Living with Your Wife in Empathy and Honor

Devotional

Day 1: Mutual Submission and Honor in Marriage

Peter calls both husbands and wives to a cruciform life, where mutual submission and honor are not just ideals but daily practices rooted in the example of Christ. This mutuality is not about power or hierarchy, but about each partner patterning their life after Jesus, who emptied himself for others. In a world that often distorts authority and submission, the call is to let the cross reshape the relational economy of the home, so that both husband and wife are seen as co-heirs of grace, equally dignified and beloved. [28:21]

1 Peter 3:7 (ESV)
"Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered."

Reflection: In what specific way can you honor your spouse (or a close friend or family member) today, not out of obligation, but as a reflection of Christ’s self-giving love?

Day 2: Empathy as Incarnation

Empathy in marriage is not simply feeling sorry for your spouse, but entering into their story, bearing their burdens, and practicing the incarnation on a small scale. Just as Jesus stepped into our weakness and bore our shame, husbands are called to descend from positions of comfort or authority and sit with their wives in their struggles, listening and understanding without trying to fix or control. This kind of empathy requires curiosity, humility, and a willingness to be present in another’s pain, mirroring the way Christ is present with us. [30:40]

Philippians 2:5-8 (ESV)
"Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross."

Reflection: Who in your life needs you to step into their story with empathy today, and what would it look like for you to be present with them rather than trying to fix their situation?

Day 3: The Economy of Honor and Perpetual Forgiveness

In Christ’s kingdom, honor is not a limited commodity to be hoarded, but a gift to be given freely, especially in marriage. Honoring your spouse means practicing perpetual forgiveness, letting go of the ledger of who has done more or less, and dying to unrealistic expectations. True honor is found not in keeping score, but in extending grace, making repair, and loving the real person in front of you rather than an idealized version. This rhythm of harmony, disharmony, and repair is the cruciform pattern of marriage, where both partners are called to die small deaths and rise again in grace. [36:54]

Colossians 3:12-14 (ESV)
"Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony."

Reflection: Is there a place in your marriage or a close relationship where you are keeping score or holding onto unmet expectations? What would it look like to lay those down and offer forgiveness today?

Day 4: Seeing and Using Power for the Flourishing of Others

To honor is to see—to truly notice the vulnerabilities, experiences, and stories of those around you, especially those whom society or systems may overlook or disadvantage. Husbands are called to use their strength, position, and power not for self-advancement, but to elevate and protect their wives, reversing status and partnering for flourishing. This means being aware of the unique challenges women face, listening without defense, and using whatever influence you have to create space for dignity and co-inheritance. [47:39]

Proverbs 31:10-12, 28-31 (ESV)
"An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life... Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: 'Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all.' Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Give her of the fruit of her hands, and let her works praise her in the gates."

Reflection: What is one assumption or blind spot you have about the women in your life that you can intentionally seek to see and honor today?

Day 5: The Link Between Spiritual and Domestic Life

Peter makes clear that the health of your relationship with God is inseparable from the health of your relationships at home. When honor, empathy, and repair are absent in marriage, even prayer is hindered; heaven grows quiet when there is hypocrisy or domination. But when humility, repentance, and co-heirship shape the home, it becomes a sanctuary where God’s presence dwells. The way you treat those closest to you is the true litmus test of your spiritual life, and every act of honor now is a rehearsal for the coming kingdom where all sit as equals at Christ’s table. [50:45]

Matthew 5:23-24 (ESV)
"So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift."

Reflection: Is there a relationship at home that needs repair or reconciliation before you come to God in prayer? What step can you take today to begin that process?

Sermon Summary

In 1 Peter 3:7, the call to husbands is both radical and deeply countercultural, especially in the context of the Greco-Roman world where men held all the power and women were often marginalized. The invitation is not to reinforce the status quo, but to subvert it from within by living with wives in an understanding way, showing them honor as co-heirs of the grace of life. This is not about domestic management or mere competence, but about discipleship—patterning one’s life after the humility and self-emptying love of Christ. The call is to a frightening empathy, a willingness to enter into the story and experience of one’s wife, to study her world, and to use one’s strength not for domination but for her flourishing.

Empathy, as modeled by Christ’s incarnation, means stepping into another’s weakness, not to fix or control, but to be present and to understand. This requires a cruciform discipline—a willingness to die to pride, to expectations, and to the ledger-keeping that so often poisons relationships. Honor, in the kingdom of God, is not a finite commodity to be hoarded, but a currency that multiplies as it is given away. The husband is called to spend his honor for the sake of his wife, reversing the world’s status games and making visible the new creation where all are co-heirs.

