Flipping the Script: Transforming Relationships Through Grace

Summary

Today’s focus is on learning how to “flip the script” in our relationships by intentionally seeing the best in others, even when it’s difficult. As we enter a season of expansion, influence, and kingdom impact, it’s crucial to de-stress our relationships—both within our church family and in our personal lives. Healthy relationships are essential for God’s purposes to unfold in and through us, and often, the stress we experience isn’t about changing others, but about changing our perspective toward them.

Drawing from Philippians 1:3-5, we see Paul’s example: he chooses to thank God for the Philippians, focusing on their partnership and the good they bring, rather than their shortcomings. This is a deliberate act—Paul’s “cheat code” for healthy relationships is to focus on the good, not the bad. Like Joseph in Genesis 50:20, who saw God’s purpose in his suffering, we are called to shift our focus from negative to positive, recognizing that what we focus on grows. When we magnify strengths instead of flaws, we open the door for God’s peace and blessing.

Words are powerful. Speaking life rather than criticism can transform relationships. Just as pouring clean water into a murky glass eventually clears it, consistently affirming and encouraging others can change the atmosphere and bring healing. Ephesians 4:29 commands us to use our words to build others up, not tear them down. This applies to every relationship—marriage, family, work, and church.

Looking for the best in others, even when it’s hard, is not about ignoring flaws but about seeing potential. Jesus modeled this with Peter after his denial, focusing on Peter’s future rather than his failure. We are called to do the same: remember the best, forget the rest, and speak to the potential in those around us. This is how we emulate God, who looks beyond our faults and sees our need, offering us grace through Christ.

Ultimately, God “flipped the script” for us through Jesus. He saw the best in us, not because of our own merit, but through the redemptive work of Christ. As we receive this gift, we are empowered to extend the same grace to others, clearing the way for healthy, life-giving relationships that reflect God’s love and purpose.

Key Takeaways

- Shifting Focus from Negative to Positive
Choosing to focus on the good in others, rather than their flaws, is a spiritual discipline that transforms relationships. Like Paul and Joseph, we can see God’s greater purpose even in difficult situations by intentionally remembering and magnifying the strengths of those around us. This shift in perspective is not denial, but a choice to align our vision with God’s redemptive work. [47:22]

- The Power of Speaking Life
Our words have the ability to either cloud or clear the atmosphere in our relationships. Speaking life, encouragement, and affirmation—rather than criticism—invites growth and healing. Ephesians 4:29 reminds us that our speech should build others up, and over time, consistent affirmation can change even the most strained relationships. [51:07]

- Looking for the Best, Even When It’s Hard
Even in complicated or painful relationships, there is always potential for growth and redemption. Focusing on progress, not perfection, allows us to see others as God sees them—image-bearers with untapped potential. Remembering the best and letting go of the rest is a practical way to de-stress relationships and foster an environment where people can flourish. [01:01:00]

- Emulating Christ’s Restorative Grace
Jesus’ interaction with Peter after his denial is a model for us: He did not dwell on Peter’s failure, but spoke to his future and restored him. We are called to do likewise, speaking to the potential in others and offering grace that lifts them beyond their past mistakes. This is how we participate in God’s redemptive work in the lives of those around us. [01:07:05]

- Receiving and Extending God’s “Flipped Script”
God has already “flipped the script” for us through Christ, seeing us through the filter of grace and redemption. As recipients of this mercy, we are called to receive it fully and extend it to others, clearing away the residue of past hurts and offenses. This posture not only brings personal freedom but also creates a community marked by forgiveness, hope, and transformation. [01:19:48]

Youtube Chapters

[00:00] - Welcome
[28:09] - Children’s Ministry & Announcements
[29:46] - Celebrating Mother Fox’s 90th Birthday
[33:00] - Scripture Reading: Philippians 1:3-5
[34:43] - Introduction: De-Stressing Relationships
[36:34] - Entering a Season of Expansion and Influence
[39:01] - The Key to De-Stressing Relationships
[40:23] - Paul’s “Cheat Code” for Healthy Relationships
[43:03] - Shift Your Focus from Negative to Positive
[45:09] - Paul’s Choice to Remember the Good
[47:22] - Joseph’s Perspective: God Intended It for Good
[49:13] - Speak Life, Not Criticism
[53:08] - Illustration: The Power of Words
[59:29] - Look for the Best, Even When It’s Hard
[01:05:12] - Jesus Restores Peter: Focusing on Potential
[01:10:36] - God Flips the Script for Us
[01:19:48] - Receiving God’s Gift of Grace
[01:27:11] - Invitation and Prayer
[01:28:31] - Communion and Closing

Study Guide

Small Group Bible Study Guide: Flipping the Script in Relationships

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### Bible Reading

- Philippians 1:3-5
I thank my God every time I remember you. In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now.

