Intentional Relationships: Shaping the Next Generation

 

Summary

Parenting and influencing the next generation often feels like navigating an Abbott and Costello routine—confusing, unpredictable, and sometimes overwhelming. There are moments when it’s easy to wonder, “What am I doing?” Family life is messy, and there’s no manual or step-by-step process that guarantees success. Each child is unique, and what works for one may not work for another. Yet, one truth stands out: relationships shape who we become. The three most significant relationships in a young person’s life are with their parents, with God, and with people outside the home—especially friends.

The influence of friendships and relationships outside the home cannot be overstated. These connections have the power to build character, integrity, and faith, or to undermine them. It’s not just about parenting; this principle applies to everyone. The people we surround ourselves with will either lift us up or pull us down. As Proverbs 13:20 says, “He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm.” The direction and quality of our lives are deeply affected by the company we keep.

Intentionality is key. Wise parents and mentors don’t leave relationships to chance. They actively seek out and encourage connections with wise, positive influences, and they set boundaries to limit exposure to negative ones. This is especially important in a world where online communities often replace real, embodied relationships. The digital world, while convenient, cannot substitute for the growth and accountability that comes from face-to-face interactions with wise people.

It’s also essential to be open-handed. Sometimes, the most impactful voices in a child’s life won’t be their parents, but other trusted adults—teachers, coaches, small group leaders—who reinforce the same values and wisdom. And finally, it’s crucial to model wisdom ourselves. Children learn by watching, and our own pursuit of wise relationships sets the tone for their choices.

Imagine the transformation if we all committed to dialing up wise influences and dialing back the unwise. Not only would our children’s lives be changed, but so would ours. The call is clear: be intentional, be open-handed, and be the wise.

Key Takeaways

- The Power of Intentional Influence
Intentionality in relationships is not optional—it’s essential. Wise influences rarely happen by accident; they are the result of deliberate choices to seek out and nurture connections with people who embody wisdom and integrity. This means actively identifying and increasing time with those who build up, while courageously setting boundaries with those who tear down. [50:26]

- The Direction of Relationships
Relationships are never static; they are always moving us somewhere. Children, and even adults, often evaluate relationships based on how they feel in the moment, not realizing that every friendship is shaping their future. It’s vital to help young people (and ourselves) discern not just where a relationship is, but where it’s leading. [48:40]

- The Limits of Online Community
Digital connections, while pervasive, cannot replace the depth and accountability of real-life relationships. Online communities often foster comparison, anxiety, and superficiality, rather than genuine growth and support. Setting boundaries around screen time and prioritizing face-to-face interactions is a necessary act of love and wisdom in today’s world. [54:39]

- The Gift of Open-Handedness
Sometimes, the most significant voices in a child’s life are not their parents, but other trusted adults who reinforce the same truths. Being open-handed means accepting that influence can—and should—come from a community of wise mentors, not just from us. This humility creates a network of support that strengthens and sustains faith and character. [59:23]

- Modeling Wisdom for the Next Generation
Children learn far more from what we do than what we say. Our own pursuit of wise relationships, our willingness to seek help, and our openness to growth set a powerful example. If we want our children to walk with the wise, we must be willing to walk that path ourselves, inviting others to join us along the way. [01:00:48]

Youtube Chapters

[00:00] - Welcome
[00:30] - Parenting Feels Like Abbott and Costello
[02:45] - Launching a Middle School Ministry
[05:10] - Working at a School for Troubled Kids
[10:00] - Meeting Rodrigo: The Challenge of Broken Trust
[13:07] - The Mandarin Oranges Incident
[15:00] - The Messiness of Family and Parenting
[17:00] - The Three Key Relationships
[20:00] - The Power of Friendships Outside the Home
[23:28] - Personal Story: The Impact of a Wise Friend
[27:49] - Friendships Determine Life’s Direction
[31:19] - The Wisdom of Proverbs 13:20
[35:26] - How to Dial Up Wise Relationships
[41:53] - The Problem with Online Community
[47:23] - Be Intentional, Be Open-Handed, Be the Wise
[53:08] - The Call to Action and Closing Prayer

Study Guide

Small Group Bible Study Guide: “Dialing Up Wise Influence”

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### Bible Reading

Proverbs 13:20
“He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm.”

