Forgiveness: The Path to Freedom from Offense

Summary

Living without offense is not about never being hurt or wronged, but about refusing to let those wounds define or imprison us. Life is full of opportunities to be offended—by family, friends, coworkers, even strangers on the road. The real challenge is not whether offense will come, but how we respond when it does. There are four main ways people respond to offense: seeking revenge, letting God handle it, forgiving as Jesus did, and, at the highest level, restoring the relationship to its original state. Most of us get stuck somewhere between revenge and forgiveness, rehearsing our pain and letting resentment take root. But true freedom comes when we choose to forgive, not just for the other person’s sake, but for our own.

Forgiveness is a process, not a one-time event. It starts with honestly naming the offense and acknowledging what it cost us—our peace, our reputation, our joy. We must also consider the brokenness of the person who hurt us, recognizing that people often act out of their own pain and emptiness. Sometimes, we need to express our anger in a safe way—through journaling, therapy, or prayer—so it doesn’t spill over onto others. Then, we look for the ways God has used the offense to grow us, to make us more compassionate and wise. Finally, we let it go, entrusting the person and the situation to God, and, if possible, wishing them well—even if the relationship can’t be fully restored.

Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting or pretending nothing happened. It means refusing to let the offense control our lives or keep us in bondage. We forgive because God has forgiven us—freely, fully, and undeservedly. Just as God paid the ultimate price to make us His children, we are called to extend that same grace to others. The enemy would love to keep us trapped in cycles of hurt, half-committed to God and half-bound by our pain. But God calls us to break free, to go all in, and to live as His beloved children—whole, healed, and free.

Key Takeaways

- Forgiveness is the Only Way Out of the Prison of Offense
When we rehearse our injuries and hold onto resentment, we become trapped in a cycle of victimhood. Even if we were truly wronged, continually reliving the offense only prolongs our suffering and gives the offender ongoing power over us. The only way to break free is to forgive—not because the other person deserves it, but because we need to be free. [03:12]

- Budget for People’s Faults—Grace is an Allowance
Scripture calls us to “make allowance for each other’s faults,” which means anticipating that people will fail us and setting aside grace in advance. Just as we budget for unexpected expenses, we must budget emotionally and spiritually for the inevitable shortcomings of others. This proactive grace keeps us from being blindsided and helps us respond with wisdom rather than offense. [09:54]

- Forgiveness is a Process that Requires Honesty and Reflection
True forgiveness begins with naming the offense, acknowledging what it cost us, and understanding the brokenness of the person who hurt us. Sometimes, we need to express our pain in healthy ways—through journaling, therapy, or prayer—so it doesn’t poison our other relationships. This process transforms our pain into wisdom and compassion, making us better, not bitter. [19:36]

- Wishing Well Without Resetting Boundaries
Forgiveness does not always mean restoring a relationship to its former closeness. Sometimes, wisdom requires us to maintain boundaries for our own emotional safety, even as we wish the other person well. Emotional freedom comes not from proximity, but from releasing hatred and entrusting the person to God’s care. [21:08]

- God’s Forgiveness is the Model and Motivation for Ours
We forgive because God has forgiven us—completely and undeservedly. Remembering the depth of God’s mercy toward us empowers us to extend grace to others, even when it feels impossible. Our freedom and spiritual health depend on giving what we have received, breaking the cycle of offense, and living fully as God’s children. [22:26]

Youtube Chapters

[00:00] - Welcome
[00:45] - Foundation Verse: Living Without Offense
[02:30] - The Trap of Harboring Resentment
[04:13] - Four Responses to Offense
[06:09] - The Necessity of Relationship Resets
[07:08] - The Command to Forgive Anyone
[08:07] - Making Allowance for Faults
[09:54] - Budgeting Grace for Others
[12:20] - Moving from Revenge to Rejoicing
[13:48] - The Process of Forgiveness
[16:32] - Forgiving the Hardest Offenses
[18:08] - Understanding the Offender
[19:36] - Healthy Ways to Process Anger
[20:23] - Growth Through Offense
[21:08] - Letting Go and Setting Boundaries
[22:26] - Forgive as God Forgave You
[24:12] - The Custody Battle for Your Soul
[27:36] - Choosing God as Your Father
[31:35] - Responding to God’s Call
[36:01] - Breaking Joint Custody: Going All In
[37:27] - Next Steps and Welcome

Study Guide

Small Group Bible Study Guide: Living Without Offense

---

### Bible Reading

Colossians 3:13 (NLT)
"Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others."

