Intentional Parenting: Building Strong Families Through Faith
Summary
### Summary
Today marks the beginning of our new series, "FAM," where we will explore various aspects of family life, including immediate, extended, and church families, as well as friendships that feel like family. We kick off with a topic that is frequently requested: parenting. Parenting is challenging because it comes without a manual, and every stage of life brings new complexities. Today, I want to share 12 principles from the Bible that apply to everyone, regardless of their life stage.
We start by looking at Proverbs 24, where Solomon says it takes wisdom and understanding to build a strong family. Instead of offering my personal advice, I want to focus on what the Bible says about parenting. Historically, there have been two predominant styles of parenting: authoritarian and permissive. Both have their pros and cons, but I advocate for a third style—biblical parenting. The goal of biblical parenting is to instill God's wisdom in our children so that they make the right decisions when they are on their own.
We need to set goals for our families. My family has four core values: love, integrity, generosity, and honor. These values guide us in every aspect of our lives. Similarly, Jesus grew in four areas: wisdom, stature, favor with God, and favor with men. These should serve as a North Star for our parenting.
Wisdom involves teaching our children to fear God, treating the Bible as our guide, and guarding their minds. Stature is about helping them discover their purpose and praying for God's favor in their lives. Favor with men means teaching them to live selflessly, with honesty, honor, and respect. Finally, favor with God involves making Jesus the Lord of our home and modeling a life that prioritizes God.
As a church, we are committed to helping the next generation grow in these four areas. Our ministries, from Access Kids to Access Youth, are designed to instill these values in our children. We believe that children are not just the church of tomorrow but the church of today.
In conclusion, being intentional in our parenting can make a significant difference. Let's commit to raising our children in wisdom, stature, favor with God, and favor with men.
### Key Takeaways
1. Biblical Parenting Over Authoritarian and Permissive Styles: Biblical parenting aims to instill God's wisdom in children so they can make the right decisions independently. Unlike authoritarian parenting, which focuses on obedience through discipline, and permissive parenting, which lacks boundaries, biblical parenting seeks to write God's words on their hearts. [04:57]
2. Setting Family Goals and Values: Establishing core family values like love, integrity, generosity, and honor can guide every aspect of family life. These values are not just aspirational but should be lived out daily. This intentionality helps create a strong family foundation. [07:05]
3. Teaching Wisdom Through Reverence and Scripture: Wisdom begins with a holy reverence for God. Teaching children to fear God, treating the Bible as the ultimate guide, and guarding their minds against harmful influences are crucial steps in instilling wisdom. [12:10]
4. Discovering Purpose and Praying for Favor: Helping children discover their God-given purpose and praying for God's favor in their lives are essential. This involves understanding their unique talents and encouraging them to live a life that matters for eternity. [17:25]
5. Modeling a Life of Faith and Service: Parents should model a life that prioritizes God in every aspect, from daily devotions to church attendance. Children learn by observing, so it's vital that parents live out their faith authentically and consistently. [28:43]
### YouTube Chapters
[0:00] - Welcome
[00:27] - Introduction to FAM Series
[00:59] - The Challenge of Parenting
[01:56] - Biblical Principles for All Life Stages
[02:18] - Wisdom and Understanding in Family
[02:45] - Authoritarian vs. Permissive Parenting
[04:57] - Biblical Parenting
[06:34] - Setting Family Goals and Values
[07:39] - Jesus' Growth in Four Areas
[08:42] - Access Kids and Youth Ministries
[10:30] - Growing in Wisdom
[16:19] - Growing in Stature
[20:27] - Growing in Favor with Men
[23:36] - Growing in Favor with God
[27:30] - Commitment to Church and Faith
[31:13] - Intentional Parenting
[32:07] - Prayer for Families
[32:31] - Invitation to Follow Jesus
Study Guide
### Bible Study Discussion Guide
#### Bible Reading
1. Proverbs 24:3-4 (NIV) - "By wisdom a house is built, and through understanding it is established; through knowledge its rooms are filled with rare and beautiful treasures."
