God's Design for Marriage: Wives' Role in Submission

Today’s focus was on God’s unchanging design for marriage, particularly the role and responsibility of wives as revealed in Ephesians 5:21-33. While every marriage develops its own set of unwritten expectations—like who takes out the trash or schedules doctor appointments—there are also written, God-given roles that transcend culture and time. These roles are not arbitrary or rooted in outdated social norms, but are established by the Creator of marriage Himself, and are meant for our good and His glory.

The call for wives to submit willingly to their own husbands’ leadership is not a relic of a patriarchal past, nor is it a command to be passively dominated. Rather, it is a Spirit-empowered, voluntary posture that reflects the relationship between Christ and His church. Submission, as described here, is not about inferiority or blind obedience, but about willingly aligning oneself under the leadership God has ordained, out of reverence for Christ. This is a call to respect and support a husband’s leadership, even when it is imperfect, and to do so “as to the Lord.”

This teaching is counter-cultural, both in ancient Ephesus and in our modern context. The resistance many feel toward this command is not merely a product of culture or bad experiences, but is rooted in the consequences of the fall, as described in Genesis 3. The desire to control or resist a husband’s leadership is part of our brokenness, just as the tendency for husbands to dominate is a distortion of their calling. Yet, when filled with the Spirit, both husbands and wives are empowered to live out their roles in a way that reflects Christ’s love and the church’s joyful submission.

Importantly, this submission is not absolute. Wives are never called to follow their husbands into sin, and respectful dialogue and input are encouraged, especially when there is disagreement or concern. The ultimate motivation is not the worthiness of the husband, but obedience to Christ. When wives embrace this God-given role, the fruit is a marriage that glorifies God and serves as a living picture of Christ and His church to a watching world.

Key Takeaways

• 1. Spirit-Filled Submission Is Voluntary and Empowered Submission in marriage is not coerced or rooted in fear, but is a willing, Spirit-enabled response to God’s design. When a wife is filled with the Spirit, she is able to lay aside the fleshly desire to control and instead joyfully align herself under her husband’s leadership, trusting God’s wisdom and goodness in the design. This is not about passivity, but about active, faith-filled obedience to Christ. [59:30]
• 2. The Root of Resistance Is Spiritual, Not Merely Cultural The struggle with submission is not just a reaction to cultural trends or personal experiences, but is deeply rooted in the consequences of the fall. Genesis 3 reveals that the desire to usurp or resist a husband’s leadership is part of our sinful nature, just as the tendency for husbands to dominate is a distortion of their calling. Only by the power of the Spirit can these patterns be redeemed and realigned with God’s good design. [76:06]
• 3. Submission Reflects the Gospel and Christ’s Relationship with the Church The marriage relationship is designed to mirror the union between Christ and His church. Just as the church submits to Christ’s loving leadership, so wives are called to submit to their husbands. This is not about hierarchy for its own sake, but about displaying the beauty of the gospel in the most intimate human relationship. Our marriages become a living testimony to the world of Christ’s love and the church’s joyful response. [68:19]
• 4. Imperfect Leadership Does Not Nullify God’s Command Wives are not called to submit only when their husbands lead perfectly. Just as husbands are called to love their wives regardless of their wives’ responses, so wives are called to respect and submit to their husbands even when their leadership is flawed. The standard is not the husband’s worthiness, but Christ’s command and example. However, submission never means following into sin; obedience to God always comes first. [82:09]
• 5. The Fruit of Obedience Is a God-Glorifying Marriage When both husbands and wives embrace their God-given roles, the result is a marriage that flourishes and brings glory to God. This design is not meant to oppress, but to bless. Even when it is difficult or counter-cultural, trusting and obeying God’s design leads to a marriage that reflects His goodness and serves as a beacon of hope and truth in a confused world. [89:10]

