Leading with Love: Embracing Stories in Ministry

 

Summary

Taking a deep breath, I reflect on the journey of serving alongside people in ministry, especially those we may not naturally connect with. It's a reality that not everyone in our ministry circles will be our best friends, and that's okay. The larger the ministry grows, the fewer people we might connect with on a personal level. However, this doesn't diminish our responsibility to lead with love and grace. We are called to love and serve even those we don't naturally get along with, much like we do with family members we may not always see eye to eye with.

One of the most profound lessons I've learned is the power of knowing someone's story. When we take the time to understand the background and experiences of those we serve with, it transforms our perspective. A person who might initially seem difficult or unlikable can become someone we empathize with deeply once we understand their journey. This understanding allows us to love them as God does, seeing beyond their exterior to the heart of their story.

On the flip side, discernment is crucial in ministry. There are times when individuals may not have the best interests of the ministry at heart. It's essential to recognize when a spirit of division or manipulation is at play and to address it with firmness and love. The health of the ministry often requires difficult decisions, including letting go of those who may be causing harm. This is not about being authoritarian but about maintaining order and unity within the church.

Moreover, the importance of maintaining a healthy marriage amidst ministry challenges cannot be overstated. It's vital to prioritize time together, plan regular dates, and ensure open communication. This intentionality helps prevent burnout and keeps the relationship strong, even when ministry demands are high.

Lastly, we must remember that ministry is not just about the work we do but also about the relationships we build and the love we show. Whether it's with our spouses, our church members, or our fellow leaders, love and understanding should always be at the forefront of our actions.

Key Takeaways:

1. Loving Beyond Affinity: It's natural not to connect with everyone in ministry, but our calling is to love and serve them regardless. Understanding someone's story can transform our perspective and help us love them as God does. [36:25]

2. The Power of Story: Knowing the background and experiences of those we serve with can change everything. It allows us to empathize and love them more deeply, seeing beyond their exterior to the heart of their journey. [37:54]

3. Discernment in Ministry: Recognizing when individuals do not have the ministry's best interests at heart is crucial. Addressing divisive spirits with firmness and love is necessary to maintain unity and order within the church. [42:16]

4. Prioritizing Marriage: Amidst ministry demands, it's vital to prioritize time with your spouse, plan regular dates, and maintain open communication. This intentionality helps prevent burnout and keeps the relationship strong. [56:24]

5. Balancing Transparency and Boundaries: In ministry, it's important to be truthful but also to maintain appropriate boundaries. Not everyone is meant to bear the weight of our burdens, and discernment is needed to know what to share and with whom. [45:04]

Youtube Chapters:

- [00:00] - Welcome
- [29:35] - Entering New Spaces
- [30:58] - Unexpected Encounters
- [31:50] - The Weight of Leadership
- [33:37] - Serving with Difficult People
- [34:52] - Leading with Love
- [36:09] - Understanding Stories
- [39:20] - Discernment in Ministry
- [42:16] - Addressing Divisive Spirits
- [45:04] - Balancing Transparency
- [47:18] - Encouraging Rest
- [50:09] - Finding a Rhythm
- [52:06] - Supporting in Marriage
- [56:24] - Prioritizing Time Together
- [58:14] - Creative Date Ideas

Study Guide

Bible Study Discussion Guide

Bible Reading:
1. Proverbs 31:10-11
2. Numbers 16:1-3 (Korah's rebellion)
3. Luke 5:16 (Jesus withdrawing to pray)

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Observation Questions:

1. What does Proverbs 31:10-11 say about the role of a wife in supporting her husband, and how does this relate to the sermon’s emphasis on maintaining a healthy marriage amidst ministry challenges? [48:00]

2. In Numbers 16:1-3, what was the nature of Korah's rebellion, and how does this relate to the sermon’s discussion on recognizing divisive spirits within the church? [39:50]

3. How does Luke 5:16 illustrate the importance of rest and withdrawal, and how was this concept applied in the sermon regarding preventing burnout in ministry? [50:45]

4. According to the sermon, what is the significance of understanding someone's story in transforming our perspective towards them? [36:25]

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Interpretation Questions:

1. How does the concept of a wife being a "safe place" for her husband, as mentioned in Proverbs 31:10-11, influence the dynamics of a marriage, especially in the context of ministry? [48:00]

2. What are the potential consequences of ignoring divisive spirits within a church, as illustrated by the story of Korah's rebellion in Numbers 16:1-3? [42:16]

