Intentional Love: Guiding Children in God's Ways

Summary

Parenting is one of the most sacred callings God entrusts to us, and it is both a privilege and a weighty responsibility. The heart of God for families is clear: that children would not only be loved, but would truly feel loved, cherished, and guided in the ways of the Lord. Ephesians 6:1-4 lays a foundation for this, calling children to obey and honor their parents, and calling parents—especially fathers—to raise their children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord, without provoking them to anger.

Love for our children is not just a matter of sentiment, but of action and intentionality. It is not enough to assume our children know we love them; we must communicate it in ways they can receive. This means entering into their world, understanding their perspective, and being present in their lives. Just as God demonstrated His love by coming down to us in Christ, so we are called to step into our children’s lives, meeting them where they are.

Discipline, when done in love and consistency, is a gift to our children. It provides boundaries and security, teaching them right from wrong and preparing them for life. But discipline must always be paired with encouragement, affirmation, and blessing. Our words have the power to shape our children’s identity and future, for better or for worse. We must be vigilant to speak life, hope, and truth over them, rather than criticism or condemnation.

The story of Charlotte, who grew up in a broken and painful home, yet chose to honor her parents and found her true Father in God, is a powerful reminder that God’s grace can redeem any story. No matter our background, God offers Himself as the perfect Father who will never leave or forsake us. For those who have experienced pain or neglect, the invitation is open to receive the love and security of our heavenly Father.

Ultimately, loving our children well means loving our spouse, spending time together, having fun, and making our homes places of joy and safety. When we reflect the love of Christ in our families, we give our children a glimpse of the gospel and prepare them to know and love God themselves.

Key Takeaways

- True love for our children is not just felt, but must be communicated in ways they can understand. Entering into their world—seeing life from their perspective and being present—mirrors the incarnational love of Christ, who came down to us. This requires intentionality, humility, and a willingness to set aside our own preferences for the sake of our children’s hearts. [51:09]

- Discipline is an act of love when it is consistent, fair, and age-appropriate. Children crave boundaries and security, and loving discipline helps them flourish. As they grow, the form of discipline should mature, moving from physical correction to guidance, rebuke, and restriction, always with the goal of shaping character rather than breaking spirit. [54:33]

- The words we speak over our children have lasting power. Blessing them with encouragement, affirmation, and hope can set the trajectory of their lives, while harsh or careless words can wound deeply. We must be mindful to use our words to build up, not tear down, and to reflect the heart of our heavenly Father, who speaks life over His children. [01:03:55]

- Our children’s greatest need for security comes from seeing love and unity between their parents. A strong, loving marriage provides a foundation of safety and confidence for children, far more than any material provision or achievement. Investing in our marriages is one of the most significant ways we can love our children. [54:00]

- God’s grace is sufficient to redeem even the most broken family stories. No matter our upbringing or the failures of our earthly parents, God offers Himself as the perfect Father who will never leave or forsake us. In Christ, we are invited into a new family, with a new identity and a secure future, and we can extend that same grace and forgiveness to others. [01:08:23]

Youtube Chapters

[00:00] - Welcome
[26:22] - Introduction and Church Mission
[27:19] - Commissioning the Angola Team
[28:27] - Prayer for Mission Teams
[29:33] - Scripture Reading: Ephesians 6:1-4
[30:42] - Family and Marriage Ministry Update
[32:21] - Introduction of Dr. Danny Akin
[33:22] - The Heartbeat of Great Commission Families
[33:34] - Do Our Children Feel Loved?
[34:21] - The Pain of Unfelt Love: A Teen’s Letter
[35:54] - Loving Children by Educating Them
[37:37] - Obedience and Honor: The Biblical Foundation
[40:29] - Honoring Parents in Broken Homes
[46:53] - Loving Children by Encouraging Them
[50:54] - Practical Principles for Loving Children
[54:00] - The Power of Loving Your Spouse
[54:33] - Discipline: Boundaries and Consistency
[01:00:51] - The Power of Eye Contact and Touch
[01:02:19] - The Gift of Time
[01:03:55] - Blessing vs. Cursing with Our Words
[01:06:47] - Having Fun and Creating a Joyful Home
[01:07:55] - The Rest of Charlotte’s Story
[01:08:23] - God as the Perfect Father
[01:09:11] - Closing Prayer and Invitation
[01:12:07] - Benediction and Next Steps

Study Guide

Small Group Bible Study Guide: Loving Our Children Like God Loves Us

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### Bible Reading

Ephesians 6:1-4
Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise—“so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.” Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

