Finding Hope and Truth in Marriage and Crisis
Summary
### Summary
Today, I shared a deeply personal and heartfelt message about the trials and tribulations my family and I have been facing. From my son Caleb's ongoing health issues to my oldest son Isaac's recent arrest, our family has been in a season of intense spiritual warfare. Despite these challenges, I stand before you today to affirm that Jesus is still in control, even when life feels out of control. I emphasized the importance of running towards Jesus rather than away from Him during times of crisis. I also asked for your continued prayers and support, as we hold onto the promise that God is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit (Psalm 34:18).
Transitioning into the final week of our marriage series, "Save the Date," I posed a critical question: What do you say to yourself about your relationships? Whether you're dating, married, or contemplating marriage, the internal dialogue you maintain can significantly impact your relationship's health. I highlighted the importance of recognizing the two main voices influencing our thoughts: God's voice, which speaks truth and life, and the enemy's voice, which only lies.
We explored four prevalent lies that can destroy marriages:
1. "I can change him/her."
2. "A good marriage is always 50/50."
3. "This or that one little thing isn't that big of a thing."
4. "There is no hope for my marriage."
For each lie, I provided biblical truths to counteract them. For instance, only God can change hearts, and a marriage should be 100% effort from both partners, not just 50/50. I also stressed the importance of prayer, both for your spouse and for yourself, as a powerful tool for transformation. Lastly, I encouraged those struggling in their marriages to seek biblical counseling and to immerse themselves in God's Word, the ultimate source of truth.
### Key Takeaways
1. Run Towards Jesus in Crisis: In times of intense spiritual warfare and personal crisis, it's crucial to run towards Jesus rather than away from Him. He is the only one who can provide the steadfastness and peace we need. Holding onto the promise that God is close to the brokenhearted can offer immense comfort and hope. [35:40]
2. The Power of Prayer: Prayer is a powerful tool that can bring about change, not just in others but also in ourselves. When we pray for our spouse or anyone else, it may not always change them immediately, but it will always change us, aligning our hearts more closely with God's will. [55:14]
3. Marriage is 100/100, Not 50/50: A successful marriage requires 100% effort from both partners. The idea of a 50/50 marriage is a dangerous lie that leads to keeping score and mutual dissatisfaction. Instead, both partners should strive to out-serve, out-love, and out-honor each other. [01:01:33]
4. Confess, Don’t Manage Sin: Little unconfessed sins can grow into significant issues that destroy marriages. It's essential to confess these sins rather than trying to manage them. Confession brings healing and prevents the enemy from gaining a foothold in your relationship. [01:08:57]
5. There is Always Hope in God: No matter how dire the situation may seem, there is always hope in God. Believing the lie that there is no hope for your marriage can lead to self-righteousness and further complications. Trust in God's ability to work miracles and bring healing to even the most broken relationships. [01:14:39]
### YouTube Chapters
[0:00] - Welcome
[30:40] - Opening Remarks and Family Update
[32:01] - Caleb's Health Update
[33:13] - Spiritual Warfare and Family Struggles
[35:09] - Choosing to Run to Jesus
[36:56] - Psalm 34:18 and God's Promises
[37:29] - Prayer Before the Sermon
[39:39] - Introduction to Marriage Series
[40:08] - Self-Talk in Relationships
[41:40] - Thoughts on Dating and Marriage
[44:26] - Justifying Actions in Relationships
[46:06] - The Two Voices Influencing Our Thoughts
[49:57] - Lie #1: "I Can Change Him/Her"
[55:14] - The Power of Prayer in Marriage
[01:01:33] - Lie #2: "A Good Marriage is 50/50"
[01:05:31] - Lie #3: "This or That One Little Thing"
[01:09:37] - Lie #4: "There is No Hope for My Marriage"
[01:15:51] - Steps to Overcome Lies in Marriage
[01:19:11] - Closing Prayer and Invitation
Study Guide
### Bible Study Discussion Guide
#### Bible Reading
1. Psalm 34:18 - "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."
2. John 8:44 - "You belong to your father, the devil, and you want to carry out your father's desires. He was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies."
3. Ephesians 5:25 - "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her."
#### Observation Questions
1. What does Psalm 34:18 promise to those who are brokenhearted and crushed in spirit?
2. According to John 8:44, what is the nature of the devil, and how does this relate to the lies we might believe in our relationships?
3. In Ephesians 5:25, how are husbands instructed to love their wives, and what example is given for this love?
#### Interpretation Questions
1. How can the promise in Psalm 34:18 provide comfort during times of personal and family crises? [36:56]
2. What are some ways the devil's lies, as described in John 8:44, can infiltrate and damage our marriages and relationships? [46:39]
3. How does the instruction in Ephesians 5:25 challenge the common belief that marriage should be a 50/50 effort? [01:01:33]
#### Application Questions
1. Reflect on a recent crisis in your life. Did you run towards Jesus or away from Him? How can you make a conscious effort to seek Him in future crises? [35:40]
2. Think about your prayer life. How often do you pray for your spouse or significant other? What specific prayers can you start incorporating to align your heart with God's will? [55:14]
3. In what ways have you been keeping score in your marriage or relationships? How can you shift your mindset to give 100% effort without expecting anything in return? [01:01:33]
4. Are there any "little things" or unconfessed sins in your life that you have been managing rather than confessing? What steps can you take to bring these into the light and seek healing? [01:08:57]
5. Have you ever felt that there is no hope for your marriage or a significant relationship? How can you remind yourself of God's ability to work miracles and bring healing? [01:14:39]
6. Identify one lie you have believed about your relationships. What biblical truth can you use to counteract this lie, and how will you remind yourself of this truth daily?
