Living Out Faith in Marriage and Relationships

as to how their lives should be lived out both individually and then more so in the community. What should that look like in the community of believers? For example, let me have a quick look at some of the verses in chapter 3 just to let you know a little bit about that. It's a reminder. Things like, if then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above where Christ is seated at the right hand. In other words, if you belong to Christ, let's seek all the good stuff. And then he goes into things like, these are things you need to get rid of. Put them away. Put them in the back of the wardrobe so we can't even see them. Put away anger and wrath and malice and slander and obscene talk from your mouth and do not lie to one another in the community. Don't lie to one another. Put those things at the back of the cupboard. But then, bring these things to the front of the wardrobe and put these things on. Put these things on. Put on kindness, compassion, humility, meekness and patience, bearing with one another. [00:02:26]

And so, I mean, if you consider if we did those things, we put all those other things away and then we bought the other clothes, we put them on. But the one that I missed out on was the biggest one. What's the big thing that unifies them all together? What's the other thing that there should be? It should be love. That's the other one. Put that one on overall and it just completes the whole set and unifies the whole thing. What an awesome community of believers we would be if we did that. Don't you just hate sin? It stops us, isn't it? The flesh. And now today, we're going to see Paul bring it from the community of believers down to the household situation, which isn't unusual for him because he's done it in Ephesians 5 and 6. He does it in 1 Peter. And in 1 Corinthians, he does a whole chapter. Chapter 7 is completely on marriage. It's devoted to that. [00:03:31]

It is easy to understand. Very, very simple. And those of you that have been Christians for a number of years or you've been coming to church for a number of years and heard these words a hundred times, you will know them. They're very well known. Paul's instructions, they are clear. They are precise. They are simple to understand, but, but, the hard part for us humans is. [00:04:22]

being obedient and disciplined enough to do as we are instructed in these passages because these passages they're there for our personal benefit they are there so that we can be a light to the world because the world is watching us and if we behave this way and if we do these things they're watching us they wonder about us they might even ask about us what is it about those guys why do they behave that way and even more so it's going to bring glory to god i want you just to be silent for a moment because i want each person who belongs to christ to ask the holy spirit to come to them this morning lives in them already but to come to them in regards to things that they might need to be challenged with or to be excited about but just to ask god to teach you this morning so we just do that for like 30 seconds let's just pray settle before the lord and pray [00:04:50]

the world has dramatically changed in the last few years in fact if i went back to my childhood i wouldn't even recognize that this is the same planet we're seeing god's designs for men and women's roles marriage families and sexuality distorted to the point where now almost anything goes it's almost unrecognizable men demanding to be called women and some women demanding to be seen as men even though a male and a female will never be able to switch it's just not possible biologically it used to be called gender dyslexia gender dysphoria we heard that term a lot and i don't know if you've noticed but that's sort of disappearing now and it's basically we now have to accept that this person is a woman or this person is a man and it's really sad and we need to love and and care for these people and to be praying for them as well the rate of suicide within trans uh is very high and people say well that's because of everything that's laid on them well no it's not people are almost too scared to do that now it's because they are confused and they need the lord jesus people chopping off body parts and changing their body with drugs it's horrendous and the world has gone quite sick with that and even when it comes to marriage again the same thing can happen um i don't know if you whenever you're speaking about things of god people sometimes get their their hackles up a little bit and i was teaching in a school called yarra valley grammar school which was yarra valley anglican school back then and in the first few years i was in the staff and there were eight women and there was me so i learned a lot about knitting and crocheting and all sorts of other stuff too but we did have really really good conversations and one day the conversation was around marriage and they're all talking about um what they thought of marriage and how a marriage should work and all that sort of stuff and then they came to me i'm going okay here we go so i told them what my marriage to florina was like and what it was built on and my colleagues [00:07:15]

today we're going to see that God's design is a good design and one that brings freedom liberty and joy and not oppression not at all two things that Paul talks about are authority and submission and these two basic principles they are not unique to the Christian church they certainly look different when considering how the world sees these two words compared to how God's designed them to be implemented into the Christian household and into the body of Christ authority and submission the world doesn't like them sometimes we get our hackles up too don't we when we hear those words let's have a look at wives and husbands first and I want to give you a little bit of context here because the Colossians are in the Roman Empire so let's find out what was going on out there wives were expected to be submissive that's all right we just read how they did it's a little bit different though because their submissive was like this you will do what I say and do it right now without any question that sort of submission husbands had significant power significant power through the the in the Roman law although they did protect them a little bit and men actually were legally own they legally owned their wives and their children and their slaves as well but also in the Roman Empire during these times it wasn't uncommon for men to have a number of different sexual partners with slaves and prostitutes without facing any legal or social consequences it wasn't even considered adultery for men to do this except if it was with another man's wife but apart from that it was socially acceptable women on the other hand if they were caught committing adultery they would be facing divorce they'd lose property there'd be social disgrace and other legal penalties not to mention that they were usually forbidden and to get married again wives get this wives could formally be charged with adultery men couldn't women were treated basically as second -rate citizens and were thought even the thought of them being equal just didn't come into anybody's mind and let alone the women's minds themselves so the idea of Paul presenting a style of marriage where the husbands were commanded to love their wives sacrificially you [00:12:37]

