How To Finally Forgive

Devotional

Day 1: Love is at the Center of the Gospel and Family

At the heart of the gospel and every thriving family is love—a love that originates from God and is meant to be the foundation of all our relationships. Just as God’s love for us led Him to give His Son, our love for one another should be the driving force behind our actions, words, and attitudes. Without love at the center, nothing else truly matters; it is love that gives life, warmth, and purpose to our families, whether immediate, church, or chosen. When love is central, it naturally leads us to forgiveness and deeper, healthier relationships. [16:51]

John 3:16-17 (ESV)
“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him.”

Reflection: Who in your family—immediate, church, or chosen—needs to experience your love in a tangible way today, and what is one specific action you can take to show them that love is at the center?

Day 2: Forgiveness is Essential for Thriving Relationships

Forgiveness is not just a suggestion but a necessity for healthy, dynamic relationships; it is the bridge that love builds to restore and maintain connection. God’s blueprint for us is to let love lead us to forgive, just as He forgave us, so that our families can flourish. Holding onto unforgiveness is like a cancer that poisons our hearts and relationships, but when we choose to forgive, we break the cycle of pain and open the door to healing and harmony. Forgiveness is a process, sometimes requiring repeated surrender to God, but it is always worth pursuing for the sake of thriving relationships. [18:53]

Colossians 3:12-14 (ESV)
“Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.”

Reflection: Is there someone you need to forgive today, and what step can you take—however small—to begin or continue that process, trusting God to help you move forward?

Day 3: Forgive First—Whoever Forgives First Wins First

Forgiveness is not about waiting for the other person to make the first move; it is about taking the initiative, just as God did for us. When we forgive first, we experience freedom and healing ourselves, regardless of the other person’s response. Withholding forgiveness only hurts us, keeping us trapped in bitterness, but extending forgiveness releases us and allows God’s grace to flow through us. Jesus taught that our willingness to forgive others is directly connected to our own experience of God’s forgiveness, making it vital to act quickly and generously in offering forgiveness. [33:46]

Matthew 6:14-15 (ESV)
“For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.”

Reflection: Is there a situation where you have been waiting for someone else to change before you forgive? What would it look like for you to take the first step and offer forgiveness today?

Day 4: Make a Plan to Clothe Yourself with Godly Virtues

Just as we make intentional plans for what we wear each day, we must also make a conscious plan to clothe ourselves with mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. These virtues do not happen by accident; they require daily, deliberate choices and reliance on the Holy Spirit to fill us with what we lack. When we are spiritually unprepared, we are vulnerable to reacting poorly, but when we ask God for His character to be formed in us, we are equipped to respond with grace and love, even in difficult moments. [23:07]

Reflection: What is one godly virtue—mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, or patience—that you need to intentionally “put on” today, and how can you make a plan to practice it in your interactions?

Day 5: Let Love Change the Emotion of the Memory

Forgiveness does not mean forgetting the hurt, but it does mean allowing God’s love to transform the way we remember and feel about the past. When we invite the love of Jesus into our painful memories, He can replace anger, pain, and resentment with mercy, grace, and kindness. This transformation is a process, sometimes taking time and repeated surrender, but it leads to freedom and the ability to bless rather than curse those who have hurt us. Ultimately, letting love change the emotion of the memory allows us to move forward in peace, regardless of whether the relationship is restored. [37:45]

Ephesians 4:31-32 (ESV)
“Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”

Reflection: Is there a painful memory or relationship where you still feel anger or resentment? Ask God to begin changing the emotion of that memory with His love, and consider what it would look like to bless rather than curse that person in your heart today.

Sermon Summary

Today, we gathered as one family—across all our campuses and online—to reflect on God’s blueprint for a thriving family. Whether it’s our immediate family, our church family, or our chosen family, God’s design is the same: at the very center must be love. Just as the sun is at the center of our solar system, or the best part of a donut is its filling, what’s at the center determines the health and vitality of everything around it. In the gospel, love is at the center, and that love drives us toward forgiveness, which in turn establishes and restores relationship. This is the formula God has given us, and it’s the same formula that must be at the heart of every thriving family.

We explored Colossians 3:12-14, which calls us to clothe ourselves with mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. These are not accidental qualities; they require intentionality. Just as we plan what we wear, we must make a plan to put on these spiritual clothes each day. Forgiveness, too, is not something that happens by accident. It requires a decision—a plan—to make allowances for each other’s faults and to forgive anyone who offends us. This is not just a suggestion; it’s a mandate rooted in the reality that God forgave us first, even before we asked for it or deserved it.

