Listening to Tension: Avoiding Self-Sabotage in Decisions
Summary
Taking a moment to reflect on our lives, we often find that we have been our own worst enemies at times. This isn't always due to monumental decisions but often through a series of small choices that lead us astray. I shared a personal story from my college days when I found myself on academic probation, realizing that I was the only one to blame. This experience taught me a valuable lesson: we all have the potential to undermine our own lives.
The key to avoiding this is to recognize that every bad decision starts with a single step. Jesus, in his teachings, emphasized the importance of building a strong foundation, likening it to a man who builds his house on the sand. This metaphor serves as a reminder that ignoring the small tensions and hesitations in our lives can lead to significant consequences.
In this series, I want to offer three habits that can help us avoid becoming our own worst enemies. The first habit is to "pay attention to the tension." Whenever you face a decision that causes even the slightest hesitation or discomfort, stop and listen to that inner voice. This tension is often a signal that something isn't right, and ignoring it can lead to regret.
I illustrated this point with the story of David and King Saul. David had the opportunity to kill Saul and become king, but he felt a tension that made him pause. This hesitation saved him from making a decision that would have haunted him for life. David's story teaches us the importance of listening to our conscience and not using others' bad behavior as an excuse for our own.
In our daily lives, we often sell ourselves on bad ideas, ignoring the small voice that warns us. We must learn to pause and explore the reasons behind our hesitations. This practice will help us make decisions that we won't regret and ensure that we don't become our own worst enemies.
Key Takeaways:
- We all have the potential to become our own worst enemies, often through a series of small, seemingly insignificant decisions. Recognizing this potential is the first step toward change. [02:45]
- Jesus' teachings remind us of the importance of building a strong foundation in our lives. Ignoring small tensions can lead to significant consequences, much like building a house on sand. [04:29]
- Paying attention to the tension is crucial. When faced with a decision that causes hesitation, stop and listen to that inner voice. This tension is often a signal that something isn't right. [05:40]
- The story of David and Saul illustrates the importance of listening to our conscience. David's hesitation saved him from making a decision that would have haunted him for life. [19:45]
- We must learn to pause and explore the reasons behind our hesitations. This practice will help us make decisions that we won't regret and ensure that we don't become our own worst enemies. [34:15]
Youtube Chapters:
[00:00] - Welcome
[00:12] - Have You Been Your Own Worst Enemy?
[01:01] - A Memorable Lesson from College
[02:45] - The Potential Within Us All
[04:29] - Jesus' Teachings on Foundations
[05:40] - Pay Attention to the Tension
[09:59] - A Story from the Hebrew Bible
[12:10] - David's Dilemma
[15:10] - An Unexpected Opportunity
[19:45] - David's Moment of Clarity
[22:04] - Explaining the Decision
[25:13] - Saul's Humiliation
[28:27] - A Lesson from My Daughter
[31:04] - The Importance of Tension
[34:02] - A Commitment to Pause
Study Guide
Bible Study Discussion Guide
Bible Reading:
1. Matthew 7:24-27 - The Parable of the Wise and Foolish Builders
2. 1 Samuel 24:1-7 - David Spares Saul's Life
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Observation Questions:
1. In the parable of the wise and foolish builders, what does Jesus say about the importance of a strong foundation? How does this relate to the concept of becoming our own worst enemy? [04:29]
2. What was the tension David experienced when he had the opportunity to kill Saul, and how did he respond to it? [19:45]
3. How did David's men interpret the situation when Saul entered the cave, and what did they encourage David to do? [17:03]
4. What was the reaction of Saul and his men when David revealed himself at the mouth of the cave? [25:28]
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Interpretation Questions:
1. How does the parable of the wise and foolish builders illustrate the importance of paying attention to the small tensions in our lives? What might be the consequences of ignoring these tensions? [04:29]
2. Why might David have felt a tension or hesitation about killing Saul, even though it seemed like a perfect opportunity? What does this teach us about listening to our conscience? [19:45]
3. How does David's decision to spare Saul's life reflect on his character and leadership? What can we learn from his example about handling difficult decisions? [26:23]
4. In what ways do we "sell ourselves" on bad ideas, and how can we recognize when we are doing this? [09:25]
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Application Questions:
1. Reflect on a recent decision you made that caused tension or hesitation. How did you respond to that inner voice, and what was the outcome? [05:40]