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### Observation Questions

1. According to Proverbs 13:20, what is the result of walking with wise people? What is the result of being a companion of fools?
2. The sermon described three key relationships that shape a young person’s life. What are they? [[35:59]]
3. What are some ways the sermon described that friendships and relationships outside the home can influence a child’s character and faith? [[38:03]]
4. What does the sermon say about the difference between knowledge and wisdom? [[45:32]]

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### Interpretation Questions

1. Why does Proverbs 13:20 connect wisdom and harm so directly to the people we spend time with? What does this suggest about the power of influence?
2. The sermon says, “Relationships are never static; they are always moving us somewhere.” What does this mean for how we evaluate our friendships and our children’s friendships? [[48:40]]
3. The pastor shared a story about a wise friend who helped him grow in faith. Why do you think God often uses other people to shape our spiritual lives? [[41:19]]
4. The sermon warns that online communities can’t replace real-life relationships. Why might digital connections fall short in building character and faith? [[54:39]]

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### Application Questions

1. Think about your own life: Who are the “wise” people you spend the most time with? Are there any relationships you need to “dial up” or “dial back” to help you grow in wisdom? [[50:26]]
2. If you’re a parent or mentor, what are some practical ways you can be more intentional about connecting your child (or someone you influence) with wise, positive adults? [[50:26]]
3. The sermon encourages being “open-handed”—accepting that sometimes the most significant voices in a child’s life won’t be their parents. How easy or hard is this for you? What steps could you take to invite other trusted adults into your child’s life? [[59:23]]
4. How much time do you or your children spend in online communities compared to face-to-face relationships? What boundaries might be helpful to set this week? [[54:39]]
5. The pastor said, “Children learn far more from what we do than what we say.” In what ways are you modeling wise relationships for the next generation? Is there an area where your example could improve? [[01:00:48]]
6. Can you remember a time when a friendship or relationship moved your life in a positive or negative direction? What did you learn from that experience? [[42:49]]
7. The sermon ended with a challenge: “Be intentional, be open-handed, and be the wise.” Which of these three is most challenging for you right now, and what is one step you can take this week to grow in that area? [[01:03:08]]

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Closing Prayer Suggestion:
Ask God to help you recognize wise influences in your life and in the lives of those you love. Pray for courage to set boundaries, humility to invite others in, and the wisdom to model what it means to “walk with the wise.”

Devotional

Day 1: The Power of Wise Friendships
The people we choose to surround ourselves with have a profound impact on the direction and quality of our lives. Just as friendships can lift us up and encourage us to become better versions of ourselves, they can also pull us down and lead us into harm if we are not careful about who we allow to influence us. This truth is especially important for our children, who may not yet recognize the long-term effects of their relationships. As we consider the voices speaking into our lives and the lives of our kids, let us be intentional about seeking out wise companions who will help us grow in character, integrity, and faith. [47:22]

Proverbs 13:20 (ESV)
Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.

Reflection: Who is one wise person you can intentionally spend more time with this week, or encourage your child to connect with, to help shape a positive direction for the future?


Day 2: Intentionality in Building Positive Relationships
Healthy, life-giving relationships rarely happen by accident; they require intentional effort and discernment. As parents, mentors, or friends, we have the unique opportunity to help guide those we care about toward relationships that will build them up. This means actively identifying wise, positive influences and finding ways to increase their presence in our lives and the lives of our children, while also being willing to set boundaries and dial back relationships that are unhealthy. Taking these steps may not always be easy, but the impact can be life-changing for ourselves and those we love. [50:26]

Philippians 1:9-10 (ESV)
And it is my prayer that your love may abound more and more, with knowledge and all discernment, so that you may approve what is excellent, and so be pure and blameless for the day of Christ.

Reflection: What is one practical step you can take today to intentionally foster a positive, wise relationship for yourself or your child?


