From 'Don't' to 'Help': Embracing Spiritual Transformation
Summary
Every one of us is driven by appetites and desires—some are harmless, like a craving for Oreos or chips and salsa, while others can be more subtle and insidious, shaping the direction of our lives in ways we don’t always recognize. These desires aren’t always bad; some are God-given and can lead us to good things. But many times, our appetites can sideline us, keeping us stuck in patterns that prevent us from experiencing the life God intends for us. Whether it’s a longing for perfection, attention, pleasure, or even just more “stuff,” these desires can quietly take over, leaving us frustrated and spiritually stagnant.
Often, our instinct is to fight these desires with sheer willpower. We slap a “don’t” on the things we know aren’t good for us—don’t eat that, don’t look at that, don’t say that. But as Paul points out in Romans, simply telling ourselves “don’t” rarely works for long. In fact, the very act of forbidding something can make it even more appealing. We find ourselves in a cycle: we want to do what’s right, but we keep doing what we hate. We try harder, fail again, and end up feeling like prisoners to our own desires.
Paul, who knew the law inside and out and tried harder than anyone to live by it, confesses that he too was powerless to win this battle on his own. The law showed him where he missed the mark, but it couldn’t give him the power to change. The turning point comes when Paul points us to Jesus. Through Jesus, there is no condemnation for those who belong to Him. We are not left to fight this battle alone. Instead, God gives us the Holy Spirit—the Helper—who empowers us in our weakness.
The invitation is to stop relying on “don’t” and start relying on “help.” When we admit our need and ask the Holy Spirit for help, we move from self-reliance to surrender. This posture of humility opens us to God’s transforming power. We’re reminded that we’re not alone in our struggle, and that real change comes not from our own strength, but from the Spirit who lives within us. So, instead of saying “don’t” to the desires that are stopping us, let’s say “help,” and trust God to do what we cannot do on our own.
Key Takeaways
- Our Desires Can Both Drive and Derail Us
Every person is shaped by unique appetites and desires, some of which are harmless or even good, while others can quietly take us off course. The challenge is recognizing which desires are leading us toward God’s best and which are keeping us stuck or sidelined. Honest self-reflection is needed to discern where our appetites are helping or hindering our spiritual growth. [05:29]
- Willpower Alone Is Not Enough
Simply telling ourselves “don’t” is rarely effective in the long run. The law or a set of rules can reveal where we fall short, but it cannot empower us to change. In fact, the more we focus on what we shouldn’t do, the more those desires can dominate our thoughts and actions, leading to frustration and defeat. [19:01]
- The Cycle of Failure Is a Universal Human Experience
Even Paul, who was zealous for the law and deeply committed to doing what was right, found himself trapped in a cycle of wanting to do good but failing repeatedly. This struggle is not a sign of spiritual weakness, but a reality of our human condition. Recognizing this can free us from shame and open us to God’s grace. [24:04]
- There Is No Condemnation in Christ—Only Help
For those who belong to Jesus, there is no condemnation, even when we fail. God’s response to our struggle is not judgment, but the gift of the Holy Spirit, who empowers us to live differently. This assurance allows us to approach God honestly, knowing we are loved and accepted even in our weakness. [27:17]
- The Path Forward Is Surrender, Not Self-Reliance
The real breakthrough comes when we stop saying “don’t” and start saying “help.” Asking the Holy Spirit for help is an act of humility and surrender, acknowledging that we cannot do this on our own. In that place, God meets us with strength, wisdom, and the presence of a Helper who is greater than our desires. [31:11]
Youtube Chapters
[00:00] - Welcome
[01:00] - The Nature of Human Appetites
[02:37] - Food Cravings and Everyday Desires
[05:29] - Where Our Desires Come From
[06:41] - The Problem with “Don’t”
[08:41] - Why Willpower Fails
[09:40] - When Desires Affect Our Lives
[11:11] - No One Is Perfect at Self-Control
[11:57] - Paul and the Book of Romans
[14:58] - The Law Reveals, But Can’t Change Us
[17:12] - The Futility of “Don’t Think About It”
[19:01] - The Law’s Unintended Consequences
[20:57] - Paul’s Personal Struggle
[24:04] - Feeling Like a Prisoner to Desire
[27:17] - No Condemnation in Christ
[28:26] - The Power of the Holy Spirit
[30:15] - Don’t Say “Don’t”—Say “Help”
[32:13] - You Are Not Alone
[33:21] - What’s Stopping You?
