Finding Strength in Separation for Authentic Connection

if you want to count in the lives of other people you have to be separate from them if you want to add deep value and truly influence and impact and serve the lives of people i i cannot live on the basis of my need for them to approve of me all the time because we live among other things in a sea of anxiety [00:00:28]

we've talked before you might remember if you've listened to many of these about how there's a pattern that goes all the way back to the book of genesis that begins with chaos and then god separates the light from the darkness and the dry lands from the seas and the sky from the earth and then god joins together and then there can be shalom chaos separation joining together and shalom [00:01:34]

there is a great problem when it comes to leadership in the best sense but it's not primarily a failure of iq or technique or knowledge it's a failure of nerve and it's a failure of human beings at all levels because we're all made to exercise dominion and have impact it's a failure for us to be truly separate because only when we're genuinely separate when i am receiving identity and love and security from god then i am actually healthy enough to be able to connect with others [00:02:54]

the children who work through the natural problems of maturing with the least amount of emotional or physical residue are those whose parents have made them least important to their own salvation in other words parents who live with a needy anxious dependence on their kids turning out a certain way do not help their children [00:03:48]

maturity is defined as the willingness to take responsibility for one's own emotional being and destiny and then he says children rarely succeed at rising above the maturity level of their parents and this principle applies to all mentoring healing and administrative relationships that's a little scary [00:04:20]

i mean someone who can be separate while still remaining connected see the echoes of genesis there and therefore can maintain a modifying non-anxious and sometimes challenging presence i mean someone who can manage his or her own reactivity to the automatic reactivity of others and therefore be able to take stands at the risk of displeasing [00:06:11]

there is one leader one human being who exemplifies this over all others and you will not be surprised to discover that his name is jesus and we see this remarkable capacity for being separate coming out of the chaos having clarity about his identity and his mission and yet with that the capacity to remain connected [00:07:09]

jesus response is so amazing why were you searching for me didn't you know i had to be in my father's house or about my father's business or on my mission they did not yet understand what he was saying to them but then it says he went down to nazareth with them and was obedient to them [00:07:57]

jesus goes back and forth between separating to be reminded again of his identity and status and mission with his father and then plunges back into people to be with them so today take a moment before you plunge back into the world to separate yourself you do not have to please anybody [00:10:00]

you don't have to placate anybody you don't have to carry the burden of the anxiety of any other person and at the same time you are called i am called to connect deeply to notice to care to love to serve to try to help so this is not the separateness of apathy or lack of love [00:10:16]

this is the separateness that allows me to connect with god so that then i can be truly helpful to others take a few moments come out be separate and then enter with freedom and love and joy into your identity and mission make today count [00:10:58]

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