Navigating Relationships: Love, Boundaries, and Mission

Devotional

Day 1: Seek First the Kingdom—Stay Focused on God’s Mission

Jesus teaches that the most important priority for His followers is to seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, placing God above all else in every area of life. When we keep our focus on God’s mission for us, we are less likely to be distracted or derailed by toxic relationships or the drama that others may bring. This focus empowers us to make wise decisions about our time, energy, and relationships, ensuring that we are living out God’s calling rather than being pulled off course by those who seek to control or harm us. Remember, every moment spent entangled in toxic dynamics is a moment taken from the mission God has given you. [02:27]

Matthew 6:33 (ESV)
"But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you."

Reflection: What is one area of your life where you’ve allowed a difficult or toxic relationship to distract you from what God is calling you to do, and how can you intentionally refocus on God’s mission today?

Day 2: Walk Away from Toxicity—Follow Jesus’ Example of Healthy Boundaries

Jesus modeled healthy boundaries by walking away from those who sought to harm or control Him, refusing to be a doormat or allow Himself to be abused, even by religious people. He did not argue, plead, or try to convince toxic people to change; instead, He left and continued on His mission. This example shows that it is not only permissible but wise to remove yourself from relationships or situations where others are intent on doing harm, whether physically, emotionally, or spiritually. You are not called to be a martyr to toxicity; your mission is the cross, not the cliff. [07:14]

Luke 4:28-30 (ESV)
"When they heard these things, all in the synagogue were filled with wrath. And they rose up and drove him out of the town and brought him to the brow of the hill on which their town was built, so that they could throw him down the cliff. But passing through their midst, he went away."

Reflection: Is there a relationship or situation where you need to follow Jesus’ example and set a healthy boundary or even walk away for the sake of your well-being and God’s calling on your life?

Day 3: Don’t Waste Your Pearls—Invest in Faithful, Available, Teachable People

Jesus instructs His followers not to give what is holy to those who will trample it, but instead to invest in people who are open, faithful, available, and teachable. Not everyone is ready or willing to receive what you have to offer, and it is wise to discern where your time and energy are best spent. By focusing on reliable people, you honor the value of your message and your calling, trusting God to work in the hearts of those who are not yet ready. This discernment frees you from the burden of trying to save everyone and allows you to pour into relationships that are life-giving and fruitful. [11:33]

Matthew 7:6 (ESV)
"Do not give dogs what is holy, and do not throw your pearls before pigs, lest they trample them underfoot and turn to attack you."

Reflection: Who in your life is showing themselves to be faithful, available, and teachable, and how can you intentionally invest more in those relationships this week?

Day 4: Bless and Build Life-Giving Relationships—Choose Your Battles Wisely

Just as Jacob blessed Joseph, recognizing both the fruitfulness and the opposition he faced, we are called to bless those in our care and to choose our battles wisely. The more focused you are on God’s mission, the more likely you are to encounter resistance, but you do not need to waste your energy on every critic or toxic person. Instead, pour your energy into blessing your family, friends, and those God has entrusted to you, cultivating life-giving relationships that strengthen and encourage you for the journey ahead. [18:25]

Genesis 49:22-24 (ESV)
"Joseph is a fruitful bough, a fruitful bough by a spring; his branches run over the wall. The archers bitterly attacked him, shot at him, and harassed him severely, yet his bow remained unmoved; his arms were made agile by the hands of the Mighty One of Jacob (from there is the Shepherd, the Stone of Israel)."

Reflection: Who can you intentionally bless and encourage today—perhaps a child, spouse, or friend—so that you are building up life-giving relationships rather than being drained by toxic ones?

Day 5: Pursue Healthy Relationships—Evaluate and Rebalance Your Circles

God’s desire is for you to have healthy, life-giving relationships, and sometimes that means reevaluating who has access to your time and heart. It is wise to reflect on whether you are spending most of your time with people who drain you or with those who build you up. You are not responsible for how others respond to your boundaries, but you are responsible for stewarding your relationships in a way that honors God and leads to spiritual and emotional health. Take time to assess your relational circles and make intentional choices to move toward life-giving community. [36:26]

Proverbs 13:20 (ESV)
"Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm."

Reflection: Take a few moments to list the people you spend the most time with—are they life-giving or life-draining, and what is one step you can take this week to move toward healthier, more life-giving relationships?

Sermon Summary

Today, we explored the challenge of loving and relating to toxic people, a topic that is rarely addressed but deeply relevant to our walk with Jesus. In a world where we are more technologically connected than ever, yet more relationally disconnected, it’s crucial to pursue healthy, life-giving relationships. Jesus himself modeled how to handle toxic people—not by being a doormat or a martyr, but by staying focused on his mission and sometimes walking away. He did not allow others to distract him from what God had called him to do, and he invites us to do the same.

