Intentional Love: Choosing Grace in Every Relationship

Today, we reflected on the power and necessity of intentional love. Life often sweeps us along without much thought, and if we’re not careful, we can find ourselves in places—physically, emotionally, spiritually—that we never meant to be. Just as Alice in Wonderland wandered without a plan, we too can drift if we don’t live with purpose. Jesus, however, modeled a radically intentional life. Every action, every relationship, every word was chosen with care, even when it meant loving those who would ultimately betray him.

Looking at Jesus’ selection of the twelve disciples, we see that he chose each one deliberately, including Judas Iscariot, fully aware of the pain and betrayal that would come. This wasn’t a mistake or oversight; it was a demonstration of love that transcends our human calculations. Jesus loved Judas, empowered him, and included him in every way, showing us that true love is not based on the worthiness or response of the other, but on a decision to love as God loves.

We are called to be God’s representatives, to love not just those who are easy to love, but also those who challenge us, hurt us, or seem unworthy in our eyes. This is not a passive or accidental love—it is a choice, a discipline, and sometimes a sacrifice. Jesus’ love for his enemies, his prayer for forgiveness even as he was crucified, and his inclusion of Judas all point us to a higher standard: to love intentionally, even when it costs us.

Intentional love is not about ignoring pain or pretending that evil doesn’t exist. It’s about choosing to forgive, to serve, and to extend grace beyond what is required or expected. The story of the Amish community’s forgiveness after tragedy is a modern echo of Christ’s call to love those who hurt us. This kind of love is not natural; it is supernatural, cultivated through practice, prayer, and surrender.

We must also remember that suffering, illness, or hardship are not signs of God’s punishment or lack of love. Sin has broken our world, but God’s love remains steadfast and intentional, inviting us to receive and reflect it, no matter our circumstances. As we open our hearts to this love, we are freed from the burdens of anger and bitterness, and empowered to love others with the same intentionality that Christ has shown us.

Key Takeaways

• 1. Intentionality in Life and Faith Living without intention leads us to places we never meant to go, both in daily routines and in our spiritual journey. Jesus models a life of purpose, showing us that every relationship and decision can be guided by prayerful intention. We are called to examine our own lives and ask whether we are moving with purpose or simply drifting. True discipleship requires us to be deliberate in our actions and relationships. [17:18]
• 2. Loving Those Who Hurt Us Jesus chose Judas, knowing full well the betrayal that would come, and still loved him deeply and included him fully. This challenges us to love those who may hurt or disappoint us, not because they deserve it, but because God’s love is not based on merit. Our calling is to extend grace and inclusion, even when it is uncomfortable or costly. This is the heart of Christlike love—loving intentionally, not selectively. [23:37]
• 3. God’s Love Is Not Transactional Suffering, illness, or hardship are not punishments from God, nor are blessings always rewards for good behavior. The brokenness of the world touches everyone, but God’s love remains constant and intentional. We must reject the idea that God uses our circumstances as pawns, and instead trust that his love is steadfast, even in our pain. This frees us to receive and give love without fear or resentment. [33:42]
• 4. Forgiveness as a Radical Act of Love The story of the Amish community’s forgiveness after a school shooting is a powerful example of intentional love in action. Forgiveness is not a feeling, but a choice to surround even those associated with our deepest pain with compassion and grace. This kind of love heals not only the recipient but also the giver, breaking cycles of anger and bitterness. It is a living testimony to the world of God’s transforming love. [44:23]
• 5. Practicing Perfection Through Intentional Love Jesus calls us to “be perfect as your Heavenly Father is perfect,” not through flawless performance, but through persistent, intentional love. Loving our enemies, turning the other cheek, and serving beyond what is required are practices that shape us into Christ’s likeness. The more we practice intentional love, the more it becomes our nature, freeing us from the weight of anger and drawing us closer to God’s heart.
  