- Genesis 50:20
You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.

- Ephesians 4:29
Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.

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### Observation Questions

1. In Philippians 1:3-5, what does Paul choose to focus on when he thinks about the Philippians? How does this set the tone for his relationship with them? [44:02]

2. According to Genesis 50:20, how did Joseph interpret the actions of his brothers, and what does this reveal about his perspective on difficult relationships? [47:22]

3. What does Ephesians 4:29 command us to do with our words, and what is the intended result for those who hear them? [51:07]

4. In the sermon, what illustration did the pastor use to show the effect of our words on relationships? What was the outcome when clean water was poured into the murky glass? [56:09]

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### Interpretation Questions

1. Why do you think Paul made a deliberate choice to remember the good in the Philippians, even though he likely experienced challenges with them? How might this have affected the church community? [45:09]

2. Joseph’s response to his brothers in Genesis 50:20 shows a shift from focusing on harm to seeing God’s purpose. What does this teach about how believers can view painful or complicated relationships? [47:22]

3. The sermon says, “What you focus on grows.” How does this principle play out in real relationships, both positively and negatively? [43:03]

4. Jesus’ restoration of Peter after his denial (John 21:15-17, referenced in the sermon) is highlighted as a model for us. What does it mean to “speak to someone’s potential” rather than their past mistakes? [01:07:05]

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### Application Questions

1. Think of a relationship in your life that feels stressful or strained. What would it look like to intentionally “flip the script” and focus on the good in that person this week? What specific strengths or positive memories could you choose to remember? [45:09]

2. The sermon challenges us to “speak life, not criticism.” Is there someone you tend to criticize or speak negatively about? What is one encouraging thing you could say to them this week to build them up? [51:07]

3. The pastor said, “Remember the best and forget the rest.” What is one past hurt or offense you need to let go of in order to de-stress a relationship? How can you take a step toward forgiveness or release this week? [01:01:00]

4. In the illustration with the glasses of water, it took time and consistency for the clean water to clear the murky glass. Are there relationships in your life where you need to be more consistent in affirming and encouraging? What would “pouring in clean water” look like for you? [56:09]

5. Jesus restored Peter by focusing on his future, not his failure. Is there someone in your life who needs you to believe in their potential rather than remind them of their mistakes? How can you practically do this? [01:07:05]

6. The sermon reminds us that God “flipped the script” for us through Christ, seeing us through grace. How does receiving God’s grace personally empower you to extend grace to others? Is there a specific relationship where you need to apply this? [01:19:48]

7. The pastor said, “What you focus on grows.” Are there areas in your family, workplace, or church where you’ve been focusing on the negative? What is one way you can shift your focus this week to magnify strengths instead? [43:03]

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Closing Prayer Suggestion:
Ask God to help you see others as He sees them, to speak life, and to extend grace in every relationship. Invite Him to “flip the script” in your heart and bring peace and healing where it’s needed most.

Devotional

Day 1: Shift Your Focus from Negative to Positive
Choosing to focus on the good in others, even when challenges arise, can transform your relationships and bring peace. When you intentionally remember the positive moments and strengths of those around you, you begin to see them as God sees them, rather than through the lens of past hurts or disappointments. This shift in perspective is not about ignoring reality, but about magnifying the strengths instead of the flaws, just as Paul did with the Philippians and Joseph did with his brothers. What you focus on grows—so let your focus be on the blessings and the good, and watch how your relationships begin to flourish. [47:22]

Philippians 1:3-5 (ESV)
"I thank my God in all my remembrance of you, always in every prayer of mine for you all making my prayer with joy, because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now."

Reflection: Who is one person in your life that you tend to focus on their faults? Today, can you intentionally recall and thank God for at least three good things about them?


Day 2: Speak Life, Not Criticism
Your words have the power to either build up or tear down the people around you. When you choose to speak life—affirming, encouraging, and uplifting others—you create an environment where relationships can thrive and stress is diminished. Criticism and negativity act like a contaminant, clouding the hearts and minds of those you speak to, but consistent words of praise and affirmation can clear away the murkiness and help others see their God-given value. Be intentional today to use your words to bring healing and hope, not harm. [51:07]

Ephesians 4:29 (ESV)
"Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear."

Reflection: What is one specific way you can use your words to encourage someone you usually criticize or complain about today?