2. Identify a current situation where you might be ignoring a small tension or hesitation. What steps can you take to pause and explore the reasons behind this feeling? [34:15]
3. Think of a time when you used someone else's bad behavior as an excuse for your own. How can you change your perspective to focus on your own actions and decisions? [27:03]
4. How can you build a strong foundation in your life to prevent becoming your own worst enemy? What practical habits can you implement to support this goal? [04:29]
5. Consider a decision you are currently facing. Are you selling yourself on a bad idea? What would it look like to pause and listen to the wiser voices around you? [24:38]
6. How can you cultivate the habit of paying attention to the tension in your daily life? What specific practices can help you become more attuned to your conscience? [05:40]
7. Reflect on the story of David and Saul. How can you apply the lesson of not taking matters into your own hands in your relationships or career? [26:43]
Devotional
Day 1: Recognizing Our Potential for Self-Sabotage
In our journey through life, we often find ourselves making a series of small decisions that, when compounded, lead us astray. These decisions may not seem significant at the moment, but they can accumulate and result in us becoming our own worst enemies. Recognizing this potential within ourselves is the first step toward change. By acknowledging that we have the power to undermine our own lives, we can begin to take responsibility for our actions and make more conscious choices. This awareness allows us to break the cycle of self-sabotage and move toward a more intentional and fulfilling life. [02:45]
Jeremiah 17:9-10 (ESV): "The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it? 'I the Lord search the heart and test the mind, to give every man according to his ways, according to the fruit of his deeds.'"
Reflection: Think of a recent decision you made that didn't turn out as expected. What small choices led to that outcome, and how can you be more mindful of similar decisions in the future?
Day 2: Building a Strong Foundation
Jesus' teachings emphasize the importance of building a strong foundation in our lives. He likens it to a man who builds his house on the sand, which is easily washed away by the storms of life. This metaphor serves as a powerful reminder that ignoring the small tensions and hesitations in our lives can lead to significant consequences. By paying attention to these small signals, we can ensure that our lives are built on a solid foundation, capable of withstanding the challenges that come our way. This requires us to be vigilant and intentional in our daily choices, ensuring that we are not building our lives on unstable ground. [04:29]
Matthew 7:24-25 (ESV): "Everyone then who hears these words of mine and does them will be like a wise man who built his house on the rock. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house, but it did not fall, because it had been founded on the rock."
Reflection: What areas of your life feel unstable or uncertain? How can you begin to build a stronger foundation in those areas today?
Day 3: Heeding the Inner Tension
Paying attention to the tension is crucial in making wise decisions. Whenever you face a decision that causes even the slightest hesitation or discomfort, it is important to stop and listen to that inner voice. This tension is often a signal that something isn't right, and ignoring it can lead to regret. By being attuned to these feelings, you can make decisions that align with your values and avoid unnecessary pitfalls. This practice requires mindfulness and a willingness to pause and reflect before acting, ensuring that your choices are guided by wisdom rather than impulse. [05:40]
Proverbs 4:23 (ESV): "Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life."
Reflection: Think of a decision you are currently facing. What inner tensions or hesitations do you feel, and what might they be trying to tell you?
Day 4: Learning from David's Hesitation
The story of David and King Saul illustrates the importance of listening to our conscience. David had the opportunity to kill Saul and become king, but he felt a tension that made him pause. This hesitation saved him from making a decision that would have haunted him for life. David's story teaches us the importance of not using others' bad behavior as an excuse for our own and highlights the value of listening to our inner voice. By following our conscience, we can make choices that reflect our true character and avoid actions that we may later regret. [19:45]
1 Samuel 24:4-6 (ESV): "And the men of David said to him, 'Here is the day of which the Lord said to you, "Behold, I will give your enemy into your hand, and you shall do to him as it shall seem good to you."' Then David arose and stealthily cut off a corner of Saul's robe. And afterward David's heart struck him, because he had cut off a corner of Saul's robe."
Reflection: Reflect on a time when you felt tension about a decision but chose to ignore it. What was the outcome, and how might things have been different if you had listened to your conscience?