[34:45] - Closing Prayer
Study Guide
Bible Study Discussion Guide
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### Bible Reading
- Romans 7:7-25
- Romans 8:1-2, 26
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### Observation Questions
1. According to Paul in Romans 7, what role does the law play in our understanding of sin and desire? ([14:58])
2. What cycle does Paul describe himself being trapped in when it comes to doing what is right versus what he actually does? ([22:09])
3. In Romans 8:1, what does Paul say is true for those who belong to Christ Jesus? ([27:17])
4. How does Paul describe the Holy Spirit’s role in our struggle with desires? ([28:26])
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### Interpretation Questions
1. Why does Paul say that simply telling ourselves “don’t” is not enough to overcome our desires? How does this relate to our everyday struggles? ([19:01])
2. Paul admits to feeling like a “prisoner” or “slave” to his desires. What does this reveal about the human condition, even for someone as devoted as Paul? ([24:04])
3. What does it mean that “there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus”? How might this change the way someone approaches their failures? ([27:17])
4. How does relying on the Holy Spirit differ from relying on willpower or rules alone? ([28:26])
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### Application Questions
1. The sermon mentioned that our appetites and desires can quietly take over and keep us stuck. What is one desire or appetite in your life that you feel is sidelining you right now? How do you recognize when it’s happening? ([05:29])
2. When have you tried to fight a desire or habit with sheer willpower (“don’t”) and found it didn’t work? What happened, and how did you feel afterward? ([08:41])
3. Paul’s honesty about his own struggles shows that even the most committed people can feel trapped by their desires. How does knowing this affect the way you view your own struggles or failures? ([24:04])
4. The sermon says the turning point is moving from “don’t” to “help.” What would it look like for you to ask the Holy Spirit for help with a specific struggle this week? ([31:11])
5. The message emphasized that there is no condemnation in Christ. Is there an area where you’ve been feeling shame or guilt because you keep failing? How might you approach God differently in light of this truth? ([27:17])
6. Surrender is described as a posture that opens us to God’s transforming power. What is one practical way you can practice surrender instead of self-reliance this week? ([31:11])
7. The sermon ended with the reminder that we are not alone in our struggles. Who is someone you can talk to or ask to pray for you as you seek God’s help with your desires? ([32:13])
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Devotional
Day 1: Our Desires Are Often Stronger Than Our Willpower
Every person has desires and appetites—some good, some not so good—that can easily sideline us from the life God intends for us. While we may try to control or suppress these desires with sheer willpower or by telling ourselves "don't," we often find that our desires are stronger than our ability to resist them. This struggle is not unique; it is a universal human experience that can leave us feeling stuck, frustrated, or even defeated in various areas of life. Recognizing this truth is the first step toward seeking a better way forward. [09:40]
James 1:14-15 (ESV)
"But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death."
Reflection: What is one desire or appetite in your life that you keep trying to control on your own, but find yourself failing? How might acknowledging your struggle be the first step toward real change?
Day 2: The Law Reveals Our Sin but Cannot Save Us
God’s commands and rules, like the Ten Commandments, are meant to show us where we miss the mark, but simply knowing the rules or telling ourselves "don't" often makes the struggle even harder. The law can make us more aware of our shortcomings, but it cannot give us the power to overcome them. Instead, it can sometimes even increase our focus on the very thing we’re trying to avoid, leaving us feeling defeated and spiritually stuck. [19:01]
Romans 7:7-8 (ESV)
"What then shall we say? That the law is sin? By no means! Yet if it had not been for the law, I would not have known sin. For I would not have known what it is to covet if the law had not said, 'You shall not covet.' But sin, seizing an opportunity through the commandment, produced in me all kinds of covetousness. For apart from the law, sin lies dead."
Reflection: Can you recall a time when focusing on “not doing” something actually made it harder to resist? What does this reveal about your need for something more than just rules?
