Marriage: A Journey Toward Holiness and Growth

 

Summary

In our journey through life, we encounter various experiences that shape us, mold us, and challenge us to grow. My own life story, beginning in the segregated town of Hookerton, is a testament to the transformative power of love and the unexpected paths that God can lead us down. As a young man, I had no aspirations for college until a guidance counselor saw potential in me and helped me secure a grant for higher education. This act of kindness not only led me to college but also to a career in the military and ultimately to where I am today. It was through the process of desegregation and the relationships formed with people who were different from me that I learned the true meaning of love and the defeat of racism. The parable of the Good Samaritan exemplifies this, as it was about someone different helping someone different. We must strive to know individuals personally and appreciate the unique stories and experiences that each person brings.

In marriage, we often seek happiness, but I want to emphasize that while happiness is good, holiness is great. Marriage is not just about finding joy but about confronting our selfishness and growing in spiritual maturity. It is a 24/7 commitment that acts as a crucible, refining us and breaking us down so that what God desires can emerge from our lives. Suffering and submission in marriage serve a purpose, as they teach us to die to ourselves and live for others, much like Christ did for the church. This dying to self brings forth life and shapes us into the image of Christ.

As we conclude our series on marriage, it is crucial to understand that marriage is not the goal but the means to a greater goal: holiness and becoming like Christ. To achieve this, we must prioritize our relationship with God, place our spouse second only to Him, and enjoy life together without letting anything come between us. Managing conflict in marriage requires seeking God's perspective, striving to get it right rather than being right, and eliminating harmful phrases from our vocabulary.

Key Takeaways:

- Marriage is a divine institution designed not merely for our happiness but for our sanctification. It is through the daily commitment and the challenges we face with our spouses that we are shaped into the likeness of Christ. This perspective transforms how we approach conflict and the purpose of our union. [01:16:32]

- The act of submission and sacrifice within marriage mirrors the love Christ has for the church. As husbands and wives, we are called to love sacrificially, to die to ourselves, and to serve one another. This is the essence of true love and the pathway to a fulfilling marriage. [01:18:04]

- Conflict in marriage is not a sign of failure but an opportunity for growth. It is through these struggles that we learn to die to our selfish desires and live for the betterment of our relationship. Embracing conflict as a tool for spiritual development can lead to a stronger, more intimate marriage. [01:20:00]

- The foundation of a strong marriage is a solid relationship with God. Without God as the cornerstone, our efforts to resolve conflicts and grow closer to our spouses will be in vain. Prioritizing our spiritual lives ensures that our marriages can flourish. [01:21:37]

- Communication in marriage must be rooted in love and understanding. Eliminating accusatory and absolute language such as "you never" or "you always" fosters a more compassionate and effective dialogue. By speaking with grace, we reflect God's love in our interactions with our spouse. [01:38:30]

Study Guide

### Bible Study Discussion Guide

#### Bible Reading
1. Ephesians 5:25-27 (NIV)
> "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless."

2. Romans 12:1-2 (NIV)
> "Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will."

3. Luke 10:25-37 (NIV)
> The Parable of the Good Samaritan

#### Observation Questions
1. What does Ephesians 5:25-27 say about the way husbands should love their wives?
2. According to Romans 12:1-2, what are believers urged to do in view of God’s mercy?
3. In the Parable of the Good Samaritan (Luke 10:25-37), who helps the injured man, and what is significant about this helper? ([55:54])

#### Interpretation Questions
1. How does the sacrificial love described in Ephesians 5:25-27 mirror the relationship between Christ and the church? ([01:17:02])
2. What does it mean to offer your body as a living sacrifice according to Romans 12:1-2, and how can this apply to marriage? ([01:19:19])
3. How does the story of the Good Samaritan challenge us to love those who are different from us, and how can this principle be applied in our marriages and daily lives? ([55:54])

#### Application Questions
1. Reflect on your own marriage or close relationships. How can you practice sacrificial love similar to Christ’s love for the church? ([01:17:02])
2. In what ways can you prioritize holiness over happiness in your marriage or relationships? What specific steps can you take this week to focus on spiritual growth together? ([01:15:01])
3. Think about a recent conflict in your marriage or a close relationship. How did you handle it? What could you do differently next time to ensure the conflict leads to growth rather than division? ([01:12:09])
4. How can you ensure that God remains the cornerstone of your marriage or relationships? What practical steps can you take to keep your spiritual life up-to-date? ([01:21:04])
5. Identify a harmful phrase you often use in conflicts (e.g., "you never," "you always"). How can you replace it with more loving and understanding language? ([01:38:16])
6. Reflect on the concept of dying to self in your relationships. What is one specific area where you need to submit or sacrifice more? How can you start making that change this week? ([01:18:04])
7. How can you better appreciate and understand the unique stories and experiences of your spouse or close friends? What is one action you can take this week to get to know them better? ([56:21])