2. Luke 2:52 (NIV) - "And Jesus grew in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and man."
3. Philippians 2:3 (NIV) - "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves."
#### Observation Questions
1. According to Proverbs 24:3-4, what are the key elements needed to build and establish a strong family?
2. In Luke 2:52, what four areas did Jesus grow in during His adolescence?
3. What does Philippians 2:3 instruct us to do in our relationships with others?
#### Interpretation Questions
1. How does the concept of "biblical parenting" differ from authoritarian and permissive parenting styles mentioned in the sermon? [04:57]
2. Why is it important to set family goals and values, and how can these guide every aspect of family life? [07:05]
3. What does it mean to teach children to fear God and treat the Bible as their guide? How can this be practically implemented in daily life? [12:10]
4. How can parents help their children discover their God-given purpose and pray for God's favor in their lives? [17:25]
#### Application Questions
1. Reflect on your current parenting style or the way you were parented. How does it align with the concept of biblical parenting? What changes might you consider making? [04:57]
2. What are some core values you would like to establish for your family? How can you begin to live out these values daily? [07:05]
3. How can you create an environment in your home where the Bible is treated as the ultimate guide? What are some practical steps you can take to guard your children's minds against harmful influences? [12:10]
4. Think about your child's unique talents and interests. How can you encourage them to discover their purpose and pray for God's favor in their lives? [17:25]
5. In what ways can you model a life of faith and service for your children? How can you ensure that your actions align with your words? [28:43]
6. How can you teach your children to live selflessly, with honesty, honor, and respect? What are some specific actions you can take to instill these values in them? [21:05]
7. Reflect on your family's church attendance and involvement. How can you prioritize making Jesus the Lord of your home and ensure that your family is actively engaged in church life? [27:30]
Devotional
### Day 1: Biblical Parenting: Instilling God's Wisdom
Description:
Biblical parenting is distinct from both authoritarian and permissive styles. Authoritarian parenting emphasizes strict obedience and discipline, often at the expense of a child's emotional well-being. Permissive parenting, on the other hand, lacks boundaries and can lead to a lack of discipline and responsibility in children. Biblical parenting seeks a balanced approach, aiming to instill God's wisdom in children so they can make the right decisions independently. This involves teaching them to understand and internalize God's principles, so they are equipped to navigate life's challenges with a strong moral compass.
The goal of biblical parenting is to write God's words on the hearts of children, guiding them to live lives that honor Him. This approach not only involves setting boundaries and providing discipline but also nurturing a child's spiritual growth and understanding. By focusing on biblical principles, parents can help their children develop a deep, personal relationship with God that will guide them throughout their lives. [04:57]
Bible Passage:
"Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it." — Proverbs 22:6 (ESV)
Reflection:
Think about the current parenting style you are using. How can you incorporate more biblical principles into your daily interactions with your children to help them grow in wisdom and understanding?
### Day 2: Setting Family Goals and Values
Description:
Establishing core family values is essential for creating a strong and unified family foundation. These values should not just be aspirational but lived out daily in every aspect of family life. For example, values like love, integrity, generosity, and honor can guide how family members interact with each other and the world around them. These values provide a framework for making decisions and handling conflicts, ensuring that the family remains aligned with its core principles.
Setting family goals and values requires intentionality and commitment. It involves regular discussions and reflections on what the family stands for and how each member can contribute to upholding these values. By doing so, families can create a supportive and nurturing environment where everyone feels valued and understood. This intentionality helps build a strong family foundation that can withstand the challenges and complexities of life. [07:05]
Bible Passage:
"And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise." — Deuteronomy 6:6-7 (ESV)
Reflection:
What are the core values that you want your family to embody? How can you start incorporating these values into your daily family routines and interactions?
### Day 3: Teaching Wisdom Through Reverence and Scripture
Description:
Wisdom begins with a holy reverence for God. Teaching children to fear God, treating the Bible as the ultimate guide, and guarding their minds against harmful influences are crucial steps in instilling wisdom. This involves not only reading and memorizing Scripture but also applying its teachings to everyday life. By doing so, children learn to make decisions that honor God and reflect His wisdom.
Parents play a vital role in guiding their children to develop a deep respect for God's Word. This can be achieved through regular family devotions, discussions about biblical principles, and encouraging children to seek God's guidance in all aspects of their lives. By prioritizing Scripture and fostering a reverence for God, parents can help their children build a strong foundation of wisdom that will guide them throughout their lives. [12:10]
Bible Passage:
"The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is insight." — Proverbs 9:10 (ESV)
Reflection:
How can you create a daily routine that incorporates reading and reflecting on Scripture with your children? What steps can you take to help them develop a reverence for God's Word?
### Day 4: Discovering Purpose and Praying for Favor
Description:
Helping children discover their God-given purpose and praying for God's favor in their lives are essential aspects of biblical parenting. This involves understanding their unique talents and encouraging them to live a life that matters for eternity. Parents can guide their children in exploring their interests and strengths, helping them to see how they can use their gifts to serve God and others.
Praying for God's favor in their lives is also crucial. This means asking God to bless their endeavors, protect them from harm, and guide them in making wise decisions. By doing so, parents can help their children develop a sense of purpose and direction, knowing that they are part of God's greater plan. Encouraging children to seek God's will for their lives and to trust in His guidance can help them navigate the challenges and uncertainties of life with confidence and faith. [17:25]
Bible Passage:
"For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them." — Ephesians 2:10 (ESV)
Reflection:
What unique talents and interests do you see in your children? How can you encourage them to use these gifts to serve God and others? Take time to pray for God's favor and guidance in their lives.
### Day 5: Modeling a Life of Faith and Service
Description:
Parents should model a life that prioritizes God in every aspect, from daily devotions to church attendance. Children learn by observing, so it's vital that parents live out their faith authentically and consistently. This means demonstrating a genuine love for God, a commitment to prayer and Scripture, and a willingness to serve others. By doing so, parents can inspire their children to develop their own relationship with God and to live lives that reflect His love and grace.