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### Observation Questions

1. According to Ephesians 6:1-4, what are the specific instructions given to children and to parents?
2. In the sermon, what does the pastor say is the difference between loving your children and making sure they feel loved? [[33:34]]
3. What story did the pastor share about Charlotte’s childhood, and how did it relate to the idea of honoring parents even in difficult circumstances? [[40:42]]
4. What does the sermon say about the power of words spoken over children? [[01:03:55]]

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### Interpretation Questions

1. Why does Paul emphasize both obedience and honor for children toward their parents? How might these be different in practice?
2. The sermon says, “It is not enough to assume our children know we love them; we must communicate it in ways they can receive.” What does it mean to enter into a child’s world, and why is this important? [[51:09]]
3. The pastor describes discipline as a gift when done in love and consistency. How does this view of discipline differ from discipline that provokes anger? [[54:33]]
4. The story of Charlotte shows God’s grace redeeming a broken family story. What does this teach about God as our perfect Father, especially for those who have experienced pain or neglect from earthly parents? [[01:08:23]]

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### Application Questions

1. Think about your own family (past or present). Are there ways you have assumed your children or loved ones know you love them, but maybe haven’t communicated it in a way they can receive? What is one specific thing you could do this week to enter into their world? [[51:09]]
2. The sermon says that the greatest security for children comes from seeing love and unity between their parents. If you are married, what is one way you can intentionally invest in your marriage this week for the sake of your children? If you are not married, how can you support healthy marriages in your community? [[54:00]]
3. Reflect on the words you most often speak to your children or those close to you. Are your words more often encouraging and affirming, or critical and negative? What is one phrase of blessing or encouragement you can intentionally speak this week? [[01:03:55]]
4. Discipline is described as loving when it is consistent, fair, and age-appropriate. Are there any areas where your discipline (or lack of it) might be provoking anger or discouragement? What is one change you could make to bring your discipline more in line with the heart of God? [[54:33]]
5. The story of Charlotte shows that honoring parents is possible even in painful situations, and that God can redeem any story. If you have wounds from your family of origin, what would it look like to invite God’s healing and to extend forgiveness? [[01:08:23]]
6. The sermon encourages making your home a place of joy and fun. What is one simple, fun activity you could do with your family or loved ones this week to create a joyful memory? [[01:06:47]]
7. For those who feel they have failed as parents or have regrets, the sermon reminds us of God’s grace. How can you receive God’s forgiveness and start fresh in your relationships today? [[01:08:23]]

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Devotional

Day 1: Loving Our Children by Educating and Disciplining Them
God calls parents to lovingly teach, guide, and discipline their children, setting clear expectations for obedience while offering forgiveness and grace when they fall short. Obedience is not just a family rule but a spiritual principle, as children are taught that honoring and obeying their parents is ultimately an act of honoring the Lord. Parents are encouraged to explain the "why" behind their guidance, helping children understand the heart of God’s commands and the blessings that come from walking in His ways. Consistent, loving discipline—adjusted as children grow—helps them flourish and know they are deeply loved, just as our Heavenly Father disciplines us for our good. [36:11]

Ephesians 6:1-4 (ESV)
Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.” Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

Reflection: In what specific ways can you lovingly set clear expectations and boundaries for your children or those you influence, while also showing them grace and forgiveness when they fall short?

Day 2: Honoring Parents Even in Brokenness
God’s command to honor our father and mother stands, even when our family stories are marked by pain or disappointment. Honoring does not mean ignoring hurt or pretending all is well, but choosing to show respect, forgiveness, and love, trusting that God can redeem even the most broken relationships. The testimony of a daughter who continued to honor her parents despite deep wounds shows that God’s promises hold true—He can bring healing, blessing, and even salvation through steadfast love and obedience to His Word. [46:07]

Exodus 20:12 (ESV)
Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you.

Reflection: Is there a parent or authority figure in your life you struggle to honor? What is one step you can take today to show them respect or forgiveness, trusting God with the outcome?

Day 3: Encouraging and Nourishing Our Children
Parents are called not only to correct but to encourage, building up their children with words and actions that reflect God’s love. Avoiding harshness or unpredictability, parents are to create an environment where children feel safe, valued, and understood. Children pay close attention to what their parents say and do, and even when it seems like they are not listening, they are deeply shaped by their parents’ encouragement, presence, and example. [47:23]

Colossians 3:21 (ESV)
Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.

Reflection: How can you intentionally encourage a child or young person in your life today, using your words and actions to build them up rather than tear them down?

