Marriage: A Covenant of Love and Mutual Submission

Summary

Marriage is a journey that reveals both our deepest joys and our most stubborn flaws. When two people come together, their differences—those opposites that first attracted them—can become sources of frustration or, if surrendered to God, the very means by which they are completed and refined. The foundation for a thriving marriage is not found in a contract of mutual benefit, but in a covenant of unconditional commitment, rooted in reverence for Christ. The call is to submit to one another, not out of mere duty to each other, but out of devotion to Jesus, who is the unchanging third strand in the cord of marriage.

God’s design for marriage is clear: the husband is called to sacrificially love his wife, just as Christ loved the church, and the wife is called to respect and submit to her husband as unto the Lord. This is not a call to blind obedience or to tolerate abuse—God never asks anyone to submit to sin or harm—but rather to a mutual yielding that reflects the order and love of Christ’s relationship with His people. The husband’s leadership is not about domination, but about self-giving, considering his wife’s needs above his own, and leading with gentleness, wisdom, and humility. The wife’s submission is not about inferiority, but about trust—trusting God to work through her husband, even when he is imperfect.

True beauty in marriage is not found in outward adornment, but in the inner character—a gentle and quiet spirit, a heart at peace with God and with one’s spouse. For husbands, love must be expressed not just in words, but in actions: romance, friendship, spiritual leadership, and daily acts of care. For wives, respect is a gift that builds up a husband’s soul and enables him to lead with confidence. Both are called to guard the sacred inner circle of their marriage, protecting it from outside interference and temptation, and to leave behind old loyalties in order to cleave to one another as one flesh.

Ultimately, the way we treat our spouse is a reflection of our spiritual maturity and our reverence for Christ. Marriage is hard work, but it is also a holy calling—a profound mystery that points to the love between Christ and His church. As we submit to one another out of reverence for Jesus, we invite His blessing, healing, and joy into our homes.

Key Takeaways

- Mutual Submission Flows from Reverence for Christ
The heart of a healthy marriage is found in Ephesians 5:21: “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” This means that both husband and wife yield their rights, not because the other deserves it, but because Christ is worthy. When we make Jesus the Lord of our marriage, our actions toward our spouse become acts of worship, even when our spouse falls short. This perspective transforms marriage from a transactional relationship into a spiritual partnership anchored in Christ’s unchanging love. [26:19]

- Marriage Is a Covenant, Not a Contract
God’s vision for marriage is not based on “if you do your part, I’ll do mine.” Instead, it is an unconditional commitment, reflecting the way Christ loves the church. When we treat marriage as a contract, we look for escape clauses and keep score; but in God’s design, we are called to fulfill our responsibilities regardless of our spouse’s performance. This covenantal love is what makes marriage resilient and redemptive, even in seasons of disappointment or difficulty. [33:38]

- Respect and Love Address the Deepest Needs of Men and Women
Scripture calls wives to respect their husbands and husbands to love their wives. For a man, respect is foundational—it affirms his role and identity, and its absence can deeply wound him. For a woman, love is essential—she needs to know and experience that she is cherished, not just in words but in consistent, sacrificial actions. When each spouse meets the other’s God-given need, intimacy and trust flourish. [49:33]

- Spiritual Leadership and Emotional Intimacy Are Essential for Husbands
Husbands are called to lead not by force, but by sacrificial love, spiritual guidance, and emotional openness. This means praying with and for their wives, encouraging them in the Word, and being attentive to their feelings and needs. True leadership in the home is marked by humility, vulnerability, and a willingness to put the family’s well-being above personal comfort or ambition. [01:02:25]

- Guard the Sacred Inner Circle of Marriage
A healthy marriage requires clear boundaries—leaving parents and cleaving to one’s spouse, protecting the intimacy and unity of the marital relationship. Allowing outsiders—whether family, friends, or emotional attachments—to intrude can undermine trust and create division. Both spouses must be vigilant against temptations and distractions, keeping their hearts and affections centered on each other and on Christ. [01:09:52]

