Navigating Hurt: The Path to Forgiveness and Reconciliation

Devotional

Day 1: The Universality of Hurt

In our shared human experience, we all encounter moments of hurt, both as the ones who are hurt and as those who inflict pain on others. This universality of hurt is a reminder of our need for forgiveness and reconciliation in our relationships. Understanding that everyone experiences pain can foster empathy and patience as we navigate conflicts. By recognizing this shared experience, we can approach others with a heart of compassion, knowing that we are all in need of grace. [00:40]

"Bear with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgive each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive." (Colossians 3:13, ESV)

Reflection: Think of a recent conflict where you felt hurt. How can acknowledging the universality of hurt help you approach this situation with empathy and patience today?

Day 2: Forgiveness vs. Reconciliation

Forgiveness and reconciliation are two distinct processes that play crucial roles in healing relationships. Forgiveness is a gift that can be offered freely, allowing us to release the burden of resentment. Reconciliation, however, involves rebuilding trust and requires effort from both parties involved. Recognizing the difference between these two processes can help us approach conflicts with clarity and intention, understanding that while forgiveness can be immediate, reconciliation may take time and mutual effort. [01:38]

"All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation." (2 Corinthians 5:18, ESV)

Reflection: Is there someone you need to forgive today, even if reconciliation isn't possible yet? How can you begin to offer that forgiveness freely?

Day 3: The CRAFT Model

The CRAFT model—Conversational, Recall, Apologize, Forgive, Talk—provides a structured approach to repairing relationships. Each step is designed to facilitate healing and growth, emphasizing the importance of intentional communication. By engaging in meaningful dialogue, recalling the events accurately, offering sincere apologies, extending forgiveness, and continuing the conversation, we can navigate the complexities of conflict and move towards healing. This model encourages us to be proactive in our relationships, seeking to understand and be understood. [03:24]

"Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person." (Colossians 4:6, ESV)

Reflection: Consider a relationship in need of repair. How can you apply the CRAFT model to begin the process of healing and growth today?

Day 4: The Impact of Emotional Flooding

When emotions run high, we often react from a place of self-protection, which can hinder productive dialogue. Emotional flooding can lead to misunderstandings and prolonged conflict. Taking a timeout to calm down allows us to engage in conversations that are more likely to lead to resolution and understanding. By being aware of our emotional states and taking steps to manage them, we can bring our best selves to each interaction, fostering healthier and more constructive communication. [08:08]

"Whoever is slow to anger has great understanding, but he who has a hasty temper exalts folly." (Proverbs 14:29, ESV)

Reflection: Reflect on a recent situation where emotions ran high. What practical steps can you take to manage your emotions and engage in more productive dialogue in the future?

Day 5: Awareness of Pain

Those who are hurt are often more aware of the pain than those who inflict it. This awareness can help us approach conflicts with greater sensitivity and a commitment to understanding the other person's perspective. By being intentional about recognizing the pain of others, we can bridge the gap in our relationships and foster deeper connections. This requires us to listen actively and empathetically, seeking to understand the experiences and feelings of those around us. [06:07]

"Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep." (Romans 12:15, ESV)

Reflection: Think of someone who may be hurting because of your actions. How can you reach out to them today with sensitivity and a commitment to understanding their perspective?

Sermon Summary

In our journey through life, we inevitably encounter pain and conflict. This reality is not just a personal experience but a universal one. We all have been hurt, and at times, we inflict hurt on others. This understanding is crucial as we explore the concepts of forgiveness and reconciliation. Forgiveness is a gift we can offer freely, often multiple times a day, as we navigate the small and large dings in our relationships. However, reconciliation is a different matter; it involves rebuilding trust and requires effort from both parties involved.

Rick Blackman, a dear friend and counselor, has developed a model called CRAFT to guide us through the process of repair and recovery in relationships. CRAFT stands for Conversational, Recall, Apologize, Forgive, and Talk. Each step is designed to help us navigate the complexities of conflict and move towards healing and growth. The first step, getting conversational, is about calming down and engaging in meaningful dialogue. When emotions are high, we often react from a place of self-protection, which can lead to further hurt. By taking a timeout and allowing ourselves to return to a state of calm, we can engage in conversations that are productive and healing.

The importance of this process is underscored by the fact that those who are hurt are often more aware of the pain than those who inflict it. This discrepancy can lead to misunderstandings and prolonged conflict. By being intentional about the CRAFT process, we can bridge this gap and foster deeper connections with those around us. As we continue to explore these concepts, let us be mindful of our own emotional states and strive to bring our best selves to each interaction.

Key Takeaways

1. protection, which can hinder productive dialogue. Taking a timeout to calm down allows us to engage in conversations that are more likely to lead to resolution and understanding. [08:08]
5. Awareness of Pain: Those who are hurt are often more aware of the pain than those who inflict it. This awareness can help us approach conflicts with greater sensitivity and a commitment to understanding the other person's perspective.

