God’s Design for Marriage: Hard Hearts, Divine Grace

I’ve spent years wrestling with marriage, divorce, and remarriage, and I’ve seen how easy it is to chase clean lines instead of Christ. Jesus told the religious leaders in John 5:39 that the Scriptures bear witness to Him. That includes the passages on marriage and divorce. When the Pharisees tested Jesus with, “Is it lawful to divorce for any reason?” He didn’t start with exceptions; He went back to creation: God made them male and female, He joined them as one flesh, and what God joins no man should separate. That is God’s design, definition, and delight.

The Pharisees ran to Deuteronomy 24 as if Moses commanded divorce. Jesus corrected them. The law did not institute divorce; it managed it because of human sin. It required a certificate to protect a woman, it slowed impulsive men, and it shut down schemes like wife-swapping. God’s law is perfect; people are not. So the law regulates what God never endorsed. Jesus said plainly: “Because of your hardness of heart Moses permitted you to divorce.” Marriage is God’s idea. Divorce is man’s idea. From the beginning until now, God’s design has remained one man, one woman, one flesh for life.

Then Jesus raised the true standard: whoever divorces and marries another commits adultery—except for sexual immorality. Man-made divorce doesn’t dissolve what God has joined. The exception recognizes that sexual immorality ruptures the one-flesh covenant. Even then, inside the church we practice Matthew 18—pursue repentance, forgiveness, restoration. Two believers should not divorce, because divorce lives off hard hearts, and Christ has given us new hearts.

All this exposes our spiritual poverty. We cannot keep God’s perfect standard on our own. We need Christ—His righteousness, His cross, His Spirit—to love what God loves and to endure in covenant faithfulness. For those in complex places: if you’re remarried, grieve past sin and be faithful where you are. If you’re divorced and single, seek Scripture and counsel before remarrying. These are messy paths, but they drive us to Christ and make us long for the day when oneness is perfected and hardened hearts are no more.

Key Takeaways

• 1. See Christ beyond the rules We can be so eager to draw lines that we miss the Lord the lines were meant to reveal. Every command about marriage points to God’s faithful love and Jesus’ redeeming work. When we keep Christ front and center, we handle hard texts with worship, not mere argument. That posture produces wisdom that legalism never will.
• 2. Return to God’s creation design Marriage begins in Genesis, not in the loopholes of Deuteronomy. One man, one woman, one flesh for life is not a slogan; it is God’s good gift and intention. When our desires drift toward an “escape hatch,” we’ve already turned our eyes from the Giver. Reordering our loves to His design protects our joy and our spouse’s dignity.
• 3. Hard hearts seek the exit Jesus said divorce was permitted because of hardness of heart. That warning turns the mirror toward us: do we want relief more than righteousness, an exit more than endurance? In Christ we have new hearts; tenderness, repentance, and patient forgiveness should mark us. Church discipline is not a hammer but a path to healing and clarity.
• 4. Live faithfully amid complex pasts Some stories are tangled—past divorces, painful betrayals, second marriages. Grace does not erase consequences, but it does chart a faithful path forward: grieve sin, tell the truth, and keep covenant now. If unmarried after divorce, seek Scripture and wise counsel before remarrying. In all of it, cling to Christ, who makes broken people into a faithful people.

1. What specific question did the Pharisees put to Jesus, and what popular rabbinic view were they testing him with?
2. In Jesus’ reply he returns to “the beginning.” What three creation truths does he cite about marriage?
3. How does Jesus describe Moses’ law in relation to divorce (what word does he use and why)?
4. What is the exception Jesus gives, and how did the sermon explain what “sexual immorality” might mean in this context?

1. What does Jesus’ appeal to Genesis rather than Deuteronomy suggest about the relationship between God’s original design and later legal regulations?
2. What does “hardness of heart” most directly accuse—individuals seeking an easy exit, the culture that normalizes divorce, the religious leaders who defended loose grounds, or some combination? Explain.
3. How should the group understand the function of the “exception” clause: as a release from covenant, a recognition of covenant rupture, or something else? What reasons from the sermon support that reading?
4. When Jesus says a man who divorces and marries another commits adultery, what does that communicate about how God views the permanence and nature of the marital covenant?

1. Has anyone here ever caught themselves looking for an “escape hatch” in a relationship (marriage or otherwise)? What emotion or circumstance drove that thinking, and what is one concrete step you can take this week to bring that temptation before Christ or a trusted counselor?
2. Identify one way you currently see hardness of heart in your marriage or closest relationships (e.g., refusal to forgive, emotional withdrawal, persistent bitterness). What specific action will you take in the next 7 days to soften that heart (confession, a scheduled conversation, counseling referral, a forgiveness prayer)?
3. If you are married: name one covenant practice you will commit to for the next month that aims at endurance and restoration (examples: weekly confession time, monthly accountability meeting with another couple, regular pastoral check‑ins). What will you do and when will you start?
4. If you are divorced and single and considering remarriage: what specific biblical and pastoral steps will you commit to before pursuing marriage (for example, set a waiting period, meet with two counsels, study Matthew 19 with a pastor, do a spiritual inventory)? List the steps and a target timeline.
5. If you are remarried: what concrete ways will you honor both truth and grace—grieving past sin but being faithful now? Who will you invite into your story for counsel or accountability, and when will you ask them?
6. As a small group/church, how can we practice Matthew 18 toward someone who has sinned sexually or who shows a hardened heart? Name two practical next steps we could take to pursue repentance and restoration rather than immediate exclusion.
7. The sermon emphasized dependence on Christ for righteousness, not self-sufficiency. What one spiritual habit will you adopt this week to rely on Christ for a softened heart in relationships (examples: daily 5‑minute confession prayer, Scripture memory about forgiveness, regular communion, or weekly prayer for your spouse)? Specify the habit and when you will do it.