Youtube Chapters

• [00:00] - Welcome
• [14:13] - Opening Prayer: Psalm 29
• [39:59] - Unwritten Marriage Responsibilities
• [41:33] - Wives’ Unwritten Roles
• [44:45] - God’s Written Design for Marriage
• [46:28] - Reading Ephesians 5:21-33
• [47:21] - Prayer for Understanding
• [48:29] - Overview of Marriage Roles
• [49:41] - Counter-Cultural Nature of Submission
• [52:08] - Submission Rooted in God’s Design
• [53:51] - Timeless Truth: Spirit-Filled Wives
• [56:23] - Submission in the Church and Marriage
• [59:30] - The Meaning of Submission
• [63:54] - Christ and the Church: The Model
• [73:39] - The Fall and the Struggle for Control
• [80:15] - Submission Amid Imperfect Leadership
• [85:18] - Submission in the Broader New Testament
• [86:37] - God’s Design and the Fruit of Obedience
• [87:56] - Closing Prayer and Blessing

Bible Reading

Ephesians 5:21-33 (ESV) — 21 submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.
22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.
23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior.
24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.
25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,
26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word,
27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.
28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.
29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church,
30 because we are members of his body.
31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”
32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.
33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

Observation Questions

1. According to Ephesians 5:21-24, what is the relationship between the church’s submission to Christ and a wife’s submission to her husband?
2. In the sermon, what examples were given of “unwritten” marriage responsibilities, and how do these differ from the “written” roles God gives in Scripture? [[39:59]]
3. What does the sermon say about the meaning of the word “submit” in the original Greek, especially regarding its voluntary nature? [[59:30]]
4. How does the passage describe the husband’s role in marriage, and how is it compared to Christ’s relationship with the church? [[01:03:54]]

Interpretation Questions

1. The sermon says that the call for wives to submit is “not about inferiority or blind obedience, but about willingly aligning oneself under the leadership God has ordained, out of reverence for Christ.” How does this understanding challenge or affirm common cultural views of submission? [[52:08]]
2. The pastor explained that resistance to submission is not just cultural, but rooted in the fall (Genesis 3:16). How does this spiritual root affect the way we approach struggles in marriage? [[01:16:06]]
3. The sermon emphasizes that submission is “as to the Lord” and not based on the husband’s worthiness. What are the implications of this for wives when their husbands’ leadership is imperfect? [[01:22:09]]
4. How does the marriage relationship, according to Ephesians 5, serve as a picture of the gospel to the world? [[01:08:19]]

Application Questions

1. The sermon described submission as a “Spirit-empowered, voluntary posture.” For wives: What are some practical ways you can invite the Holy Spirit to help you willingly support your husband’s leadership, especially when it’s difficult? For husbands: How can you encourage and pray for your wife in this? [[59:30]]
2. The pastor said that the desire to control or resist a husband’s leadership is part of our brokenness from the fall. Can you identify specific situations in your marriage where this struggle shows up? What would it look like to respond differently, relying on the Spirit? [[01:16:06]]
3. The sermon made clear that submission is not absolute and never means following into sin. How can couples create a safe environment for respectful dialogue and input, especially when there is disagreement or concern about a decision? [[01:23:49]]
4. For wives: When your husband’s leadership is imperfect, what helps you to keep your motivation rooted in obedience to Christ rather than your husband’s performance? For husbands: How can you respond with grace when your wife struggles to respect your leadership? [[01:22:09]]
5. The pastor said, “Our marriages become a living testimony to the world of Christ’s love and the church’s joyful response.” What are some specific ways your marriage could better reflect the gospel to those around you? [[01:08:19]]
6. The sermon mentioned that both husbands and wives have sinful tendencies (wives to control, husbands to dominate). What steps can you take this week to recognize and resist these tendencies in your own heart? [[01:18:54]]
7. The fruit of obedience, according to the sermon, is a marriage that flourishes and glorifies God. What is one area in your marriage where you sense God calling you to trust and obey His design more fully? What is a first step you can take? [[01:29:10]]