not be harsh with them was definitely not the cultural norm definitely not the cultural norm it's a direct opposite to what was happening in the society that they were living in and I'm thinking that quite a few of the men and women in the Church of Colossae because remember they've been living in this society they probably would have taken a little bit of time to come to terms with this whole new thought process what have they been watching for years and years and years women squish horrible situation and so suddenly the Church is being told that there's this new way that marriage should work and so I'm figuring that they had just it took a bit of time for them to get this sorted out keep in mind that although Christians in Colossae they knew of Paul the Apostle they'd heard of him he'd never been there and apparently there's no record that he ever went to Colossae to speak to them face to face however Epaphras who is the one who founded the church in Colossae and also brought the gospel there he had gone up to Rome when Paul was in prison and had met him there in fact Paul I think at the start of Colossians speaks about him very very highly so he has met with Paul and he may have spoken about a number of things there so Epaphras like takes a letter hey um Archibus a fire come come here for a second yes what can we do before we get into this how's your marriage going oh he's a bit harsh with me to be perfectly honest yeah well if you do what you were told it might be a little bit better I think okay let's skip past it look I've just received this letter from the Apostle Paul and there's quite a bit in here but I've just seen that there's some instructions about husbands and and wives and I just funny can you go you need to go and grab all the husbands and wives and bring them down here we have a quick meeting oh okay so where are they going and they come back and Epaphras holds up the living okay everybody as you probably heard by now the Apostle Paul sent us this letter and just had a look through it it's a big one it's pretty a lot in it but there's a section here on wives and husbands and I'm thinking after reading this as some of us might have to make a few changes in our marriage anyway this is what it says wives submit to your husbands as is fitting in the Lord okay probably a good idea maybe even spoke to me about that in prison I can't quite remember that sounds good husbands [00:15:58]

Well unfortunately he's only given us a couple of verses on this one. I might get somebody to get down to the Ephesians. Apparently he wrote a similar letter there too and there's a bit more information. I'll get back to you on that. In the meantime away you go, do that. And away they go. It's true there wasn't much in there. There's not much in that Colossian letter. However I thought okay so what were they meant to glean out of that? And then I look back at Colossians chapter 1 and you see the type of church that they are. And you see the faithfulness of this church its understanding of the grace of God and how the gospel was bearing fruit and that they were a church that was very much aware of the leading of the Holy Spirit. So I rather suspect I don't know but I rather suspect that because they were faithful people when they began putting Paul's instructions into practice they probably started to see some changes in their marriages where the husbands were toning it down a little bit speaking to their wives in a gentler manner and their wives were beginning to respond because of that maybe never like the husbands had seen before and they're going okay so this is a pretty good thing in a Christian marriage and only in a Christian marriage there is a new presence brought into the household and that presence is Jesus and that presence is the Holy Spirit which provides the power to have marriage and the family become what God intends it to be and that's way back then and that's now as well imagine the Christian wives of that day think about that for a second I reckon that the Christian wives of that day would have seen God's version of marriage and what it can look like radically liberating remember the society they're in I reckon they would have said this is actually a really good thing for us not like so many women these days that would say that Christian wives are squished into the ground they're squashed into submission and they are degraded but the reality of what Paul is teaching here in Colossians and everywhere else in his letters is anything but that it's not even close and we're going to talk about that so let's have a look at what Paul means when he says that wives are to submit to their husbands as is fitting to the Lord and I know we get this thing don't we I mean some of you ladies and even some of you guys as soon as you hear that and get there and get there and get there and get there [00:15:17]

