Intentional Love: Choosing Grace in Every Relationship
Summary
Today, we reflected on the power and necessity of intentional love. Life often sweeps us along without much thought, and if we’re not careful, we can find ourselves in places—physically, emotionally, spiritually—that we never meant to be. Just as Alice in Wonderland wandered without a plan, we too can drift if we don’t live with purpose. Jesus, however, modeled a radically intentional life. Every action, every relationship, every word was chosen with care, even when it meant loving those who would ultimately betray him.
Looking at Jesus’ selection of the twelve disciples, we see that he chose each one deliberately, including Judas Iscariot, fully aware of the pain and betrayal that would come. This wasn’t a mistake or oversight; it was a demonstration of love that transcends our human calculations. Jesus loved Judas, empowered him, and included him in every way, showing us that true love is not based on the worthiness or response of the other, but on a decision to love as God loves.
We are called to be God’s representatives, to love not just those who are easy to love, but also those who challenge us, hurt us, or seem unworthy in our eyes. This is not a passive or accidental love—it is a choice, a discipline, and sometimes a sacrifice. Jesus’ love for his enemies, his prayer for forgiveness even as he was crucified, and his inclusion of Judas all point us to a higher standard: to love intentionally, even when it costs us.
Intentional love is not about ignoring pain or pretending that evil doesn’t exist. It’s about choosing to forgive, to serve, and to extend grace beyond what is required or expected. The story of the Amish community’s forgiveness after tragedy is a modern echo of Christ’s call to love those who hurt us. This kind of love is not natural; it is supernatural, cultivated through practice, prayer, and surrender.
We must also remember that suffering, illness, or hardship are not signs of God’s punishment or lack of love. Sin has broken our world, but God’s love remains steadfast and intentional, inviting us to receive and reflect it, no matter our circumstances. As we open our hearts to this love, we are freed from the burdens of anger and bitterness, and empowered to love others with the same intentionality that Christ has shown us.
Key Takeaways
- Intentionality in Life and Faith
Living without intention leads us to places we never meant to go, both in daily routines and in our spiritual journey. Jesus models a life of purpose, showing us that every relationship and decision can be guided by prayerful intention. We are called to examine our own lives and ask whether we are moving with purpose or simply drifting. True discipleship requires us to be deliberate in our actions and relationships. [17:18]
- Loving Those Who Hurt Us
Jesus chose Judas, knowing full well the betrayal that would come, and still loved him deeply and included him fully. This challenges us to love those who may hurt or disappoint us, not because they deserve it, but because God’s love is not based on merit. Our calling is to extend grace and inclusion, even when it is uncomfortable or costly. This is the heart of Christlike love—loving intentionally, not selectively. [23:37]
- God’s Love Is Not Transactional
Suffering, illness, or hardship are not punishments from God, nor are blessings always rewards for good behavior. The brokenness of the world touches everyone, but God’s love remains constant and intentional. We must reject the idea that God uses our circumstances as pawns, and instead trust that his love is steadfast, even in our pain. This frees us to receive and give love without fear or resentment. [33:42]
- Forgiveness as a Radical Act of Love
The story of the Amish community’s forgiveness after a school shooting is a powerful example of intentional love in action. Forgiveness is not a feeling, but a choice to surround even those associated with our deepest pain with compassion and grace. This kind of love heals not only the recipient but also the giver, breaking cycles of anger and bitterness. It is a living testimony to the world of God’s transforming love. [44:23]
- Practicing Perfection Through Intentional Love
Jesus calls us to “be perfect as your Heavenly Father is perfect,” not through flawless performance, but through persistent, intentional love. Loving our enemies, turning the other cheek, and serving beyond what is required are practices that shape us into Christ’s likeness. The more we practice intentional love, the more it becomes our nature, freeing us from the weight of anger and drawing us closer to God’s heart. [49:47]
Youtube Chapters
[00:00] - Welcome
[02:58] - Opening Prayer and Joyful Community
[15:03] - Stories from the Neighborhood
[17:18] - The Importance of Intentionality
[18:36] - “Be Careful Little Feet” and Living on Purpose
[19:47] - The Dangers of Drifting Without a Plan
[21:26] - Jesus’ Intentional Choices
[22:46] - Choosing Judas: Loving the Difficult
[24:43] - Jesus’ Relationship with Judas
[26:49] - We Are God’s Representatives
[28:06] - Loving When It’s Hard
[29:26] - Parental Love and God’s Love
[32:12] - Suffering and God’s Intentional Love
[37:05] - Loving Enemies and Practicing Perfection
[42:45] - The Amish School Shooting: Radical Forgiveness
[46:24] - What Intentional Love Looks Like
[49:47] - Letting Go of Anger and Responding to God’s Call
[51:09] - Invitation to Prayer and Closing Blessing