Youtube Chapters

[00:00] - Welcome
[20:29] - Introduction and Humor on Marriage
[23:45] - The Challenge and Blessing of Opposites
[26:19] - The Foundation: Mutual Submission
[31:54] - God’s Heart on Divorce and Covenant
[33:38] - Marriage: Contract vs. Covenant
[38:29] - The Call for Wives: Respect and Submission
[41:44] - Submission Does Not Mean Enduring Sin or Abuse
[43:57] - Decision-Making and Completing Each Other
[46:51] - True Beauty: Inner Character Over Outward Appearance
[49:03] - The Call for Husbands: Sacrificial Love
[55:13] - Romance, Friendship, and Agape in Marriage
[01:02:25] - Spiritual Leadership and Emotional Intimacy
[01:08:56] - Leaving and Cleaving: Protecting the Inner Circle
[01:13:46] - Guarding Against Temptation and Emotional Affairs
[01:14:40] - The Profound Mystery: Christ and the Church
[01:15:58] - Closing Prayer and Blessing

Study Guide

Bible Study Discussion Guide: Marriage as a Covenant of Christlike Love

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### Bible Reading

- Ephesians 5:21-33
(Mutual submission, roles of husband and wife, Christ and the church)
- Genesis 2:24
(“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.”)
- 1 Peter 3:1-4
(True beauty is the inner self, a gentle and quiet spirit)

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### Observation Questions

1. According to Ephesians 5:21, what is the reason Paul gives for submitting to one another in marriage?
*(“Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” [26:19])*

2. In the sermon, what does the pastor say is the difference between a contract and a covenant in marriage?
*([33:38])*

3. What does 1 Peter 3:3-4 say about where true beauty comes from for a wife?
*([49:03])*

4. What does Genesis 2:24 say about the relationship between a husband and wife and their families of origin?
*([01:08:56])*

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### Interpretation Questions

1. Why does Paul connect mutual submission in marriage to reverence for Christ, rather than just to the spouse’s behavior? How does this change the motivation for how spouses treat each other?
*([26:19])*

2. The pastor says that marriage is a covenant, not a contract. What are the practical differences between living in a covenant versus a contract in marriage?
*([33:38])*

3. The sermon emphasizes that a wife’s submission is not about tolerating sin or abuse. How does the pastor explain the limits of biblical submission?
*([41:44])*

4. According to the sermon, why is it important for husbands to lead with sacrificial love and spiritual leadership, and what does that look like in daily life?
*([01:02:25])*

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### Application Questions

1. The sermon says that mutual submission flows from reverence for Christ, not just from liking or agreeing with your spouse. When was the last time you chose to serve or yield to your spouse out of devotion to Jesus, even when it was hard? What did that look like?
*([26:19])*

2. Think about your own marriage (or a marriage you know well). Are there ways you have treated it more like a contract (“if you do your part, I’ll do mine”) instead of a covenant? What would it look like to shift toward covenant love this week?
*([33:38])*

3. For husbands: The sermon calls you to love your wife as Christ loved the church—sacrificially, with spiritual leadership, and emotional openness. What is one specific way you can show this kind of love to your wife this week?
*([01:02:25])*

4. For wives: The sermon says that respect is a foundational need for your husband. What is one way you can intentionally show respect to your husband this week, especially if it’s an area where you’ve struggled?
*([49:33])*

5. The pastor talked about “guarding the sacred inner circle” of marriage and not letting parents, friends, or outside influences intrude. Are there any boundaries you need to set or strengthen to protect your marriage? What would that look like practically?
*([01:09:52])*

6. The sermon warns against emotional affairs and “wandering eyes.” Are there any relationships or habits you need to change to keep your heart and affections centered on your spouse?
*([01:12:54])*

7. The pastor said that the way we treat our spouse is a reflection of our spiritual maturity. What is one area where you sense God calling you to grow in how you love or respect your spouse? How can the group pray for you in this?
*([33:38])*

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Closing Prayer Suggestion:
Invite the group to pray for marriages represented in the group, asking God to help each person love and respect their spouse as an act of worship to Christ, and to strengthen the covenant bond in every home.

Devotional

Day 1: Mutual Submission Out of Reverence for Christ
True unity in marriage begins when both spouses choose to yield their rights and desires to one another, not out of obligation to each other, but out of deep reverence for Jesus Christ. This mutual submission is the foundation that allows a marriage to thrive even when one partner is struggling or failing, because the motivation is to honor Christ, who never fails or changes. When both husband and wife submit to one another, they invite Christ to be the center of their relationship, forming a strong, unbreakable bond that can withstand the challenges and opposites that naturally arise. [23:45]

Ephesians 5:21 (ESV)
"Submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ."

Reflection: In what area of your marriage or close relationship can you intentionally yield your preferences today, not because your spouse deserves it, but as an act of worship to Christ?


