Heart Matters: Insights on Marriage and Divorce

 

Summary

Marriage is a profound journey filled with both joy and challenges. Whether you're married, considering marriage, or facing struggles within it, the teachings of Jesus on the Sermon on the Mount offer deep insights into the heart's role in relationships. Jesus addresses the issue of divorce, emphasizing that the heart's condition is crucial. Historically, the church has grappled with the question of whether a Christian can divorce, often concluding that it is permissible only in cases of adultery or abandonment by an unbelieving spouse. However, this perspective raises questions about other severe situations, such as abuse or criminal behavior.

The teachings of Jesus must be understood within the context of the rabbinical debates of his time. Two key Old Testament passages, Deuteronomy 24 and Exodus 21, were central to these discussions. Deuteronomy 24 allowed divorce for "a cause of indecency," which was interpreted differently by rabbis Hillel and Shammai. Hillel's followers believed in a broader interpretation, allowing divorce for almost any reason, while Shammai's followers restricted it to cases of sexual immorality. Jesus sided with the latter, emphasizing the sanctity of marriage.

Exodus 21, on the other hand, outlined the obligations of a husband to provide food, clothing, and marital rights. Failure to meet these obligations was grounds for divorce, highlighting that neglect and abuse are valid reasons for ending a marriage. The certificate of divorce was a protective measure for women, ensuring they could remarry without fear of being reclaimed by their former husbands.

Ultimately, Jesus points to the hardness of heart as the root issue in marital breakdowns. A heart that is closed off, unrepentant, and unwilling to foster a safe and loving relationship can lead to the necessity of divorce. However, the call is to maintain an open heart, ready to apologize, appreciate, and affirm one's spouse. This surpassing goodness, flowing from the heart, is what Jesus calls us to embody.

Key Takeaways:

1. The Heart's Role in Marriage: The condition of our heart is central to the health of our marriage. Jesus emphasizes that a hard heart can lead to the breakdown of a relationship, urging us to maintain openness and humility. [09:09]

2. Understanding Divorce Contextually: Jesus' teachings on divorce must be understood within the historical and cultural context of rabbinical debates. The focus is not on legalistic rules but on the heart's posture and the commitment made in marriage. [02:48]

3. Grounds for Divorce: While adultery and abandonment are often cited as grounds for divorce, neglect and abuse are equally valid reasons. The biblical framework supports the protection and well-being of individuals in a marriage. [08:22]

4. The Protective Role of Divorce Certificates: In ancient times, the certificate of divorce served as a protection for women, allowing them to remarry without fear of being reclaimed. This highlights the importance of justice and protection in marital laws. [06:04]

5. Living with an Open Heart: We are called to live with an open heart, ready to apologize, appreciate, and affirm our spouse. This surpassing goodness, flowing from the heart, is the essence of Jesus' teachings on marriage. [10:15]

Youtube Chapters:

- [00:00] - Welcome
- [00:08] - Introduction to Marriage and Heart
- [00:22] - Historical Context of Divorce
- [00:55] - Jesus' Teachings on Divorce
- [01:25] - Conditions for Divorce
- [02:09] - Addressing Dangerous Relationships
- [02:34] - David Instone Brewer's Insights
- [03:17] - Rabbinical Debates on Divorce
- [04:06] - Interpretations of Deuteronomy 24
- [04:46] - Exodus 21 and Marital Obligations
- [05:37] - The Role of Divorce Certificates
- [06:23] - Obligations in Marriage
- [07:50] - Grounds for Divorce Beyond Adultery
- [08:37] - The Issue of Hardness of Heart
- [09:56] - Living with an Open Heart

Study Guide

Bible Study Discussion Guide

Bible Reading:
1. Matthew 19:3-9
2. Deuteronomy 24:1-4
3. Exodus 21:10-11

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Observation Questions:

1. What does Jesus say about the conditions under which divorce is permissible according to Matthew 19:3-9? How does this compare to the rabbinical debates of his time? [00:55]

2. In Deuteronomy 24:1-4, what is the significance of the phrase "a cause of indecency," and how did different rabbis interpret this? [03:17]

3. According to Exodus 21:10-11, what obligations does a husband have towards his wife, and what are the consequences if these are not met? [04:46]

