Jesus, the bible says perceived power had proceeded from him and that someone had touched his garments. Imagine that, in this big crowd, somebody reaches out, touches Jesus garments and Jesus that power went out from him and somebody was healed. You may be sitting here today, in the midst of all of the people here, reach out, Jesus gonna know you're reaching out. Just a side story. Once the bible says, Jesus continually looked over the crowd. He looked to see where the woman was that had done this, the bible says. And once identified, he reached out to her emotionally, calling her daughter. He minister her spiritually assuring her that she can now go into the realm of peace, meaning spiritual. And finally, affirmed her physical healing that had already taken place and simply said, be healed of your affliction. Great, great moment.”

74s

#RelationshipFirst

“They also knew that in relationships, it's how you make people feel that they remember the most after you've been with them. Self interest people don't normally make people feel good once they've been with them. This experience caused Arthur to self reflect and that night, he did make a deal but it was with himself. He determined he would start being genuinely interested in other people and never again trade relationship for return on investment. And over time, he found that when he apologized for his selfishness, people forgave him. And they welcomed the change in him and often rewarded him with both friendship and their business.”

80s

#SelfCentered

“Roadblock number one is self interest. And here's the quotable quote. Talk to a person about himself or herself and they will listen for hours. Isn't that the truth? Psychologists tell us by nature, people are basically interested in themselves. Now, that's okay if you're a small baby. They have the right to be self interested. But as we grow up, we realize that that doesn't work in human relationships. Self interested people believe they are the most important person on the planet. They feel entitled putting their needs, their desires, their way of seeing things and thinking and they put that all ahead of other people. They often lack, we're told, empathy and are consumed with personal gain and attention.”

62s

#JesusHeals

“And now we go back to the first story. The bible says, the child dies and Jesus continued to go to the home. Upon arrival, he raised the little girl from the dead. It's been a great day. A great day for the woman. A great day for the father and the child. A great day for everyone in the story and a great day for everyone who hears about this story and applies it to their lives. The reason is, we're introduced to the heart of God. We're introduced to Jesus as the selfless miracle worker. The caring savior who reaches out to people in need.”

57s

#BuildBridges

“Unlike magnets, people can for the most part usually overcome the force of differences and connect with each other. I understand that for some relationships, the force or barrier becomes strong, too strong, and separation becomes permanent. I'm not talking about that. I am however talking about barriers that can cause the breakdown of relationships that have the potential to be great relationships. I am talking about the building of great relationships as God would intend them to be for us.”

84s

#ConversationHogging

“They like to center conversations around themselves. They like to control a conversation without realizing that when you do that psychologically, it's emotionally slapping another person in the face. The sad thing is that self interested people are often unaware of how their behavior is impacting other people. Self interest can destroy a marriage. It can destroy a relationship between a parent and a child. It can destroy a work environment. Have you ever been in a conversation with someone and they try to always steer the conversation back to themselves? Or been in a meeting and and the individual tries to leverage dominance? Or how about telling a story and the other person's always trying to outdo your story? Have you ever had someone try to talk you into something and wouldn't take no for an answer?”

70s

#PrayerForChange

“Pray this prayer. Dear God, I am an open book today. I wanna be more like Jesus. My old nature gets in the way sometimes and I I get kind of selfish. I don't wanna be like that. I wanna make the lives of others better. I wanna leave the world better. When people are with me, I want them to have good feelings of being with me. When I talk to them, help me not to be so self consumed. Help me to be genuinely interested in their welfare. Oh god, help us today to be your people, to live the way you want us to live. Forgive us of our sins that so easily beset us.”

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Roadblocks to Great Relationships: Overcoming Self-Interest with Love

Devotional

Day 1: When Turkeys Disappear and Conversations Circle Back

Day 2: The Magnetism of Stopping for the Overlooked

Day 3: Fruit That Disarms Roadblocks

Day 4: Calculators Versus Carpenters

Day 5: Screws, Swearing, and the Space Between Reaction

Sermon Summary

Key Takeaways

Youtube Chapters

Bible Study Guide

Sermon Clips

Roadblocks to Great Relationships: Overcoming Self-Interest with Love

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