Day 2: The Husband’s Call to Sacrificial Love
A husband is called to love his wife as Christ loved the church—sacrificially, unconditionally, and with a servant’s heart. This means putting his wife’s needs, feelings, and well-being above his own, demonstrating love not just in words but in consistent, thoughtful actions. True leadership in the home is not about authority or control, but about selfless care, emotional connection, and spiritual encouragement, so that the wife feels cherished, secure, and valued. [56:28]

Ephesians 5:25-28 (ESV)
"Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself."

Reflection: What is one specific, selfless act you can do today to show your spouse (or someone close to you) that their needs and feelings come before your own?


Day 3: The Wife’s Call to Respect and Inner Beauty
A wife is called to respect her husband and to cultivate a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. True beauty is not found in outward adornment, but in the peace, strength, and devotion that come from trusting God and supporting her husband’s leadership. By building up her husband with respect and encouragement, a wife creates an atmosphere of harmony and intimacy, reflecting the relationship between Christ and the church. [49:03]

1 Peter 3:3-4 (ESV)
"Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear—but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious."

Reflection: How can you intentionally affirm and respect your spouse (or someone close to you) today, focusing on their strengths and God-given role rather than their shortcomings?


Day 4: Guarding the Marriage Covenant and Leaving/Cleaving
God’s design for marriage is a lifelong, unconditional covenant, not a contract with escape clauses. Husbands and wives are called to “leave and cleave”—to form a new, protected inner circle that prioritizes their relationship above all others, including parents and friends. Guarding this sacred bond means setting healthy boundaries, resisting outside interference, and being vigilant against temptations or emotional attachments that threaten the unity and intimacy of the marriage. [01:08:56]

Genesis 2:24 (ESV)
"Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh."

Reflection: Are there any outside influences or relationships that you need to set boundaries with in order to protect the unity and intimacy of your marriage or closest relationship?


Day 5: Unconditional Commitment and God’s Heart for Marriage
Marriage is meant to reflect God’s unconditional love and faithfulness, not a transactional agreement based on performance. God hates divorce because it breaks the oneness He created, and it deeply affects families and future generations. Even when marriage is difficult, God calls both spouses to fulfill their responsibilities as unto Christ, trusting Him to bring healing, growth, and restoration when both are willing to surrender their lives and marriage to Him. [31:54]

Malachi 2:16 (ESV)
"For the man who does not love his wife but divorces her, says the Lord, the God of Israel, covers his garment with violence, says the Lord of hosts. So guard yourselves in your spirit, and do not be faithless."

Reflection: If you are struggling with discouragement or disappointment in your marriage (or another close relationship), what would it look like to recommit to loving and serving that person unconditionally, trusting God to work in both your hearts?

Quotes

Marriage is an unconditional commitment. And that's what Jesus said. Haven't you read, he replied, in the beginning, the creator made them male and female and said, for this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his flesh and the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore, what God has joined together, let man not separate. [00:31:26] (00:00:29 seconds) Edit Clip

God says, I hate. Hate. When God says he hates something, that's a heavy statement. He says, I hate divorce. It's not an option. [00:31:54] (00:00:15 seconds) Edit Clip

If you treat me right, then I will treat you right. Makes sense in all business contracts, I guess. That's basically what a contract is. You do your end and then I'll, I'll do my end, right? And, uh, you know, but in marriage, that's not the way it is to be because we're one. We're not two coming into a contract. [00:33:30] (00:00:25 seconds) Edit Clip

Submission is an act of sacrifice, obedience, and devotion, not to the husband, to God. And so look, it says in verse 23, for the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of his church, his body, of which he is the Savior. [00:39:11] (00:00:22 seconds) Edit Clip

We need to be growing in the word together. We need to be, as husbands, encouraging our wife in the word. We need to be the priest over the helm to intercede before God for our wives and our kids. We need to pray with her like a triangle. It's like a triangle as we pray together here to God. It's like this beautiful triangle. And we get closer to each other as we get closer to God. [01:03:08] (00:00:31 seconds) Edit Clip

This is a profound mystery. But I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each of you, one of you, must also love his wife as he loves himself. Why? Because that's what she needs to experience more than anything in her life is to know and to feel that she is loved by her husband. As he loves himself. And the woman must respect her husband. Why? Because your husband needs to know that you respect him. Build him up in that area. And you will find in your marriage that it will be very vital in intimacy and everything based upon that. Based upon just doing that. Those two things. That if you will just do that, God will. It's just the way it's designed to be. God is perfect in telling us how we should be married. [01:14:45] (00:01:00 seconds) Edit Clip