From Ashes to Beauty: The Power of Community

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I would say this last year and you guys know what it's been like, but community has never been more important. So many of you on this right screen are what kept me going in really profound ways. I've always been a big believer in community. I don't know that I've ever needed it more. [00:04:34]

One of the striking things that Jesus said along these lines, in Matthew 5 in the sermon on the mount, he says even if you're doing something that seems like the most important thing in the world, like if you're at the temple and you're offering a sacrifice to God in the altar, kind of the most sacred moment in religion. [00:06:23]

This step is the beginning of the end of isolation, and I think over this last year and a half that sense of isolation at times has been one of the hardest things. So that idea that we're coming out of hiddenness and out of isolation to be together with each other is so important. [00:07:19]

For the first chunk of our marriage, probably the first 15 years, probably the major way that I did harm to Nancy was this kind of emotional pendulum where we would often have lots of joy and fun and deep connections, but then if she did or said something I didn't like, very often I would just kind of freeze inside and I would withdraw. [00:10:25]

What became very clear was no, she's not my problem, I'm my problem, and my avoidance and my withdrawal and my coldness and my using that to try to be controlling, even though it wasn't deliberate at the conscious level, was very wounding to Nancy and was not the kind of person that I want to be. [00:12:21]

Marriage is not designed to make you happy, it's designed to make you holy, and I would say it's probably designed to do a little both. But it's that ongoing opening our baggage and unpacking it together. And I also want to say too for any of you that are single or widowed, this has all kinds of implications. [00:15:14]

The journey towards God and it's just so striking that Jesus would say if you think you're loving God and serving God but you're in relational chaos with another person, you're wrong. And actually what God loves the most is for you to love that person enough to want to try to fix it. [00:18:30]

When we're anxious, when we're stressed, when we're in a time of emotional upheaval, we tend to put people into one of two categories: friend or foe. And we actually look at faces and he says that there's two factors: do they look like a strong person, square jaw is the main thing there, and then do they look like they are friendly towards us. [00:20:00]

I want to be in a community where we're all showing each other our hands and not ashamed of them but me too, me too, me too. And to celebrate personal inadequacy together. The worse your story, the warmer the welcome, and this is the place where the worse your story, the warmer the welcome. [00:22:15]

To receive from God the power to take a look at how do you want to change me, how do you want me to be different so that I can become a different person with somebody that I love and so that we can help each other do that in our lives. [00:22:15]

I think all of us come to marriage and the picture I get in my head sometimes is we're standing up in front of the pastor who's saying the vows and pronouncing us and we're both carrying a piece of luggage and baggage we don't know we're carrying it, we didn't even pack it all. [00:15:14]

I need to see me more clearly not a way that will beat myself up just to say God help me to see the truth about myself, and then over time it became possible to say, yep Nancy might have said something or done something in a way that I didn't like it but I don't have to withdraw. [00:12:47]

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