Nurturing Relationships: A Path to Spiritual Growth
Summary
In our journey of faith, we often overlook the profound connection between our spiritual growth and our relationships with others. Today, I want to share a tool that can help us nurture these relationships, drawing us closer to God and each other. This tool, inspired by Peter Scazzero's work on Emotionally Healthy Relationships, encourages us to take a "temperature check" of our relationships through a series of prompts. These prompts help us express appreciation, explore puzzles, voice complaints with solutions, share new information, and reveal our hopes and dreams.
The first prompt is simple yet powerful: expressing appreciation. How often do we take the time to genuinely appreciate those around us? This act of gratitude can transform our interactions and deepen our connections. The second prompt involves exploring puzzles in our relationships. By framing our questions as puzzles rather than accusations, we open the door to understanding and curiosity, allowing for more meaningful dialogue.
Next, we address complaints, but with a twist. Instead of merely voicing dissatisfaction, we offer a preferred solution. This approach fosters constructive communication and mutual respect. The fourth prompt is about sharing new information, no matter how trivial it may seem. This act of sharing keeps us connected and informed about each other's lives.
Finally, we delve into our hopes and dreams. Sharing these intimate aspects of our lives requires vulnerability and trust, but it also strengthens our bonds. It's important to remember that the listener's role is to hold space for these dreams without judgment or the need to provide solutions.
I encourage you to practice these prompts with those you live with or connect with virtually. As we engage in these exercises, we build emotional health and connection, fulfilling our longing for deeper relationships. May the Lord bless and keep you, making His face shine upon you and granting you peace.
Key Takeaways:
1. Expressing Appreciation: Taking time to appreciate those around us can transform our relationships. This simple act of gratitude fosters a positive environment and strengthens our connections. By regularly expressing appreciation, we align our hearts with God's love and grace. [04:54]
2. Exploring Puzzles: Framing questions as puzzles rather than accusations invites curiosity and understanding. This approach helps us avoid judgment and opens the door to deeper communication. It encourages us to seek answers together, fostering a spirit of collaboration. [07:09]
3. Voicing Complaints with Solutions: Instead of merely expressing dissatisfaction, offering a preferred solution promotes constructive dialogue. This method respects both parties and encourages mutual growth. It reminds us that effective communication involves both speaking and listening. [07:09]
4. Sharing New Information: Keeping each other informed, even with seemingly trivial details, maintains a sense of connection. This practice strengthens our relationships by showing that we value each other's lives and experiences. It also provides opportunities for shared joy and support. [07:09]
5. Revealing Hopes and Dreams: Sharing our hopes and dreams requires vulnerability but deepens our relationships. It allows us to support each other's aspirations and build trust. By holding space for these dreams, we create a safe environment for growth and encouragement. [13:04]
Youtube Chapters:
[00:00] - Welcome
[01:00] - Introduction to Emotionally Healthy Relationships
[02:30] - The Connection Between Spirituality and Relationships
[03:45] - Expressing Appreciation
[05:00] - Exploring Puzzles in Relationships
[06:30] - Voicing Complaints with Solutions
[07:30] - Sharing New Information
[08:45] - Revealing Hopes and Dreams
[10:00] - Practicing the Prompts
[11:30] - Encouragement to Deepen Relationships
[12:30] - Blessing and Closing Remarks
Study Guide
### Bible Study Discussion Guide
#### Bible Reading
1. 1 Thessalonians 5:11 - "Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing."
