Forgiveness: Cultivating Compassion in a Hurting World

Summary

In our journey through life, we encounter a world filled with hurt and pain. Each of us has been hurt, and in turn, we have hurt others. This cycle of hurt is a natural part of our human experience, but forgiveness is a supernatural gift from God. Today, I want to explore the profound connection between those who hurt us and their own experiences of being hurt. The old saying, "hurt people hurt people," reminds us that everyone carries their own wounds. Our task is to cultivate compassion, a gift that allows us to forgive altruistically.

Psalm 103 beautifully illustrates God's forgiving power, stating that He removes our transgressions as far as the East is from the West. This divine forgiveness is intertwined with compassion, as God, like a loving father, understands our frailty. We are all "dusty" people, carrying our own burdens and wounds. Developing compassion involves recognizing that everyone we encounter is dealing with their own struggles. This doesn't excuse wrongdoing but enables us to empathize with others.

In the New Testament, the verb for expressing compassion is often associated with Jesus or characters in His parables, like the father of the prodigal son. This compassion is deeply rooted in our being, akin to the ancient concept of "bowels of compassion." Today, we understand the gut as a "second brain," capable of deep emotional awareness. However, our modern lives often lead to "spiritual irritable bowel syndrome," where anger and judgment cloud our compassion. We must replace this with genuine compassion, recognizing that those who hurt us have also been hurt.

C.S. Lewis, in his essay on forgiveness, distinguishes between excusing and forgiving. Forgiveness acknowledges wrongdoing but chooses not to hold it against the person. Excusing, on the other hand, implies there was no real blame. In our lives, we often mix the two, but true forgiveness involves looking at the inexcusable and choosing reconciliation. This is the essence of Christian forgiveness, as God forgives the inexcusable in us.

Reflecting on the story of Joseph and his brothers, we see a family filled with hurt and betrayal. Each character carried their own wounds, and their actions were a mix of excusable and inexcusable behavior. In our own lives, we must recognize the hurt in others and extend forgiveness, even when it seems difficult. Today, let us cultivate "bowels of compassion" and forgive as we have been forgiven.

Key Takeaways:

1. Forgiveness is a supernatural gift that allows us to break the cycle of hurt. By recognizing that those who hurt us have also been hurt, we can develop compassion and offer forgiveness altruistically. This understanding doesn't excuse wrongdoing but enables us to empathize with others. [01:37]

2. The concept of "bowels of compassion" reminds us that true compassion comes from deep within. Our modern understanding of the gut as a "second brain" highlights the importance of emotional awareness. Replacing spiritual irritability with genuine compassion allows us to see others through a lens of empathy. [03:37]

3. C.S. Lewis distinguishes between excusing and forgiving, emphasizing that true forgiveness involves acknowledging wrongdoing and choosing reconciliation. This is the essence of Christian forgiveness, as God forgives the inexcusable in us. [05:28]

4. The story of Joseph and his brothers illustrates how hurt and betrayal can permeate a family. Each character carried their own wounds, and their actions were a mix of excusable and inexcusable behavior. Recognizing the hurt in others allows us to extend forgiveness, even when it seems difficult. [09:11]

5. Reflecting on the people who have hurt us, we must consider their own experiences of hurt and suffering. By identifying their good qualities and understanding their wounds, we can cultivate compassion and forgive as we have been forgiven. [11:03]

Youtube Chapters:

- [00:00] - Welcome
- [00:37] - The Cycle of Hurt
- [00:52] - The Gift of Compassion
- [01:07] - God's Forgiving Power
- [01:21] - Understanding Our Frailty
- [01:37] - Developing Compassion
- [02:09] - Compassion in the New Testament
- [02:35] - Bowels of Compassion
- [03:04] - The Gut as a Second Brain
- [03:37] - Spiritual Irritability
- [04:15] - C.S. Lewis on Forgiveness
- [05:13] - Forgiveness vs. Excusing
- [06:26] - The Inexcusable and the Unforgivable
- [09:11] - Joseph and His Brothers
- [10:51] - Reflecting on Personal Hurt

Study Guide

Bible Study Discussion Guide

Bible Reading:
1. Psalm 103:12-14
2. Colossians 3:12
3. Genesis 50:15-21

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Observation Questions:

