Marriage: A Journey of Sanctification and Grace

Devotional

Day 1: God’s Unchanging Love for Us, Even at Our Worst

God knows our frailty and loves us unconditionally, even when we are at our lowest and most broken. His love is not based on our performance or worthiness, but is demonstrated most powerfully in Christ’s sacrifice for us while we were still sinners. This truth is the foundation for how we approach every relationship, especially marriage: we are loved by God not because we are perfect, but because He is gracious. When we grasp this, we can extend grace to others, knowing that God’s love for us is steadfast and unchanging, no matter our failures or flaws. [37:10]

Romans 5:8 (ESV)
“But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”

Reflection: When you think about your own weaknesses or failures, how does knowing God loved you at your worst change the way you treat your spouse or those closest to you today?

Day 2: The Foundation and Soil of Marriage—Becoming One Flesh

Marriage is rooted in God’s design from the very beginning: a man leaves his father and mother, holds fast to his wife, and the two become one flesh. This foundational truth, highlighted by Moses, Jesus, and Paul, reveals that marriage is not just a human contract but a divine union meant to reflect God’s image and purpose. The soil of marriage is good, but not perfect; it requires intentional work, partnership, and a willingness to subdue challenges together. Fruitfulness in marriage comes from understanding and living out this oneness, relying on God’s strength to cultivate a relationship that honors Him. [44:47]

Ephesians 5:31 (ESV)
“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”

Reflection: In what ways can you intentionally nurture the “soil” of your marriage or closest relationships this week, so that oneness and fruitfulness can grow?

Day 3: The Battle Within—Subduing Sin in Ourselves

After the fall, the greatest battle in marriage is no longer just external but internal; the serpent that once needed to be subdued in the garden now seeks to take root in our own hearts. Sin amplifies selfishness, blame, and brokenness, turning what was once beautiful and unashamed into something fraught with insecurity and conflict. The call now is to recognize that sanctification—God’s ongoing work to make us holy—often happens through the challenges of marriage, as we learn to subdue our own sin and allow God to transform us from the inside out. [01:05:42]

Genesis 3:6-13 (ESV)
“So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was to be desired to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate, and she also gave some to her husband who was with her, and he ate. Then the eyes of both were opened, and they knew that they were naked. And they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves loincloths. And they heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God among the trees of the garden. But the Lord God called to the man and said to him, ‘Where are you?’ And he said, ‘I heard the sound of you in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked, and I hid myself.’ He said, ‘Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten of the tree of which I commanded you not to eat?’ The man said, ‘The woman whom you gave to be with me, she gave me fruit of the tree, and I ate.’”

Reflection: What is one area of selfishness or blame that you tend to fall into in your relationships, and how can you invite God to help you subdue it today?

Day 4: Marriage as a Pathway to Holiness, Not Just Happiness

Marriage is not primarily about personal happiness, but about holiness—God’s work of sanctifying us through the joys and challenges of life together. The struggles, frustrations, and even the mundane moments of marriage are opportunities for God to reveal and heal what is broken in us. As we allow God to use our spouse as a helper fit for us, we become more like Jesus, and in the process, discover a deeper, more lasting happiness that flows from holiness. [01:11:02]

Hebrews 12:10-11 (ESV)
“For they disciplined us for a short time as it seemed best to them, but he disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness. For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.”

Reflection: How can you shift your perspective from seeking happiness to seeking holiness in your marriage or close relationships, and what is one practical step you can take today to embrace this process?

Day 5: Covered by Grace—The Power of Christ’s Atonement

Even in our failures, shame, and brokenness, God provides a covering through the sacrifice of Jesus Christ. Just as God clothed Adam and Eve after their sin, He covers us with the righteousness of Christ, offering forgiveness and freedom from the power of sin. This grace is not only the foundation of our relationship with God but also the hope for every marriage and relationship: we are not defined by our mistakes, but by the covering and redemption found in Jesus. [01:18:43]

Genesis 3:21 (ESV)
“And the Lord God made for Adam and for his wife garments of skins and clothed them.”

Reflection: Where do you feel shame or regret in your life or marriage, and how can you receive and rest in the covering grace of Jesus today?