We looked at several biblical examples, including Jesus’ experience in Nazareth where, when faced with a mob intent on throwing him off a cliff, he simply walked away. His mission was the cross, not the cliff. Similarly, Nehemiah refused to be distracted by persistent, toxic individuals who tried to derail his God-given mission. Toxic people are characterized by their desire to control, manipulate, and drain us, often refusing to take “no” for an answer and resorting to drama, threats, or even character assassination.

Jesus’ teachings give us permission to set boundaries. He told his disciples not to throw their pearls before pigs and to shake the dust off their feet when people would not receive them. We are called to love everyone, but that does not mean we must give everyone unlimited access to our lives. Sometimes, loving from a distance and praying for someone is the wisest and most Christlike response.

It’s important to invest our time and energy in “faithful, available, and teachable” people—those who are open to growth and relationship. Even Jesus, the Son of God, focused on a small group of twelve. We are not called to save everyone or to be everyone’s best friend. Instead, we are called to steward our relationships wisely, seeking life-giving connections and trusting God with the rest.

As we approach seasons like the holidays, we need to be intentional about who we spend time with, not simply out of obligation or expectation, but with wisdom and purpose. Our lives are ultimately about God and people, and we honor God by pursuing healthy, life-giving relationships and setting boundaries where needed. Resources like “Boundaries,” “When to Walk Away,” and biblical counseling can help us navigate these challenges. May God give us wisdom and courage as we seek to love well and stay on mission.

Key Takeaways

1. Mission Over Distraction: Jesus modeled that staying focused on God’s mission sometimes means walking away from those who seek to harm or distract us. Our calling is not to be martyrs to toxic relationships, but to pursue the unique purpose God has given us, even if it means leaving certain people or situations behind. [06:30]
2. Recognizing Toxic Patterns: Toxic people often refuse to accept boundaries, persistently seeking to control or manipulate. Like Nehemiah, we must discern when someone’s repeated demands are attempts to wear us down, and respond with clarity and resolve, refusing to be sidetracked from God’s work in our lives. [08:00]
3. Biblical Boundaries Are Loving: Jesus taught his followers to set boundaries—not to cast pearls before swine or to force themselves on those who are unreceptive. Loving others does not mean unlimited access; sometimes the most loving thing is to pray for someone from a distance and entrust them to God’s care. [11:33]
4. Invest in the Faithful, Available, and Teachable: Our time is best spent with those who are open to growth and relationship. Even Jesus limited his closest circle, showing us that depth with a few is more fruitful than spreading ourselves thin or trying to change those who are unwilling. [16:22]
5. Healthy Relationships Require Courage and Wisdom: Setting boundaries, especially with family or long-standing relationships, can be difficult and may go against expectations. Yet, honoring God means choosing what is wise for ourselves and our families, even if it means disappointing others or changing long-held patterns. [18:25]
** [18:25]

Youtube Chapters

[00:00] - Welcome
[01:00] - Announcements and Celebrations
[02:27] - The Problem of Disconnection
[03:30] - Seek First the Kingdom
[05:30] - Jesus and Toxic People in Nazareth
[07:14] - Traits of Toxic People
[08:00] - Nehemiah’s Example of Boundaries
[09:02] - How Toxic People Operate
[09:55] - Jesus’ Response to Hostility
[11:33] - Jesus’ Teachings on Boundaries
[12:29] - Investing in Reliable People
[15:43] - The Choice Between Life and Control
[16:22] - The Power of Life-Giving Friendships
[18:25] - Choosing Your Battles and Blessing Others
[21:36] - Introducing Jen Etch: Biblical Counseling
[22:54] - Life-Giving vs. Life-Draining Relationships
[28:50] - Re-evaluating Relationship Access
[31:49] - Defining Toxicity and Family Expectations
[36:26] - God’s Desire for Healthy Relationships
[39:49] - Next Steps and Resources
[42:20] - Closing Prayer

Bible Study Guide

Bible Reading

Matthew 6:33 (ESV) — > "But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you."

Luke 4:28-30 (ESV) — > "When they heard these things, all in the synagogue were filled with wrath. And they rose up and drove him out of the town and brought him to the brow of the hill on which their town was built, so that they could throw him down the cliff. But passing through their midst, he went away."

Matthew 7:6 (ESV) — > "Do not give dogs what is holy, and do not throw your pearls before pigs, lest they trample them underfoot and turn to attack you."