Study Guide
Bible Study Discussion Guide: Intentional Love
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### Bible Reading
Luke 6:12-16 (ESV)
> In these days he went out to the mountain to pray, and all night he continued in prayer to God. And when day came, he called his disciples and chose from them twelve, whom he named apostles: Simon, whom he named Peter, and Andrew his brother, and James and John, and Philip, and Bartholomew, and Matthew, and Thomas, and James the son of Alphaeus, and Simon who was called the Zealot, and Judas the son of James, and Judas Iscariot, who became a traitor.
Matthew 5:43-48 (ESV)
> “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven. For he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? And if you greet only your brothers, what more are you doing than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same? You therefore must be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect.”
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### Observation Questions
1. According to Luke 6, what did Jesus do before choosing the twelve disciples, and why is this detail important? ([19:47])
2. In Matthew 5, what does Jesus say is the difference between loving only those who love us and loving our enemies? ([37:05])
3. The sermon mentioned that Jesus included Judas Iscariot among the twelve, even knowing what Judas would do. What does this show about Jesus’ approach to relationships? ([22:46])
4. What example from recent history did the sermon use to illustrate radical forgiveness, and what did the community do? ([44:23])
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### Interpretation Questions
1. Why do you think Jesus spent the whole night in prayer before making the decision about the twelve disciples? What does this say about intentionality in our own decisions? ([19:47])
2. The sermon says Jesus loved Judas and included him fully, even though he knew Judas would betray him. What does this teach about the kind of love Jesus calls us to show? ([24:43])
3. How does the command to “be perfect as your heavenly Father is perfect” relate to the idea of practicing intentional love, especially toward those who are difficult to love? ([37:05])
4. The sermon challenges the idea that suffering or hardship is a sign of God’s punishment. How does understanding God’s love as intentional and steadfast change the way we view our own struggles? ([33:42])
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### Application Questions
1. The sermon talked about how easy it is to drift through life without intention, like Alice in Wonderland. Are there areas in your life right now where you feel you are drifting instead of living with purpose? What is one step you could take this week to be more intentional? ([17:18])
2. Jesus chose to love and include Judas, knowing the pain it would bring. Is there someone in your life who is hard to love or who has hurt you? What would it look like to love them intentionally this week? ([24:43])
3. The Amish community forgave the family of the man who hurt them deeply. Is there a situation in your life where you need to extend forgiveness, even if it feels undeserved? What is holding you back? ([44:23])
4. The sermon said that God’s love is not transactional and that our circumstances are not a sign of God’s favor or anger. Have you ever felt like God was punishing you because of something hard in your life? How does the truth of God’s intentional love help you see your situation differently? ([33:42])
5. Jesus calls us to love our enemies and pray for those who persecute us. Can you think of a practical way to pray for or serve someone you find difficult this week? ([37:05])
6. The pastor shared about letting go of anger and the freedom that comes with it. Is there anger or bitterness you are carrying that is weighing you down? What would it take to give that to God and move toward intentional love? ([49:47])
7. The sermon said that practicing intentional love is how we become more like Christ. What is one small, specific act of intentional love you can commit to this week, either at home, work, or in your community? ([49:47])
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Devotional
Day 1: Jesus Models Intentionality in Choosing and Loving Others
Jesus demonstrated intentionality in every aspect of His ministry, especially in the way He chose His disciples. Even knowing that Judas would betray Him, Jesus still called him into close fellowship, showing that His love and purpose were not swayed by human failings or future betrayals. This intentionality was not just about selecting followers, but about loving, teaching, and empowering each one, regardless of their flaws or the pain they might cause. Jesus’ example challenges us to be purposeful in our relationships, to love and include even those we might otherwise avoid, and to trust that God’s greater plan is at work through our intentional acts of love. [21:26]
Luke 6:12-16 (ESV)
In these days he went out to the mountain to pray, and all night he continued in prayer to God. And when day came, he called his disciples and chose from them twelve, whom he named apostles: Simon, whom he named Peter, and Andrew his brother, and James and John, and Philip, and Bartholomew, and Matthew, and Thomas, and James the son of Alphaeus, and Simon who was called the Zealot, and Judas the son of James, and Judas Iscariot, who became a traitor.
