God's Wisdom for Lasting Marriages and Relationships

Summary

### Summary

Today, we explored the profound wisdom that God offers us regarding marriage and relationships, particularly through the lens of Proverbs. We began by acknowledging the high hopes and expectations that couples have when they enter into marriage, yet recognizing the sobering statistics that many marriages end in divorce. Importantly, we emphasized that God does not hate divorced people; rather, He hates the pain and harm that divorce causes.

We delved into the wisdom of Proverbs, which offers concentrated insights into how to live well in God's world. Proverbs 21:9, which states, "Better to live on a corner of a roof than share a house with a quarrelsome woman," served as our focal point. This verse, while seemingly harsh, is not a directive to women to stop being quarrelsome but rather a caution to men about the importance of choosing a spouse wisely. The wisdom here is preventative, advising against marrying the wrong person for the wrong reasons.

We also discussed the importance of looking beyond superficial qualities when choosing a spouse. God looks at the heart, and so should we. The qualities we should seek are those listed as the fruit of the Spirit in Galatians 5:22-23: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. These qualities are essential for a healthy, lasting marriage.

For those already married, we explored how to cultivate a loving and respectful relationship. Ephesians 5:25-27 calls husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church, emphasizing selfless love that seeks to help the other person become who God created them to be. We also touched on the importance of community and counseling in supporting marriages.

Finally, we were reminded that love, as described in 1 Corinthians 13, is a choice and a commitment, not just a feeling. By growing in our relationship with Jesus, we can better express His love to our spouses and those around us.

### Key Takeaways

1. God's Wisdom on Marriage: Proverbs offers concentrated wisdom on how to live well in God's world, including in our marriages. Proverbs 21:9 advises against marrying a quarrelsome person, emphasizing the importance of choosing a spouse wisely to avoid future strife. This wisdom is preventative, guiding us to make thoughtful decisions in our relationships. [40:39]

2. Qualities to Seek in a Spouse: When choosing a spouse, look beyond superficial qualities and focus on the heart. The fruit of the Spirit—love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control—are essential qualities for a healthy, lasting marriage. These qualities indicate a person who is growing in their relationship with God. [47:38]

3. Selfless Love in Marriage: Ephesians 5:25-27 calls husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church, emphasizing selfless love that seeks to help the other person become who God created them to be. This kind of love requires sacrifice and a commitment to the other person's growth and well-being. [55:18]

4. The Role of Community and Counseling: Surround yourself with people who support your marriage, not just you. Seek counseling if needed, as it can provide valuable insights and help strengthen your relationship. Community and counseling are vital resources for maintaining a healthy marriage. [01:00:50]

5. Love as a Choice and Commitment: Love, as described in 1 Corinthians 13, is a choice and a commitment, not just a feeling. By growing in our relationship with Jesus, we can better express His love to our spouses and those around us. This kind of love is patient, kind, and selfless, and it always seeks the best for the other person. [01:13:27]

### YouTube Chapters

[0:00] - Welcome
[32:11] - Pre-Marriage Counseling
[33:10] - Divorce Statistics
[34:10] - God's Wisdom on Marriage
[35:42] - Media's Influence on Marriage
[36:42] - The Myth of Completion
[37:12] - Understanding Godly Wisdom
[38:11] - Proverbs: Principles, Not Promises
[40:39] - Proverbs 21:9 Explained
[42:40] - Choosing the Right Spouse
[45:08] - God's Perspective on Qualities
[47:38] - Fruit of the Spirit in Marriage
[50:07] - The Role of Attraction
[55:18] - Selfless Love in Marriage
[01:00:50] - Importance of Community and Counseling
[01:13:27] - Love as a Choice and Commitment

Study Guide

### Bible Reading

1. Proverbs 21:9 - "Better to live on a corner of a roof than share a house with a quarrelsome woman."
2. Galatians 5:22-23 - "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Against such things there is no law."
3. Ephesians 5:25-27 - "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless."

