Forgiveness: A Command and Journey of Grace
Summary
Forgiveness is at the very heart of the Christian life, not as a suggestion but as a command from God. Drawing from Matthew 18, the call is to be conduits of God’s grace, not cul-de-sacs where grace stops with us. Grace is God’s power at work in us, enabling us to do what we cannot do on our own—including forgiving those who have wronged us. The reality is that everyone will be hurt or sinned against at some point, and the way we respond to these offenses reveals our understanding of God’s forgiveness toward us.
Unforgiveness is a thief of joy and a barrier to God’s presence. It not only affects our relationship with the person who wronged us but also impacts our relationship with God. The refusal to forgive is a sign that we have not fully grasped the depth of God’s mercy toward us. Forgiveness is not a feeling but a decision—a choice to cancel the debt that someone owes us, just as God has canceled our immeasurable debt through Christ. This is not easy, especially when the wounds are deep, but it is possible through the grace of God.
Jesus lays out a practical process for forgiveness: first, go directly to the person who has wronged you and seek reconciliation. If that doesn’t work, bring along trusted, godly friends to mediate. If the issue still isn’t resolved, involve the church leadership. This process is not about shaming or punishing, but about restoration and healing. Sometimes, reconciliation is not possible, especially in cases of abuse or ongoing harm, but forgiveness is still required for our own freedom.
The parable of the unforgiving servant illustrates the absurdity of receiving God’s extravagant forgiveness and then refusing to extend it to others. Our debt to God is unpayable, yet He has canceled it at great cost. When we refuse to forgive, we become like the servant who, having been forgiven much, refuses to forgive little. Forgiveness is not about forgetting or pretending the hurt didn’t happen; it’s about choosing to release the debt and entrusting justice to God.
Forgiveness is a journey that often begins with identifying who has wronged us, naming what was taken, and then, by God’s grace, choosing to cancel the debt. This is not just for the benefit of the other person, but for our own spiritual health and freedom. As we come to the Lord’s table, we are reminded of the price Jesus paid to forgive us and are called to extend that same forgiveness to others.
Key Takeaways
- Forgiveness is a command, not a suggestion, and is rooted in the grace we have received from God. When we refuse to forgive, we cut ourselves off from the joy and presence of God, revealing a lack of gratitude for our own forgiveness. True forgiveness is not about feelings but about obedience and trust in God’s justice. [39:41]
- The process Jesus gives for dealing with offenses is practical and relational: go directly to the person, involve others if needed, and seek restoration, not retribution. This approach prevents gossip, bitterness, and division, and fosters genuine community and healing. It also recognizes that sometimes reconciliation is not possible, but forgiveness is always required. [46:10]
- Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die; it harms us more than anyone else. Holding onto past hurts allows bitterness to take root, affecting not only our relationship with the offender but also with God and others around us. Forgiveness is the only way to break this cycle and experience true freedom. [42:17]
- The parable of the unforgiving servant exposes the hypocrisy of receiving God’s limitless mercy while withholding it from others. Our debt to God is infinitely greater than any debt owed to us, and the only appropriate response to God’s forgiveness is to extend it to others, regardless of the size of their offense. This is a sobering reminder that forgiven people forgive people. [54:38]
- Forgiveness is a deliberate act of the will, often requiring us to name the person and the debt, and then choose to release it, even if the feelings linger. This process may be painful, especially when the wounds are deep, but it is essential for our own healing and spiritual growth. The cross is our model and motivation—Jesus bore our debt so we could be free, and He calls us to do the same for others. [01:03:29]
Youtube Chapters
[00:00] - Welcome
[33:36] - Announcements and Family Sunday
[34:39] - Introduction to Forgiveness
[35:17] - Reading Matthew 18:15-35
[39:09] - Living as Conduits of Grace
[39:52] - What Forgiveness Is and Is Not
[41:12] - Why We Struggle to Forgive
[42:17] - Trusting God as Judge
[46:10] - Jesus’ Steps for Reconciliation
[47:42] - When Reconciliation Isn’t Possible
[49:32] - The Power of Perspective
[51:24] - Bringing Others and Leaders In
[52:30] - Peter’s Question and Jesus’ Radical Answer
[54:38] - The Parable of the Unforgiving Servant
[58:17] - Forgiven People Forgive People
[59:42] - The Impact of Unforgiveness on Our Relationship with God
[01:02:45] - Forgiveness as a Decision, Not a Feeling
[01:03:29] - Steps to Forgiveness: Identify, Name, Release
[01:08:24] - The Good News: Debts Canceled
[01:11:15] - Communion: Remembering and Extending Forgiveness
Study Guide
Bible Study Discussion Guide: Forgiveness (Matthew 18)
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### Bible Reading
- Matthew 18:15-35
(Jesus’ teaching on forgiveness, including the process for reconciliation and the parable of the unforgiving servant)