Reflection: Who is someone in your life you find difficult to love or include? What is one intentional step you can take this week to reach out to them with Christlike love?
Day 2: God’s Love Is Not Conditional on Our Response
God’s love for us is not based on our worthiness or our response to Him; it is intentional, steadfast, and given regardless of our actions. Even when we struggle, fail, or feel unworthy—like the speaker’s mother wrestling with illness and questioning God’s goodness—God’s love remains unchanged. The hardships and suffering we experience are not punishments from God, but the result of a broken world. In the midst of pain, God’s intentional love is present, inviting us to trust Him and to receive His love, even when we don’t understand our circumstances. [33:42]
Romans 8:38-39 (ESV)
For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Reflection: When have you felt unworthy of God’s love or questioned His goodness? How can you intentionally receive and rest in His love today, even in the midst of unanswered questions?
Day 3: Love Your Enemies and Pray for Those Who Hurt You
Jesus calls us to a radical, intentional love that extends even to our enemies. This love is not passive or reserved for those who treat us well, but is active, generous, and forgiving—mirroring the love God shows to all people. Loving those who are difficult, who have wronged us, or who stand against us is not easy, but it is the mark of being children of our Heavenly Father. As we practice this kind of love, we grow in Christlikeness and break the cycle of anger and separation that can keep us from God’s heart. [37:05]
Matthew 5:43-48 (ESV)
“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven. For he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? And if you greet only your brothers, what more are you doing than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same? You therefore must be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect.”
Reflection: Who is someone who has hurt or opposed you? Can you pray for them by name today, asking God to bless them and help you love them intentionally?
Day 4: Forgiveness and Generosity Go Beyond What Is Required
True intentional love is seen in acts of forgiveness and generosity that go beyond what is expected or required. The Amish community’s response to tragedy—surrounding and comforting the family of the perpetrator—embodied Christ’s teaching to turn the other cheek, give more than is demanded, and serve beyond what is fair. This kind of love is not just words, but action: it heals, restores, and points others to the heart of God. We are called to practice this same intentional generosity and forgiveness, even when it costs us or feels impossible. [45:30]
Matthew 5:40-42 (ESV)
And if anyone would sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well. And if anyone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles. Give to the one who begs from you, and do not refuse the one who would borrow from you.
Reflection: Is there someone you need to forgive or a situation where you can give more than is required? What is one practical way you can show unexpected generosity or forgiveness this week?
Day 5: Practicing Intentional Love Leads to Spiritual Freedom
Choosing to love intentionally, especially when it is difficult, brings freedom and healing to our own hearts. Holding onto anger, resentment, or the desire to withhold love only weighs us down and separates us from God’s best for us. When we surrender our hurts and choose to love—even those who have wronged us—we experience the weight lifted and the peace that comes from aligning our hearts with God’s. This is not a one-time act, but a daily practice that leads us closer to the perfection of love that God desires for us. [50:29]
Ephesians 4:31-32 (ESV)
Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.
Reflection: What anger or hurt are you holding onto that is keeping you from loving intentionally? Will you ask God today to help you release it and take a step toward forgiveness and freedom?
Quotes
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