### Observation Questions

1. What does Proverbs 21:9 suggest about the importance of choosing a spouse wisely? ([40:39])
2. According to Galatians 5:22-23, what qualities should we look for in a spouse? ([47:38])
3. How does Ephesians 5:25-27 describe the way husbands should love their wives? ([55:18])
4. What role does community and counseling play in supporting marriages, as mentioned in the sermon? ([01:00:50])

### Interpretation Questions

1. Why do you think Proverbs 21:9 uses such a vivid image to describe living with a quarrelsome person? How does this emphasize the importance of choosing a spouse wisely? ([40:39])
2. How can the qualities listed in Galatians 5:22-23 contribute to a healthy and lasting marriage? ([47:38])
3. What does it mean for husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church, according to Ephesians 5:25-27? How does this kind of love impact a marriage? ([55:18])
4. In what ways can community and counseling help strengthen a marriage? Why is it important to seek support from others? ([01:00:50])

### Application Questions

1. Reflect on your current or past relationships. Have you ever experienced or observed the consequences of not choosing a spouse wisely? How did it affect the relationship? ([40:39])
2. Which quality from the fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23) do you think is most important in a marriage? Why? How can you cultivate this quality in your own life? ([47:38])
3. How can you practice selfless love in your marriage or relationships, as described in Ephesians 5:25-27? What specific actions can you take this week to show this kind of love? ([55:18])
4. Have you ever sought community or counseling for your marriage or relationship? If so, how did it help? If not, what might be holding you back from seeking this kind of support? ([01:00:50])
5. Think of a time when you had to make a choice to love someone even when it was difficult. How did that decision impact your relationship? How can you apply this experience to your current relationships? ([01:13:27])
6. Identify one area in your relationship where you can improve in showing love as a choice and commitment. What steps will you take to grow in this area? ([01:13:27])
7. How can you involve your community or church in supporting your marriage or relationship? What specific actions can you take to build a supportive network around you? ([01:00:50])

Devotional

Day 1: Choosing Wisely to Avoid Future Strife
Choosing a spouse wisely is crucial to avoid future strife and heartache. Proverbs 21:9 advises against marrying a quarrelsome person, emphasizing the importance of making thoughtful decisions in relationships. This wisdom is preventative, guiding us to look beyond superficial qualities and consider the deeper, more significant attributes of a potential spouse. By doing so, we can build a foundation for a healthy and lasting marriage.

In today's world, where media often portrays an idealized version of love and relationships, it's easy to be swayed by appearances and fleeting emotions. However, God's wisdom calls us to look deeper and seek qualities that align with His teachings. By focusing on the heart and character of a person, we can make choices that lead to fulfilling and harmonious relationships. [40:39]

Proverbs 21:9 (ESV): "It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife."

Reflection: Think about the qualities you value most in a potential spouse. Are these qualities aligned with God's wisdom, or are they influenced by superficial standards? How can you seek God's guidance in making wise relationship choices?

Day 2: Seeking the Fruit of the Spirit in a Spouse
When choosing a spouse, it's essential to look beyond superficial qualities and focus on the heart. The fruit of the Spirit—love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control—are vital for a healthy, lasting marriage. These qualities indicate a person who is growing in their relationship with God and is capable of nurturing a loving and supportive partnership.

In a world that often prioritizes external attributes, it's important to remember that true beauty lies within. By seeking a spouse who embodies the fruit of the Spirit, we can build a relationship grounded in mutual respect, understanding, and love. This foundation will help us navigate the challenges of marriage and grow together in our faith. [47:38]

Galatians 5:22-23 (ESV): "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law."

Reflection: Reflect on the qualities of the fruit of the Spirit. How can you cultivate these qualities in yourself and seek them in a potential spouse? What steps can you take to grow in your relationship with God and embody these attributes?

Day 3: Embracing Selfless Love in Marriage
Ephesians 5:25-27 calls husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church, emphasizing selfless love that seeks to help the other person become who God created them to be. This kind of love requires sacrifice and a commitment to the other person's growth and well-being. By embracing selfless love, we can create a marriage that reflects Christ's love and fosters mutual growth.

Selfless love in marriage means putting your spouse's needs and well-being above your own. It involves making sacrifices, showing patience, and offering support in times of need. By following Christ's example, we can build a marriage that is not only strong and enduring but also a testament to God's love and grace. [55:18]

Ephesians 5:25-27 (ESV): "Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish."

Reflection: Consider how you can show selfless love to your spouse or future spouse. What specific actions can you take to support their growth and well-being? How can you follow Christ's example of sacrificial love in your marriage?

