The Long Game | Pastor Chris Kouba

Devotional

Day 1: Seeing Beauty in Changed Landscapes

Solomon gazes at his wife’s body—thighs, belly, breasts reshaped by time—and calls her flawless. Years into marriage, he notices details he’d overlooked before, like her nose resembling a watchtower. Lasting love trains the eye to see beauty not in perfection but in the sacred story etched by shared life. It chooses to marvel at what time has sculpted rather than mourn what it has eroded. [05:24]

“How beautiful are your feet in sandals, O noble daughter! Your rounded thighs are like jewels, the work of a master hand. Your navel is a rounded bowl that never lacks mixed wine. Your belly is a heap of wheat encircled with lilies. Your two breasts are like two fawns, twins of a gazelle.”
(Song of Solomon 7:1-3, ESV)

Reflection: What physical or emotional “change” in your spouse have you recently criticized or overlooked? How might you reframe that trait as evidence of a story only the two of you share?

Day 2: Gravitational Pull Beyond the Screen

The Shulammite woman declares her husband’s desire is undividedly hers—no rival for his attention. In a world of digital seduction and silent competition, this “no compete clause” means phones, work, or hobbies never eclipse the priority of presence. Love’s jealousy isn’t possessive but protective, guarding the space where two souls orbit each other. [12:30]

“I am my beloved’s, and his desire is for me.”
(Song of Solomon 7:10, ESV)

Reflection: Where does your spouse subtly compete for your attention? What one daily habit could recenter them as your “magnetic north”?

Day 3: Still Climbing the Palm Tree

Solomon compares his wife to a date palm—fruit that must be climbed for, not passively received. Years in, he’s still willing to exert effort to “reach the fruit.” Lasting intimacy rejects the lie that familiarity justifies complacency. It plans, initiates, and ascends, remembering that love’s sweetest rewards grow on branches requiring intentional pursuit. [09:11]

“I say I will climb the palm tree and lay hold of its fruit. Oh may your breasts be like clusters of the vine, and the scent of your breath like apples.”
(Song of Solomon 7:8, ESV)

Reflection: When did you last “climb the tree” for your spouse—planning something requiring effort? What neglected “fruit” of their heart might still be worth reaching for?

Day 4: The Seal That Outlives Death

The Shulammite begs to be engraved on her beloved’s heart like a signet ring—a mark of ownership death itself can’t erase. This covenant love mirrors Christ’s irreversible commitment to His church. It chooses daily to brand “us” into every decision, knowing floods, wealth, or grave threats can’t drown what God seals. [22:00]

“Set me as a seal upon your heart, as a seal upon your arm, for love is strong as death, jealousy is fierce as the grave. Its flashes are flashes of fire, the very flame of the Lord.”
(Song of Solomon 8:6, ESV)

Reflection: What current challenge tempts you to doubt your covenant’s strength? How would facing it change if you saw your marriage as “flame of the Lord”?

Day 5: Leaning Through the Wilderness

An elderly couple emerges from the wilderness leaning on each other—posture perfected through decades of uneven terrain. Their friends barely recognize the confident woman who once hid in insecurity. Lasting love isn’t self-sufficient but interdependent, finding strength in shared weight-bearing. The wilderness becomes a trophy, not a tomb. [19:59]

“Who is that coming up from the wilderness, leaning on her beloved?”
(Song of Solomon 8:5, ESV)

Reflection: What “wilderness” has your marriage walked through? How can you intentionally lean—not just lead or follow—as you face the next stretch together?

Sermon Summary

The contrast between falling in love and staying in love sets the tone, and Song of Solomon shows how lasting love is chosen on purpose. Solomon opens in chapter 7 not by repeating the wedding-night script, but by admiring from the feet up. Sandals name her freedom, so his first move is trust, not control. He praises thighs, belly, and breasts, the very places time and children change, and he says with his gaze, I still choose you. Ivory names her worth. The tower facing Damascus names her face as home and safety. The late discovery of her nose signals something crucial, years in there is still something new to enjoy, still something fresh to say. A king is held captive, so desire is not duty, it is delight. The palm tree image announces pursuit, dates do not drop, he must still climb, and she is worth the climb.