Day 3: The Importance of Face-to-Face Community
In a world increasingly dominated by online interactions, it is vital to remember that true community and healthy relationships are built through real, face-to-face connections. While online communities may offer entertainment or a sense of belonging, they cannot replace the depth, accountability, and growth that come from embodied relationships. Setting boundaries around screen time and prioritizing in-person interactions helps cultivate the social skills, memories, and character that are essential for healthy development and well-being. [54:39]

Hebrews 10:24-25 (ESV)
And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.

Reflection: How can you create or encourage more meaningful face-to-face interactions in your family or community this week?


Day 4: Being Open-Handed with Influence
Sometimes, the most loving thing we can do is to recognize that we may not always be the primary voice of wisdom in someone’s life. Being open-handed means being willing to seek out and support other wise adults or mentors who can speak truth and encouragement into our children or loved ones. It takes humility and trust to let others play a significant role, but doing so can provide the support and perspective that is needed for growth and resilience. [59:23]

Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 (ESV)
Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up!

Reflection: Is there someone in your life or your child’s life who could be a wise mentor or friend? How can you encourage or facilitate that connection?


Day 5: Becoming the Wise Influence
We are called not only to seek out wise influences but also to become wise influences ourselves. Our actions, choices, and the way we live out our faith are being watched by those around us, especially by the next generation. By surrounding ourselves with wisdom, living with integrity, and being willing to invest in others, we can be the kind of person who helps lift others up and points them toward a brighter future. There is great value in sharing our experiences and being present for those who need guidance and encouragement. [01:00:48]

James 3:13 (ESV)
Who is wise and understanding among you? By his good conduct let him show his works in the meekness of wisdom.

Reflection: In what specific way can you be a wise influence for someone in your life this week—whether through your words, actions, or presence?

Quotes



I began to see the world differently. I began to see things with a different perspective, a different light. I felt like the ways that I was able to start the morning with God's word, there was something about that that all of a sudden gave me some peace in my life.I tried hard to live out some of the truths that I would read, and it built this foundation of my faith that honestly changed my life, forever changed my life. [00:42:20] (28 seconds)


Friendships ultimately determine the direction and the quality of your life. They do.I've heard it said that friendships are like elevators, right? They can either take you up or they can take you down.Friendships ultimately determine the direction and the quality of your life. You don't need to be a Christian to understand this, right?Like we can all look back on our lives and see those types of people. [00:42:54] (30 seconds)


The people that you choose to spend time with, good or bad, will ultimately affect your life.So who are the people you're allowing to affect your life? Or who are the people that you are allowing to affect the lives of your kids?Because this is a question that we should be asking.This is a question that we should think pretty seriously about. Because I'm telling you, there are a lot of voices out there. And our kids, they hear all of them.You might not think they do, but trust me when I say this, they do. [00:43:52] (42 seconds)


Be intentional.It's not going to happen by accident. Listen, and I guarantee you, your kids are not going to be very good at discovering who the whys are. You've got to be intentional. You've got to turn on your internal wise people radar. Right?You've got to figure out who are these people that we come in contact with regularly that is a wise person. And then what you need to do is dial that up.You need to find ways to get your kids in front of those people more. [00:50:55] (31 seconds)


You want to dial up positive influences in the lives of your kids? You got to put some boundaries in place. You have to.One of the greatest things that happened to my family last week was our power was out for three days.I mean, I'm telling you, it was like, it was from the Lord.I mean, we lost a lot of food, but it was from Jesus because we had a lot of board game nights. We talked. My kids went out and played for hours because there was nothing else to do. [00:58:07] (34 seconds)


Are you surrounding yourself with wise people?Like, are you discovering voices in your life that could speak into your life? Because that's significant too. There are people who've come before you who have lots of wisdom to share. If you're stuck, if you don't know what to do, if you're like in an Abbott and Costello routine wondering who's on first, find someone to help you because that makes you better.And when you're better, you can be a better parent. [01:01:04] (29 seconds)


What are you going to do to dial up the influence in the positive instead of the negative? Be the wise. Be intentional. Be open -handed. And I promise you, their lives will change. And so will yours. [01:04:42] (20 seconds)


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Transcript
What was the most surprising thing in this sermon?
Were there any personal stories shared?