3. How can the practice of withdrawing for prayer, as Jesus did in Luke 5:16, be integrated into a busy ministry schedule to ensure spiritual and emotional health? [50:45]

4. In what ways can knowing someone's story change our approach to serving alongside them, and how does this align with the sermon’s message of loving beyond affinity? [36:25]

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Application Questions:

1. Reflect on a time when you struggled to connect with someone in your ministry. How might understanding their story have changed your perspective and actions towards them? [36:25]

2. Consider your current ministry environment. Are there any signs of divisive spirits or manipulation that need to be addressed? How can you approach these situations with firmness and love? [42:16]

3. How can you and your spouse prioritize your marriage amidst the demands of ministry? What specific steps can you take this week to ensure you are both supporting each other effectively? [56:24]

4. Identify a specific area in your life where you need to practice discernment. How can you seek God’s guidance to make wise decisions in this area? [39:20]

5. Think about your current rhythm of work and rest. What changes can you make to incorporate regular times of withdrawal and prayer, as Jesus did, to prevent burnout? [50:45]

6. How can you balance transparency and boundaries in your relationships within the church? What are some practical ways to ensure you are sharing appropriately without overburdening others? [45:04]

7. Reflect on a relationship in your life that requires more love and understanding. What specific actions can you take to demonstrate God’s love to this person, even if you don’t naturally connect with them? [36:25]

Devotional

Day 1: Loving Beyond Affinity
In ministry, it is natural not to connect with everyone on a personal level, but the calling to love and serve remains unchanged. This love is not based on personal affinity but on a deeper understanding of each individual's story. By taking the time to learn about the backgrounds and experiences of those around us, we can transform our perspective and begin to love them as God does. This approach allows us to see beyond the surface and appreciate the heart of their journey, fostering empathy and compassion. [36:25]

"Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor." (Romans 12:9-10, ESV)

Reflection: Think of someone in your ministry circle you find difficult to connect with. How can you take a step today to learn more about their story and show them genuine love?


Day 2: The Power of Story
Understanding the stories of those we serve with can change everything. When we take the time to know the background and experiences of others, it opens the door to empathy and deeper love. This understanding allows us to see beyond their exterior and appreciate the heart of their journey. By doing so, we align our perspective with God's, who sees the heart and not just the outward appearance. [37:54]

"Do not judge by appearances, but judge with right judgment." (John 7:24, ESV)

Reflection: Consider someone whose story you don't know well. What steps can you take this week to learn more about their journey and see them through God's eyes?


Day 3: Discernment in Ministry
In ministry, discernment is crucial to recognize when individuals may not have the best interests of the ministry at heart. It is essential to address any spirit of division or manipulation with firmness and love to maintain unity and order within the church. This is not about being authoritarian but about protecting the health of the ministry and ensuring it remains a place of love and service. [42:16]

"Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, for many false prophets have gone out into the world." (1 John 4:1, ESV)

Reflection: Reflect on a situation where you felt a spirit of division. How can you approach it with both firmness and love to promote unity?


Day 4: Prioritizing Marriage
Amidst the demands of ministry, it is vital to prioritize time with your spouse, plan regular dates, and maintain open communication. This intentionality helps prevent burnout and keeps the relationship strong. By nurturing your marriage, you create a solid foundation that supports both personal and ministry life, ensuring that your relationship remains a source of strength and joy. [56:24]

"Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh." (Genesis 2:24, ESV)

Reflection: What is one specific way you can prioritize your marriage this week, ensuring it remains strong amidst your ministry commitments?


Day 5: Balancing Transparency and Boundaries
In ministry, it is important to be truthful while maintaining appropriate boundaries. Not everyone is meant to bear the weight of our burdens, and discernment is needed to know what to share and with whom. This balance ensures that we remain authentic without overwhelming others, fostering healthy relationships and a supportive community. [45:04]

"Whoever guards his mouth preserves his life; he who opens wide his lips comes to ruin." (Proverbs 13:3, ESV)

Reflection: Consider an area where you might need to set better boundaries. How can you practice discernment in what you share and with whom, ensuring healthy and supportive relationships?