4. How does the concept of a certificate of divorce serve as a protection for women in ancient times? [05:37]

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Interpretation Questions:

1. How does Jesus' emphasis on the heart's condition in Matthew 19:3-9 challenge the legalistic views of marriage and divorce? [08:54]

2. In what ways do the teachings in Deuteronomy 24 and Exodus 21 reflect the cultural and social values of their time, and how might they be applied today? [03:17]

3. How does the concept of "hardness of heart" relate to the breakdown of relationships, and what might this look like in a modern context? [09:09]

4. What role does community play in discerning the appropriate response to marital challenges, according to the sermon? [09:43]

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Application Questions:

1. Reflect on a time when you experienced "hardness of heart" in a relationship. What steps can you take to foster openness and humility in your current relationships? [09:56]

2. How can you apply the principle of living with an open heart, as emphasized in the sermon, in your daily interactions with your spouse or loved ones? [10:15]

3. If you are in a challenging relationship, what practical steps can you take to ensure your safety and well-being, while also seeking wisdom and support from your community? [02:09]

4. Consider the obligations outlined in Exodus 21:10-11. How can you ensure that you are meeting the needs of your spouse or partner in a way that honors your commitment to them? [06:23]

5. How can you support friends or family members who may be struggling in their marriages, particularly in situations involving neglect or abuse? [08:22]

6. What are some ways you can cultivate a heart that is ready to apologize, appreciate, and affirm others, as encouraged in the sermon? [10:15]

7. Reflect on the role of justice and protection in relationships. How can you advocate for these values in your community or church? [06:04]

Devotional

Day 1: The Heart's Openness in Marriage
The health of a marriage is deeply connected to the condition of the heart. Jesus emphasizes that a hard heart can lead to the breakdown of a relationship, urging individuals to maintain openness and humility. A heart that is closed off, unrepentant, and unwilling to foster a safe and loving relationship can lead to the necessity of divorce. However, the call is to maintain an open heart, ready to apologize, appreciate, and affirm one's spouse. This surpassing goodness, flowing from the heart, is what Jesus calls us to embody. [09:09]

Ezekiel 36:26-27 (ESV): "And I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my Spirit within you, and cause you to walk in my statutes and be careful to obey my rules."

Reflection: Is there an area in your marriage or relationships where your heart has become hardened? How can you invite God to soften your heart today?


Day 2: Contextual Understanding of Divorce
Understanding Jesus' teachings on divorce requires a grasp of the historical and cultural context of rabbinical debates. The focus is not on legalistic rules but on the heart's posture and the commitment made in marriage. During Jesus' time, there were differing interpretations of what constituted valid grounds for divorce, with some rabbis allowing it for almost any reason and others restricting it to cases of sexual immorality. Jesus emphasized the sanctity of marriage, urging a deeper understanding of the heart's role in maintaining this sacred bond. [02:48]

Matthew 19:8-9 (ESV): "He said to them, 'Because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.'"

Reflection: How does understanding the historical context of Jesus' teachings on divorce change your perspective on marriage and commitment?


Day 3: Valid Grounds for Divorce
While adultery and abandonment are often cited as grounds for divorce, neglect and abuse are equally valid reasons. The biblical framework supports the protection and well-being of individuals in a marriage. Exodus 21 outlines the obligations of a husband to provide food, clothing, and marital rights, and failure to meet these obligations was grounds for divorce. This highlights that neglect and abuse are valid reasons for ending a marriage, emphasizing the importance of justice and protection in marital relationships. [08:22]

Malachi 2:16 (ESV): "For the man who does not love his wife but divorces her, says the Lord, the God of Israel, covers his garment with violence, says the Lord of hosts. So guard yourselves in your spirit, and do not be faithless."

Reflection: Are there areas in your life where you need to advocate for justice and protection, either for yourself or others, in relationships?


Day 4: The Protective Role of Divorce Certificates
In ancient times, the certificate of divorce served as a protection for women, allowing them to remarry without fear of being reclaimed by their former husbands. This highlights the importance of justice and protection in marital laws. The certificate was a protective measure, ensuring that women could move forward with their lives and find security in new relationships. This aspect of divorce law underscores the need for compassion and justice in addressing marital breakdowns. [06:04]

Deuteronomy 24:1-2 (ESV): "When a man takes a wife and marries her, if then she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some indecency in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, and she departs out of his house, and if she goes and becomes another man's wife..."