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### Observation Questions
1. According to Matthew 18:15-17, what steps does Jesus give for dealing with someone who has sinned against you?
2. In the parable Jesus tells (Matthew 18:23-35), what is the difference between the debt owed by the first servant and the debt owed by the second servant?
3. What does the master do for the servant who cannot pay his debt, and how does the servant respond to someone who owes him a much smaller amount?
4. The sermon says, “Forgiveness is not a feeling but a decision—a choice to cancel the debt that someone owes us, just as God has canceled our immeasurable debt through Christ.” What does this mean in practical terms? [[39:52]]
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### Interpretation Questions
1. Why do you think Jesus makes forgiveness a command and not just a suggestion for his followers? What does this reveal about God’s heart? [[39:41]]
2. The sermon says, “Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die; it harms us more than anyone else.” How does holding onto unforgiveness affect our relationship with God and others? [[42:17]]
3. In the parable, why is the master so angry with the unforgiving servant? What does this teach us about the connection between receiving God’s forgiveness and extending it to others? [[54:38]]
4. The process Jesus gives for reconciliation involves going directly to the person, then involving others if needed, and finally the church. Why do you think Jesus emphasizes this order? How does it help prevent gossip and division? [[46:10]]
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### Application Questions
1. The sermon challenges us to identify who has wronged us, name what was taken, and then choose to release the debt. Is there someone in your life you need to forgive? What is the “debt” you feel they owe you? [[01:03:29]]
2. Forgiveness is described as a journey, not a one-time event. If you have tried to forgive but still feel hurt or angry, what steps could you take this week to continue moving toward forgiveness? [[01:03:29]]
3. The pastor said, “When we refuse to forgive, we cut ourselves off from the joy and presence of God.” Have you ever experienced a lack of joy or closeness with God because of unforgiveness? What did you notice in your spiritual life during that time? [[39:41]]
4. Jesus’ process for reconciliation starts with a private conversation. Is there a relationship in your life where you need to take the first step and talk directly to the person? What might keep you from doing this, and how could you overcome it? [[46:10]]
5. Sometimes reconciliation is not possible, especially in cases of abuse or ongoing harm. The sermon says forgiveness is still required for our own freedom. How can you forgive someone even if you cannot be reconciled or restored to them? [[47:42]]
6. The parable shows that our debt to God is far greater than any debt owed to us. How does remembering God’s forgiveness toward you help you forgive others? [[54:38]]
7. The pastor suggested a practical exercise: writing down who has wronged you and what they owe, then choosing to “cancel the debt.” Would you be willing to try this exercise this week? What do you hope God might do in your heart as a result? [[01:03:29]]
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Closing Thought:
As you reflect on Jesus’ teaching and the example of the cross, ask God for the grace and strength to forgive as you have been forgiven. Remember, forgiveness is not about forgetting or pretending the hurt didn’t happen—it’s about choosing to release the debt and entrust justice to God.
Devotional
Day 1: Forgiveness Is a Command, Not a Suggestion
Forgiveness is not merely a suggestion or a feeling, but a direct command from God that we are called to obey, regardless of our emotions or circumstances. When we are wronged or hurt, the Bible gives us clear principles to follow, reminding us that forgiveness is a choice we must make as recipients of God’s grace. Refusing to forgive not only disobeys God but also cuts us off from the joy and freedom that come from living in His presence. As we receive forgiveness from God, we are called to extend that same forgiveness to others, becoming conduits of His grace rather than cul-de-sacs where grace stops. [39:52]
Matthew 18:15-17 (ESV)
“If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.”