Quotes


Serving alongside people who don't like you I think we almost cut or don't have the best interests of the ministry in mind. Go ahead Jada well release to speak the filtered version no first of all now I said my husband says he knows when it's not about to go well when I started numbering my points first of all yes. [00:33:29]

So sermon is serving alongside people that you don't like hmm I'm gonna deal with that a little separately okay then the ministry issue because sometimes the two are not combined okay sometimes it's just a person that you don't connect with because you don't connect with everybody because and especially the larger your ministry grows the smaller the amount of people that you actually connect with you know yeah. [00:34:00]

And that just means that you like them and you're not less godly and less christ-like if you don't like everybody there are people that you'll have to serve with it you don't want to have lunch with like I just want to have a meeting at the conference table at church I don't I don't I don't want to bring you into my social time on my family time because this is either not a healthy relationship or for whatever reason there's not an affinity there. [00:34:36]

And so I have some thoughts about how to really interact with those people because as a pastor's wife I think what has been my biggest challenge is I don't you don't get the privilege or the benefit of just writing them off when you're when you're in the church you can just decide who you're gonna associate with but very often the Lord will bring people that you don't really get along with yeah and they're the ones that need something from ya. [00:35:04]

And you can't say you know I don't really like you can you go talk to you just have you kick well you can but you should you're right you're right you can and so I have really been challenged in our in our time in ministry to to really lead them with love and and you know it's the same thing I think with people even in your own in your blood family there's people that are connected to you yeah that you really have some sense of responsibility for obligation for but you might not like everyone in your family. [00:35:44]

And so I try to see them if it's just an affinity issue we may not get along together and you may not be my girlfriend then I try to see it as you're in my family and so I'm still called to lead you would love you uh-huh and so I do that really by first listening and then that means I have to sometimes force myself to spend a little bit of time with people that I that I don't particularly have an affinity for you know and so because one thing the Lord has shown me many many times is when you know someone's story yeah it changes everything. [00:36:25]

Wow that's good and so the person that you like the least when you start to know their testimony things they've walked through it changes everything I have met people and and I remember a young lady in particular early in the in our church planting years and we were in the hotel setting up and tearing down and all that good stuff and she just she just rubbed me wrong all the time and I would go sit in my car like is it me is it what is it and finally one day I said you know what I need to I need to hang out with her and go to lunch. [00:36:54]

And it was you're talking about praying before the lunch it wasn't it wasn't me and so I we had this lunch and let me tell you by the time I learned her story mm-hmm that she had never had a mother who ever told her she loved her that she had a mother who lived a lifestyle where she wanted much raised herself in the age of six that she raised her siblings I mean all of these things yeah I was like oh you're doing well just just to be you know you just kind of have an attitude you know but you should be certified insane somewhere you know you should be dealing with serious mental disorder. [00:37:54]

And she just you know she had a little rough edges but I'm telling you once I got to know her story yeah I changed this week me and the Lord has really reminded me he said Jada I don't see everyone's face I don't see what you see I see their story and then to be able to love people like you know their story yes and so they're tweeting about oh the way man because sometimes I meet a stranger and I don't have the time to have lunch and get to know you and if I don't connect with you or something rubs me wrong hmm I have to say to myself if you found out their whole story Wow you you would treat them differently. [00:38:44]

So now in maturity and with grace treat him like you already know their story treat them like you already know their Testament even if you don't know what it is everybody has something you know that would that would pull on your heartstrings you know and so that listening time and listening to them if you can or listening to the Lord because he'll give you insight they'll say this person may not be likable or this person may always have an attitude or this person may seem this way but let me tell you what you don't see ya let me tell you what they're working really hard to cover Wow. [00:39:20]

And then as as a pastoral figure cuz even though we're women we didn't have a pastoring role then you get to love them and I'm gonna tell you watching the walls break down Wow from love yes you know rather than then separation is just one of the greatest joys themselves that's really listening to them and and asking God Lord give me the discernment and wisdom and love ya so I can treat them like I know there's no wrong no in the story yes I like that now on the flip side that is the good that's the good way yes ma'am and on the flip side though that there has also been some times where we've had to go before the Lord. [00:39:59]

And then you get into now not just worth whether you get along with the person but their heart for the ministry what their spirit is and it's a really good book and I think it's called a house divided or unity and I need to find the name of the books I can tell you but okay this man deals with the three primary spirits that come up in your church okay the core was spirit mm-hmm which is the energetic person but they like divisive 'no suisse it in the Book of Numbers the Absalon spirit which is the complaining they always go against Authority in a Jezebel spirit which is not just sexual just the domineering controlling of men belittling of men once the relationships with men even if it's not overtly sexual. [00:40:52]

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Transcript
What was the most surprising thing in this sermon?
Were there any personal stories shared?