Show Me Your Friends | Proverbs 23:19-21 | Andrew Hopper

The warning against overindulgence starts with the question of foundation. Matthew 7 says a wise man hears Jesus’ words and does them, and that kind of life sits on rock, not sand. The image of a concrete pad under a dog kennel makes the point plain: the part nobody sees may cost the most, but that foundation is why the whole thing lasts when time and weather come.

Proverbs 23 calls sons to “hear” and “be wise,” because hearing is the God-given path to wisdom. The text does not treat hearing like background noise. The word of God is not meant to be received with fingers in the ears, “la la la,” but with a heart on the edge of the seat, listening like somebody is reading a will and there may be a name written in it. Wisdom means doing life by God’s design, beginning with the fear of the Lord, a reverent awe that says God made the world and knows how life flourishes inside it.

Proverbs 23 then says, “Be not among drunkards or among gluttonous eaters of meat.” The danger is not only in the stuff itself, but in the way it is handled. Food and drink are not treated as one moral issue and one health issue. Scripture puts drunkenness and gluttony together because both can reveal disordered appetite, overconsumption, and a life sliding toward poverty, slumber, and rags.

The warning widens beyond food and alcohol into all kinds of overindulgence: caffeine, phones, Netflix, nicotine, hobbies, fitness, vacation excuses, and anything else that can move from godly enjoyment into bondage. The Bible does not care about personal space, because a loving Father is willing to rattle the cage if that is what flourishing requires. Moderation is not a joyless rule. Moderation is the shape of freedom when created things stay in their proper place.

Godly friendships become the guardrail. Proverbs says whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, and the companion of fools suffers harm. Friends form a person far more than most want to admit. The closest seats in a life belong to people who push toward mission, wisdom, health, family, godliness, and endurance, not toward drunkenness, gluttony, laziness, and compromise.

Christ stands at the center of the call to change. Jesus was accused of being a glutton and a drunkard, though he never overate, never got drunk, and never followed the wrong crowd into sin. Jesus took poverty, rags, and death so sinners could receive life and riches in him. Jesus came “among” the very sinners others cannot safely imitate, not to be changed by them, but to change them.

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Key Takeaways

• 1. Hear with an open heart Proverbs begins with “hear, my son,” because wisdom does not grow in a heart that is only technically listening. The word of God must not be treated like religious background noise while the heart keeps saying “la la la.” True hearing asks what part of the word has a person’s name on it, and then lets that word cut, heal, redirect, and rebuild. [12:41]
• 2. Overindulgence is spiritually dangerous Proverbs puts drunkenness and gluttony in the same warning because disordered appetite is not merely a private quirk or a health category. Overconsumption trains the soul to be ruled by desire instead of by God’s design. Created things can be enjoyed, but they become dangerous when they start dragging the body, testimony, and obedience into slavery. [15:43]
• 3. Friends quietly form the future Proverbs does not treat friendship like a side issue, because “whoever walks with the wise becomes wise.” The closest people in a life pull thoughts, habits, appetites, and ambitions in a direction before the change is even noticed. Inner-circle friendship is spiritual, and those seats belong to people moving toward wisdom, not toward slow ruin. [23:33]
• 4. Christ entered sinners’ poverty Jesus was accused of being a glutton and drunkard, though he never sinned in appetite or friendship. The poverty, rags, and death that Proverbs warns about fell on him at the cross, not because of his guilt, but because of guilty sinners. The gospel gives repentance its deepest fuel: not shame that burns out, but wonder that Christ took the penalty and came among sinners to change them. [30:30]
• 5. Godly friendships must be built Christian friendship rarely happens by accident, especially when old patterns and old crews are already pulling hard. The next best time to build those relationships is today, even if the better time was ten years ago. Some friendships may need distance, and new ones may need pursuit, because a life, a family, and a future are being built. [37:12]

Youtube Chapters

• [00:00] - Welcome
• [02:32] - Building on the Rock
• [03:48] - The Hidden Cost of Foundation
• [05:14] - Overindulgence and Godly Friendships
• [06:05] - Friends Shape the Future
• [08:15] - Hear and Be Wise
• [10:03] - Fingers in the Ears
• [13:57] - Do Not Be Among Them
• [15:43] - Drunkenness and Gluttony Together
• [17:25] - The Bible Invades Personal Space
• [21:57] - The End of That Road
• [26:49] - Direct the Heart by the Gospel
• [30:30] - Jesus Took Poverty and Rags
• [33:43] - Eating and Drinking Like Christians
• [34:54] - Building Friendships for Wisdom

Bible Reading

Proverbs 23:19-21
“Hear, my son, and be wise, and direct your heart in the way. Be not among drunkards or among gluttonous eaters of meat, for the drunkard and the glutton will come to poverty, and slumber will clothe them with rags.” [07:56] [13:57]

Matthew 7:24-27
“Everyone then who hears these words of mine and does them will be like a wise man who built his house on the rock. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house, but it did not fall, because it had been founded on the rock. And everyone who hears these words of mine and does not do them will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell, and great was the fall of it.” [02:41]

Proverbs 13:20
“Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.” [06:31] [06:39]

Luke 7:34
“The Son of Man has come eating and drinking, and you say, ‘Look at him! A glutton and a drunkard, a friend of tax collectors and sinners!’” [29:06]

Observation questions

1. In Proverbs 23:19-21, what commands are given, and what outcome is attached to the path of the drunkard and the glutton? [13:57]
2. In Matthew 7:24-27, what is the difference between the wise builder and the foolish builder, and what happens when the storm comes? [03:31]
3. What kinds of overindulgence were named besides food and alcohol, and what made them dangerous? [05:30]
4. According to Proverbs 13:20, what happens to the person who walks with the wise, and what happens to the companion of fools? How does that connect to the idea of an inner circle of friends? [23:33]

Interpretation questions

1. Proverbs says, “Hear, my son, and be wise.” What does real hearing seem to involve here, and why is merely being present around God’s word not enough? [12:41]
2. Proverbs places drunkenness and gluttony in the same warning. What does that suggest about how Scripture views appetite, self-control, and overconsumption? [15:43]
3. Proverbs warns not to be “among” drunkards and gluttons. How should that be understood in a practical way, especially while still caring about unbelievers and living on mission? [22:39]
4. Jesus was accused of being a glutton and a drunkard, yet he never sinned in appetite or friendship. How does that deepen the meaning of the cross for people who have failed in these very areas? [30:30]

Application questions

1. When God’s word is opened, is the heart usually open and ready to listen, or more guarded and resistant? What might help create a more serious, expectant way of hearing this week? [12:41]
2. Where is overindulgence most likely to show up right now: food, drink, sleep, phone use, entertainment, caffeine, fitness, hobbies, or something else? What would moderation and godly enjoyment look like in that specific area? [18:56]
3. Are there any habits that have quietly moved from enjoyment into bondage? What makes that visible: secrecy, lack of self-control, wasted time, physical weariness, spiritual dullness, or strained relationships? [21:47]
4. Who currently has the closest seats in life? Are those friendships pushing toward wisdom, health, faithfulness, mission, and endurance, or toward compromise and drift? [22:56]
5. Is there a friendship that may need more distance because it keeps pulling in the wrong direction? Is there a godly friendship that needs to be pursued more intentionally now? [37:12]
6. Jesus took the poverty, rags, and judgment sinners deserve. How could gratitude for that mercy fuel real repentance better than shame alone? [27:45]
7. If life is being built for the next five or ten years, what is one concrete step that could help strengthen the foundation this week: confessing a struggle, changing a pattern, joining a group, reaching out to a wise friend, or removing an unhealthy influence? [34:54]