Reflection: Is there someone you need to approach directly and privately to begin the process of forgiveness and reconciliation today?
Day 2: Forgiven People Forgive People
Those who have received God’s radical, undeserved forgiveness are called to extend that same forgiveness to others, no matter how many times they are wronged. Jesus’ parable of the unforgiving servant shows that our debt to God is immeasurable, and yet He cancels it out of mercy and grace. When we refuse to forgive others, we fail to grasp the magnitude of what God has done for us. True forgiveness is not about keeping count but about living out the reality of God’s grace, passing it on as freely as we have received it. [57:48]
Matthew 18:21-35 (ESV)
Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times.
“Therefore the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who wished to settle accounts with his servants. When he began to settle, one was brought to him who owed him ten thousand talents. And since he could not pay, his master ordered him to be sold, with his wife and children and all that he had, and payment to be made. So the servant fell on his knees, imploring him, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you everything.’ And out of pity for him, the master of that servant released him and forgave him the debt. But when that same servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii, and seizing him, he began to choke him, saying, ‘Pay what you owe.’ So his fellow servant fell down and pleaded with him, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you.’ He refused and went and put him in prison until he should pay the debt. When his fellow servants saw what had taken place, they were greatly distressed, and they went and reported to their master all that had taken place. Then his master summoned him and said to him, ‘You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. And should not you have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on you?’ And in anger his master delivered him to the jailers, until he should pay all his debt. So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart.”
Reflection: Who in your life have you been withholding forgiveness from, and how can you take a step toward releasing that debt today?
Day 3: Forgiveness Is a Process That Requires God’s Grace
Forgiveness is not a one-time feeling but a deliberate process that often requires God’s supernatural help, especially when the hurt runs deep. The first step is to identify who has wronged you, then honestly name what they owe you, and finally, with God’s help, choose to cancel the debt. This process can be painful, as it may mean revisiting old wounds, but it is the only way to true freedom. Holding onto unforgiveness only binds us in bitterness, while choosing to forgive—though impossible in our own strength—sets us free and reflects the heart of Christ. [01:06:53]
Colossians 2:13-14 (ESV)
And you, who were dead in your trespasses and the uncircumcision of your flesh, God made alive together with him, having forgiven us all our trespasses, by canceling the record of debt that stood against us with its legal demands. This he set aside, nailing it to the cross.
Reflection: What specific debt or hurt do you need to name before God today, and will you ask Him for the grace to cancel it?
Day 4: Our Relationships with Others Affect Our Relationship with God
The way we treat others, especially in matters of forgiveness, directly impacts our relationship with God. Unforgiveness creates a wedge not only between us and the person who wronged us but also between us and God. Our horizontal relationships have a profound effect on our vertical relationship, and unresolved sin or bitterness can hinder our prayers and our experience of God’s presence. God calls us to take reconciliation seriously, knowing that as we forgive others, we maintain open fellowship with Him. [01:00:28]
Matthew 5:23-24 (ESV)
So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.
Reflection: Is there a relationship in your life that is affecting your walk with God, and what step can you take today to seek reconciliation?
Day 5: Forgiveness Is a Decision, Not a Feeling
Forgiveness is not about waiting for your feelings to change or for the pain to disappear; it is a conscious decision of the will to release the debt and entrust justice to God. While feelings may linger and memories may resurface, choosing to forgive is an act of obedience that brings healing over time. God does not call us to “forgive and forget,” but to remember His grace and choose to walk in forgiveness daily, trusting Him to deal with the hurt and to bring restoration in His way and time. [01:11:48]
Romans 12:18-19 (ESV)
If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.”
Reflection: What would it look like for you to make the decision to forgive someone today, even if your feelings haven’t caught up yet?