Day 5: Pausing to Explore Hesitations
We must learn to pause and explore the reasons behind our hesitations. This practice will help us make decisions that we won't regret and ensure that we don't become our own worst enemies. By taking the time to understand the source of our discomfort, we can gain clarity and make choices that align with our values and long-term goals. This requires patience and a willingness to engage in self-reflection, allowing us to navigate life's challenges with wisdom and grace. By committing to this practice, we can cultivate a life of integrity and purpose. [34:15]
Psalm 139:23-24 (ESV): "Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting."
Reflection: Identify a decision you are hesitant about. What specific concerns or fears are causing this hesitation, and how can you address them to make a more informed choice?
Quotes
We all have the potential. I don't even know you, but this is what I know about you. Every single one of us has the potential to become our own worst enemy, right? And the reason I know that is because you, and this is all of us, but I'm picking on you for a second. You have participated in all of your bad decisions, right? You have participated in 100 of your bad decisions. [00:02:41]
Because a single bad decision, I mean, you know this, a single bad decision is always the first step toward becoming your own worst enemy, right? It's not like it happens all at one time, it just unravels over time and the people that you've watched become their own worst enemy in a big way. It started with small things, it started with one simple single decision, right? [00:03:10]
Jesus doesn't talk about don't become your own worst enemy. But in his teaching, he's very, very clear. In fact, in one of his most famous parables, he says this, he says, anyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice, you may remember this from childhood. Anyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a man who became his own worst enemy. [00:04:18]
Whenever you're considering any option, any invitation, anything that comes your way, any choice that you're about to make and it causes, if the option you're considering causes any sense of hesitation, a little bit of tension, a little bit of pause, it in any kind of way dings your conscience. Stop and pay attention to that tension. Don't start selling yourself. Start listening. [00:05:53]
And what's interesting is we lie to ourselves (laughing) and then we believe our own lies. I think only human beings are capable of this. We make up things and then choose to believe the things that we made up and here's how I know that's true. Then and you have to be a little creative, okay? If a sales person, if a sales person used the same pitch on you that you use on yourself. [00:06:47]
David had already been anointed King. Everybody knows he's the next guy. The only thing standing in the way of David to become the next King is Saul and here he is. And if we don't think that's what was running through David's mind, we know it that's what was running through David's men's mind because the text says, this is what his men whispered to him, far back in the cave. [00:16:41]
Suddenly somewhere between the back of that cave and King Saul's back, suddenly his decision to kill and to murder King Saul was completely reframed. Suddenly the hesitation that made no sense, made perfect sense. Wait! Wait, what am I doing? I'm about to murder the King. Wait a minute, wait, wait, wait. I can't murder the King. I mean, God chose Saul, I can't replace what God put in place. [00:19:48]
And it saved him from becoming his own worst enemy. Because in that moment, he would have become the man who murdered Israel's first King. He would become the man who murdered his own father in-law. The man who allowed him to rise to prominence after he killed Goliath. And so somewhere between the back of the cave and King Saul's back, this all gets reframed for him. [00:21:05]
David decided, and this is where some of you are, David decided not to use Saul's bad behavior as an excuse, for bad behavior. So how about you? As you think about the option you're considering. That big life change you're considering. That thing you've pretty much talked yourself into, in fact, the wheels are already turning. Are you considering, are you considering behaving badly based on somebody else's bad behavior? [00:27:03]
Because the tension that you are wrestling with right now, the tension you're wrestling with right now falls somewhere between choosing whether or not to tell your math teacher you studied from an old test and murdering a King. I think we've book ended about everything you and I could experience, right? It's somewhat this side of murdering a King, it's probably somewhat this side of what are you gonna tell your math teacher, but the principle is the same. [00:31:15]
If there's something that you can't quite put your finger on, hit pause. If there's something where you find yourself saying, I just have an overactive conscience, maybe, but maybe not, hit pause. If there's something that someone else has put their finger on and you're mad at them for bringing it up, but then when you got alone by yourself, you can't get it off your mind. [00:31:42]
Would you be willing to pause until you pinpoint the cause? Would you be willing to make this commitment? I'm gonna pause until I pinpoint the cause. Or another way of saying it. I'm going to explore rather than ignore my conscience, I'm going to explore, why does that bother me? Why am I uneasy about that? Everybody else says it's okay, everybody else is involved, everybody else does it this way. [00:34:19]
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