The woman answers with covenant security, I am my beloved’s and his desire is for me. The journey from 2:16 to 6:3 to 7:10 moves from me-centered to mutual to fully settled. Desire here is the heavy word with gravitational pull, and its direction is settled on her, not on a screen, a hobby, or the office. A no compete clause frees the heart and stills suspicion.

Pursuit then gets practical. She initiates. She plans a getaway to fields and vineyards. She is strategic and creative, naming mandrakes and pomegranates, new as well as old. Romance here is not accidental, it is scheduled and protected. Work and kids are not the center, marriage is. Most homes do not explode, they go quiet, so calendars become acts of love.

Chapter 8 brings the summit. The daughters of Jerusalem point to a woman leaning on her beloved, coming up from the wilderness. Confidence now replaces early insecurity, and the posture says practiced dependence. The seal on heart and arm names ownership and totality, affections and actions bound together. Love is as strong as death, unyielding, undefeated. Jealousy is not possessive, it is protective, like the Lord’s own flame. Many waters cannot quench it and money cannot buy it. Guarding the flame is not passive, it is the daily, sometimes inconvenient choice to choose again. A living picture, like a couple married for decades, shows what the Up montage missed, faith is the bedrock that carries the melody. Jesus stands as the greater Solomon, setting his people as a seal at Calvary. His desire secures the church, and his flame fuels human marriages. The best way to love a spouse like this is to run hard after him.

Key Takeaways

1. Choose with fresh eyes daily [03:48] Long love looks again and names new beauty, even where time has changed the contours. Honor starts with trust, not control, and teaches the eyes to prize a single face. Discovery is not a wedding-night memory, it is a lifelong habit. Attention, spoken out loud, turns change into treasure. [03:48]
2. Remove rivals with a no compete clause [12:30] Desire has direction, and wherever attention flows, devotion follows. Security grows when the gravitational pull is settled on the spouse, not diffused across screens, hobbies, or the office. Competition breeds insecurity, and insecurity breeds distance. Undivided attention becomes a shield around covenant love. [12:30]
3. Pursue with purpose, plan intimacy [16:36] Initiation is mutual, creativity is holy, and calendars are spiritual tools. Fields, vineyards, mandrakes, and pomegranates picture intentional conditions for delight, new as well as old. Kids are guests, not the center, and work is not a worthy rival. Scheduled pursuit keeps the flame from going quiet. [16:36]
4. Guard the flame with costly devotion [22:00] Love that is as strong as death refuses to quit when seasons flood the shoreline. Jealousy here protects what blesses, like the Lord guarding his people from what destroys. A seal on heart and arm binds affection to action. Many waters cannot quench a love that chooses again today. [22:00]
5. Let Jesus’ flame fuel marriage [31:10] Human resolve cannot manufacture chapter 7 and 8 love. Jesus, the greater Solomon, set his people as a seal at the cross, and his desire steadies their hearts. His Spirit lights the covenant fire couples are called to tend. Running hard after him is the most practical thing a spouse can do. [31:10]

Youtube Chapters

[00:00] - Welcome
[00:19] - Married Life and real love
[02:03] - Song of Solomon 7 opens
[03:48] - Fresh eyes for the same spouse
[04:55] - Time-changed bodies, chosen beauty
[06:46] - New discoveries, even the nose
[08:26] - Climbing the palm tree again
[10:29] - A no compete clause
[12:13] - Desire with gravitational pull
[14:49] - Pursue with purpose
[16:36] - Planned romance, new and old
[18:59] - Guarding the flame of love
[19:25] - Leaning out of the wilderness
[22:00] - Love as strong as death
[31:10] - Jesus, the greater Solomon