Quotes
Because we've been forgiven, we must also forgive others. Now, this all sounds good, but what do you do when you've been wronged? What do you do when you've been sinned against? When you've been hurt, the Bible gives us some principles of how we're to follow this. And this is not a suggestion. This is a command from God. So today I want to talk about what forgiveness is, why we should forgive and then how to forgive. So there's consequences of unforgiveness. There's no joy without forgiving. If you don't experience the forgiveness and you don't pass that forgiveness on, you will cut yourself off from the joy of God. [00:39:35]
Forgiveness is also worthless to us emotionally if we can't forgive ourselves. So, we must make a choice to to continue to forgive. We must we must choose to walk in forgiveness just as we receive forgiveness from God. But making a choice to refuse to forgive shows that we're not sufficiently grateful for God's forgiveness for our own sins. So I want to say a little bit, forgiveness and feelings are not the same thing. Too often we've kind of conflated those two together. Forgiveness and feelings. Feelings help us know what's happening on the inside. [00:40:56]
Feelings are a good gauge, but they're not a very good guide. So, we turn to the scriptures for the direction, for the guidance, right? We turn to the Holy Spirit to to lead us along. We don't let that be dictated by our feelings. There's lots of reasons why we don't forgive. One of the many reasons that Christians don't forgive is because we don't acknowledge the hurt, the pain, the sin that we've been dealt with. Sin is a big deal. Amen. So if you doubt that sin matters to God, you just need to look to the cross, be reminded of what what it costs God to deal with our sin. [00:41:52]
But refusing to forgive is like eating the rat poison, hoping to kill the rats in your home. It never works that way. Scriptures tell us that vengeance is the Lord. So, we allow God to be the one to repay. Another reason we don't forgive is because if we go through the process of forgiveness, it's going to take away our excuses for bad attitude and for bad behavior. If you actually forgive them, the one who hurt you, the one who wronged you, the family member who did whatever unspeakable thing to you, then you've got no excuse for your attitude, for your behavior. [00:42:18]
Forgiveness is a message that that as a pastor, I I got to preach it. I got to teach it over and over again. And some of you are thinking, I've heard this. This is all the same old thing. I know. I understand. I get it. But you see, we receive this message of forgiveness differently depending on what stage of life we're in or depending on what experience we most recently've had. If if we're walking good with God and good with others, you know, a message on forgiveness, it's water on a duck's back. It doesn't hardly mean much to us. [00:43:25]
But if somebody has recently hurt us or if we're still holding on to some bitterness from the past, that's when a message on forgiveness, we find it difficult. Now, I always like when I'm talking to somebody about their past and about something that they've had to deal with. Now, I I offer up this suggestion of forgiveness. And so many times they come back, well, you don't know. You don't know what I've been through. You don't know how they hurt me. You don't know. And that's true. I I don't know. [00:43:58]
CS Lewis said, "Everyone says forgiveness is a great idea until they have something to forgive." A few weeks ago, we talked about the subject of sin. The Bible's got a number of different definitions for sin, and we've got to be careful that we don't impose our own definition of sin. So, for instance, the person who gets on your nerves, that that might not be sin. I can't find in the scripture with all the different definitions of sin. I can't find in the scripture. They get on my nerves and that's a sin. [00:45:18]
So, we've got to recognize that sin is an actual violation against a law or precept of God. So, the first step that Jesus tells us to do, seems easy enough, right? When you've been wronged or hurt or sinned against, you just go to that person and you talk to them about it. But I'm convinced if we could just do this part, it would change our families. It would change our churches. It would change our nation. Our world would just be radically better if we could just do this one little step. [00:45:57]
Doesn't say anything about posting it on social media. It doesn't say anything about calling the prayer chain and telling all that Bob did to you or all that Susie talked to you about or all that how she treated you. No post on Twitter. No post on Instagram, Facebook, nothing. It says go to that person. A as a bonus point. This isn't in the scripture. Let me just say that if you have a conversation, if you need to have a conversation about something that's serious or something that's sensitive, you probably shouldn't communicate it digitally. [00:46:30]