1. In Psalm 103, how does the psalmist describe God's forgiveness, and what imagery is used to convey its extent? [01:07]

2. What does the phrase "bowels of compassion" mean in the context of Colossians 3:12, and how does it relate to the ancient understanding of emotions? [02:35]

3. How does the story of Joseph and his brothers illustrate the cycle of hurt and forgiveness? [09:11]

4. According to the sermon, what is the difference between excusing and forgiving, as explained by C.S. Lewis? [05:28]

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Interpretation Questions:

1. How does understanding that "hurt people hurt people" change the way one might view those who have wronged them? [00:52]

2. In what ways does the concept of "spiritual irritable bowel syndrome" metaphorically describe the challenges of maintaining compassion in modern life? [03:37]

3. How does the story of Joseph and his brothers demonstrate the complexity of forgiveness in a family setting? What lessons can be drawn from Joseph's response to his brothers? [09:11]

4. How does C.S. Lewis's distinction between excusing and forgiving challenge common perceptions of forgiveness? [05:28]

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Application Questions:

1. Reflect on a time when you were hurt by someone. How might recognizing their own experiences of hurt change your perspective on the situation? [11:03]

2. Consider the concept of "bowels of compassion." How can you cultivate a deeper sense of empathy and compassion in your daily interactions? [02:35]

3. Think about a person who has wronged you. What steps can you take to move from excusing their behavior to genuinely forgiving them? [05:28]

4. How can you apply the lessons from Joseph's story to a current relationship where there is tension or unresolved hurt? [09:11]

5. Identify a situation where you might be experiencing "spiritual irritable bowel syndrome." What practical steps can you take to replace judgment and anger with compassion? [03:37]

6. Reflect on the qualities of someone who has hurt you. What positive attributes can you acknowledge, and how might this help in the process of forgiveness? [11:03]

7. How can you incorporate the practice of forgiveness into your spiritual life, recognizing it as a supernatural gift from God? [00:52]

Devotional

Day 1: Breaking the Cycle of Hurt
Forgiveness is a supernatural gift that allows us to break the cycle of hurt. By recognizing that those who hurt us have also been hurt, we can develop compassion and offer forgiveness altruistically. This understanding doesn't excuse wrongdoing but enables us to empathize with others. The phrase "hurt people hurt people" encapsulates the idea that everyone carries their own wounds, and these wounds often manifest in the way we treat others. By acknowledging this, we can begin to see those who have wronged us through a lens of empathy and understanding, which is the first step toward forgiveness. [01:37]

Psalm 147:3-5 (ESV): "He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. He determines the number of the stars; he gives to all of them their names. Great is our Lord, and abundant in power; his understanding is beyond measure."

Reflection: Think of someone who has hurt you. Can you identify a possible wound they might be carrying, and how might this understanding change your perspective on their actions today?

Day 2: Cultivating Deep Compassion
The concept of "bowels of compassion" reminds us that true compassion comes from deep within. Our modern understanding of the gut as a "second brain" highlights the importance of emotional awareness. Replacing spiritual irritability with genuine compassion allows us to see others through a lens of empathy. This deep-seated compassion is not just a surface-level feeling but a profound awareness that connects us to the struggles of others. By nurturing this compassion, we can overcome the anger and judgment that often cloud our interactions with those who have hurt us. [03:37]

Colossians 3:12-13 (ESV): "Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive."

Reflection: Reflect on a recent interaction where you felt judgmental or irritable. How can you replace those feelings with genuine compassion today?

Day 3: Forgiveness vs. Excusing
C.S. Lewis distinguishes between excusing and forgiving, emphasizing that true forgiveness involves acknowledging wrongdoing and choosing reconciliation. This is the essence of Christian forgiveness, as God forgives the inexcusable in us. Forgiveness is not about dismissing the wrongs done to us but about choosing to let go of the resentment and seeking reconciliation. This choice mirrors the divine forgiveness we receive, which acknowledges our faults yet offers us grace. [05:28]

Ephesians 4:31-32 (ESV): "Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you."

Reflection: Identify a situation where you have confused excusing with forgiving. How can you move towards true forgiveness in this situation today?