Day 3: We All Experience the Cycle of Failure and Frustration
Even the most devoted followers of God, like the Apostle Paul, experience the cycle of wanting to do what is right but failing to do it, and doing what they hate despite their best intentions. This inner conflict can make us feel like prisoners to our desires, leading to regret, shame, and a sense of helplessness. Yet, this struggle is not a sign of failure alone—it is a shared human experience that points us to our need for rescue beyond ourselves. [24:04]
Romans 7:21-25 (ESV)
"So I find it to be a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand. For I delight in the law of God, in my inner being, but I see in my members another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members. Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord!"
Reflection: Where do you most feel like a “prisoner” to your own habits or desires? How does knowing even Paul struggled in this way encourage you today?
Day 4: There Is No Condemnation for Those in Christ
When we belong to Jesus, there is no condemnation—even when we fail repeatedly. God’s response to our struggle is not shame or rejection, but grace and freedom through Christ. Because of Jesus’ death and resurrection, we are not defined by our failures, and we are invited to live in the freedom and acceptance that comes from being His. This truth is foundational for breaking the cycle of guilt and striving, and for learning to walk in newness of life. [27:17]
Romans 8:1-2 (ESV)
"There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death."
Reflection: When you fail or fall short, do you tend to condemn yourself? How can you remind yourself today that, in Christ, you are not condemned but set free?
Day 5: Don’t Say “Don’t”—Say “Help”
The real path to freedom is not found in more willpower or more rules, but in humbly asking for help from the Holy Spirit, who is our helper and strength in weakness. When you say “help,” you admit your need, surrender your struggle, and invite God’s power into your life. This posture of humility and dependence opens the door for real change, accountability, and the assurance that you are never alone in your battle. [30:15]
Romans 8:26 (ESV)
"Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words."
Reflection: What is one area where you need to stop relying on your own strength and start asking the Holy Spirit for help? Will you take a moment today to pray, “God, I need you,” and invite Him into that struggle?
Quotes
Your desire for something is often stronger than your willingness or your ability to say don't to that thing. Well, even if it's something that you care about or someone that you care about. Well, I don't do that. I shouldn't do that. But it's difficult to find success. And this is what it often looks like right here. [00:10:20] (19 seconds)
In other words, he's saying, the moment that I was told or the moment I heard thou shall not covet or you must not covet, now all of a sudden, that's like all I'm thinking about. Like that's all, it seems like I'm coveting everywhere I go and in everything that I do. If this is confusing for you, I can make it a little bit easier for those of you that are parents in the room, specifically of a toddler or older, you've experienced this, right? What happens the moment you tell your toddler, don't? Don't do that. [00:16:00] (31 seconds)
keep in mind, he's writing this as a letter. There are no chapters. There are no verses. Those were all added later so that we could find these verses later on. So think of this as one continuous thought. He's not like, you know, stopping this thought and continuing on to the next one. He's continuing the same thought. He's going to answer the question. And to do so, he gives us one of the most popular verses in really all of the Bible, but especially one of the most popular verses in the New Testament. So if you have any church experiences, this may sound familiar to you. He says, so now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus. [00:26:20] (36 seconds)
What does belong to Christ Jesus mean? It's for those that have put their faith in Jesus, for those who have chosen to follow Jesus with their lives, for those who have chosen to surrender their lives and to surrender their ways to Jesus. For those of you that have done that, he's saying there is no condemnation for you. When you fail, when you get in that cycle, when you mess up, there's no condemnation for you. [00:26:57] (20 seconds)
But Paul's like, if you're trying to follow Jesus, if you put your faith in him, if you put your trust in him, you're trying to walk that better way, there is a different path, there is a different way forward, there's a different path that comes through the death and the resurrection of Jesus and what he did for you and for me. There is a different and a better way than simply saying don't. [00:28:26] (18 seconds)
Paul's like, through what Jesus did, he offers us a different way. You can either choose to follow the way of sin and death, or you can choose to follow the way of the Holy Spirit, who is a helper in your time of need. In fact, several verses after this later on in the book, or in chapter eight of Romans, there's a verse, verse 26, where he actually says that the Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness. [00:29:15] (25 seconds)
And when you say help, it puts you in a position of humility. It puts you in a position of surrender, which by the way, is a position that we need to be in if we're going to be successful, good Jesus followers anyway. Say help. Say, Holy Spirit, I surrender this thing to you. I hate this desire that I have in my life. It won't leave me alone. I can't seem to fight it. So I surrender to you. I surrender to your ways. Help. [00:31:14] (26 seconds)
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