So, every time I preach on forgiveness, I have somebody who will come to me and they'll tell me a horrible story of their abuse, of how they were victimized. And some of these stories are just unbelievable. So they asked me, "Pastor, am I supposed to go to the person who victimized me, who abused me, who sexually molested me, whatever it is, and my answer is always absolutely not." Romans 12:18 says, "If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceibly with all men." Sometimes we do all that we can, and that's not enough. [00:47:16]
We can forgive, but that doesn't mean that they're going to reconcile the relationship. So, we must forgive. And and in Romans 12, we do our part. Romans 13, God has the responsibility set out with the roles for the for the state, what the government is supposed to do. They're supposed to bear the sword. They're supposed to carry out justice. And so as Christians in the church, we have a responsibility to forgive, but also there's a responsibility of the state to prosecute. So when you've been wronged, when somebody sinned against you, you go to them. [00:47:59]
But when I go to that person and I actually talk to them about what the issue is, I a lot of times I find a different perspective. A lot of times they'll tell me a perspective that well maybe it wasn't quite so bad as I thought it was when I go and I talk to them. Maybe they weren't such guilty fiends that I thought they were in my imagination. Uh, I heard a pastor tell a story about when he was in seminary, he worked as a as a shoe salesman and one day while he was selling shoes, two ladies came into the store and they started looking at some shoes along the the display and he came up behind them. [00:48:56]
This seminary student who's now a pastor came up behind them and said, "If you need any help, just let me know and I'd be happy to to get some shoes or try something on. Just just let me know." these two ladies, they didn't respond. They didn't acknowledge him. They didn't turn. They didn't do anything. And he thought, "Okay, let me let me speak a little louder." So, he spoke a little louder. In a louder voice, he said, "I just want you to know that I'm here to help you. That's my job. I'm here to help you. And if I can get something for you, you be sure and let me know." [00:49:20]
Again, no response. They don't even acknowledge that he's there. And so he thought, "Fine, I'm going to I'm going to go back to the counter and if they want help, they're going to have to come hunt me down." While he's back to the counter, he noticed the two ladies had turned and and and began to sign each other because they were deaf and they couldn't hear him at all. And so he realized they weren't the ones who were rude. It was me who was guilty of being rude. We need to speak to one another in order to hear their perspective. [00:49:56]
Jesus says, "Talk to people, not about people." I might need to say that one again. Jesus says, "Talk to people, not about people." Well, the next step that Jesus gives, if the one-on-one conversation doesn't go well, if it doesn't get worked out, if it doesn't bring a resolution, Jesus says, "Bring along some godly friends to help mediate the problem." Maybe you've got some small group friends that you could bring along and and sit down together and talk things through, but you need these friends that are willing to speak the truth to you. [00:50:24]
Not just to not just to be on your side. You want them to be on God's side, on the side of truth. And if that doesn't work out, we're told to go to the leaders. Go to the church. Go to the leaders of the church and bring them involved. So, step one, talk to the person who sinned against you. Step step two, bring some friends to help mediate. Step three, make the leaders of the church aware of the problem. And and upon hearing these principles, Peter comes before Jesus. [00:50:54]
And because Peter is, you know, so he's the head of the class and he's got it all worked out. I'm going to show I'm going to score some points here with with the rabbi, with Jesus. I'm going to show that I'm so much better than all my other disciples and I'm going to go to Jesus and say, "Hey, Jesus, what do you think? We ought to forgive people seven times." That sounds pretty good. If you've been wronged once, we have a little adage, right? One time, two times, shame on three time. You know how that works out. [00:51:13]
So, so Peter comes along and he says, "Seven times? That sounds pretty good." Except Jesus comes back to him and says, "No, more like seven times 70." So, there's a little bit of dispute. Some commentators wonder, "Oh, it's 70 seven times." and others 490 times. The point is it's not a number, folks. It's you just do it until it's no longer necessary. You do it whatever it takes. If Stephanie kept record of how many times she had to forgive me, we we might be done the first year, right? [00:51:41]
She might get 490 that first year. All right, time to find another one. So the the principle to the parable. Here's the parable. Jesus wants us to see that when somebody sins against you that that it creates a debt debtor relationship. So verse 23, the kingdom of God's like a king who wants to settle his accounts with his servants. Forgiveness is settling the accounts. And Jesus tells this story and it seems so ridiculous on one account because he says if a man owes the servant owes 10,000 talents and they they say that's greater than the GDP of Israel in that day. [00:52:08]