Day 4: Healing Family Wounds
The story of Joseph and his brothers illustrates how hurt and betrayal can permeate a family. Each character carried their own wounds, and their actions were a mix of excusable and inexcusable behavior. Recognizing the hurt in others allows us to extend forgiveness, even when it seems difficult. In families, where relationships are deeply intertwined, the cycle of hurt can be particularly challenging to break. Yet, by understanding the wounds that each family member carries, we can begin to heal and restore these vital relationships. [09:11]

Genesis 50:20-21 (ESV): "As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it about that many people should be kept alive, as they are today. So do not fear; I will provide for you and your little ones.” Thus he comforted them and spoke kindly to them."

Reflection: Consider a family relationship that has been strained by past hurts. What steps can you take today to begin the process of healing and forgiveness?

Day 5: Seeing the Good in Others
Reflecting on the people who have hurt us, we must consider their own experiences of hurt and suffering. By identifying their good qualities and understanding their wounds, we can cultivate compassion and forgive as we have been forgiven. This perspective shift allows us to see beyond the pain they have caused and recognize the humanity in them. It is a call to look for the good in others, even when it is difficult, and to extend the same grace that we have received. [11:03]

1 Peter 4:8-9 (ESV): "Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins. Show hospitality to one another without grumbling."

Reflection: Think of someone who has hurt you. What are some of their good qualities that you can focus on today to help cultivate compassion and forgiveness?

Quotes

opposites well we live in a hurting world we all have been hurt and we all inflict hurt hurting is natural forgiveness is Supernatural that's God's gift to us that's the journey that we're on and I want to talk today for a few minutes about the connection between the fact that everybody who hurts you is also someone who has been hurt old expression hurt people hurt people and so what we're going to work on today is the gift of compassion [00:24:35]

one of the Great statements in the Bible about forgiveness is in Psalm 103 where the psalmist says as far as the East is from the West how far is that that's how far God has removed our transgressions from us that's the forgiving power of God and then that gets connected to compassion the psalmist says for as a father has compassion on his children so God has compassion on us and then this for he knows how we were made he remembers that we are dust every everybody is a Dusty person everybody has problems everybody has been hurt everybody's been the victim of something so we want to offer forgiveness altruistically as a gift and part of how we do that is when we develop compassion and we remember that everybody is walking around with wounds [00:58:08]

it's very striking in the New Testament um there's a verb for expressing compassion it's used only in the gospels almost always either of Jesus or characters that he talks about in the parable like the father of the prodigal son who has compassion on his runaway kid or the the master who has compassion on the servant that has been in debt if you know the old King James Bible if you by any chance are old enough to have grown up in a church that use that you might remember an expression that seems odd to us I always thought it was kind of funny when I was a kid they would talk about bowels of compassion or Paul in Colossians 3:12 it talks about put on bowels of Mercy John writes in first John about anybody who has worldly goods and sees somebody in need but shutteth up bowels of compassion and the idea of that was in the ancient world where we think of emotions coming from the heart we'll use that kind of imagery Valentine's Day and so they talked about the internal organs the gut what we think about as the gut now it's very interesting tons of research in our day the gut has you may know this over a hundred million nerve cells it is now sometimes referred to as the second brain it's able it's like the little brain that can communicate directly with your big brain and it can feel things quite deeply and be aware in quite deep ways now in our day what's interesting is when we talk about our bowels we don't talk about bowels of compassion in our day we have irritable bowel syndrome and I don't mean to make light of that physically that can be a pretty miserable situation it is course often inflamed by anger or irritability and that thought of God I I have a kind of spiritual irritable bow I have something inside me that wants to blame people that wants to pass judgment on them and I find these thoughts going on inside me all the time would you replace that miserable selfish bitter little internal ego little brain second brain my irritable bow irritable bowels with bowels of compassion and in moving towards compassion and thinking about whoever has hurt me they also have suffered hurt [01:18:57]