Devotional

Day 1: Sanctification Through Marital Commitment
Marriage is often viewed through the lens of personal happiness, but its divine purpose extends far beyond that. It is a covenant designed to refine and sanctify those within it. As individuals commit to one another in marriage, they embark on a journey that challenges their selfishness and cultivates spiritual maturity. This daily commitment acts as a crucible, breaking down personal desires and reshaping them into a form that reflects Christ's character. The struggles and conflicts faced are not mere obstacles but tools for transformation, leading to a deeper understanding of sacrificial love and the true essence of unity. [07:40]

"For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor." (1 Thessalonians 4:3-4 ESV)

Reflection: How can you actively seek to prioritize your spouse's spiritual growth over your personal comfort today?

Day 2: Reflecting Christ's Sacrificial Love
The essence of Christ's love for the church is characterized by sacrifice and submission, a model that married couples are called to emulate. In the selfless giving of oneself to another, true love is expressed and experienced. This sacrificial love is not passive but requires active and continuous effort, dying to self-interest and serving one another wholeheartedly. As couples practice this within their marriage, they not only strengthen their bond but also become a living testimony of Christ's love to the world around them. [07:40]

"Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her." (Ephesians 5:25 ESV)

Reflection: In what ways can you demonstrate sacrificial love to your spouse this week, even in small, everyday actions?

Day 3: Embracing Conflict for Growth
Conflict in marriage should not be viewed as a sign of failure but rather as an opportunity for personal and relational growth. It is through the resolution of these conflicts that couples can learn to set aside their egos, embrace humility, and prioritize the health of their relationship. By approaching disagreements with the intent to understand and grow together, rather than to win an argument, couples can forge a stronger and more intimate bond. Conflict becomes a catalyst for spiritual development, shaping both individuals into more Christ-like partners. [07:40]

"Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love." (Ephesians 4:2 ESV)

Reflection: What is one conflict in your marriage that you can approach with a fresh perspective, seeking understanding and growth rather than victory?

Day 4: God as the Cornerstone of Marriage
A strong marriage is built upon the foundation of a solid relationship with God. Without Him at the center, efforts to resolve conflicts and grow closer to one's spouse may falter. Prioritizing spiritual life ensures that the marriage can flourish, as it aligns the couple's values and goals with God's design for their union. When God is the cornerstone, His wisdom and love guide the couple, enabling them to navigate the complexities of married life with grace and purpose. [07:40]

"Unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labor in vain. Unless the Lord watches over the city, the watchman stays awake in vain." (Psalm 127:1 ESV)

Reflection: How can you and your spouse make time this week to jointly seek God's guidance for your marriage?

Day 5: Compassionate Communication in Marriage
Effective communication in marriage is rooted in love, understanding, and the elimination of harmful language. By avoiding accusatory phrases and speaking with grace, couples can foster a more compassionate and constructive dialogue. This approach reflects God's love and facilitates a deeper connection between spouses. When communication is handled with care, it becomes a powerful tool for strengthening the marital bond and resolving issues in a way that honors both individuals and their relationship. [07:40]

"Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person." (Colossians 4:6 ESV)

Reflection: What are some specific ways you can improve your communication with your spouse to ensure it is always full of grace and love?

Quotes

- "The real transforming work of marriage is it's a day-by-day, hour-by-hour commitment. And it's like a crucible... God is using marriage to crush us and break us down." [01:16:32] (Download | )

- "Suffering and submission has a purpose... Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself... We have to die. That's what suffering does." [01:18:04] (Download | )

- "Unless a grain of seed falls to the ground and dies, it cannot bear fruit... We are made in shape to be in the image of Christ through situations where we learn to die." [01:20:00] (Download | )

- "Marriage is not the goal, but the means to a goal, the holiness, the image of Christ... We want to cover some guidelines that help us arrive at that place of holiness." [01:21:37] (Download | )

- "If God is not number one, listen to this ladies, if God is not number one in his life, you will not be number two... Nothing comes between this [marriage]." [01:23:15] (Download | )

- "We can just enjoy each other, that we can enjoy life, that we can do things together, and I don't have to worry about who she's with. I don't have to worry about where she goes." [01:23:15] (Download | )

- "Talk to God about it first... A vast majority of our conflicts would be solved right there. That I wouldn't have to go to Melba and talk about it because God's already solved it with me." [01:26:25] (Download | )

- "Being right is more important than getting it right... We're not going to let that car mess up this [marriage]. Being right for them was more important than being right." [01:26:25] (Download | )

Please note that the last quote was slightly modified to fit the character limit while preserving the essence of the message.

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Transcript
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