Growing Up in Love: Patience, Confidence, and Obedience
Summary
Growing up, there was a longing to stay a child, to avoid the weight and cost of adulthood. That old Toys R Us jingle—“I don’t want to grow up”—captures something deep in the human heart. As children, love feels like a game, but as adults, we discover that love is not a toy. It’s costly, it’s risky, and when it breaks, it can break our hearts, our trust, and even our finances. Many of us, when love gets hard, want to quit. We say, “I quit,” and walk away from relationships, jobs, or even our faith when the cost feels too high. But the real question is: what do you do when love gets hard and you’re ready to quit?
Scripture points us to a different way. Ephesians 3 reminds us that God’s love is so wide, long, high, and deep that we need His power just to begin to grasp it. Real love—grown-up love—requires more than fleeting passion or infatuation. It requires Christ living in our hearts, empowering us to love with patience, confidence, and obedience. Passion, in its truest sense, is about sacrifice and suffering, just as Christ demonstrated on the cross. Love is patient, and patience means enduring, not just waiting. It’s about letting roots grow deep in the dark, dirty places of life, so that when storms come, we don’t topple over.
Our culture doesn’t make it easy to let love grow. We want everything instant—instant coffee, instant results, instant relationships. But love that lasts is love that grows slowly. To grow love up, we must slow life down. Love matures through patience—enduring the hard seasons; through confidence—trusting God even when we’re tested; and through obedience—responding to God’s voice even when we don’t feel like it. Too often, we respond more quickly to the demands of our feelings, our culture, or our schedules (“Simon says”) than to the voice of God. But God calls us to slow down, to listen, and to let Him grow us up into the fullness of His love.
If you feel like quitting, or like something is missing, maybe what’s missing is the willingness to stay, to endure, and to let God finish His work in you. Grown-up love is patient, confident, and obedient. It’s not cheap, and it’s not easy, but it is worth it. Slow down, so you can grow up.
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Key Takeaways
- Love Is Not a Game—It’s Costly and Demanding
As children, love feels playful and easy, but as we mature, we realize that real love is expensive. When love breaks, it can shatter our hearts, trust, and even our sense of security. The temptation to quit is strong, but the call is to persevere and seek God’s help when love gets hard, rather than running away. [01:10]
- Grown-Up Love Requires Deep Roots—Patience in the Dark Places
True love grows not in the light and comfort, but in the dark, dirty, and difficult seasons of life. Like an oak tree, our roots must grow deep before we can stand tall. Patience is not about waiting for a set time, but about enduring the weight and pressure that comes with real love, allowing God to strengthen us beneath the surface. [15:56]
- Confidence in Love Is Built Through Testing and Trust
God allows our faith and love to be tested, not to break us, but to reveal where our trust truly lies. We discover the depth of our confidence in God by observing where we turn when life “burns.” Only by turning to Christ in the fire do we develop a love that is resilient and trustworthy, rather than shallow and easily shaken. [20:32]
- Obedience Is the Mark of Mature Love, Not Just Emotion
Obedience to God is not about feelings, but about discipline and response. We often respond more quickly to our culture, our feelings, or our own desires than to God’s commands. Grown-up love is marked by a willingness to act on God’s word, even when we don’t understand or feel like it, trusting that His wisdom is revealed slowly as we walk with Him. [30:16]
- To Grow Love Up, Slow Life Down—Let God Complete His Work
Our culture’s obsession with speed and instant gratification undermines the slow, steady growth that love requires. If we keep running from the hard places, we’ll always feel incomplete. The invitation is to slow down, make space for God, and allow Him to grow us into people who love deeply, patiently, and fully—reflecting the love of Christ in every area of life. [35:19]
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Youtube Chapters
[00:00] - Welcome
[01:10] - Childhood Nostalgia and the Cost of Love
[03:00] - The Temptation to Quit When Love Gets Hard
[05:19] - Praying for Strength to Endure
[08:01] - What Is Grown-Up Love?
[11:24] - The Culture of Instant Gratification
[14:05] - The Need to Slow Down for Love to Grow
[15:56] - Patience: Growing Roots in the Dark
[20:32] - Confidence: Trust Tested by Fire
[27:50] - The Cost of Rebuilding Trust
[28:20] - Obedience: Responding to God’s Voice
[30:16] - Moving Beyond Feelings to Discipline
[32:18] - Listening to God Over Culture
[35:19] - Slowing Down to Grow Up
[37:50] - Responding to God’s Invitation
[40:41] - Prayer and Commitment to Grown-Up Love
Study Guide
Small Group Bible Study Guide: “Grown-Up Love: Slow Down So You Can Grow Up”
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### Bible Reading
- Ephesians 3:14-19
(Paul’s prayer that we would be strengthened to grasp the width, length, height, and depth of Christ’s love, and be filled with all the fullness of God.)
- James 1:2-4
(“Consider it pure joy… when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow… so you may be mature and complete.”)
