Foundations of a Thriving Marriage: Key Principles
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Jack and Kathy were the ideal couple, at least that is what everyone thought. They had been friends since childhood, their families vacationed together, they were like brother and sister in high school and in college they realized that their feelings for each other ran so deep that it was unbearable for either of them to think of spending the rest of their life absent the companionship of the other. So when they married no one was surprised and everyone seemed delighted, not least of all Jack and Kathy. [00:01:50]
I've sat with couples who look at one another, first of all across the table, and once they make their opening statement the scenario can be written from that point on without any further elaboration on their part. They often use phraseology like we never thought it would happen to us, how can God allow such things, we probably were never right for each other, why didn't someone say or do something, and the list goes on and on. [00:09:34]
They surely discovered somewhere along the journey that if they were going to make it through the challenges and privileges of marriage, if they were going to love each other through all of their lives till death they do part, then we're gonna have to settle down and pay attention to the basics, just the basics, just the basics. [00:12:55]
The quest for perfection is neither possible or advisable or even necessary, but what it is going to take all that is really required to ensure a good marriage is to execute properly a relatively small number of true fundamental movements. And yet still men and women chase from pillar to post in search of mythological Hollywood engendered perfectionism. [00:14:53]
Skepticism starts with an examination of our own motives. The man might ask himself just why it is that he's so concerned to be calling his secretary at such a late hour on a Friday evening. You ought to be skeptical of that. You have to ask yourself a question, am I emotionally attached? [00:17:52]
If we're going to be realistic in preventing that kind of demise that we're alluding to this evening, then we need to make sure that we put necessary boundaries in place. And I want to give to you in a moment or two in the time that I have at least, I'm staggered to see how long I've taken introducing this, but I want to give to you one or two hedges if you like. [00:19:20]
Carefulness. There's nothing dramatic about that is there? No, and deliberately so. The principle is that which is found in Paul's writings to the Corinthians, let the man or the woman who feel sure of his standing to be careful that he doesn't fall tomorrow. That doesn't mean we're supposed to live in paralyzing fear. [00:21:30]
It's very foolish for us to live with a kind of naivety that assumes somehow or another we are immune from the external forces that would work against our marriage. Anybody who tonight believes themselves to be immune from those things is in a perilous situation. That is why you see that to expose our minds constantly to ungodly thinking is a great danger. [00:23:15]
Endeavor. It's another word for hard work. You see we didn't assume that a healthy marriage can never be discovered and enjoyed without hard work. We've all witnessed the transformation in the neighbor's yard after a new owner has moved in. Pathways that were previously just totally unkempt are now manicured and they're bordered with flowers. [00:25:54]
Communication is absolutely essential to all human relationships and it is imperative if we're going to discover and maintain any kind of level of intimacy which is God's design for marriage. Now I trust you see that all of this is biblical. I'm not giving you chapter and verse here but for example if we return to the book of Genesis we would notice that the origin of any kind of communication breakdown is traced to Adam's sin. [00:32:52]
Unconfessed and unforgiven sin always leads to a cover-up with its inevitable consequence, that is a breakdown in one's relationships with others. Husbands hide from their wives and wives cover up parts of their lives when there is unresolved sin. In order to re-establish communication and intimacy it is first necessary to eliminate the sin that blocks our communication. [00:33:39]
The changes that God's word demands, God's spirit makes possible. He does not call for behavior from us that he does not provide the resource within us to be able to will and to do of his good pleasure. So we can go home and tell our wives I'm sorry, that's just the way I am. [00:36:49]
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I've sat with couples who look at one another, first of all across the table, and once they make their opening statement the scenario can be written from that point on without any further elaboration on their part. They often use phraseology like we never thought it would happen to us, how can God allow such things, we probably were never right for each other, why didn't someone say or do something, and the list goes on and on. [00:09:34]
They surely discovered somewhere along the journey that if they were going to make it through the challenges and privileges of marriage, if they were going to love each other through all of their lives till death they do part, then we're gonna have to settle down and pay attention to the basics, just the basics, just the basics. [00:12:55]
The quest for perfection is neither possible or advisable or even necessary, but what it is going to take all that is really required to ensure a good marriage is to execute properly a relatively small number of true fundamental movements. And yet still men and women chase from pillar to post in search of mythological Hollywood engendered perfectionism. [00:14:53]
Skepticism starts with an examination of our own motives. The man might ask himself just why it is that he's so concerned to be calling his secretary at such a late hour on a Friday evening. You ought to be skeptical of that. You have to ask yourself a question, am I emotionally attached? [00:17:52]
If we're going to be realistic in preventing that kind of demise that we're alluding to this evening, then we need to make sure that we put necessary boundaries in place. And I want to give to you in a moment or two in the time that I have at least, I'm staggered to see how long I've taken introducing this, but I want to give to you one or two hedges if you like. [00:19:20]
Carefulness. There's nothing dramatic about that is there? No, and deliberately so. The principle is that which is found in Paul's writings to the Corinthians, let the man or the woman who feel sure of his standing to be careful that he doesn't fall tomorrow. That doesn't mean we're supposed to live in paralyzing fear. [00:21:30]
It's very foolish for us to live with a kind of naivety that assumes somehow or another we are immune from the external forces that would work against our marriage. Anybody who tonight believes themselves to be immune from those things is in a perilous situation. That is why you see that to expose our minds constantly to ungodly thinking is a great danger. [00:23:15]
Endeavor. It's another word for hard work. You see we didn't assume that a healthy marriage can never be discovered and enjoyed without hard work. We've all witnessed the transformation in the neighbor's yard after a new owner has moved in. Pathways that were previously just totally unkempt are now manicured and they're bordered with flowers. [00:25:54]
Communication is absolutely essential to all human relationships and it is imperative if we're going to discover and maintain any kind of level of intimacy which is God's design for marriage. Now I trust you see that all of this is biblical. I'm not giving you chapter and verse here but for example if we return to the book of Genesis we would notice that the origin of any kind of communication breakdown is traced to Adam's sin. [00:32:52]
Unconfessed and unforgiven sin always leads to a cover-up with its inevitable consequence, that is a breakdown in one's relationships with others. Husbands hide from their wives and wives cover up parts of their lives when there is unresolved sin. In order to re-establish communication and intimacy it is first necessary to eliminate the sin that blocks our communication. [00:33:39]
The changes that God's word demands, God's spirit makes possible. He does not call for behavior from us that he does not provide the resource within us to be able to will and to do of his good pleasure. So we can go home and tell our wives I'm sorry, that's just the way I am. [00:36:49]
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