Day 4: The Power of Presence and Blessing
Love is often best spelled T-I-M-E; children long for the presence, attention, and blessing of their parents more than any material gift. Simple acts—looking your children in the eye, spending time with them, blessing them with affirming words, and having fun together—communicate love in ways that shape their hearts for a lifetime. The words parents speak over their children have the power to bless or to wound, and choosing to speak life and encouragement can set a child on a path of hope and confidence. [01:03:55]

Proverbs 18:21 (ESV)
Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits.

Reflection: What is one way you can be fully present with your child or someone you love today, and what words of blessing can you speak over them?

Day 5: God as Our Perfect Father
No matter our earthly family experience, God offers Himself as our perfect Father, promising never to leave or forsake us. Through faith in Jesus, we are adopted into God’s family, receiving a new identity and the assurance of His unfailing love. This truth brings hope and healing to every heart, especially those who have felt abandoned or unloved, reminding us that in Christ, we are never alone and always cherished. [01:08:53]

Hebrews 13:5 (ESV)
Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, for he has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”

Reflection: How does knowing God is your perfect, ever-present Father change the way you view your past, your family, and your future? What step can you take today to rest in His love?

Quotes

I believe with all of my heart that almost all parents and now for some of us grandparents love our children. But that's not the issue. The issue, bottom line, is this. By the way we talk and by the things we do, do our children feel loved? And unfortunately, I think there are too many homes where for whatever reason children do not actually feel the love of their mom and dad. Several years ago, a young lady that was about to move it through her senior year actually took the time to write a letter to 17 magazine expressing the sadness, the disappointment, the heartache that I fear too many children experience in their home with their mom and dad. [00:33:30]

Almost all parents do love their children. That's not the issue. The issue is by the things we say and the things we do. Do our children feel loved? And so what I'm going to do this morning is first of all just lay a very simple biblical foundation from Ephesians 6 1-4. And then I'll add to that just some very practical things for you to consider this morning as things that you can do day in and day out that will indeed get you down the road in letting your kids know just how much you really do love them. [00:35:18]

Paul first of all teaches us in Ephesians 6 that we love our children by educating them. We love our children by educating them. And he tells us first of all in verse one, it is the proper thing to do. Look at Ephesians 6:1. Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. That word obey is an imperative. It's a word of command. In other words, God does not ask or suggest, but God commands children, you obey mom and dad. [00:35:51]

Parents, I believe from the time our children are small, we should impart to them the expectation of their obedience. Now, will they disobey? Of course, they will. Uh they are little sinners like you and I are big sinners. All right? they're going to disobey. But we ought to communicate to them that obedience is the norm. Obedience is the expectation. And of course, when they do disobey, what a great opportunity for you to renew for them and to them your love for them. Also, the fact that you forgive them just as they have a heavenly father who loves them and forgives them, has forgiven them by making it possible for all their sins to be forgiven through the gospel of Jesus Christ. [00:36:24]

Never say to a child, "Never." Well, if you don't behave, I won't love you. What a terrible thing for any parent to say. And certainly that is not true of the heavenly father who wants to have a relationship with every single one of us in this room today. And so, we help them understand. We expect them to obey, but there is forgiveness when they disobey. He then goes on and tells us, not only are they to obey their parents, but he qualifies it in two ways. He says, first of all, it's in the Lord. And secondly, he says, this is right. [00:37:12]

Teach your children. When they obey mom and dad, they're obeying Jesus. And when they disobey mom and dad, they're disobeying Jesus. But again, he still loves them. He still offers his forgiveness when they repent and turn from their sin. It is in the Lord. God blessed my wife Shaw and me with four sons. uh they're grown now, but all the years that they were growing up, we tried to help them understand ultimately your obedience or disobedience, it's not against us. It's before the Lord. And when you obey us, you are obeying the Lord Jesus. [00:37:48]

But parents, listen to me. It's not enough just to teach our children what to do. Good parents help their kids understand why why why should I walk down this road and and not down this road? And Paul being the theologian goes back to the ten commandments which are actually found twice in the Bible both in Exodus chapter 20, Deuteronomy chapter 5. And Paul says there is a promise. There is a promise to children that obey mom and dad. And now he adds the idea of honoring mom and dad. [00:38:30]

Honor your father and mother. By the way, that word honor is also an imperative word of command. It's in the present tense. And so Paul says, if you will continually obey and continually honor mom and dad, there is a twofold two-fold promise that God makes to you. First of all, he promises you a better life. Verse three, that it may go well with you. And secondly, as a general covenant of life, God says, "I will give you a longer life that you may live long in the land." So the Bible says to children, "Children, obey and honor mom and dad. If you do, God promises you both a better life and also a longer life." [00:38:48]

