How Do You Smell? | Zach & Hallidae Heagy

Relationships rot when selfishness wins. Self-centered desires, control, and the default impulse to protect personal comfort poison connection and turn love into a transactional commodity. The Bible reframes love not as romantic feeling but as cruciform action: patient, kind, humble, sacrificial. True love dies to the self so it can serve, forgive, cover, trust, and persevere even when others fail or betray. Jesus models this by refusing to expose or discard sinners, by forgiving on the cross, and by washing feet—intimate acts that show love chooses humility over reputation and restoration over shame.

The church’s witness falters when love narrows into preference and tribalism. Loving only those who look, vote, or act like oneself betrays the gospel’s countercultural call to cross-shaped love. Early Christians gained credibility because they lived sacrificially, shared resources, and loved outsiders; contemporary faith communities lose credibility when arguing, excluding, or celebrating others’ downfall. Authentic faith expresses itself in action: love that gives, forgives, and risks access and vulnerability for the good of another.

Maturity in Christian love shows not in spiritual gifts or knowledge but in the capacity to love difficult people—Judas and Peter, not just the beloved. Mature love refuses to rejoice in another’s humiliation, refuses to keep relational receipts, and refuses to weaponize past failures. Instead it assumes the best, hopes for change, and perseveres when love costs everything. Practical holiness looks like getting low to wash dirty feet: serving people in humiliating places, entering messy lives, and praying for restoration rather than exposure. That humble service prevents the stench of the flesh and cultivates the fragrance of Christ.

The way forward requires daily dying to self through prayer, repentance, and intentional service. Loving as Christ loved demands both radical humility and practical choices—apologizing quickly, covering faults, celebrating others’ flourishing, and offering access even when risk exists. When love flows this way, relationships heal, communities testify, and God’s aroma fills a life offered up as a fragrant sacrifice.

Key Takeaways

• 1. Selfishness is the greatest threat Selfishness undermines trust and turns intimacy into leverage. The flesh prefers control, safety, and being right; spiritual formation calls for a daily cutting away of those impulses so love can flow outward. Transformation requires confessing the rotting parts and actively choosing other-centered actions that repair relationships. [04:39]
• 2. Love imitates Christ’s cruciform pattern First Corinthians 13 functions as a description of cruciform love—dying, forgiving, and restoring—not a romantic poem. Jesus’ silence before accusation, restoration of Peter, and forgiveness from the cross reveal a love that refuses to expose or write others off. Imitating this means bearing wrongs, extending grace, and counting tears rather than sins. [09:40]
• 3. Maturity loves the hard people Spiritual maturity shows by loving those who offend, betray, or disappoint rather than only the beloved. Loving difficult people tests humility, breaks tribalism, and reflects a faith that values restoration over reputation. Practically, this means resisting gossip, assuming the best, and persevering in prayer for change. [15:32]
• 4. Humility serves—wash others’ feet Kneeling to serve someone in their mess prevents arrogance and softens the heart toward genuine love. Washing feet symbolizes entering another’s brokenness, removing judgment, and praying for their flourishing instead of celebrating their fall. Regular acts of low service kill the stench of selfishness and cultivate the aroma of Christ. [34:33]

Youtube Chapters

• [00:00] - Welcome
• [00:34] - Valentine's Day & personal anecdotes
• [03:43] - Selfishness: the real enemy
• [06:51] - Dying to the flesh daily
• [09:40] - Jesus as the model of love
• [12:46] - Church identity and love’s witness
• [15:32] - Maturity: loving hard people
• [34:33] - Wash feet: humility in practice
• [41:25] - Closing challenge and invitation

1. According to 1 Corinthians 13:4–7, what specific actions and attitudes characterize true love?
2. In the sermon, love was described not as a romantic feeling but as "cruciform action." What does that mean? [09:40]
3. What practical examples were given of how Jesus loved difficult people, like Judas and Peter? [15:32]
4. How does humility serve as the foundation for loving others well? [34:33]

1. Why does Paul emphasize that love "does not rejoice at wrongdoing" but "rejoices with the truth"? How might this look in relationships when someone is exposed or humiliated?
2. The sermon mentioned that "maturity is shown in how well you love those who are hard to love." Why is loving difficult people a true test of spiritual maturity? [15:32]
3. How does Jesus’ act of washing feet redefine what it means to love someone, especially when they don’t deserve it? [34:33]
4. What does it mean that love "always protects" and "always trusts"? How might this change the way we respond when others fail us?

1. Selfishness is the greatest threat to relationships. Where have you noticed selfish desires or the need for control poisoning your connections with others? [04:39]
2. Love refuses to keep records of wrongs. Is there someone in your life whose past failures you’ve weaponized or rehearsed in your mind? What would it look like to rip up those "relational receipts" this week? [29:26]
3. Mature love means serving people in their mess rather than avoiding or judging them. Who is one person in your life that’s hard to love? What’s one practical, humble act of service you can do for them? [34:33]
4. How do you respond when you see someone’s failure or sin being exposed publicly? Do you find yourself entertained or grieved? What would it look like to pray for their restoration instead? [30:42]
5. Love always hopes and perseveres. Is there a relationship where you’ve been tempted to give up? How can you choose to hope in what God can still do in that person?
6. In what areas of your life (marriage, work, friendships) do you find it easiest to withdraw rather than move toward others in kindness? What’s one step you can take this week to turn outward instead? [06:51]
7. The early church was known for their radical love. Would those closest to you say you’re known for how you love? Why or why not? [12:46]