I want to uh read a few words from CS Lewis he has a wonderful essay on forgiveness he talks about how in the Creed one of the things it says that we believe is we believe in the Forgiveness of sins what does it mean to actually believe in that what does it mean for you to believe in it for yourself as you need to experience forgiveness or forgive yourself and what Lewis gets into is talking about the difference between excusing and forgiving how that plays out when I look at me and then how that plays out when I look at somebody else with with bowels of compassion rather than irritable bowels so here we go Lewis writes I find that when I think I'm asking God to forgive me I am often in reality unless I watch myself carefully asking him to do something quite different I am asking him not to forgive me but to excuse me and there is all the difference in the world between forgiving and excusing forgiveness says yes you have done this thing but I accept your apology I will not hold it against you everything between the two of us will be right but excusing says I can see that you couldn't help it or didn't mean it you weren't really to blame if one was not really to blame then there is nothing to forgive in that sense forgiveness and excusing are almost opposites [02:38:15]

now of course in real life uh the vast majority of the time there's a mixture and if I have done something wrong it might well be that I didn't have much sleep the night before or that I was afraid about something or that I misunderstood something quite innocently so there are elements of it that ought to be excused but then there is a at least a bit of it that is inexcusable where I simply chose to do wrong thank God the inexcusable is not the unforgivable to forgive that's where sometimes people will say but this person lied to me yes exactly that's why forgiveness is needed the inexcusable is not the unforgivable and that's why LS says um it's important for us to really and truly believe in the Forgiveness of sins a great deal of our anxiety is to make ex to make excuses comes from not really believing it from thinking that God will not take us to himself unless he's satisfied that some sort of case can be made out in our favor but that would not be forgiveness at all this is so good real forgiveness means looking steadily at the sin the sin that is left over without any excuse after all allowances has been made seeing it in all its hoer horror dirt meanness and Malice and nevertheless being wholly reconciled to the person who is done it that and only that is forgiveness and we can always have that from God if we ask for it there is now therefore no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus you can be forgiven from God [03:53:12]

now here's where Lewis goes on when it comes to a question of forgiving other people it's partly the same partly different it's the same because there too forgiving does not mean excusing the difference is in our own case we accept excuses too easily in other people's we do not accept them easily enough as regards my own sin it's a safe bet that the excuses are really not as good as I think as it relates to the other persons it's a safe bet that the excuses are better than I think one therefore must begin by attending to everything which may show that the other person was not so much to blame as we thought but even if he's absolutely fully to blame we still have to forgive him and even if 99% of his apparent guilt can be explained Away by really good excuses the problem of forgiveness begins with the 1% of guilt which is left over to excuse what can really produce good excuses is not Christian charity it's only fairness to be a Christian means to forgive the inexcusable because God has forgiven the inexcusable in you and this is hard [04:67:31]

and I come back now to the story of Joseph and his brothers and his dad Jacob and how much enmity and hostility they couldn't stand Joseph the dreamer and of course he's betrayed by his brothers ends up in slavery and then ends up in prison and uh that's a horrible outcome in every case they were hurting people the brothers had to wake up every day knowing that they weren't the favorite Joseph was and listen to his dreams where they were all going to be uh lowered down on the ladder of status Joseph was hurt because he had to live every day knowing that his own Brothers had sold him into slavery and that he suffered greatly and then that he was imprisoned through no fault of his own and their dad had hurt them deeply by playing favorites but you might remember remember Jacob too was hurt he also knew what it was like to have a father that favored his brother Esau Esau was the outdoor guy hunter tough guy Jacob's the indoor guy he grew up knowing that he would never make his dad's eyes light up and his mom ended up using him in quite manipulative and deceitful ways to get back at his father everybody in the story was a hurting person and so there were elements of what they did that they were not to blame for that was just part of living in a broken Fallen World and a broken fallen family that's where we live and each one of them are moral agents there's a part of the wrong that they did that could not be excused could only be forgiven [05:48:64]

so today think about the people in your life and this is part of what I'm working on now because my mind can run away with um believing other people are inexcusable and unforgivable think about somebody that's hurt you today I've been doing this this this morning and think about what are good qualities that they have write them down if that will help you and also think in particular today how have they been hurt how has that person who hurt me been wounded where have they suffered what do I know what do I not know I only have to guess that because everybody's got genetic issues and family of origin issues and cultural issues how has that person been heard we are hurting people we are hurtful people forgive us as we forgive bowels of compassion today it's not irritable bowel syndrome today today is bowels of compassion [06:45:07]

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Transcript

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