Well, later after we had uh dinner that night. We took him back to the Veterans Hospital in Atlanta, Georgia, where he was again going through a detox treatment for his alcoholism. And I was still angry and mad and he got out of our van and was walking back into the hospital. And again, in a very unkind and carnal moment, I looked at my wife and I said, "Your dad's sorry. He ain't worth much." She turned and looked at me and she wasn't angry, but she said, "I'll never forget it as long as I live." She said, "Well, yeah, I guess he is, but he's still my daddy, and I'll always love him." [00:44:39]

And yet, in all of the years I've been married to her, be 47 this month, I've never heard her even one time say anything ugly about her daddy. I've never heard her say anything ugly about her mama. And because of the love of a daughter, literally on her deathbed in Grady Hospital in the ICU unit, a dear friend of mine went down there, shared the gospel with Charlotte's mother. She prayed to receive the Lord Jesus as her savior, and died just a couple of days later. And I believe that when I get to heaven, there will be a lady there named De Ramsay, Charlotte's mother. [00:45:41]

And she is one of my heroes. She really is. And yet, in spite of that situation that she was born into, she obeyed the word of God. And as God always does, God kept his word in her life. And so, the Bible tells us that we love our children by educating them. But then secondly, the Bible says we love our children by encouraging them. And in verse four, though I believe both mom and dad are in view, Paul makes a point to remind the men, you are the ones that God has called to the leadership assignment in your marriage and also in your families. [00:46:41]

Fathers, fathers, do not provoke your children to anger. Uh the parallel account in Colossians 3 says, "Don't discourage them, but in contrast, bring them up, nourish them up in the discipline and the instruction of the Lord." Paul gives us first a negative idea and then he follows it with a positive idea. First of all, he says we should avoid making them angry. We should avoid making our children angry. Fathers, don't provoke them. Don't give your kids an an unsettled situation so they never know what you're going to say. [00:47:16]

Your children do care what you think. They do listen to what you say. Even if they act like they're not, they are listening. And number three, they pay a whole lot of attention to what you do. You say, "Make the argument. Give me, let me give you a shot." Largest survey ever in the history of the world took place back in 1997 as we were moving to turn from the 20th to the 21st century. And experts want to know what are teenagers thinking about? What are they interested in? How do they see various facets of life? And some really interesting things were discovered. [00:48:46]

Get down on their level and enter into their world. I call this incarnational parenting. Why? How do we know this morning that God loves us? I'll tell you how we know that God loves us. Because he got down on our level and entered into our world in the person of his son, the Lord Jesus Christ. So, how do you love your kids? You step back and you ask, "How does my 5-year-old or my 10-year-old or my 12y old or my 15year-old, how do they look at life?" Given their sex, given their age, given their personality, given their interest, given their friends, how do they look at life? [00:51:07]

You love your children by loving your mate. By just loving your mate. You see, the number one need in the life of a child related to love is security. And nothing brings security in the life of a child like knowing my daddy loves my mama. And my mama, she loves my daddy. And they're always going to be here just for me. So, if you'll just love well your mate, you will give your children about 95% of all that they need. [00:54:06]

Give your kids a big playing field and not a little box. A big playing field and not a little box. You say why? Two things. Number one, if you say to your children, you must live in that little box all the time. They won't. They can't. You say, "Well, why not?" Because they're kids. And God did not design kids to live in a little box. This much I do know. God did not design little boys to live in a little box. That is absolutely for sure. [00:54:40]

Let me say this and I'll move on. I believe we discipline our children all the days they're under our watch care. But I also believe we adjust the way we discipline as they grow older. Say, what do you mean by that? Well, let me give you a passage of scripture that I think at least points us in that direction. It's uh Proverbs 29:15. It says this, "The rod and the rebuke give wisdom, but a child left himself brings shame to his mother." Let me add a word for our context. The rod and the rebuke and the restriction give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother. [00:58:34]

And love is a beautiful four-letter word, but sometimes I think we spell it best this way. T I M E. Two more and I'll be through. You love your kids by blessing them rather than cursing them. By blessing them rather than cursing them. You say, "What in the world are you talking about?" Your words. Have you ever stopped to think what it's like to be a child and to hear some of the things they hear coming out of mom and dad's mouth? I've been putting a list together over the years and I'm going to share how it stands this morning. [01:03:44]

And my new daddy in heaven, my heavenly father made a promise to me that he has kept all my life. You'll know the promise. It's found in Hebrews chapter 13 where the Bible says that Jesus says to his children, "I will never leave you. I will never forsake you." And folks, that's a pretty precious promise to a little orphan girl. And it's the same promise he makes to every one of us. All we have to do is ask him. [01:08:42]

Chatbot

Transcript

What was the most surprising thing in this sermon?

Were there any personal stories shared?