Day 3: Look for the Best Even When It’s Hard
Even in the most complicated or difficult relationships, there is always potential for growth and redemption. Focusing on progress rather than perfection allows you to see others through the lens of hope and possibility, just as Jesus did with Peter after his denial. Instead of dwelling on past failures, choose to see and speak to the potential in others, remembering that everyone is made in the image of God and is capable of change. Celebrate strengths, however small, and trust that God is at work in every heart. [01:07:05]

John 21:15-17 (ESV)
"When they had finished breakfast, Jesus said to Simon Peter, 'Simon, son of John, do you love me more than these?' He said to him, 'Yes, Lord; you know that I love you.' He said to him, 'Feed my lambs.' He said to him a second time, 'Simon, son of John, do you love me?' He said to him, 'Yes, Lord; you know that I love you.' He said to him, 'Tend my sheep.' He said to him the third time, 'Simon, son of John, do you love me?' Peter was grieved because he said to him the third time, 'Do you love me?' and he said to him, 'Lord, you know everything; you know that I love you.' Jesus said to him, 'Feed my sheep.'"

Reflection: Is there a relationship in your life that feels “complicated” or broken? What is one way you can look for and affirm the best in that person today, even if it’s difficult?


Day 4: Remember the Best and Forget the Rest
Focusing on the strengths and positive qualities of others, rather than their weaknesses or past mistakes, is a powerful way to de-stress your relationships and allow them to flourish. This doesn’t mean ignoring reality, but it means choosing to celebrate what is good and letting go of what is not helpful. Everyone is an image-bearer of God, and when you remember the best in others, you invite more of their good qualities to the surface. Let your relationships be marked by grace, encouragement, and a willingness to see others as God sees them. [01:02:38]

Genesis 50:20 (ESV)
"As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it about that many people should be kept alive, as they are today."

Reflection: What is one past hurt or disappointment you need to release today so you can focus on the best in someone close to you?


Day 5: Receive and Extend God’s Script-Flipping Grace
God is the ultimate script-flipper—He looks beyond our faults and sees our need, offering us forgiveness, restoration, and a new identity through Jesus. Just as He has poured out grace and spoken life over you, you are called to receive that gift and extend it to others. No matter your past, God’s love is greater, and He invites you to walk in freedom and to be a vessel of His grace in your relationships. Let His redemptive work in your life inspire you to see and call out the best in those around you, knowing that His love changes everything. [01:19:48]

Romans 5:8 (ESV)
"But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us."

Reflection: How can you receive God’s grace afresh today—and who is one person you can intentionally show that same grace to, regardless of their past?

Quotes

You have to shift your focus from negative to positive. Because let me tell you something. What you focus on grows. If you focus on good, the good will multiply. Don't magnify the flaws. Magnify the strengths. Because I promise you, a change in perspective literally can change everything. [00:43:34] (00:00:35 seconds) Edit Clip

Joseph was literally sold into slavery by his own brothers, and he endured years of suffering, but he chose. Somebody say he chose. You have a choice, my brothers and sisters. He chose to focus on the good that came from it, and when he was reunited with his brothers, he didn't focus on the hurt and the betrayal. Instead, he saw how God's planned for his life in the midst of the suffering, and look at what he says in verse 20. Genesis chapter 50, verse 20. Look at this. You want to highlight this in your... You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good. Let me say that one more time. You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good. Watch this. To accomplish what is now being done, which is the saving of many lives. [00:46:25] (00:01:14 seconds) Edit Clip

Speak life, not criticism. Whether you believe it or not, words are powerful. You have to learn how to speak life into your relationships. You know what I've learned? I've learned to praise what I want to see more of. [00:49:34] (00:00:29 seconds) Edit Clip

Flipping the script isn't about ignoring the flaws. It's about seeing the potential. And the best way to de-stress a relationship, here it is, free game. Remember the best and forget the rest. Remember the best. [01:00:44] (00:00:22 seconds) Edit Clip

What was more important was restoring him and speaking to his future rather than dwelling on his past. Jesus saw beyond Peter's failures. And he focused on Peter's future potential. [01:08:27] (00:00:24 seconds) Edit Clip

For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son, that whosoever believed in him would not pass, but have everlasting life. God had a so what kind of love. I know you got drunk last night. So what? I know you laid down with that woman that wasn't your wife. So what? God, God, so God still loves you. Love with everlasting love. He loved you to love you right where you are, right the way that you are. But you know what? He also loves you so much not to leave you where you are. And he flipped the script. [01:19:41] (00:00:32 seconds) Edit Clip

He says, they used to call you low down, but I call you my righteousness. Lord, I thank you today. Come on, lift your hands right where you are, right where you are and say, Lord, I thank you. I thank you for flipping the script. I thank you, oh God. I thank you, oh God. I thank you, oh God. When everybody else left me, God, my. God, God, when I couldn't even be there for myself, God, you stayed. You stayed. You stayed. You remained faithful even when I was faithless. Oh God. And you saw the best in me. And the best was the redemptive work of Christ on the cross. [01:20:20] (00:00:54 seconds) Edit Clip