Making Amends: A Path to Healing and Growth

The Lord said to Moses if anyone sins and is unfaithful to the Lord by and now notice the list deceiving a neighbor about something entrusted of them or left in their care or about something stolen or if they cheat their neighbor or if they find Lost Property and lie about it or if they swear falsely about any such sin that people may commit when they sin in any of these ways and realize their guilt they must return what they have stolen or taken by extortion or what was entrusted to them or the Lost Property they found or whatever it was that they swore falsely about. [00:01:15]

They must make restitution in full at a fifth of value you to it and give it all to the owner on the day they present their guilt offering and of course this is to be done not grudgingly but with a willing heart because it's what love would do uh in the Book of Proverbs Proverbs 149 it says fools May mock a Fool's mock making amends for sin but good will is found among the upright and so there's the contrast fools mock it why should I do that there's more for me if I don't have to do it the alternative to that kind of mockery and withholding of a man's is Goodwill well I love the other person so I want to heal I want to repair. [00:01:58]

Making amends is the Band-Aid and the kiss and the purpose of it is to bring healing to our community to the person that I have heard but also to be transformed myself because when I go to make amends I see more clearly what I have done from the perspective of the other person now historically the making of amends has been taken very seriously by people who seek to follow Jesus but for whatever reason it is largely overlooked not talk about in our day people devoted a lot of thought to how do you give wisdom and guidance in making amends to repair relationships to restore as love would do and to be transformed yourself. [00:03:04]

The docents translated in this book were employed in a religious discipline to our forefathers during their transition from paganism to Christianity and from barbarism to civilization with peculiar intimacy they reveal the faults of people and of society in a far off age as well as the ideals of the church those who sought to follow Jesus on whom responsibility was laid for the guidance of Soul they formed therefore a Priceless record of one important stage of The Perennial conflict of ideals with realities that marks the progress of human beings toward the attainment of a moral culture. [00:04:10]

If a cleric religious leader somebody like me commits theft once or twice that his steals from his neighbor sheep or hog or any animal he shall do Penance an entire year on allowance of bread and water and shall restore fourfold to his neighbor if however he does it not once or twice but of long habit he shall do Penance for three years and one of the interesting things is if you go through uh these guide books for Penance and you probably won't you see it assumes that people including people and religious leader are capable of all kinds of horrible acts um theft murder anything as well as stuff that is more common uh to get talked about publicly in our day. [00:05:29]

Anyone who is envious or malicious or offensive to his brothers let him ask pardon penitently and earnestly of him whom he has offended in envy and Malice and let him do Penance on bread and water for as long a time as there had been hatred in his heart if evil has resulted from this Envy if the other person has experienced loss in some way Financial or by reputation or so let him the wrongdoer pay as much as was lost by his fault if it was in the form of property if not let him ask pardon tearfully and penitently anyone who is guilty of envious fault finding ever do that or anyone who loves to hear it. [00:06:38]

When you're getting ready to go to people you might put their names in one of four categories this is wisdom not original with me folks who work with 12 steps a lot will talk about this when it's time to make amends uh I can put people in one of four categories now I'm ready to go to them directly right now make amends later not quite prepared yet uh maybe maybe I will and maybe I won't and then for is never so if you have your list if you're working on this if you're trying to figure out how can I get some forward progress just those four categories. [00:08:17]

Later is when it's something that may take uh more serious thought I think about in my marriage a a pattern of withdrawal and uh punishing that extended over years and when it finally came to a head and when I finally was able to see it more clearly that was not just a comment that was not just an apology that was going to take a considerable amount of time and work and effort and conversation and repair and so that's uh something that I won't be ready to do it yet because I won't be able to do it well yet that's going to be a later. [00:09:48]

There will be some cases where uh this may be re for example I heard someone and they're no longer alive and here we might talk some uh in the next video about the idea of indirect amends or uh if there's a marriage situation and there's a spouse that's abusive that's physically violent and the other spouse has to get out of there and get safe it would not be second for that person to go back to the abuser and try to make amends even if there were things that they themselves had done wrong it would not be safe to do that with an abuser if that is you get out get safe uh but don't engage. [00:11:27]

It may be the case that there'd be another person where I have done harms with them but they're not a trustworthy person and if I were to go back them uh to them and talk about that they could use that conversation to create damage could be to me could be to somebody else or maybe you're in a relationship where there's been a betrayal you have betrayed but it's not known and you'll need wisdom from a counselor or somebody uh do I make this known or would making it known cause more damage than it would do good so these are areas where we need guidance from God. [00:12:14]

The key thing is to be willing and to act as God guides because God has given us this gift of amends and they are the Band-Aid for human Community they are the kiss of love that can bring healing and so this is your day keep coming back it works if you work it. [00:12:52]

If you're someone that would like to start practicing working doing the steps with a friend or a small group or your church we've created a web portal for you that should get you all the resources you need to get started you can just go to doth steps.com we are a community that's dedicated to Growing spiritually in Christ one day at a time and a big part of that is prayer so there's a team of us that meet each weekday Monday through Friday to pray for become new and for viewers just like yourself so if you have a prayer request you can send it to us. [00:13:33]