I don't know how they figure that out but nevertheless one talent is what an average worker would make in 20 years. So 10,000 talents there ain't no way not getting that paid off. And Jesus wants to make sure that we understand this man has a debt so large that he could never never never pay it back. And he's going to find himself in debtor's prison. Not just him, but his whole family is going to be there as well. And that's the nature of sin, right? It doesn't just impact us. [00:52:44]
It just doesn't impact the two people that are involved or the It impacts everybody in your orbit, everybody in your family, everybody in your church. There's a great story in the Old Testament on Achen and it and there's a line there's sin in the camp and it it involves I think a nation too as a nation. We can be guilty of sin. And our nation is guilty of sin. And it's our job as the priesthood of believers is confess that sin to God and and call out that God would be merciful and gracious and kind to us, not give us what we deserve. [00:53:12]
So the servant begs, I'll pay it. Give me more time. No more time is going to work. He doesn't have enough time to pay off this debt. But out of pity, verse 27, the king forgives him this enormous debt. So you see this connection, forgiveness and debt, the relationship that we have here. Someone sins against you, it's like they owe you something. Verse 28, when that same servant runs into a fellow servant who owes him money, he demands payment immediately. I thought I could bring up Pastor Josh and I could demonstrate what that must have looked like as he choked him. [00:53:42]
Would that would that be a good illustration? Maybe not. Okay. How about um how about if you choked me? Would that be a good illustration? Maybe that'd be a better illustration. Well, it doesn't take long for the word to get back to the master, to the king. He finds out what he's doing. So he brings in this servant and said, "What on earth are you doing?" That's the Andy Hair translation. Are you kidding me? After all that I've done for you, you're going to turn around and repay my mercy and my kindness, my goodness, my forgiveness this way? [00:54:18]
Are you serious? Really? But then we need to think about ourselves. In our situation, we owe a debt to God that is so great that we we don't have enough time to pay it off. We we just cannot pay it off. It's impossible for us to pay it off. It's only by the mercy and the kindness and the goodness and the grace of God that he offers to us this forgiveness, this radical, incredible forgiveness. And upon receiving that, how are we to respond to others? Jesus wants to make it clear that the only correct response is to forgive. [00:54:54]
And I think verse 35 is one of the scariest verses we have in the scripture. Since we've been forgiven much, our our job, our responsibility is to pass it on and to forgive others. Now, we don't turn that statement around. because I forgave Kathy, now God has to forgive me. It It doesn't go in that order. It goes in the order of God's forgiven me, now I forgive Kathy. It's because God has forgiven me that I can forgive Kathy. Our lives are to be this conduit, not a culde-sac for the grace of God. Forgiven people forgive people. [00:55:28]
So, if we try to say this in a redneck version, if you ain't given it, maybe you ain't got it. I don't know. Does that work? Well, that's a shot. I tried. Well, who do you need to forgive? I happen to have some papers here and Stephanie and Kathy and Harry are going to help us pass out these papers. A debt ledger. I'm not a real big fan of those. But I think it's important exercise for us as followers of Jesus that we implement these principles that God has given us and that we walk in such a way that we are like our God who forgives us. [00:56:08]
So if you come to church and you realize that you have something against someone else, the Bible tells us that we need to go and take care of it right away because our horizontal relationships impact our vertical relationship with God. My relationship that I have with Phil impacts my relationship that I have with God. If if I am mistreating Phil, if if I'm in at a with Phil, we've got unforgiveness with with Phil or Gary, then then that's going to impact my relationship with God. Sin separates us. [00:56:54]
And the sin that's between Phil and I is going to also cause a wedge and division between God and I. So this is of utmost and vital importance that we recognize the value of dealing with sin. Now growing up as a as a child with a with a younger brother, I know this will be hard for you to believe, but my brother and I, we used to fight with each other. I I know you can't hardly even imagine that that took place. We used to argue and we used to rrestle around and tussle and carry on and fuss and and sometimes when we were traveling in the car with mom and dad in the front seat and and my brother and I in the back seat, sometimes we would fight and fuss and argue and carry on in the back seat. [00:57:27]
Can you believe that? Can you imagine that that even happened? You know, sometimes he would cross the property line right there in the center and he would egg me on and try to see if he could go me into saying something or yelling or hollering and that way mom or dad would turn around and get after me. And once I had kids that rode in the back of a car, then I began to realize just how annoying that is. It's really disheartening and annoying, especially when you're on a long trip somewhere. [00:58:07]