Sermon Summary

God knows our frailty and loves us even at our worst, demonstrating His unchanging love through Christ’s sacrifice. As we seek to be conformed to the image of Jesus, we must recognize that marriage is not a fairy tale of “happily ever after,” but a partnership in which God works to sanctify us. The biblical foundation for marriage is rooted in Genesis, where God creates man and woman in His image, commands them to be fruitful, and calls them to subdue the earth. This “subduing” is not just about external challenges, but also about the internal battle against sin that now resides in every human heart. Marriage, then, is the soil in which God reveals our selfishness and uses our spouse as a unique helper to shape us into Christlikeness.

The original design of marriage was one of openness, honesty, and unity—naked and unashamed. Sin shattered this, introducing blame, shame, insecurity, and competition into the relationship. Instead of mutual cooperation, marriage became a place of conflict and struggle, amplifying the brokenness already present in each person. The curse affected both the work of men and the relationships of women, making the journey of marriage fraught with thorns and thistles. Yet, even in this brokenness, God’s grace is evident: He covers our shame, just as He clothed Adam and Eve, pointing forward to the atonement accomplished by Jesus.

The call now is not to seek ultimate satisfaction in our spouse, but to see marriage as a means of sanctification. Our spouse is God’s chosen instrument to help us become more holy, and as we grow in holiness, true happiness follows. This requires humility, patience, and a commitment to prayer—seeking God’s help rather than pestering our spouse to change. We must learn to distinguish between mountains and molehills in our conflicts, address real issues with grace, and trust that God is at work in the hard days as well as the good. Ultimately, the hope for every marriage is not in our own strength, but in the covering and transforming power of Jesus Christ, who forgives, restores, and empowers us to love as He loves.

Key Takeaways

1. God’s love for us is unwavering, demonstrated by Christ’s sacrifice while we were still sinners. This love is the foundation for how we are called to love our spouse—not based on their past or present, but as a pledge to their future self, trusting God to do the transforming work that we cannot do on our own. [37:10]
2. The biblical soil of marriage is rooted in God’s creation and command to be fruitful, multiply, and subdue. The call to “subdue” is a recognition that marriage is a battleground, not just against external threats, but against the sin within ourselves. The real work of marriage is the ongoing subduing of our own selfishness and brokenness, allowing God to sanctify us through the relationship. [49:29]
3. Sin has fundamentally altered the dynamics of marriage, turning what was meant to be a place of openness and unity into one of blame, shame, and competition. The instinct to hide, blame, and self-protect is now part of our fallen nature, and marriage becomes an amplifier of what is already in our hearts. Recognizing this is the first step toward healing and restoration. [61:07]
4. Marriage is not primarily about personal happiness, but about holiness. God uses our spouse as a unique helper to reveal and refine the areas in us that need transformation. The more we embrace this process of sanctification, the more we discover that true joy is the byproduct of a holy life, not its substitute. [71:02]
5. The power to change and heal in marriage comes not from our own efforts, but from the covering and atonement provided by Jesus. Just as God clothed Adam and Eve after their failure, so Christ covers our shame and empowers us to walk in newness of life. Prayer, patience, and humility are essential as we trust God to do the deep work in us and our spouse, remembering that every hard day is an opportunity for God to soften our hearts and produce lasting fruit. [78:43]

Youtube Chapters

[00:00] - Welcome
[37:10] - God’s Compassion and Unchanging Love
[38:16] - Grieving and Moving Forward
[38:54] - Ephesians 5 and the Foundation of Marriage
[39:49] - The Impossible Call to Agape Love
[41:30] - The Work Required for a Fruitful Marriage
[42:14] - The Power of Prayer in Marriage
[43:22] - God’s Highlighter: The Repeated Foundation
[44:47] - The Soil of Marriage: Genesis and Ephesians
[45:53] - God’s Command: Be Fruitful, Multiply, Subdue
[49:29] - The Battle: Subduing the Serpent
[51:25] - Adam’s Work and the Danger of Boredom
[52:07] - The Need for a Helper Fit for Man
[54:06] - The Creation of Woman and the Power to Change
[57:08] - Naked and Unashamed: The Original Design
[58:20] - The Entrance of Sin and the Fallout in Marriage
[61:07] - Blame, Shame, and the Amplifier of Marriage
[63:06] - The Curse and Its Impact on Marriage
[71:02] - Marriage as a Path to Holiness
[73:41] - Prayer, Patience, and Practical Wisdom
[78:43] - The Covering of Christ and the Hope of the Gospel
[86:50] - Baptism and Closing Blessing

Bible Study Guide

Bible Reading

Genesis 1:27-28, 2:18-25, 3:6-21 (ESV) —
Genesis 1:27-28
So God created man in his own image,
in the image of God he created him;
male and female he created them.
And God blessed them. And God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth.”