This ethic of perpetual forgiveness and repair is the secret miracle of marriage. Every marriage, even the best, must die many small deaths—letting go of the ideal, embracing the real, and returning again and again to grace. The health of one’s spiritual life is inseparable from the health of one’s home; prayers are hindered when honor is withheld. True authority kneels, listens, and lifts up. The table of communion becomes the training ground for this ethic, where all kneel as equals and receive what none deserve. In this way, every act of honor and surrender in marriage becomes a rehearsal for the great feast of the new creation, where all sit side by side as co-heirs of grace.

Key Takeaways

1. Empathy as Incarnation: The call to “live with your wife in an understanding way” is a summons to incarnational empathy. Just as Christ entered into our weakness, husbands are to enter into the lived experience of their wives—not to fix, but to be present, to listen, and to understand. This is a cruciform descent, a discipline of love that mirrors the humility of Jesus. [30:40]
2. Honor as a Kingdom Currency: In the world, honor is a zero-sum game, but in the kingdom, it is multiplied as it is given away. Husbands are called to spend their honor for the sake of their wives, reversing the status structures of the world. This act of honoring is not about rewarding good behavior, but about reflexively giving grace as one who has received it. [36:09]
3. Perpetual Forgiveness and Repair: Marriage is not the pursuit of an unattainable ideal, but the embrace of the real, with all its disharmony and need for repair. The rhythm of every relationship is harmony, disharmony, and repair; the miracle is in returning to each other with forgiveness, dying to expectations, and refusing to keep score. This is the cruciform pattern of daily love. [41:15]
4. Seeing and Reversing Status: To honor is to see—to notice the vulnerabilities, burdens, and stories of one’s wife, and to use one’s strength to reverse the world’s status games. This means inhabiting her world, being aware of the unique challenges she faces, and partnering with her as a co-heir, not as a manager or superior. True honor is condescension for the sake of partnership and flourishing. [47:39]
5. Spiritual and Domestic Integrity: The health of one’s relationship with God is inseparable from the health of one’s relationship at home. When honor is withheld, prayers are hindered; when authority is used to control rather than serve, heaven grows silent. God ties spiritual vitality to the practice of empathy and honor in the home, insisting that true authority kneels and that the gospel must invade even the most private spheres of life. [50:45]
** [50:45]

Youtube Chapters

[00:00] - Welcome
[22:28] - Introduction: Engaging Culture and Compassionate Capitalism
[23:32] - Husbands and Wives: Context and Continuity
[24:09] - Preparing Hearts: Receiving Without Performance
[26:06] - Reading 1 Peter 3:7
[27:03] - The Logic of “Likewise”: Mutual Submission
[29:12] - Living with Understanding: Empathy in Marriage
[30:40] - Incarnational Empathy: The Descent of Love
[33:29] - The Discipline of Studying and Listening
[34:43] - The Frightening Reversal: Honor and Vulnerability
[36:09] - Kingdom Economics: Spending Honor
[41:15] - Perpetual Forgiveness: Repairing the Real Marriage
[44:44] - The Gospel in Miniature: Cruciform Love
[47:39] - Seeing and Reversing Status: A Call to Awareness
[50:45] - Spiritual Integrity: Prayers and Honor at Home
[54:07] - The New Creation: Co-Heirs at the Table
[55:17] - Closing Prayer and Charge
[63:01] - First Communion Celebration
[66:44] - Communion: The Table of Honor
[73:35] - Offering and Announcements
[77:53] - Benediction and Sending

Bible Study Guide

Bible Reading

1 Peter 3:7 (ESV) — > Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.

Observation Questions

In 1 Peter 3:7, what specific actions are husbands called to take toward their wives? What reasons does Peter give for these actions?
According to the sermon, what did “honor” mean in the Greco-Roman world, and how does Peter’s command to husbands subvert that meaning? [[35:41]]
The sermon describes empathy as “incarnation.” What does it mean for empathy to be “incarnational” in the context of marriage? [[30:40]]
What does Peter say will happen to a husband’s prayers if he does not show honor to his wife? Why is this significant? [[50:45]]

Interpretation Questions

The sermon says that Peter’s call is not about “domestic management or mere competence, but about discipleship.” What does it look like for a husband to approach marriage as a disciple of Jesus rather than as a manager? [[28:52]]
How does the idea of “spending honor” for the sake of one’s wife challenge the way our culture typically views power and status in relationships? [[36:09]]
The sermon talks about the “rhythm of every relationship” being harmony, disharmony, and repair. Why is the willingness to repair and forgive so central to a healthy marriage? [[41:15]]
Peter ties the health of a man’s spiritual life to the way he treats his wife at home. What does this connection reveal about the relationship between public faith and private life? [[50:45]]

