Games We Play // The Honor Game

Devotional

Day 1: The Danger of Competition in Relationships

When we treat our relationships like a game with a winner and a loser, everyone ultimately loses. The desire to be right, to have our way, or to prove a point can severely damage the connections we hold most dear. A victory in an argument often comes at the cost of intimacy and trust, leaving a hollow prize. The true win in any relationship is the health and mutual satisfaction of the relationship itself. If one person loses, both people and the relationship suffer the consequences. [06:51]

Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.
Romans 12:10 (NIV)

Reflection: Think of a recent disagreement in one of your key relationships. What was the true cost of "winning" that argument, and what might have been gained if the health of the relationship had been the primary goal?

Day 2: Identifying the Games We Play

We often bring unhealthy patterns into our interactions without even realizing it. These include trying to change or fix the other person, assigning motives to their behavior, or using guilt and blame to get our way. Such tactics create a dynamic of winners and losers, which erodes the foundation of trust and respect. Recognizing these games is the first step toward choosing a better way of relating to one another. [14:08]

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves.
Philippians 2:3 (NIV)

Reflection: Which of the relationship games—such as the blame game, the comparison game, or the motive assignment game—do you find yourself most often playing? What is one specific situation where you can choose to stop playing that game this week?

Day 3: The Counterintuitive Game of Honor

The way to truly win in relationships is to play a different game entirely: the honor game. This means consciously choosing to treat others as if they are more important and valuable than ourselves, whether they are or not. It is a decision to go first in showing respect, to value the other person’s worth, and to prioritize the relationship over our own ego. This is a game where losing is the only way to win. [18:38]

Give preference to one another in honor.
Romans 12:10b (NASB)

Reflection: With whom in your life is it most difficult for you to "go first" in showing honor? What is one practical, tangible action you can take to value them above yourself this week?

Day 4: We Already Know How to Honor

We instinctively know how to show honor to people we deem important or influential. We mind our manners, respect their time, and are careful with our words. The radical call is to extend this same level of honor and respect to every single person we encounter. This includes family members, coworkers, and even those we find difficult. It is a choice to see and treat everyone with the dignity they inherently possess as image-bearers of God. [26:26]

Show proper respect to everyone, love the family of believers, fear God, honor the emperor.
1 Peter 2:17 (NIV)

Reflection: How does your behavior change when you are around someone you consider "important"? What would it look like to bring that same mindful respect into your interactions with your family or the cashier at the grocery store?

Day 5: Following the Ultimate Example of Honor

Our motivation to honor others finds its source in the life of Jesus Christ. Though He was God, He did not use His status for His own advantage. Instead, He made Himself nothing, took on the nature of a servant, and treated every person He met as if they were more important than Himself. His ultimate act of honor was sacrificing Himself for us. As His followers, we are called to adopt this same self-giving, honoring posture in all our relationships. [30:03]

In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage.
Philippians 2:5-6 (NIV)

Reflection: Where is Jesus inviting you to "make yourself nothing" by laying down your rights, preferences, or ego for the sake of honoring someone else and reflecting His love to them?

Sermon Summary

Most people enjoy games and competition, but competition becomes destructive when it migrates into relationships. Competition in families, workplaces, and communities often treats relationships as zero-sum: one winner and one loser. A list of common relational games exposes how people try to change, guess, guilt, blame, compare, shame, project motives, or replay family-of-origin patterns to get their way. Each of those tactics may produce a short-term victory, but those wins erode trust, intimacy, and the relationship itself.

The real win in any relationship lies in preserving and growing the bond—mutual satisfaction and mutual enjoyment. Paul reframes competition by introducing an opposing game: the honor game. Instead of jockeying for first place, choose to put the other person first. Paul commands devotion expressed as giving honor to one another and urges followers to do nothing from selfish ambition but to value others above themselves.

The honor game demands concrete choices. Treat people as if they deserve more honor than oneself, whether they objectively deserve it or not. Practicing this requires humility, intentional actions, and the willingness to lose petty battles for the sake of the relationship. Paul points to Christ as the model: though equal with God, Christ refused to exploit that status, emptied himself, and served others. That sacrificial posture reframes power, status, and influence as tools for others’ benefit rather than weapons for self-advancement.

When people adopt the honor game—at home, work, and in public life—the relational landscape changes. Difficult conversations still remain necessary, but the posture shifts from winning arguments to restoring connection. If neighbors, coworkers, and leaders consistently honored one another, communal life would look very different. The simple, practiced discipline of competing to honor others promises healthier marriages, families, workplaces, and neighborhoods; when everyone plays, everyone truly wins.