Reflection: How can you ensure that your actions and decisions in relationships are guided by justice and compassion?


Day 5: Living with an Open Heart
We are called to live with an open heart, ready to apologize, appreciate, and affirm our spouse. This surpassing goodness, flowing from the heart, is the essence of Jesus' teachings on marriage. An open heart fosters a loving and nurturing environment, allowing relationships to thrive. By embodying this openness, individuals can create a foundation of trust and mutual respect, essential for a healthy and enduring marriage. [10:15]

Colossians 3:12-14 (ESV): "Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony."

Reflection: What steps can you take today to cultivate an open heart in your relationships, especially in areas where you may have been closed off or defensive?

Quotes


Marriage is the most amazing thing, brings so much joy, so much pain. You might be married or thinking about getting married, maybe struggling ways you can't talk about. Jesus addresses this issue in the Sermon on the Mount and talks about the one quality that most impacts our marriage. We're going to get to that, and as you might expect, it has to do with the nature of our heart. [00:00:08]

One of the big questions in the church historically has been can a Christian get divorced? Based on what Jesus says here, often the response has been no, you never can unless there has been adultery. Later on, when Paul writes to the church of Corinth, he talks about somebody who has an unbelieving spouse and that they might abandon him. [00:01:05]

Obviously, that raises the question of, well, what if you have somebody who's selling drugs to little kids or somebody who is being physically abusive? One of the early church fathers was so adamant about this, literally he said if your wife is poisoning you or poisoning your children, you cannot leave her. [00:01:41]

David Instone Brewer, he's written a few books, "Divorce and Remarriage in the Bible," "Divorce and Remarriage in the New Testament," and his work has really been, I think, kind of the definitive work in our generation here. He says to understand Jesus, you have to understand what was the conversation about marriage and divorce that Jesus was engaged in that everybody knew. [00:02:30]

In the Old Testament, there were two basic passages that the rabbis would cite for this. One was Deuteronomy 24, and it talks there about divorcing a wife for a cause of indecency. Not long before Jesus, there were two rabbis, Hillel and Shammai, and they debated about everything. [00:03:07]

Exodus 21, here's what it says: Moses here is giving rules really basically on servanthood and slavery and about a man who marries a woman that's been a slave. If he marries one woman and then marries a second woman, he must not deprive the first one of her food, clothing, and marital rights. [00:04:34]

The reason that the certificate of divorce was so important was it was a tremendous protection for women in Moses's day. In the ancient Near East, a man typically would just simply leave a woman if he didn't want to be married to her anymore. But then, if he decided later on that he wanted her back, he could just go and reclaim her. [00:05:37]

There were basically, the rabbi said, three areas that you are committing yourself to provide for your spouse. One of them is food, one of them is clothing, and then the third one is marital rights. The rabbis, being rabbis, they would spell all that stuff out quite carefully. [00:06:23]

Those were the obligations, and when those vows were broken, that's when divorce came into play. So it wasn't arbitrary, it wasn't mechanical. It wasn't like, well, if you commit sexual immorality, if your spouse does, then you can get divorced. But if they're a murderer and a drug dealer, you can't. [00:07:43]

Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard, but it was not that way in the beginning. So the real issue is hardness of heart, and if anybody's looking at would a divorce be biblical, it's not a legalistic mechanical formula as we tend to make it. [00:08:57]

The thing I want to leave with you today is have an open heart. Today, one of my greatest regrets in life is how many times I had hardness in heart towards Nancy when she did something I did not like, said something I wish she had not said, acted in a way that, for whatever reason, I didn't like. [00:09:56]

Be ready to apologize today, be ready to appreciate today, be ready to affirm today, be ready to learn today, be humble. Nobody has to live with a hard heart, and that's what's at the core of the Sermon on the Mount, is the true goodness, the surpassing goodness that exceeds the scribes and Pharisees because it's flowing out of the heart. [00:10:39]

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Transcript
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