Modeling a life of faith and service also involves being transparent about one's own spiritual journey, including struggles and victories. This openness can help children understand that faith is a lifelong journey and that it's okay to have questions and doubts. By living out their faith in a real and relatable way, parents can create an environment where children feel supported and encouraged in their own spiritual growth. [28:43]
Bible Passage:
"Only let your manner of life be worthy of the gospel of Christ, so that whether I come and see you or am absent, I may hear of you that you are standing firm in one spirit, with one mind striving side by side for the faith of the gospel." — Philippians 1:27 (ESV)
Reflection:
How can you model a life of faith and service for your children? What specific actions can you take to demonstrate your commitment to God and to serving others in your daily life?
Quotes
### Quotes for Outreach
1. "The goal of biblical parenting is that when your kids are old enough to make their own decisions, when they're old enough, they go off to college, they're in that philosophy 101 class, and they have a professor who's ripping their faith to shreds, that when they have permission to make their own decisions about morality, what's right and wrong, what they're going to do with their bodies, with their minds, with their hearts, that they make the right decisions based on God's word because you've instilled in them, you've written on their hearts the words of God, and they've made it their own." [04:57] (28 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)
2. "I think one of the most important things a person can figure out is not when they were born, but why they were born. That this is the reason that as a church, one of the four things we do is our next steps class. It's literally happening in this service at 1030 next door. It's literally happening every single month on the first and second Sunday of the month. The reason we do it and the reason we talk about it so much is it's not just a way to join our church. It's for you." [16:52] (24 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)
3. "We don't believe that children are the church of tomorrow. We believe children are the church of today. So what do we do? We take big biblical truths and we make it applicable to every stage and season of their life. If you drop your baby off in the nursery, the Access Kids nursery, I want you to know something. We are not just watching them. We are not just holding them so you can get an hour of peace. We're literally ministering to them. How do you minister to a baby? You sing songs of God's love over them. You recite Bible verses to them. You just show them God's love." [09:10] (31 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)
4. "I believe as followers of Jesus, we're born again selfless. Here's one of the most important verses you can teach your kids when it comes to living a selfless life. It's Philippians chapter 2 verse 3. Paul says, do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceits, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. When I was a kid, there was this kind of hokey song that we would sing. It said, Jesus and others and you, what a wonderful way to spell joy. It's really simple. Jesus should be first, others should be second, and then me should be number three." [21:05] (34 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)
5. "I want you to understand that as your pastor, one of my goals is that every kid who comes through Access Church, whether they're in the nursery or they're all the way up in high school, that every child who comes through grows in these four areas. And I think that these should serve as kind of a north star in your parenting. Now, let me tell you this. As your church, the next generation is a really big deal." [08:42] (21 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)
### Quotes for Members
1. "I think every family needs a goal. Going through life without a goal is just kind of existing, but when you have a goal and a purpose, it changes. Some years ago, my family sat down, and we said, what are the words that we would say are the values of our family, the Burns fam, the Fab Five? What is it that makes us unique and special? And we came up with four words. These are not aspirational goals. This is who we actually are." [07:05] (24 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)
2. "If you study the Bible, there's like no good parents in the whole Bible. There's none. Remember Adam and Eve, first parents? One of their sons killed the other one. Okay, let's make it even more practical. Mary and Joseph, the mother and stepfather of Jesus, they have Jesus. When Jesus is about 12 years old, they go to Jerusalem, and they go to the temple, and then a couple days later, they leave, and when they leave, they leave with this caravan of their friends heading back home, and a whole day passes, and Mary and Joseph look at each other, and they say, hey, where's Jesus? Where's our son? They lost God. Left him in Jerusalem." [05:23] (47 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)
3. "We need to teach our children to guard their minds. Why? Because scripture teaches that what gets into our mind eventually gets into our heart. And scripture also teaches that our hearts, what happens in our hearts is what the rest of our life, flows from. So I read a stat that the average 18-year-old that's graduating high school, from the time he or she was born until graduating high school, on TV alone, they see over 100,000 sexual scenarios on TV. Statistically, 90% of those scenarios are by unmarried people." [14:32] (38 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)
4. "We need to choose our relationships wisely because they matter so much. The next, Jesus grew in wisdom. He grew in stature. And then the next thing is he grew in favor with man. Now, this is such an important topic for you to understand and I want you to understand something that I really believe that one of the most important things you can understand is that you and I were not intended to do this life selfishly. Selfishly. Selfishly. Selfishly. Selfishly. of us were born selfishly." [20:27] (29 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)
5. "I want my kids to know that when the legacy offering comes around, we write a big check. Why? Because we don't ask our people to do something that we don't do. I want my kids to know that we're a tithing family. I want my kids to see that it doesn't matter what I attain in my life. The greatest calling in my life is to serve people. So we're the lead servants in our church. I want them to see it so they'll model it." [28:43] (20 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)
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