  ** [49:47]

Youtube Chapters

• [00:00] - Welcome
• [02:58] - Opening Prayer and Joyful Community
• [15:03] - Stories from the Neighborhood
• [17:18] - The Importance of Intentionality
• [18:36] - “Be Careful Little Feet” and Living on Purpose
• [19:47] - The Dangers of Drifting Without a Plan
• [21:26] - Jesus’ Intentional Choices
• [22:46] - Choosing Judas: Loving the Difficult
• [24:43] - Jesus’ Relationship with Judas
• [26:49] - We Are God’s Representatives
• [28:06] - Loving When It’s Hard
• [29:26] - Parental Love and God’s Love
• [32:12] - Suffering and God’s Intentional Love
• [37:05] - Loving Enemies and Practicing Perfection
• [42:45] - The Amish School Shooting: Radical Forgiveness
• [46:24] - What Intentional Love Looks Like
• [49:47] - Letting Go of Anger and Responding to God’s Call
• [51:09] - Invitation to Prayer and Closing Blessing

Bible Reading

Luke 6:12-16 (ESV) — > In these days he went out to the mountain to pray, and all night he continued in prayer to God. And when day came, he called his disciples and chose from them twelve, whom he named apostles: Simon, whom he named Peter, and Andrew his brother, and James and John, and Philip, and Bartholomew, and Matthew, and Thomas, and James the son of Alphaeus, and Simon who was called the Zealot, and Judas the son of James, and Judas Iscariot, who became a traitor.

Matthew 5:43-48 (ESV) — > “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven. For he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? And if you greet only your brothers, what more are you doing than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same? You therefore must be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect.”

Observation Questions

1. According to Luke 6, what did Jesus do before choosing the twelve disciples, and why is this detail important? ([19:47])
2. In Matthew 5, what does Jesus say is the difference between loving only those who love us and loving our enemies? ([37:05])
3. The sermon mentioned that Jesus included Judas Iscariot among the twelve, even knowing what Judas would do. What does this show about Jesus’ approach to relationships? ([22:46])
4. What example from recent history did the sermon use to illustrate radical forgiveness, and what did the community do? ([44:23])

Interpretation Questions

1. Why do you think Jesus spent the whole night in prayer before making the decision about the twelve disciples? What does this say about intentionality in our own decisions? ([19:47])
2. The sermon says Jesus loved Judas and included him fully, even though he knew Judas would betray him. What does this teach about the kind of love Jesus calls us to show? ([24:43])
3. How does the command to “be perfect as your heavenly Father is perfect” relate to the idea of practicing intentional love, especially toward those who are difficult to love? ([37:05])
4. The sermon challenges the idea that suffering or hardship is a sign of God’s punishment. How does understanding God’s love as intentional and steadfast change the way we view our own struggles? ([33:42])

Application Questions

1. The sermon talked about how easy it is to drift through life without intention, like Alice in Wonderland. Are there areas in your life right now where you feel you are drifting instead of living with purpose? What is one step you could take this week to be more intentional? ([17:18])
2. Jesus chose to love and include Judas, knowing the pain it would bring. Is there someone in your life who is hard to love or who has hurt you? What would it look like to love them intentionally this week? ([24:43])
3. The Amish community forgave the family of the man who hurt them deeply. Is there a situation in your life where you need to extend forgiveness, even if it feels undeserved? What is holding you back? ([44:23])
4. The sermon said that God’s love is not transactional and that our circumstances are not a sign of God’s favor or anger. Have you ever felt like God was punishing you because of something hard in your life? How does the truth of God’s intentional love help you see your situation differently? ([33:42])
5. Jesus calls us to love our enemies and pray for those who persecute us. Can you think of a practical way to pray for or serve someone you find difficult this week? ([37:05])
6. The pastor shared about letting go of anger and the freedom that comes with it. Is there anger or bitterness you are carrying that is weighing you down? What would it take to give that to God and move toward intentional love? ([49:47])
7. The sermon said that practicing intentional love is how we become more like Christ. What is one small, specific act of intentional love you can commit to this week, either at home, work, or in your community? ([49:47])