Observation Questions

In Luke 4:28-30, how did Jesus respond when the people in Nazareth tried to harm him? What did he do instead of arguing or defending himself? ([05:30])
According to Matthew 6:33, what does Jesus say should be our first priority in life? ([03:30])
In Matthew 7:6, what does Jesus mean by not throwing pearls before pigs? How does this relate to how we interact with others? ([11:33])
What are some of the traits of toxic people mentioned in the sermon? ([07:14])

Interpretation Questions

Why do you think Jesus chose to walk away from the crowd in Nazareth instead of trying to change their minds or win them over? What does this teach us about handling toxic situations? ([05:30])
The sermon says, “His mission was the cross, not the cliff.” What does it mean for us to stay focused on our God-given mission, even when others try to distract or harm us? ([06:30])
How can setting boundaries, as Jesus taught in Matthew 7:6, actually be a loving action rather than a selfish one? ([11:33])
The pastor mentioned that Jesus invested most deeply in a small group of faithful, available, and teachable people. Why is it important to be intentional about who we give our time and energy to? ([16:22])

Application Questions

Think about a relationship in your life that feels draining or toxic. What would it look like to “walk away” or set a healthy boundary, as Jesus did in Nazareth? What fears or obstacles might keep you from doing this? ([05:30])
Are there people in your life who consistently refuse to respect your boundaries or try to control or manipulate you? How have you responded in the past, and what might you do differently after hearing this sermon? ([08:00])
The sermon encourages us to invest in “faithful, available, and teachable” people. Who in your life fits this description, and how can you be more intentional about building those relationships? ([16:22])
During the holidays or other family gatherings, do you ever feel pressured to spend time with people out of obligation rather than wisdom? How can you approach these situations differently this year? ([18:25])
Have you ever felt like it was your job to “save” or fix someone who is toxic? How does remembering that Jesus is the only Messiah free you from this burden? ([09:55])
What practical steps can you take this week to evaluate your relationships and make sure you are spending most of your time with life-giving people? ([28:50])
The sermon mentioned resources like “Boundaries” and “When to Walk Away.” Is there a next step you feel led to take—such as reading a book, seeking counseling, or joining a support group—to help you navigate difficult relationships? ([39:49])

Sermon Clips

Seeking God first in my finances, in my marriage, in my career, in my parenting, in my community—God comes first in all. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness. God's given you a mission. Every person here, if you're a follower of Jesus, God's given you a mission. What is that? To seek first his kingdom and his righteousness. [00:03:20] (22 seconds) #SeekFirstHisKingdom

Because Jesus had a mission. His mission was the cross, not the cliff. And some of us in the Christian community, we think, well, I'm to be a martyr and I'm to let them abuse me and do whatever. I'm a doormat and let them push me off the cliff. No, Jesus, his mission was the cross, not to be pushed off the cliff that day. [00:06:30] (21 seconds) #MissionOfTheCrossNotTheCliff

Toxic people don't have a mission. Their mission is themselves. It's their control, their time, their attention that they want from you. That's their mission. Their mission in life is to distract you. [00:08:24] (16 seconds) #ToxicPeopleDistractAndControl

When someone is about to stone you, you leave. Don't waste your time. And I know this is a very difficult message to hear in church because aren't we supposed to love everybody? And yes, Jesus says in Matthew 5, 42 through 47, let me tell you, you've heard it said, right? An eye for an eye, but love your enemies and pray for them. What does that mean? It means love them from a distance and pray for them. [00:10:14] (29 seconds) #LoveFromADistancePrayAlways

Some of us in the room, if we're honest, and I'll go first, in my life, I have had what's called a Messiah complex where I feel like it is my duty to save this person. There is only one Messiah, and his name is Jesus. And he went to the cross and paid the price that I couldn't pay, that none of us could pay. He went to the cross. You know what that means? I don't have to go to the cross. I don't have to be a doormat. I don't have to be in abusive, toxic relationships, distracting me from ultimately what God wants me to do. [00:10:55] (38 seconds) #NoMessiahComplexOnlyJesus

People will show you who they are, and yet many times we think that this person's behavior the last 20 years, their behavior's been the same for 20 years. We think somehow this time's going to be different and what I'm going to tell them, they're going to actually listen this time. God can change their hearts. You trust him to do that. [00:12:29] (27 seconds) #PeopleShowWhoTheyAre

Focusing on some reliable people requires us to occasionally walk away from others. To focus on a few means you gotta walk away from some people and you trust God with the results on that. [00:15:57] (16 seconds) #FocusMeansWalkingAway

Jesus did not heal every person he came in contact with. Jesus did not disciple every person. He had 12. The son of God, fully God, fully human, he had 12. Some say that's his greatest miracle, that he was a middle-aged man who had 12 male friendships. And we chuckle. [00:16:13] (22 seconds) #JesusHadTwelveFriends

Don't be distracted for the mission God has for you by small-minded people who seek to murder you, control you, right? Young couples who've just gotten married, Thanksgiving's coming up. Christmas is coming up. You know what's coming? You're coming over for Christmas, right? I'm not saying every parent and in-laws are toxic, but I'm saying you need to be prepared for that conversation and you choose what you want to do, not somebody else's expectations upon you. You need to be wise. What's the wise thing for me to do with my marriage and my family this holiday season? [00:17:25] (45 seconds) #DontBeDistractedBySmallMinds

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