Forgiveness is not a one-time event but a process. Sometimes it takes days, months, or even years, but the journey begins with a choice to let love lead. When we withhold forgiveness, it’s like a cancer in our soul, poisoning our relationships and our own hearts. But when we forgive, we are set free, and the love of Christ can transform even the most painful memories, changing the emotion attached to them from anger or revenge to mercy and grace.

Ultimately, love must be the motive behind our forgiveness. Without love, our words and actions are empty. But when we let God’s love fill us, it empowers us to forgive, to heal, and to build relationships that reflect the heart of God. Through the power of the Holy Spirit, it is possible to forgive anyone, and in doing so, we experience the harmony and thriving relationships God desires for us.

Key Takeaways

1. Love is the Center and the Source Just as the sun holds the solar system together, love is the force that holds families and relationships in place. Without love at the center, everything else falls apart. God’s love is not just a feeling but the foundation and starting point for all healthy relationships, and it is the same love that must be at the center of our families—immediate, church, or chosen. [16:51]
2. Forgiveness Flows from Love and Requires a Plan Forgiveness doesn’t happen by accident; it requires intentionality. Just as we plan what to wear, we must plan to clothe ourselves with mercy, kindness, humility, and patience. Making allowances for each other’s faults and choosing to forgive is a deliberate act that begins with recognizing our own need for grace and extending it to others. [20:15]
3. Action, Not Just Intention, Brings Transformation Talking about forgiveness or love is easy, but real change comes when we take action. Faith without works is dead; it is only when we step out and actually forgive—motivated by the reality that God forgave us first—that we experience freedom and healing. Whoever forgives first wins first, because forgiveness changes us before it changes anyone else. [30:29]
4. Forgiveness is a Process, Not a One-Time Event Deep wounds may require repeated acts of forgiveness over time. The process is not about forgetting but about allowing God’s love to change the emotion attached to painful memories. As we continually bring our hurts to God, He replaces anger and bitterness with mercy, grace, and love, freeing us from the grip of the past. [37:13]
5. Let Love Motivate All Forgiveness Forgiveness that is not rooted in love is empty and ineffective. God’s forgiveness toward us was motivated by love, and our forgiveness toward others must be the same. When love is our motive, we are able to forgive even the most difficult offenses, and in doing so, we reflect the heart of Christ and build relationships that thrive.

** [39:22]

Youtube Chapters

[00:00] - Welcome
[11:04] - Greeting All Campuses & Family Vision
[11:45] - Three Kinds of Family
[12:56] - The Importance of What’s at the Center
[14:02] - Donuts, Parties, and the Power of the Center
[15:08] - The Sun, the Earth’s Core, and Life
[16:51] - Love at the Center of the Gospel
[17:51] - God’s Formula: Love, Forgiveness, Relationship
[19:23] - The Power of Forgiveness in Family
[20:15] - Clothe Yourself with Godly Qualities
[21:18] - Making a Plan to Forgive
[23:07] - Spiritual Clothing and Preparation
[25:41] - The Role of the Holy Spirit in Forgiveness
[27:11] - The Cancer of Unforgiveness
[30:29] - Taking Action: Faith and Forgiveness
[33:26] - Forgiveness: Who Moves First?
[35:14] - Forgive Anyone Who Offends You
[37:13] - The Process of Forgiveness
[38:52] - Love Binds Us in Harmony
[39:40] - Prayer for Love and Forgiveness
[40:02] - Closing Prayer and Blessing

Bible Study Guide

Bible Reading

Colossians 3:12-14 (ESV) — > 12 Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience,
> 13 bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.
> 14 And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.

John 3:16-17 (ESV) — > 16 “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.
> 17 For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him.”

Observation Questions

According to Colossians 3:12-14, what specific qualities does Paul say we should “put on” as God’s people?
In the sermon, what analogy did the pastor use to describe the importance of what is at the center of our lives and families? ([16:51])
What is the “formula” for relationships that the pastor says is found in both John 3:16-17 and Colossians 3:12-14? ([17:51])
What does Paul say is the result of putting on love “above all” in Colossians 3:14?