- Isaiah 40:31
(“But those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength…”)
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### Observation Questions
1. In Ephesians 3:17, what does Paul say will happen as Christ makes his home in our hearts?
2. According to James 1:2-4, what is the purpose of our faith being tested?
3. The sermon says, “Love is not a game and it’s expensive—when it breaks, it breaks your heart, your trust, and your bank account.” What are some examples the pastor gives of the cost of love? [[01:10]]
4. What does Isaiah 40:31 say is the result of waiting on the Lord?
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### Interpretation Questions
1. The sermon says, “If Christ is not living in the home of your heart, you didn’t already fail at love before you even started.” What does it mean for Christ to “make his home” in your heart, and why is that so important for loving others? [[05:19]]
2. The pastor describes patience as “enduring, not just waiting.” How is biblical patience different from just putting up with something? [[15:56]]
3. According to the sermon, why does God allow our faith and love to be tested? What does it reveal about us? [[20:32]]
4. The sermon says, “Grown-up love is marked by a willingness to act on God’s word, even when we don’t understand or feel like it.” Why is obedience such a key part of mature love? [[30:16]]
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### Application Questions
1. The pastor said, “To grow love up, slow life down.” What is one area of your life where you feel rushed or pressured to get instant results? How might slowing down help you grow deeper roots in love? [[14:05]]
2. Think of a relationship (family, friend, work, church) where you’ve been tempted to say, “I quit.” What would it look like to let God grow your patience in that situation instead of walking away? [[01:10]]
3. The sermon talks about “putting your weight in the wrong place” when waiting. Are there things or people you’re waiting on to change, instead of waiting on the Lord? How can you shift your focus to God this week? [[15:56]]
4. The pastor said, “God doesn’t trust us until He tests us.” When was a time your love or faith was tested? What did you learn about yourself and about God through that test? [[20:32]]
5. The sermon challenges us: “We often respond more quickly to our feelings, our culture, or our own desires than to God’s commands.” What is one area where you tend to listen to “Simon says” (feelings, culture, schedule) instead of God? What would it look like to respond to God first? [[32:18]]
6. The pastor said, “If you keep running from the hard places, you’ll always feel incomplete.” Is there a hard place in your life right now that you’ve been trying to escape? What might God want to grow in you if you stay and let Him work? [[35:19]]
7. The closing prayer asked God to help us be patient, confident, and obedient even when we don’t feel like it. Which of these three (patience, confidence, obedience) do you most need God’s help with right now? What’s one step you can take this week to let God grow you in that area? [[40:41]]
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Closing Prayer:
Invite the group to pray for one another, asking God to help each person slow down, grow up, and love with the patience, confidence, and obedience that comes from Christ living in their hearts.
Devotional
Day 1: Love Grows Up Through Patience
True love matures through enduring hardship and waiting, not by seeking instant gratification or running from discomfort. When life gets dirty, dark, and heavy, it is in these very moments that your roots of love are being established, preparing you to withstand the storms ahead. Just as an oak tree’s roots must grow deep and wide before it can stand tall, your love must be given time to develop through patience, especially when it feels like you’re buried under the weight of life’s challenges. Don’t rush the process or jump from place to place looking for satisfaction; instead, slow down and let God use the waiting to grow you strong and unshakeable. [15:56]
Ephesians 3:16-19 (ESV)
"that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith—that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God."
Reflection: Where in your life do you feel tempted to quit or run away instead of patiently enduring and letting God grow your love deeper? What would it look like to slow down and let your roots grow in this area today?
Day 2: Love Grows Up Through Confidence
Confidence in love is built not on feelings or quick fixes, but on trusting God through the tests and fires of life. Real trust is proven when things get tough—when you’re under pressure, where do you turn first? God allows your faith to be tested so that your confidence in Him, not in people or circumstances, becomes unshakeable. Don’t settle for cheap trust or quick apologies; let the process of rebuilding and restoring trust take time, showing that you value love enough to let it be refined and strengthened by God. [27:50]
1 Peter 1:7 (ESV)
"so that the tested genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ."
Reflection: When you face disappointment or broken trust, do you turn to God first, or do you look for comfort elsewhere? What is one practical way you can demonstrate your confidence in God’s love today?
Day 3: Love Grows Up Through Obedience
Obedience is the discipline of responding to God’s voice, even when you don’t feel like it or fully understand. True love is not just about feelings but about doing what God says—loving, forgiving, being kind, and standing still—regardless of your emotions or the culture’s expectations. The more quickly you respond to God’s commands, the more your love matures, moving you from shallow reactions to deep, lasting transformation. Don’t let your feelings or the world’s “Simon says” dictate your actions; let God’s word lead you into grown-up love. [32:18]
John 14:23 (ESV)
"Jesus answered him, 'If anyone loves me, he will keep my word, and my Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him.'"
Reflection: What is one area where you know God is calling you to obey, but you’ve been hesitating or making excuses? How can you take a step of obedience today, even if you don’t feel like it?
Day 4: Shift Your Weight—Wait on the Lord
Where you place your hope and expectation determines the strength you receive to endure. If you put all your weight on people, outcomes, or your own plans, you’ll end up frustrated and exhausted. But when you shift your weight to waiting on the Lord, He renews your strength and gives you the power to keep going, even when the wait is long and the burden is heavy. Stop waiting on the world to change or for others to come through; put your hope in God, and He will sustain you through every season. [20:32]
Isaiah 40:31 (ESV)
"but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint."
Reflection: What are you currently waiting for that has left you feeling weary or frustrated? How can you shift your focus today from waiting on people or circumstances to waiting on the Lord for your strength?
Day 5: Slow Down to Grow Up
Love matures in the slow, steady rhythms of life, not in the rush of busyness or the pressure to have everything now. When you slow down and make space for God—giving Him your schedule, your attention, and your heart—He grows your love into something strong, deep, and lasting. Don’t let the culture of hurry rob you of the fullness God wants to develop in you; instead, choose to slow your pace, listen for His voice, and let Him complete the good work He’s started in you. [35:19]
Psalm 46:10 (ESV)
"Be still, and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!"
Reflection: What is one practical way you can slow down your life this week to make more room for God to grow your love? Where do you need to cut back or pause so you can be still and listen for His direction?
Quotes
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