Genesis 2:18-25
Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” ...
Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.

Genesis 3:6-21
So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was to be desired to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate, and she also gave some to her husband who was with her, and he ate. ...
And the Lord God made for Adam and for his wife garments of skins and clothed them.

Observation Questions

In Genesis 1:28, what three commands does God give to the first man and woman?
According to Genesis 2:25, what was the original state of Adam and Eve’s relationship before sin entered the picture?
After Adam and Eve sinned, what immediate changes do you see in their relationship and their response to God? (Genesis 3:7-10)
In the sermon, what does the pastor say is now the main thing that needs to be “subdued” in marriage? [[49:29]]

Interpretation Questions

The sermon describes marriage as “the soil in which God reveals our selfishness and uses our spouse as a unique helper to shape us into Christlikeness.” What does this mean for how we view the purpose of marriage? [[01:11:02]]
How does the entrance of sin in Genesis 3 change the dynamics of marriage, according to both the text and the sermon? [[58:20]]
The pastor says that God’s love for us is unwavering, demonstrated by Christ’s sacrifice “while we were at our worst.” How should this shape the way we love our spouse, especially when things are hard? [[37:10]]
The sermon talks about God covering Adam and Eve’s shame with garments of skin, pointing forward to Jesus’ atonement. What does this say about God’s response to our failures in marriage? [[01:18:43]]

Application Questions

The sermon says, “Marriage is not a fairy tale of ‘happily ever after,’ but a partnership in which God works to sanctify us.” How does this challenge or encourage your expectations of marriage? [[41:30]]
The pastor shared that his wife prays for him instead of pestering him to change. Is there an area in your marriage (or close relationships) where you tend to nag or push instead of pray? What would it look like to bring that to God in prayer this week? [[42:14]]
The original design was “naked and unashamed”—open, honest, and unified. Are there areas in your marriage or relationships where you are hiding, blaming, or self-protecting? What is one step you could take toward greater openness or honesty? [[57:08]]
The sermon says marriage is an “amplifier” of what’s already in our hearts. Can you think of a recent conflict where your reaction revealed something deeper about yourself? How might God be using that to grow you? [[01:02:05]]
The pastor encourages us to “pray a lot more and pester a lot less.” What is one practical way you can start praying for your spouse (or a close friend/family member) this week, especially in an area where you wish they would change? [[01:13:41]]
The sermon suggests keeping a journal to help distinguish between “mountains and molehills” in conflict. Is there a recurring issue in your marriage or relationships that you need to address with grace? How could you approach it differently this month? [[01:14:41]]
God’s grace covers our shame and empowers us to walk in newness of life. Is there a past failure or area of shame in your marriage or relationships that you need to bring to Jesus for forgiveness and healing? What would it look like to trust Him with that today? [[01:18:43]]

Sermon Clips

So I have a great marriage. You know why I have a great marriage? Because my wife prays for me. She knows what I am. She knows I'm jacked up. She knows I'm a little bit crazy. She knows I can get very like, ah, intense all the time. Her hope is God change him. I know he's thick, skulled, opinionated, all that. She has sicked the Holy Spirit on me and it's worked. That's what's happened. So that's why. Pray. [00:42:04] (31 seconds) #PowerOfPrayerInMarriage

But there's this crazy word in there that we gloss over because it says, be fruitful, multiply, fill the earth and subdue it. The word subdue is used 15 times in the Hebrew Bible, the Old Testament. It means war, plunder, take. It is a battle term. So if you were a Hebrew reader and you're reading through the Bible, it's going to be weird. You're going to hear over and over God saying every time he creates, what does God say? It's good. It's good. It's good. Six times. It's good to this point. It's good. It's good. It's good. It's good. It's like there's a Dutch bro stand in there. It's all good, bro. Yeah. And then all of a sudden it's subdue, look out, battle, battle, war, look out. What? [00:47:57] (63 seconds) #BattleForGoodness