Interpretation Questions

Why do you think Paul compares putting on spiritual qualities like mercy, kindness, and patience to putting on clothes? What does this suggest about how intentional we need to be? ([23:07])
The pastor said that forgiveness is not a one-time event but a process. How does this idea challenge common assumptions about forgiveness? ([37:13])
According to the sermon, why is it important to recognize our own faults before we can truly forgive others? ([29:50])
The pastor said, “Whoever forgives first wins first.” What does this mean, and how does it flip our usual way of thinking about forgiveness? ([33:26])

Application Questions

The sermon compared love at the center of a family to the sun at the center of the solar system or the filling in a donut. What is currently at the center of your family or closest relationships? Is it love, or something else? How can you move love to the center? ([16:51])
Colossians 3:12-14 lists qualities like mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Which of these do you find hardest to “put on” each day? What is one practical step you can take this week to be more intentional about it? ([23:07])
The pastor said that forgiveness requires a plan, just like planning what to wear. Is there someone you need to forgive, or a situation where you need to make a plan to forgive? What would your first step look like? ([21:18])
When you think about past hurts, do you notice any “cancer” of unforgiveness in your heart? How has holding onto unforgiveness affected your relationships or your own well-being? ([27:11])
The sermon said that forgiveness is a process, and sometimes it takes a long time. Is there a hurt or memory that still brings up anger or pain? What would it look like to invite God’s love to change the emotion attached to that memory? ([37:13])
The pastor challenged us to forgive “anyone who offends you.” Is there a person or group you have written off as “unforgivable”? What would it take to begin moving toward forgiveness, even if it’s just a small step? ([35:14])
The sermon ended with a prayer for God’s love to fill us and lead us to forgiveness. What is one way you can ask the Holy Spirit to help you love and forgive in your family, church, or chosen family this week? ([39:40])

Sermon Clips

``But what's at the center, guys, is important, whether it's the center of the sun at the center. The core of the earth at the center or the jelly at the center of your donut. But in the gospel, what's at the center of the gospel is also radically important. Meaning what's at the center of the message of Jesus. What's at the center of the message of Jesus is vitally important. Here's what it is. It's love. Love is at the center of the gospel. Love is at the center of the message of Jesus. And without love at the center, nothing else matters. [00:16:30] (39 seconds) #LoveIsTheCore

Love is at the center, but love drives to something. Love drives to forgiveness. So love is at the center of the gospel and it drives to forgiveness, which does something for us. It establishes relationship with God. This is the formula of God's heart. [00:17:08] (21 seconds) #LoveLeadsToForgiveness

Because love was in the heart of God. And it drove the heart of God to forgive us of our sins so that we could establish relationship with God. And guys, this is what's at the center of your family as well. The center of a thriving family is the same blueprint, love. Love that drives or leads to or continuously offers forgiveness so that healthy, dynamic relationships can take place. [00:18:37] (31 seconds) #ForgivenessBuildsRelationship

But as that happens, then here's what you get to do. You get to make a plan to start forgiving your family. If you're harboring unforgiveness and you're in this room right now, or you're listening to me online or at any one of our campuses, if you're harboring unforgiveness, it's like a cancer that lives inside of your mind and inside of your soul. You're letting other people dominate the way you feel about this life and the way you feel about them. And it's like a cancer living inside of you. It's going to affect your ability to love. It's going to corrupt your heart and your mind. And you become toxic to everyone around you. Don't harbor unforgiveness. Make a plan to forgive. [00:27:07] (40 seconds) #SelfReflectionStartsChange

It's crazy to me how surprising it is to us sometimes about how crazy another person acts. Can I just say this? It's like, hold up a mirror to yourself. We're all screwed up in one way or the other. Some of us, more than others. But we all have our thing. We all have something that rubs someone else the wrong way. And if you think you're perfect and you don't rub anybody the wrong way, you've got really big issues. If you think it's always someone else's problem, then you're overlooking the real problem. [00:29:09] (39 seconds) #GodMovedFirst

So where does the faith come from? To start taking the action to forgive? We have to remember, God forgave us first. And because God forgave us first, now it becomes our motive to forgive. The reality is this. You and me, we don't deserve to be forgiven. There's nothing that we could do to win our forgiveness of our sins and to earn that golden ticket into heaven. There's nothing. There's nothing you can do. [00:30:52] (34 seconds) #ForgiveAnyone

That's not the way it works for forgiveness. Like some of us think, well, you know, I'm going to hold out. I'm going to hold out until I see the change in their heart. Then I'll forgive them. I'm going to hold out, right? And I'm going to wait to see if they move first and then I'll move. That's not the way forgiveness works. Whoever forgives first wins first. That's the way forgiveness works. Because forgiveness, oh, it's always something that changes you first. [00:33:21] (28 seconds) #LoveTransformsMemory

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