We laugh at our family today, our youngest daughter, uh, sat in the in the back of our Suburban, and you could put three girls in the back of that back seat. It was kind of tight. And the youngest one was Henry, like Stephanie. And so she would stir up trouble with her twin sisters on either side. And we'd get so irritated that we would move one of the boys back there. And the boys didn't want to be by their sisters. So everybody was suffering. Can you imagine how frustrated God must be with his children who can't get along? [00:58:41]
And who want to fight and fuss with one another. So my my first question is who do you need to forgive? In this parable, Jesus doesn't make forgiveness a feeling. Forgiveness is not something that just automatically happens. Forgiveness is a decision of the will to cancel the debt. So how do we do that? Here's the three steps on the handout that we have to settle your accounts. Thinking of it like a debt ledger. The first step is easy. It identify who wronged you, who sinned against you, who's hurt you. That's pretty easy. [00:59:18]
Some of you thought of that person or persons just right away. Now, the second step's a little more difficult. What do they owe you? And the third step is impossible without the help of God. So, step one, who's wronged you? Maybe it's your parents. Maybe it's an ex-spouse, a neighbor, a business partner, a church friend, a pastor, a child. Sometimes that person might not even be alive today. But forgiveness is unlocking the locks that that then you realize that those locks are what is binding you up. So forgiveness is setting you free. [00:59:51]
But you got to start by identifying who it is. Secondly, write down what it is that they owe you. What did they take from you? You know, like if you break your arm and you go to the doctor, the doctor's going to grab those bones and he's going to work to set those bones together and put them in the right place and it's going to hurt. It's not going to be comfortable. It's not comfortable to to go back and revisit what he or she has done to you. The problem is certainly painful. And sometimes we have scars from what we've been inflicted in the past. [01:00:23]
Jesus knows all about our scars. Scriptures tells us that he still has the the nail prints in his hands. He's still got the place in his side, the scar inside. He knows about scars. He knows the the pain of sin. So, what do they owe you? Maybe maybe your parents wronged you. And there's lots of terrible stories that I've heard as a pastor of what parents have done to children. You know, when we're young, as as a child, you know, it's like our brains are kind of on record for 18 years. [01:00:59]
We're hearing every word that's said, every every action that's done. We're just recording that. And then the rest of our life, we just replay those things over and over again. You'll never amount to anything. You're stupid. Why are you so dumb or ugly or And we replay those. The word says we've got to forgive. What did they take from you? Maybe you've got a prodigal son or daughter and you've tried your best to help them. They have no idea the agony that you've been through. They have no idea how many hours and and nights that you stayed up praying for them, crying out to God, God, do something. [01:01:32]
God, get a hold of them. God, turn their heart. and nothing. This is an important step for us. What did they take from you? Because we've got to come to terms with the debt debtor relationship. If you go to the bank and you ask them, "What do I owe on this car?" They can tell you to the exact penny, right? We need to know what it is that is owed. And the third step was really impossible without the grace of God. We've got to choose to forgive. Choose to cancel the debt. This step is so important because if we refuse to forgive, it just fers and metastasizes in our heart. [01:02:13]
And sometimes you'll interact with somebody my age or older and you think, "Boy, he's a grumpy old man. What is wrong with him? But if you have the time to to work with them and to dig, you'll find out where they were hurt, where they were wronged, where they were sinned against. You ask, "Why is that person such a jerk?" Well, it's not a good reason, but they there's a reason. When that spouse walked out of their life and took them for everything that they had, that began to fester, that bitterness, that resentment, and it comes out and being a jerk with everybody that they interact with. [01:02:54]
One thing that we know about heaven that everybody has this all in common. They have been forgiven and they pass on that forgiveness to others. And one thing that's common about everybody in hell is they have refused to accept the forgiveness of God and they have choose they've refused to to choose to pass that forgiveness on to others. So I'm here to tell you today the good news. The good news you can have your debt canled. And the good news is you can cancel the debt of those who have wronged you. [01:03:32]
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