1 Kings 3:16-28
(The story of Solomon and the two women disputing over a child.)

---

### Observation Questions

1. According to Colossians 3:13, what two things are we commanded to do when someone offends us?
2. In the story from 1 Kings 3:16-28, what was the real mother’s response when King Solomon suggested dividing the child?
3. The sermon described four ways people respond to offense: seeking revenge, letting God handle it, forgiving as Jesus did, and restoring the relationship. Which of these responses did the pastor say most people get stuck between? [[04:13]]
4. What does the phrase “make allowance for each other’s faults” mean, according to the sermon? [[08:07]]

---

### Interpretation Questions

1. Why do you think Paul tells us to “make allowance” for each other’s faults instead of just telling us to forgive after the fact? What difference does it make to “budget” for people’s failures? [[09:54]]
2. The pastor said that forgiveness is a process that starts with naming the offense and acknowledging what it cost us. Why is it important to be honest about what happened and what it cost? [[13:48]]
3. In the story of the two women before Solomon, what does the real mother’s willingness to give up her child teach us about true love and letting go? [[25:47]]
4. The sermon said that we forgive not because the other person deserves it, but because we need to be free. How does holding onto offense keep us in bondage? [[03:12]]

---

### Application Questions

1. The sermon talked about “budgeting grace” for people’s faults, like setting aside money for unexpected expenses. Who in your life do you need to start budgeting more grace for? What would that look like in practice? [[09:54]]
2. Think of a recent time when you were offended. Which of the four responses did you choose: revenge, letting God handle it, forgiving, or restoring the relationship? What would it take to move one step further toward forgiveness or restoration? [[04:13]]
3. The pastor said forgiveness is a process that includes naming the offense, acknowledging the cost, and sometimes expressing anger in a healthy way. Is there an offense you need to process more honestly? What step could you take this week—journaling, prayer, or talking to someone safe? [[19:36]]
4. Are there relationships in your life where forgiveness is possible, but full restoration is not wise or safe? How can you set healthy boundaries while still wishing the other person well? [[21:08]]
5. The sermon challenged us to look for ways God has used our pain to grow us. Can you think of a time when being hurt actually made you more compassionate or wise? How did God use that situation for your good? [[20:23]]
6. The pastor said, “We forgive because God has forgiven us—completely and undeservedly.” How does remembering God’s forgiveness help you when you struggle to forgive someone else? [[22:26]]
7. The message ended with a call to break free from “joint custody” between God and the enemy, and to go all in with God. Is there any area of your life where you feel “half in” with God because of past hurts or offense? What would it look like to go “all in” this week? [[36:01]]

---

Closing Prayer Suggestion:
Ask God to help you honestly process any offense, to give you the courage to forgive, and to fill you with His grace so you can live whole, healed, and free.

Devotional

Day 1: Forgiveness Is the Only Way Out of Offense
Choosing to forgive is the path to freedom from the prison of offense, releasing both the offender and yourself from the cycle of pain and resentment. When you hold onto hurt, you rehearse the injury and remain trapped, but forgiveness is the act of trusting God with your pain and refusing to let the actions of others rob you of your peace and future. Even when you are completely innocent, continuing to replay the offense only keeps you encaged, while letting go allows you to move forward and experience healing. Forgiveness is not about excusing the wrong or pretending it didn’t hurt; it’s about refusing to let the offense define your life or dictate your responses. As you release the desire for revenge and surrender the situation to God, you step into a new level of spiritual maturity and freedom. [03:12]

Proverbs 19:11 (Amplified Bible)
"Good sense and discretion make a man slow to anger, and it is his honor and glory to overlook a transgression or an offense without seeking revenge and harboring resentment."

Reflection: Is there a specific offense you keep rehearsing in your mind? What would it look like to trust God with it and begin to let it go today?


Day 2: Make Allowance for Each Other’s Faults
Living without offense means budgeting for the faults of others, setting aside enough grace in advance to cover the inevitable mistakes and disappointments that come with human relationships. Just as you might leave a credit card for incidentals at a hotel, you can prepare your heart with a reserve of grace, knowing that people will fail, break things, or let you down. This anticipatory grace doesn’t mean allowing mistreatment or disrespect, but it does mean refusing to be surprised or derailed by the shortcomings of others. By making allowance for faults, you create space for peace and avoid unnecessary conflict, choosing to respond with understanding rather than offense. This is a proactive way to keep your heart light and your relationships healthy, even when things don’t go as planned. [09:54]

Colossians 3:13 (New Living Translation)
"Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others."