Key Takeaways

1. The win is the relationship Prioritizing a relational outcome reframes every disagreement. Winning an argument often secures a position but forfeits closeness, trust, and future cooperation. Choose long-term flourishing over short-term validation; guard the relationship as the true prize. [06:19]
2. Quit playing toxic relationship games Change attempts, guessing, guilt, blame, comparison, shame, and motive-assignment injure connection more than they fix behavior. Recognize these patterns as strategies for control rather than paths to flourishing. Stop rehearsing scripted wins and replace them with practices that restore dignity and mutuality. [07:41]
3. Play the honor game competitively Compete to put the other person first; treat honoring others as the sport to master. Honor operates as deliberate action—listening, timing, restraint, and public valuation—rather than mere sentiment. Make honoring a default habit that determines responses before conflict escalates. [16:49]
4. Value others above yourself Adopt humility as a practice, not merely an ideal. Seeing others as more valuable reshapes priorities, negotiations, and daily interactions; it converts power into service. This posture frees relationships from scoreboard thinking and cultivates mutual resilience. [19:55]

Youtube Chapters

[00:00] - Welcome
[00:52] - Games and competition explained
[03:46] - Why competition harms relationships
[04:05] - Competition at home: examples
[06:19] - What counts as a win?
[07:41] - Common relationship games listed
[12:50] - Family-of-origin and motive assignment
[15:46] - Transition to Paul’s teaching
[16:49] - The honor game introduced
[19:55] - Practice humility: value others
[28:27] - Jesus’ example of self-emptying
[32:21] - Everyone wins when honor plays
[34:05] - Closing prayer and next steps

Bible Study Guide

Bible reading
Romans 12:10 (ESV)
*Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.*

Philippians 2:3–4 (ESV)
*Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.*

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Observation questions

According to Romans 12:10, what are we commanded to do in our relationships with others?
What two attitudes does Philippians 2:3 instruct us to avoid?
What practical action does Philippians 2:4 encourage us to take in our interactions with others?
In the sermon, what are some examples given of "toxic relationship games" people play? [07:41]

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Interpretation questions

What does it mean to "outdo one another in showing honor" in everyday relationships like marriage, parenting, or work?
How might "counting others more significant than yourselves" change the way we handle disagreements or conflicts?
Why is it difficult to avoid "selfish ambition" even in relationships where we claim to care about the other person?
How does Jesus’ example of humility and service challenge common cultural views about power and success? [28:27]

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Application questions

Where in your closest relationships (family, roommates, coworkers) do you most often try to "win" instead of prioritizing the relationship itself? What would it look like to change that pattern this week? [06:19]
Which of the toxic relationship games (guilt, blame, comparison, shame, etc.) do you find yourself using most often? What is one practical way you can replace that game with intentional honor? [07:41]
Think of someone you struggle to respect or value. How can you intentionally "out-honor" them this week through a specific action (listening, serving, affirming, etc.)? [31:19]
When was the last time you used your position, power, or resources to serve someone else rather than advance yourself? How can you make that a habit? [30:03]
What would it look like in your home or workplace if everyone competed to put others first? What’s one step you can take to model that? [17:10]
How does the truth that Jesus treated you as more important than Himself change your motivation to honor others—even when they don’t deserve it? [30:26]
What’s one relationship where you’ve been keeping score? How can you let go of the scoreboard and start fresh with the honor game? [19:55]

Sermon Clips

We're going look at this question and the question is, what's the win in a relationship? What is the win in any given relationship? And the answer to that is simple. It's the relationship. That's the win. The win is having a mutually satisfying, mutually enjoyable relationship. That's the win. Where no individual person is winning and no individual person in that relationship is losing because if one person loses in any relationship then both people lose in the relationship. And many times what happens is when there's a winner and a loser, the two of the two of you lose the relationship. [00:06:19] (36 seconds) #RelationshipWins

rather in humility, value others above yourselves. He's like, I want you to view other people as if they are more important than you, as if they have more value than you. What is value? That's treating other people like they are worth more than you are. Whether they're actually worth more than you or not is irrelevant. Doesn't matter. Because, again, it's a choice. [00:19:54] (26 seconds) #ValueOthersAbove

Paul goes on, who who Jesus, who being in very nature, God, he was God in the flesh, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage. When Jesus was playing cards, he never played the God card. He never played that that I'm God. Like, I can do whatever I want. I can get whatever I want. Those people over there, they're sitting at my table. I want you to remove them so I can sit at that. That's my table. Right? Jesus never played that. He constantly used his power. He constantly used his position on behalf of everyone else. [00:29:23] (31 seconds) #PowerForOthers

And here's the thing. Nobody that ever walked this planet was more important than Jesus. I mean, this is the guy who after his death and his resurrection that people for over two thousand years have worshiped. You don't worship human beings. Right? We worship Jesus today. No one has ever, in all of history, more important than Jesus, and yet he treated every single person as if they had just as much honor, just as much value, if not more value than himself. [00:28:53] (30 seconds) #HonorEveryoneLikeJesus