** [08:08]

Youtube Chapters

[00:00] - Welcome
[00:40] - The Reality of Hurt
[01:23] - Forgiveness vs. Reconciliation
[02:05] - Introducing the CRAFT Model
[03:24] - Elements of CRAFT
[04:19] - Conversational: The First Step
[06:07] - Awareness of Pain
[07:20] - Emotional Flooding
[08:39] - Self-Protection in Conflict
[10:00] - The Bird Brain Concept
[11:02] - Calming Down and Timeouts
[12:01] - Practical Steps for Conflict Resolution
[12:49] - Support and Resources
[13:17] - How to Stay Connected

Sermon Clips

Rick Blackman would not make a living if that weren't true well that's true and we also inflict hurt so I'm kind of bringing in that Heavy Artillery I cannot imagine my life without Rick's friendship and help especially navigating some of what we're talking around uh these days just the pain of life been a very personal Journey for me and I know because I've heard from lots of you that it's been um real personable for real personal for lots of us uh and Rick this is kind of the world that you live in every day so thank you very much for being willing to spend some time my pleasure like looking forward to it John y um so we had a conversation sometime ago that was super helpful to me and I thought people would really benefit from it. [00:32:57]

Over the years you have developed a kind of a model you know we've been looking at um how to forgive someone but then reconciliation is a separate issue from forgiveness yes um EV Worthington says reconciliation is what's needed when trust has been broken and it's the process of rebuilding trust and so it takes place between two people it has to be earned whereas forgiveness is a free gift and actually um it can happen all the time every day sometimes many times a day um when there are dings in a relationship and they need to be repaired. [00:88:52]

Conflict is inevitable there's no way two people can have a close relationship without injuring one another from time to time. The presence of conflict according to this idea is not the indicator of particularly a problem it's more the question is whether you have good repair and Recovery skills so as a counselor as a therapist whether I'm dealing with an individual who's been injured and wounded or I'm dealing with a family or siblings or parent child where there's injury and wounds and hurt and conflict um I've always been interested okay how then does good repair good reconciliation look like. [00:144:51]

The CRAFT model—Conversational, Recall, Apologize, Forgive, Talk—provides a structured approach to repairing relationships. Each step is designed to facilitate healing and growth, emphasizing the importance of intentional communication. The C stands in craft CFT for first getting conversational the r stands for recalling what happened for me in the conflict MH a stands for apologize and you actually came up with this idea that there's two forms of apology one you call the oops apology and the other is a more genuine repentance apology obviously that's better. [00:253:92]

The importance of this process is underscored by the fact that those who are hurt are often more aware of the pain than those who inflict it. This discrepancy can lead to misunderstandings and prolonged conflict. By being intentional about the CRAFT process, we can bridge this gap and foster deeper connections with those around us. As we continue to explore these concepts, let us be mindful of our own emotional states and strive to bring our best selves to each interaction. [00:365:12]

When emotions run high, we often react from a place of self-protection, which can hinder productive dialogue. Taking a timeout to calm down allows us to engage in conversations that are more likely to lead to resolution and understanding. The idea that when you're flooded you're kind of in your bird brain and my clients have liked that idea you know so if they get offended by this I'll say they're flooded but they're in the bird brain we kind of need to wrap this one up and I'll be eager to pick it up again tomorrow with the r but practically speaking then if I find myself in a place where I'm flooded my emotions have taken over so I just want to inflict pain or I want to run away. [00:631:04]

The average person takes 20 minutes just to say it John the average person two words for today are timeout um monitor your mind and your thoughts today look at when you start to get into the Red Zone when the feelings could make me be reactive want to hurt somebody else want to run away and then just time out and go take a walk distract yourself do something else so you can bring your best mind and get conversational be talking in a way that's going to be productive and we'll hit the r tomorrow but today Monitor and time out God forgive us as we forgive. [00:706:44]

Forgiveness is a gift we can offer freely, often multiple times a day, as we navigate the small and large dings in our relationships. However, reconciliation is a different matter; it involves rebuilding trust and requires effort from both parties involved. The first step, getting conversational, is about calming down and engaging in meaningful dialogue. When emotions are high, we often react from a place of self-protection, which can lead to further hurt. By taking a timeout and allowing ourselves to return to a state of calm, we can engage in conversations that are productive and healing. [00:98:07]

The presence of conflict according to this idea is not the indicator of particularly a problem it's more the question is whether you have good repair and Recovery skills so as a counselor as a therapist whether I'm dealing with an individual who's been injured and wounded or I'm dealing with a family or siblings or parent child where there's injury and wounds and hurt and conflict um I've always been interested okay how then does good repair good reconciliation look like and I came up uh with uh you know I'm not a preacher like you John but I came up with a anagram I guess called craft so craft repair and recovery. [00:162:12]

The C stands for getting conversational so after a conflict and and this you know we could talk about this one really for a long time but it's essentially if you read about this material it's the idea that when somebody is wounded if they're hurt if they're agitated if they're angry they are in a different part of their brain they're flooded um and you know sometimes I put my hand up like this and the fingers will um stand for the the the cortex the cerebral cortex the thinking reasoning listening part of the brain and the thumb underneath it represents the the sort of core structures of the brain. [00:438:00]

The idea that when you're flooded you're kind of in your bird brain and my clients have liked that idea you know so if they get offended by this I'll say they're flooded but they're in the bird brain we kind of need to wrap this one up and I'll be eager to pick it up again tomorrow with the r but practically speaking then if I find myself in a place where I'm flooded my emotions have taken over so I just want to inflict pain or I want to run away this is when you say stuff that you really really regret then the best thing to do like if the engine floods you just have to wait to calm down go take a walk. [00:631:04]

The average person takes 20 minutes just to say it John the average person two words for today are timeout um monitor your mind and your thoughts today look at when you start to get into the Red Zone when the feelings could make me be reactive want to hurt somebody else want to run away and then just time out and go take a walk distract yourself do something else so you can bring your best mind and get conversational be talking in a way that's going to be productive and we'll hit the r tomorrow but today Monitor and time out God forgive us as we forgive. [00:706:44]

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