Day 4: The Importance of Community and Counseling
Surrounding yourself with people who support your marriage, not just you, is crucial for maintaining a healthy relationship. Seeking counseling when needed can provide valuable insights and help strengthen your marriage. Community and counseling are vital resources that offer support, guidance, and encouragement, helping couples navigate the challenges of married life.

In a society that often values independence, it's important to recognize the benefits of seeking help and support from others. By engaging with a supportive community and seeking professional counseling when necessary, couples can gain new perspectives, develop better communication skills, and strengthen their bond. [01:00:50]

Proverbs 11:14 (ESV): "Where there is no guidance, a people falls, but in an abundance of counselors there is safety."

Reflection: Reflect on the role of community and counseling in your life. Are there areas in your marriage where you could benefit from seeking support or guidance? How can you build a network of people who support and encourage your relationship?

Day 5: Love as a Choice and Commitment
Love, as described in 1 Corinthians 13, is a choice and a commitment, not just a feeling. By growing in our relationship with Jesus, we can better express His love to our spouses and those around us. This kind of love is patient, kind, and selfless, always seeking the best for the other person. Embracing love as a choice and commitment helps us build strong, enduring relationships that reflect God's love.

In a culture that often equates love with fleeting emotions, it's important to remember that true love is a deliberate choice. By committing to love our spouses through all circumstances, we can create a marriage that is resilient and deeply fulfilling. Growing in our relationship with Jesus enables us to love more fully and selflessly, reflecting His love in our daily lives. [01:13:27]

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (ESV): "Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."

Reflection: Think about how you can make love a deliberate choice and commitment in your marriage or future marriage. What specific actions can you take to demonstrate patient, kind, and selfless love to your spouse? How can growing in your relationship with Jesus help you love more fully?

Quotes

### Quotes for outreach

1. "God does not hate divorced people. At all. It says in Scripture that God hates divorce, and the reason for that is that He hates it when His people that He loves are harmed and hurt. He doesn't love it when people go through the painful processes of divorce. That is not His ideal for you." [33:10] (20 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)

2. "Who knows you best in all the world? God, who loves you the most in all the world? If He knew you the best and He loves you the most, wouldn't you think that He would want the best for you? So, wouldn't it be good to look and see what He has to say for us?" [34:43] (19 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)

3. "The only person that can help you be fully fulfilled is Jesus Christ. Now, it doesn't mean that we shouldn't have other people in our lives. I can tell you, though, that I've never had a conversation with people that said, when they're getting ready for marriage, that they said, could you just help us do all of the dumbest things possible?" [36:42] (19 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)

4. "Godly wisdom is how to best live in God's world. God made the world, he knows how it works, he knows how to help us walk with the grain instead of against the grain. He knows how to help us cooperate and partner with him with how things are made, instead of working against him." [37:41] (18 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)

5. "If you try just to move closer to each other, you might distance yourself from God. But if you try, both of you individually, to move towards God, you will inevitably grow closer together." [01:12:53] (11 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)

### Quotes for members

1. "Proverbs are wisdom concentrated. It's taking a big, wise idea and boiling it down to this concentrate, so that when you add life and stir, when you think about it, when you meditate on it, when you consider how this fits in the real world, you really start to get the fullness of it." [38:11] (17 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)

2. "It is a guarantee that living according to God's wisdom will always produce a better life. That is guaranteed no matter what. And so as we look at this, we stop and think, okay, I see where you're going with that. It is also something that is cumulative. One bad decision may not destroy your life, and different decisions have different levels of impact." [39:38] (23 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)

3. "If you are a believer in Christ, I do not believe in evangelistic dating. Don't just date hoping that you're going to be able to help the other person become a Christian. That's not the way to do it. Now, there are many stories of when that works, but it doesn't always work. So I believe that if you want somebody to have these qualities, if you're a Christian, you want to look for a Christian." [49:38] (25 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)

4. "Love in such a selfless way that you're going to do what it takes to help the other person fully be the beautiful person God created them to be. How do I selflessly invest to help this person become more who God created them to be, who Christ died for them to become? This is part of what we do." [55:18] (20 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)

5. "If it's true that God knows you best and loves you the most and he wants the most of you, shouldn't it make sense that he would have some say in how and who you marry? Here's some statistics. 40% first time end in marriage, end in divorce. 50% of all marriages end in divorce. 4% of arranged marriages end in divorce." [52:14] (20 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)

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Transcript

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