2. Ephesians 4:29 - "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen."
3. Proverbs 18:21 - "The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit."
#### Observation Questions
1. What are the five prompts mentioned in the sermon that help us nurture our relationships? [04:54]
2. How does expressing appreciation impact our relationships according to the sermon? [04:54]
3. What is the significance of framing questions as puzzles rather than accusations? [07:09]
4. How does the sermon suggest we handle complaints in our relationships? [07:09]
#### Interpretation Questions
1. How might expressing appreciation align our hearts with God's love and grace, as mentioned in the sermon? [04:54]
2. In what ways can framing questions as puzzles foster a spirit of collaboration and understanding? [07:09]
3. How does offering a preferred solution when voicing complaints promote mutual growth and respect? [07:09]
4. Why is it important to share new information, even if it seems trivial, in maintaining connections? [07:09]
#### Application Questions
1. Reflect on a recent interaction where you could have expressed appreciation but didn’t. How might that have changed the outcome? [04:54]
2. Think of a recurring issue in a relationship. How can you reframe your questions about it as puzzles to invite curiosity and understanding? [07:09]
3. Identify a complaint you have in a relationship. What is a constructive solution you can propose to address it? [07:09]
4. Consider a piece of new information about your life that you haven’t shared with someone close. How can sharing this strengthen your relationship? [07:09]
5. Reflect on your hopes and dreams. Who in your life can you share these with to build trust and vulnerability? [13:04]
6. How can you practice these prompts in your daily interactions to build emotional health and connection? [13:04]
7. What steps can you take to ensure you are holding space for others' dreams without judgment or the need to provide solutions? [13:04]
Devotional
Day 1: Cultivating Gratitude in Relationships
Expressing appreciation is a transformative act that can significantly enhance our relationships. When we take the time to genuinely appreciate those around us, we create a positive environment that fosters deeper connections. This act of gratitude aligns our hearts with God's love and grace, allowing us to see others through His eyes. By regularly expressing appreciation, we not only uplift those around us but also nurture our own spiritual growth. This practice encourages us to be mindful of the blessings in our lives and to acknowledge the contributions of others. [04:54]
"Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God." (Colossians 3:16, ESV)
Reflection: Who in your life can you express genuine appreciation to today, and how will you do it in a way that aligns with God's love and grace?
Day 2: Embracing Curiosity in Communication
Exploring puzzles in our relationships involves framing our questions in a way that invites curiosity and understanding. Instead of making accusations, we approach our interactions with a spirit of inquiry, seeking to understand rather than judge. This method opens the door to deeper communication and collaboration, allowing us to work together to find solutions. By viewing our relational challenges as puzzles, we foster a spirit of teamwork and mutual respect, which strengthens our bonds and enhances our spiritual journey. [07:09]
"The purpose in a man's heart is like deep water, but a man of understanding will draw it out." (Proverbs 20:5, ESV)
Reflection: Think of a recent misunderstanding or conflict. How can you reframe your questions to invite curiosity and understanding rather than judgment?
Day 3: Constructive Dialogue through Solutions
Voicing complaints with solutions is a powerful way to promote constructive dialogue in our relationships. Instead of merely expressing dissatisfaction, we offer a preferred solution, which respects both parties and encourages mutual growth. This approach reminds us that effective communication involves both speaking and listening, and it fosters an environment of respect and collaboration. By focusing on solutions, we demonstrate our commitment to the relationship and our desire to work together for a positive outcome. [07:09]
"Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear." (Ephesians 4:29, ESV)
Reflection: Identify a complaint you have in a relationship. What solution can you propose that respects both parties and encourages mutual growth?
Day 4: Staying Connected through Sharing
Sharing new information, even if it seems trivial, is an important practice for maintaining a sense of connection in our relationships. By keeping each other informed about our lives, we show that we value each other's experiences and perspectives. This practice strengthens our bonds and provides opportunities for shared joy and support. It reminds us that even the small details of our lives are significant and worth sharing with those we care about. [07:09]
"Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing." (1 Thessalonians 5:11, ESV)
Reflection: What seemingly trivial detail about your life can you share with someone today to strengthen your connection and show that you value their presence in your life?
Day 5: Building Trust through Vulnerability
Revealing our hopes and dreams requires vulnerability, but it is a crucial step in deepening our relationships. By sharing these intimate aspects of our lives, we allow others to support our aspirations and build trust. This practice creates a safe environment for growth and encouragement, where we can hold space for each other's dreams without judgment. It reminds us of the importance of vulnerability in our spiritual journey and the strength that comes from trusting others with our deepest desires. [13:04]
"Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ." (Galatians 6:2, ESV)
Reflection: What hope or dream can you share with someone you trust today, and how can you create a safe space for them to share theirs with you?