actually don't like how that sounds I love it I actually love it because I'm understanding even more as I spent the last couple of weeks looking at this too I actually love that word submit now now I've never studied Greek I haven't studied much and when I did I didn't do that good anyway but I found out that the Greek word for submission that's used in this passage I hope I get this right it sounds who Potter so say it with me who Potter so now you can say it with me this time good and I may have just taught you how to say it wrong but that's okay anyway the word means to put oneself under authority and leadership of another there's more willingly let me say it again to put oneself under the authority and leadership of another willingly this is a word often used through the New Testament and it's actually the same word that Luke used remember when Jesus parents couldn't find him they go where's he gone they're searching through all the crowds and they find him back in the temple teaching and they speak to him and it says that Jesus was submissive to them in other words Jesus saw himself as under the authority and leadership of another his parents willingly he was being obedient to them so it's the same word the whole idea therefore is that the Christian wife is not being forced to submit her heart to her husband but rather it's a voluntary act of submission and the beautiful metaphor here is the picture of Jesus and his father it's actually the gospel what does Jesus do he who Potter so say it getting better at probably mispronouncing he ho Potter so submits to the father's plan of salvation and voluntarily and willingly goes to the cross on our behalf to save us from our sin he does it because he loves the father and he does it because he loves us and he does it willingly we all very know that scene at the Garden of Gethsemane where Jesus is in absolute anguish talks about sweat like drops of blood and he cries out to his father and we know these words really well hi Thank you. [00:17:47]

but these are words of anguish my father if it be possible let this cup pass from me nevertheless not as I will but as you will this is God talking to God and by submitting does Jesus become any less than the father no he was still the word that became flesh he's still fully divine so even being God Jesus willingly and joyfully submits himself to the father's will so I was thinking about that because if submission is meant to be offensive then who should be offended the answer is Jesus if submission is offensive then Jesus should have been offended but if by being an example for us he willingly submits surely we should be willing to submit as well shouldn't we see him first in fact I don't think submission should be offensive at all it's actually an honor it's an honor to be significant her submissive you're actually pointing to Jesus when you submit in this manner and it's an opportunity actually to display the life and character of Jesus and this is what a woman does when she submits to her husband how wonderful that's great when a woman submits to her own husband it is not offensive it's actually beautiful have you ever heard the word beautiful used when you're talking about the word submission I can't think of a better word I actually can't think of a better word this whole thing has come alive to me so where did the whole marriage thing begin and we know that there's people here who may not so somebody goes through that what's the origin well we read in the book of Genesis that after God creates the heavens and the earth and the day and the night and the sky and the land and the sea and the vegetation the Sun and the moon and the stars and sea creatures and the birds and all the animals he then gets to us and he picks up some dust and forms man Adam from the dust but he's alone God says hmm it's not good for this man to be alone so he puts Adam into a deep sleep and takes one of his ribs forming the woman Eve coming to other people I'm getting a little bit strong today so the sun brings us back to the moon and we礼 bleeding again and you know she's about that it wants to be coming to me but if I'm talking about the moon and there are people that are not way that we can actually jump in and then you know I think I'm as the [00:20:16]

a helper and then adam has a look oh helper not only that i think he's pretty pleased about what he sees as well to be perfectly honest so it's actually when you think about it it's the first arranged marriage think about that first time's been arranged marriage right there to get things started and it's perfect it's in perfect harmony with each other in perfect harmony with god you know all that sort of beautiful music and at first everything's going terrific everything's going well enter satan stage right in the form of a snake eve is tempted by the snake and eats from the fruit of the forbidden tree god said you can eat from anywhere but not that one she goes tempted might have a bite of that and then she gives some to adam and he eats of that and what does god do who does he hold responsible for that of course he should hold responsible that first person took it off the tree and was tempted and gave to somebody else well no he holds adam responsible for this and here we can see god's clear order of leadership and responsibility even back then [00:22:58]

so sins now ended the world and everybody start everything everybody and everything starts going haywire in fact just after the fall and just before god banishes adam and eve from the garden because they're not allowed to live there anymore in genesis 3 16 god says this to eve she says in pain you shall bring forth children so it's not perfect anymore it's going to be pain your desire shall be contrary to your husband but he shall rule over you it's interesting when you look at this verse it's said in different ways in different places but from the commentaries that i've read this seems to be the main deal it's no longer going to be perfectly harmonious let's go play in the beautiful garden anymore with the man now responding by ruling over his wife in a domineering way rather than in a loving way in other words since the introduction of sin it has become like a bit of a power struggle between the husband and the wife not saying that goes on the whole time but internally because of seeing it becomes a bit of a power struggle and in our bible readings today we are seeing how god has redeemed and is still redeeming marriage through the order and the roles that he's giving to the husband and to the wife [00:24:10]

when the husband and the wife are both believers and therefore equal before god we know that and they take on and they perform the roles that they've been given to carry out in marriage if they do that well and obediently their relationship invariably thrives and the love they have for each other that they get from following god's ways is amazing it is wonderful it's better than anything that you could imagine in a marriage this is how to have a great marriage you you [00:25:36]