Bible Study Guide

Bible Reading
Song of Solomon 7:1-9 (ESV)
Song of Solomon 8:6-7 (ESV)

Observation Questions

In Song of Solomon 7:1-9, how does Solomon’s description of his wife differ from his earlier descriptions in chapter 4? What details does he highlight years into their marriage?
The woman says, “I am my beloved’s, and his desire is for me” (7:10). How does this phrasing shift from her earlier statements in 2:16 and 6:3? [10:57]
What practical steps does the woman take to pursue intimacy in 7:11-13 (e.g., locations, symbols like mandrakes)? [16:36]
How does the imagery of “many waters cannot quench love” (8:7) contrast with common cultural views of love?

Interpretation Questions

Why might Solomon begin his admiration of his wife’s “feet in sandals” (7:1) instead of her physical features mentioned earlier? What does this symbolize about trust and freedom in marriage? [03:48]
The sermon describes love as having a “gravitational pull” toward one’s spouse. How does the Hebrew word for “desire” in 7:10 (used only three times in the Old Testament) deepen this idea? [12:13]
The woman initiates a getaway in 7:11-13. Why is mutual pursuit critical for sustaining love, and how does this challenge stereotypes about gender roles in relationships? [15:21]
How does the metaphor of love being “as strong as death” (8:6) redefine commitment in a culture that often treats relationships as disposable?

Application Questions

“Fresh eyes” mean noticing new beauty in a spouse daily. What is one specific, overlooked quality or habit in your spouse (or a close relationship) that you can intentionally name and affirm this week? [09:43]
The sermon warns that “attention flows where devotion follows.” What distractions (e.g., screens, work) compete for your focus? How can you create a “no compete clause” to protect undivided time with your spouse? [12:30]
Planning intimacy is called a “spiritual tool.” When will you schedule a specific, intentional time to connect with your spouse or loved one this month? What “new and old” elements (like mandrakes and pomegranates) could you include? [16:36]
Love “refuses to quit when seasons flood the shoreline.” What current challenge in your relationship requires a renewed commitment to “choose again,” even if it’s inconvenient?
The sermon ties lasting love to Jesus’ covenant with the church. How could prioritizing your relationship with Christ this week directly impact how you love others? [31:10]

Sermon Clips

She says, here's what love is, it's as strong as death. I want you to think about what that means. Death's the most absolute force in human experience. It's irreversible. It's final. It's unavoidable. Death never loses. It never changes his mind. For those or some of you who are struggling in your marriage, you need the fight that says this, I need you to know no matter what I'm not going anywhere. [00:21:55] (28 seconds)

He looked at us not at our best but at our worst and he called us noble. He set us as a seal on his heart at Calvary. His desire is for us, not because we earned it or showed up with anything worthy of it, but because he chose you. Because love is not an emotion that fades, it's a it's a covenant that holds. [00:31:14] (21 seconds)

You see what Hollywood misses so often is that they treat love like it's all about what you fall into. And what Pixar did in that scene, which is what connects to us so much and what inspires us, it's not about falling in love, it's about staying in love. It's about the choosing over and over and over again. It's about dealing with that time when all of a sudden the tire blows out or the injury takes place, and all the dreams that you thought were gonna be what defined your relationship get redirected and shifted but guess what? You still choose each other. You still say I'm all in. [00:00:39] (49 seconds)

It's a picture of pursuit even years in he's still willing to climb, why? Because she is worth the effort. Question this passage puts on the table for every married person in this room is very simple. Are you still climbing? Are you still looking at the same person with fresh eyes? Solomon is years into this thing and he's not just doing the same thing that he's always done, he's looking for new and fresh ways to compliment, new and fresh ways to notice, new and fresh ways to pursue his wife. [00:09:11] (40 seconds)

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The Long Game | Pastor Chris Kouba | United City Church