Application Questions

The sermon describes empathy as “stepping into another’s weakness, not to fix or control, but to be present and to understand.” Think of a recent moment of tension or exhaustion in your marriage (or close relationship). What would it look like to practice this kind of empathy in that moment? [[32:12]]
“Honor is not a finite commodity to be hoarded, but a currency that multiplies as it is given away.” In what practical ways could you “spend” your honor for the sake of your spouse or another person this week? [[36:09]]
The sermon warns against “ledger-keeping” in marriage—keeping score of who does more or who apologizes first. Are there areas in your relationship where you tend to keep score? What would it look like to lay down the ledger and move toward forgiveness and repair? [[41:01]]
The call to “see” your spouse includes noticing their vulnerabilities, burdens, and unique challenges. What is one thing you’ve recently learned about your spouse’s (or close friend’s) experience that surprised you? How can you use your strength or position to support them? [[47:39]]
Peter says that when honor is withheld at home, prayers are hindered. Is there any area in your home life where you sense a disconnect between your spiritual life and your relationships? What step could you take this week to bring those areas into greater alignment? [[50:45]]
The sermon describes marriage as a “rehearsal for the great feast of the new creation, where all sit side by side as co-heirs of grace.” How does this vision of the future shape the way you approach conflict, forgiveness, or honor in your relationships today? [[54:07]]
For those who are not married, the sermon says the table of communion trains us for home and for all relationships. What is one way you can practice empathy and honor in your friendships, family, or community this week? [[01:06:44]]

Sermon Clips

``Peter uses the term weaker vessel here. This is complicated, but he is not calling women weak. He is describing the vulnerability that a woman experiences in this time and place, this system that's been built to favor and put forth men. The noun for vessel often means instrument, something precious, delicate, valuable. [00:35:05] (32 seconds) #KingdomEconomicsOfHonor

Every marriage, even good ones, must die many small deaths. The grace of coming back to each other after wounding each other is the secret miracle that no marriage book can manufacture. The only equality that endures is the equality of grace. Both recipients, both heirs, both beloved. You cannot fix your imperfections or hers. You can only die to them. [00:42:11] (32 seconds) #DeathAndResurrectionMarriage

Remember, honor is not a reward for good behavior. It's a reflex of grace. It comes from a heart that's been forgiven. To honor a woman as a co-heir is to lose the right to keep score. It's to treat her not as a debtor, but as a daughter of the same mercy that saved you. [00:44:22] (21 seconds) #CruciformPatternOfLove

Men whose authority runs roughshod over women, who do not see women, whose words demean, whose leadership manipulates, who thinks it's their sole job as husband to manage their wife. Churches who silence women. What does Peter say? You will find your prayers hindered. You cannot bully at home and worship at church. You cannot demean. You cannot sing in private and adore in public. The God who hears your prayer also hears her cry. [00:49:57] (40 seconds) #TrueAuthorityKneels

Peter's line, so that your prayers may not be hindered, pulls back this curtain on a deeper reality. Spiritual life and domestic life are inseparable. The health of your communion with God is tied to the health of your communion at home. That word hindered was used for cutting off a road so an army could not pass. Peter imagines prayer traffic being jammed by hypocrisy. Heaven blocks the lane until reconciliation and repair begin. A man who uses his strength to control instead of serve finds heaven silent. Not because God is petty, but because God is protecting his wife. [00:50:36] (48 seconds) #KingdomFeastOfHonor

To honor is to create space, to listen, to learn, to be curious, to repent where we have failed, to reimagine ministry as co-laboring. Peter ties unanswered prayer not to bad technique, but bad relationship. The God who joins husband and wife as one refuses to hear them as two when one oppresses the other. And Peter's just reinforcing this. True authority kneels. False authority hardens. And heaven notices. [00:52:29] (48 seconds)

The new creation is endless as a table where kings and servants and men and women sit side by side as co-heirs of grace. And every act of honor now is a rehearsal for that feast. Every act of surrender now of power and position is a prophecy for that kingdom. And it is the Lord Jesus who animates us so that we can live this out. It is the Lord Jesus who offers perpetual forgiveness to us when we fail. It is the Lord Jesus who enables us to make repair when we've broken that. To repent. To own and make repair. And repair means fruits bearing with repentance is that because of Jesus, because of that forgiveness, you can then be one that elevates your wife with honor. And lives with her. Lives with her in an empathetic understanding way. [00:54:08] (69 seconds)

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