Reflection: Who in your life do you need to “budget” more grace for? How can you prepare your heart today to respond with understanding instead of offense?


Day 3: Give What You Got—Forgive as You Have Been Forgiven
The call to forgive is rooted in the reality that God has already forgiven you—completely and undeservedly. When you struggle to let someone off the hook, remember the mercy and grace God extended to you for things that could have cost you so much more. Forgiveness is not about whether the other person deserves it; it’s about reflecting the forgiveness you have received. Holding onto unforgiveness only imprisons you, while giving what you got—grace and mercy—sets you free and honors God’s work in your life. The more you recognize the depth of God’s forgiveness toward you, the more you are empowered to extend that same forgiveness to others, even when it’s hard. [23:13]

Ephesians 4:32 (ESV)
"Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you."

Reflection: Can you recall a time when God forgave you for something significant? How does remembering that help you extend forgiveness to someone else today?


Day 4: Break Free from Half-Hearted Commitment—Go All In with God
There is a spiritual battle over your life, and the enemy is content with joint custody—having just enough of your heart to keep you divided and ineffective. God, however, calls you to break free from half-hearted devotion and surrender fully to Him, giving Him every part of your life. When you are only partially committed, you miss out on the fullness of God’s purpose and blessing, and the enemy is satisfied to keep you stuck in that place. But when you decide to go all in, surrendering your plans, dreams, and hurts to God, you step into a new level of freedom, fruitfulness, and spiritual authority. This is the moment to declare, “I’m all in,” and align your life completely with God’s will. [36:01]

Romans 12:1 (ESV)
"I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship."

Reflection: What area of your life have you been holding back from God? What step can you take today to surrender it fully and go all in?


Day 5: Your True Identity—Choose God as Your Father
Just as the child in Solomon’s courtroom faced a custody battle, your soul is the subject of a spiritual struggle between God and the enemy. The devil would rather see you divided or destroyed than surrendered to your true Father, but God has already paid the ultimate price to claim you as His own. You are not just God’s creation; you are His beloved child, and He has proven His love and faithfulness by providing for you and forgiving you. Now, you have the power to choose—to declare your allegiance and step fully into your identity as a child of God. This choice brings you out of darkness and into marvelous light, breaking every chain of the past and setting you on a path of purpose and belonging. [27:36]

1 John 3:1 (ESV)
"See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are. The reason why the world does not know us is that it did not know him."

Reflection: Have you truly embraced your identity as God’s child, or are you still living under the shadow of past hurts or divided loyalties? What would it look like to step fully into your identity as His beloved today?

Quotes

It does not mean allow people to mistreat you or allow people to disrespect you or just to take, you know, just run over you. It's a financial term and it means to budget for people's faults. It means, it means to set aside enough grace. So when people mess up, it's covered. It is anticipatory. This is pre -offense. [00:08:44] (00:00:28 seconds) Edit Clip

Stop rehearsing what they did and start rejoicing over how you survived it and how God protected you and how God has blessed you. See, you can't, this is the thing, it takes a long time to get bad stuff out. And the way you get bad thoughts and memories out is you replace them with new thoughts. [00:12:45] (00:00:19 seconds) Edit Clip

You got to calculate they say and i forgive that i forgive you i forgive your intent why not because you ended it because you earned it Thank you. but because I need to be free. That's my only way out. [00:16:03] (00:00:15 seconds) Edit Clip

Some of us don't like to admit this, but we are better people because we got offended. I say you're better because of it. You know how to treat people better now. You treat people different because of the way you were treated. How many people understand that? You don't just learn the right way to do things. You learn the wrong way to do them, so you won't do that. [00:20:23] (00:00:19 seconds) Edit Clip

There's a custody battle going on over your life. And it's not between two women. The custody battle going on over your life is between God and the devil. And that battle is going on, the courtroom that it's going on in is in the chamber of your heart and in your mind. [00:26:48] (00:00:21 seconds) Edit Clip

You can have all of me you can have all of me you can have all of me everything I got My talents, my future, my dreams, my relationships, my body, my mind, my hands, I'll do what you want me to do My feet, I'll go where you want me to go My mind, I'll think what you want me to think My eyes, I'll see what you want me to see My ears, I'll hear what you want me to see From hand to toe, I'm yours I'm yours I'm yours Woo! The world can change when you're all in [00:35:27] (00:00:39 seconds) Edit Clip

I have decided to follow Jesus. No turning back. No. No one join me. This ain't a group decision. I still will follow. No turning back. No turning back. [00:38:24] (00:00:15 seconds) Edit Clip