Let me put this real simple. Adam got a job before he got a girl. It's just that simple. I tell young men, girls find jobs sexy. So do dads. And so does God. It's a trifecta. Girls, God, dads, right there. Get a job. We have a saying around Edgewater insists, there's nothing more dangerous than a bored man. You want to look at a lot of things that have gone wrong in this world. It's bored men. Cause we have all this angst and all this testosterone and all. And if we're bored, if we're not doing something with that, look out, look out. [00:51:07] (51 seconds) #GodSeesBroNeedsHelp

So the marriage the very fundamental you cannot get away from this there's still something that has to be subdued it used to be Satan now guess what needs to be subdued the sin inside of me that that sin that was external to them now has actually taken root in my heart there's a serpent that's wrapped itself around every human heart and it's literally got its fangs in there and it's poisonous all the time. So the new subduing is not out there. The new subduing is me. And the New Testament calls this sanctification, where everything in my life is remade so that it begins to glorify Jesus Christ. That's the new soil of marriage. It's supposed to be that, reconciling everything to Jesus. [01:09:16] (53 seconds) #HolinessBreedsHappiness

Marriage revealed how selfish I am. So I used to buy a half gallon of Breyer's Natural Vanilla, and I would eat every ounce of it. No one would want any of it. I'd eat it all myself. Now I get a bowl of Breyer's Natural Vanilla, and I put exactly the amount I want in my bowl, and I sit down with it, and guess what my wife does? Oh, let me have a bite of that. And she eats half of it, and I get angry. Get your own! I put exactly what I wanted in this bowl, and you ate half of it. And it takes a marriage to reveal what's broken in me. [01:10:19] (39 seconds) #WifeAsSanctifier

And marriage is not about happiness anymore. You know what marriage is about now? It's about your holiness. But here's the good news. The more holy you become, the happier you become. That the bribe product of a holy life is true happiness. But you've got to start there now. That sin cracked everything that God wanted it to be, and so now we've got to get back to, actually, the sin's inside of me, and it has to be subdued. That's the soil now. [01:10:58] (28 seconds) #AccessToTheCreator

So guys, you've got to stop looking at your wives as the one that's ultimately going to satisfy you. You're putting too much pressure on her. I've got to find my soulmate. There's no such thing. That my wife is the person that God gave to me to help sanctify and remake me in the image of Jesus Christ. That's what my wife is. That she's got, she's the helper, the fit one, that has a power that no other gal has, that when she speaks, she has the power to be used by God to sanctify Matt Heverly. [01:11:25] (35 seconds) #HelperFitForTheSoul

Anyway, here's the most amazing thing in the world. You have access to your spouse's creator. That's the craziest thing in the world. Like, let's say you had a Tesla. If you could talk to Elon Musk about your Tesla, would you learn a lot about that Tesla? Yes, you would. If Steve Jobs was still alive and you had an iPhone and you wanted to know more about the iPhone, could you learn a lot more from Steve Jobs than someone else about 100 %? Because he's the designer. You have access to the designer of your wife, your husband's heart, who they are. Why don't we take more advantage of that? We should pray a lot more and pester a lot less. That's what we should do. [01:13:33] (43 seconds) #EmbraceTheHardDays

And so we've got to stop being the people that put this pressure on marriage that it has to be 50 years of bliss. Every day has to be Instagrammable. No, there's going to be jackhammer days and rototiller days because I've got a hard heart. And if I really want good soil, I should say, okay, today's a jackhammer day because my heart is hard. And God is using this to soften me up and make me more like Jesus Christ. And that's a good thing. And this is going to lead to fruitfulness. So I'm good with it. No happily ever after jackhammer day. [01:17:42] (33 seconds)

``And the Lord God made for Adam and for his wife garments of skin and clothed them. What happened right there? Do you just say to an animal, hey, can I borrow your skin? No, there was a death. For Adam and Eve to be covered because of their sin, there had to be a death. For you and me, for my failings, my insecurities, my shame, my stupidity, there had to be a death. And there was one that Jesus, God in the flesh, said, I'll cover Matt. I'll take away his shame and his guilt and the stupid things he has done and how he has ruined his life. I'll take those things and I will cover them. And that's what we go to the table every Sunday to remember that our shame has been covered by Jesus Christ. [01:18:26] (66 seconds)

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