lorina for nearly 39 years and she was not only willing for me to lead her and our children but she wanted me to do that she wanted me to lead and sometimes i even got it right occasionally really i got it right but i did get it right sometimes but she wanted me to lead and i wanted to lead she would voluntarily submit to me as her husband knowing that i fully understood and believed that we were both image bearers of god and equal under him even though we had different roles to play as men and women as male and female and although she was obedient in submitting to her husband don't think for a second that she stayed quiet and didn't speak her mind because people who knew her knew that she qualified in the i can speak my mind university and full honors with all that stuff if i said something that i shouldn't have she would correct me and if i was doing something that i shouldn't have she would speak up and let me know and sometimes very strongly and this is where in the text it says wives submit to your husbands as is fitting to the lord because at no stage is a wife asked to submit to her husband if he's not doing something that's pleasing to the lord you do not have to submit to your husband if he's doing something ungodly because you submit to god well before you submit to your husband but you are allowed to correct him and do it gently when you do that florina had skills that i didn't have and i had skills that she didn't have and she used them for our family's advantage and mine we would discuss family and other issues and quite often she had better ideas than i did and i'd be thankful for that and we'd use them but if we were divided on something and we couldn't come to an agreement she would happily submit to me as her husband and we would follow what i thought was best in that situation as head of the house and you know what she never gave me a yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah when it went wrong you a lot of you knew her but she would never ever do that she would never bring it up later on too she trusted me even though i don't see myself always as trust with but she trusted me in god's order to be leading her and to make that decision at that time she was a really good student of my character really good student of my character my my kids say that she knew the grandchildren better than they did themselves and she knew when to encourage me she knew when she needed to correct me and i was so thankful for that you know in fact i loved her more because she did that that was her role that she was playing and the thing that i knew about her without a doubt was her without a doubt was that i was a distant second place you [00:26:16]

Folks if you are married to somebody who loves Jesus more than you, you are in a good good situation. [00:29:03]

A beautiful woman, and she lost Larry a couple of years ago now, so we had a bit of a, we miss our spouse fest at her house the other day. You know, after speaking with so many people regarding their marriages over a lot of years, the thing that I am continuing to learn and understand is that you can discuss and counsel in the areas like communication and financial disagreements and feeling disconnected from each other. [00:32:22]

I am absolutely convinced that if a Christian married couple take the Apostle Paul's clear, precise, and simple to understand instructions, it can be really hard to obey because we're so sinful, and carry these instructions out in the power of the Spirit, relying on God, you will find that so many of these other issues will not reach the height or the depth that they potentially could because your submission to the core of the issue has just happened. What is that? Number one, submitting your life to Christ just like He submitted to His Father. [00:33:35]

And then, going back to, or even going there for the first time, to the specific role in your marriage that has been given to you by the Lord, that at this moment might be right out of whack actually, and start fulfilling the role again with discipline, humility, and after some time, even joy. That can happen. [00:34:13]

Don't let anybody fool you into being convinced that submitting in a biblical sense is being squashed down. It is liberating. It's actual freedom. [00:35:13]

And if you need some encouragement or some guidance, we want you to seek us out so that we can speak to you or point you in the right direction for the sake of your marriage, for the sake of your spiritual well -being, and for God's glory, because marriage can be tricky. [00:36:00]

Encourage him to lead, even if he isn't at the moment, and respond to him when he does, or he tries to, rather than criticising him when he messes it up a bit. [00:36:40]

Are you loving her, husbands, with agape love? That is unconditional, and it's characterized by selflessness and sacrifice. Two other dirty words. Selflessness and sacrifice. Men, are you encouraging your wife? [00:37:41]

And tell her what it is that you appreciate about her as well. You know, I do this exercise and I won't look at anybody because I've done it with one or two people in here as well. [00:38:36]

When you go to bed tonight, turn out the light. I want you to hold each other and face each other. And husband, I want you to speak for two minutes with her being silent about what it is that you love about your wife. [00:38:57]

If that is the case, I have a reminder for you. [00:39:34]

But may I remind you that he has already been defeated. [00:40:18]

my desire is for you to adhere to this one first at the top of the mountain number one put them up on the board top five but here's number one is that you love God before all else before everything else before all of this stuff here love God first and my desire for all of you in fact anyone who is single if it's the Lord's plan for you that you find a marriage partner who is a godly man or a godly woman who loves Jesus more than they love you and you have the confidence that they would be willing to fulfill the roles of a husband or wife that I've been talking about and today because if that's the case this person is well worth waiting for really well worth waiting for you don't want to end up with a dud snowflake that was cute and full of you don't want to end up with a dud funny years ago you want a godly man you want a godly woman [00:44:32]