Quotes
"That's so good. So I've got a small group that has been studying this group, this book by Peter Cesaro called Emotionally Healthy Relationships. And the premise of all of their work. Emotionally Healthy Spirituality is the umbrella, is that we can't outgrow, we cannot grow our relationships past where we are spiritually. So they go hand in hand. So when we work on our relationships and we grow them, we are actually drawing closer to God and to each other. There's something miraculous that happens when we tune in our attention to the relationships around us. So those relationships have changed. And so today I'm going to share with you a tool. That our small group actually went through on Zoom this morning." [00:02:44]
"And it's a way to take a temperature of your relationships and to sort of answer some questions that maybe you don't answer on a daily basis. So for example, the first prompt would be regarding, if you're trying to check in, you would say something that you appreciate. So Jonathan and I are going to model this right now." [00:03:30]
"that you appreciate. And I know this seems really simple and it is a very simple tool, but how often during the day do you take time to appreciate the people around you? And I definitely respond really well when people show me appreciation. I know that you do. Appreciation is huge in what we want, but also in terms of what we can give each other. So if we had to do this exercise right now, we would just start and we would switch places. We would say to one another, I appreciate something. One sentence. Do you have one for me? I do" [00:04:12]
"Coffee feels like love many times. So thank you very much. Thank you. So the second category, the second prompt, and they all kind of lead to a bigger depth of intimacy. Don't worry. We're not going to do these all for you right now. But the second one is, is a puzzle that you might have. And sometimes when you're asking a question in your relationships, it doesn't sound like a puzzle. It sounds like, why don't you ever put your dishes in the dishwasher?" [00:05:12]
"And that is not a puzzle. That's a statement. And so if we can talk to the people that are in our lives about something that is a puzzle to us, it strips the language from being judgmental. And into a more curious space. I like" [00:05:42]
"Right. Or I'm curious. And you can only use those phrases if you don't have the answer. So you're giving the other person a chance to move toward you instead of shutting it down even before it begins. So I'm puzzled why the dishes are on top of the counter and not in the dishwasher, where the answer could be. Oh, I like to put them all in before I go to bed. So maybe the assumption that we carry would be something like, they expect me to put the dishes away. When really, if we phrase it as a puzzle or a curiosity, we get an answer that maybe we didn't anticipate. So I love that one. You can use this with your kids, with your parents, with your friends, neighbors, anything." [00:06:03]
"So the next one gets a little bit on the negative end. But it is a complaint. You're saying something that's a complaint, but you're offering a possible." [00:06:48]
"solution. So instead of, of just saying the complaint, you say, I notice this thing and I would prefer this other thing." [00:06:58]
"And so you can just start trying to work that into conversations. Um, I noticed that your zoom camera is always on mute and I would prefer that you keep your mic open so that I can hear your nonverbal feedback, something like that. That was off the cuff and something that happened this morning. So I just, I noticed this and I prefer because we cannot read each other's minds as much as we try to, or think we've honed in that skill. So just noticing things without maybe even a judgment and then asking for what you want or what you need by having a preference. And then the trick is that both people get to do it. So it's not just one person saying all of their, their statements, but hearing the other person's as well. So I noticed this and I prefer." [00:07:09]
"Yes. That's such a good point. Just one, one little thing. Um, and, and even the book says, keep it light. Sometimes if it feels too heavy or too deep, you'll never get past this first part. So just, I noticed this, I prefer this." [00:08:13]
"Um, and then the next one is my new information is, and I love this one because new information can be benign. It can be just, uh, it's a way to connect with another human where you just let them know something. It can be as, as minuscule as, um, oh, I wanted to tell you that I have a different opportunity, at work, or, um, I wanted to, to tell you that, um, I'm taking guitar lessons online or something that connects that person to you in a deeper way. Um, and then once you've done that one, the, the very last one is where you share your hopes and wishes with the other person. So, you know, we start with, I appreciate, and then it kind of goes all the way to the deeper level thing, which is offering a hope or a dream. And don't worry in this one, if you don't have one, it comes to you right away. It's okay if there's not a quick answer to that sentence, but the more we share intimacy with each other, the more we really care about what are your deeper hopes and dreams." [00:08:33]
"And then that person does not need to provide them or tell them why it would or wouldn't work. They just are there to listen to it, just to hold space for this is something I hope for. This is something that, that I wish we could do this year. And then, it's, it's spoken in a safe, in a safe place. So I would encourage you to practice this at home, just with the people that you are, live with or call someone and say, Hey, let's do this little exercise. Um, if you're willing to, since we don't, since we've got a little bit more time these days and walk through it and let's see if it does deepen our relationships with other people and build the emotional health and connection that we all long for. What" [00:09:41]
Chatbot
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