7. How can you support a friend or family member who is going through a difficult time in their marriage or relationships? What practical steps can you take to offer them hope and encouragement?
Devotional
Day 1: Run Towards Jesus in Crisis
In times of intense spiritual warfare and personal crisis, it's crucial to run towards Jesus rather than away from Him. He is the only one who can provide the steadfastness and peace we need. Holding onto the promise that God is close to the brokenhearted can offer immense comfort and hope. When life feels out of control, remember that Jesus is still in control. This truth can anchor your soul and provide the strength to face any challenge. [35:40]
Psalm 34:18 (ESV): "The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit."
Reflection: Think about a current crisis or challenge you are facing. How can you intentionally run towards Jesus in this situation today? What specific steps can you take to seek His presence and comfort?
Day 2: The Power of Prayer
Prayer is a powerful tool that can bring about change, not just in others but also in ourselves. When we pray for our spouse or anyone else, it may not always change them immediately, but it will always change us, aligning our hearts more closely with God's will. Prayer helps us to see others through God's eyes and to respond with His love and grace. It is a means of inviting God's power and presence into our relationships and circumstances. [55:14]
James 5:16 (ESV): "Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working."
Reflection: Who is someone in your life that you can commit to praying for daily? How can you make prayer a more integral part of your relationship with them?
Day 3: Marriage is 100/100, Not 50/50
A successful marriage requires 100% effort from both partners. The idea of a 50/50 marriage is a dangerous lie that leads to keeping score and mutual dissatisfaction. Instead, both partners should strive to out-serve, out-love, and out-honor each other. This mindset fosters a culture of selflessness and mutual respect, which are essential for a thriving marriage. [01:01:33]
Ephesians 5:21 (ESV): "Submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ."
Reflection: In what ways can you give 100% effort in your marriage or relationships today? How can you out-serve, out-love, and out-honor your partner or loved ones?
Day 4: Confess, Don’t Manage Sin
Little unconfessed sins can grow into significant issues that destroy marriages. It's essential to confess these sins rather than trying to manage them. Confession brings healing and prevents the enemy from gaining a foothold in your relationship. By bringing sins into the light, you allow God's grace and forgiveness to work in your life and relationships, fostering an environment of honesty and trust. [01:08:57]
1 John 1:9 (ESV): "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."
Reflection: Is there a sin or issue you have been trying to manage on your own? How can you bring it into the light through confession today, and who can you trust to support you in this process?
Day 5: There is Always Hope in God
No matter how dire the situation may seem, there is always hope in God. Believing the lie that there is no hope for your marriage can lead to self-righteousness and further complications. Trust in God's ability to work miracles and bring healing to even the most broken relationships. God's power is limitless, and His love is unfailing, offering hope and restoration in every circumstance. [01:14:39]
Romans 15:13 (ESV): "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope."
Reflection: What is one area of your life or relationship where you have lost hope? How can you invite God into that situation and trust Him to bring healing and restoration?
Quotes
### Quotes for outreach
1. "I choose as a follower of Jesus to run to him as opposed to away from him I have an honor to be your pastor but as you can see I am human and obviously not exempt from pain and trials in life." [35:40] (28 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)
2. "We are really holding on tightly to the fact that the story of our family's life there's more to be written and Jesus will win in all of these situations no matter what and the promise that we are clinging to amidst this spiritual warfare is Psalm 34 18 which is the Lord is close to the brokenhearted he saves those who are crushed in spirit and that is just one promise of promise after promise after promise of how faithful God is in our lives." [36:24] (39 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)
3. "When spiritual warfare hits, which I'm sure many of you are so familiar with in your own lives I desire personally as a follower of Jesus Christ to do everything that I can to demonstrate and live out and teach preach and personally hold onto and believe that Jesus is still in control over things that are out of control." [35:09] (28 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)
4. "When things get rough um I don't know who else can help you and your marriage except for Jesus and I would plead with you that today is the day of salvation for you and if you don't know Jesus it's as simple as ABC you admit that you're a sinner you're tired of trying to figure out life on your own and you really don't know Jesus and you realize I need a savior admit that you're a sinner you believe that Jesus Christ is that savior he died on a cross for your sins and he rose again three days later beating death he basically in essence he paid the penalty for your sins a price that you could not pay and then from this day forward you see you commit your life to Jesus Christ you say I'm done trying to figure it out I'm going to submit to Jesus' ways." [01:20:46] (53 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)
5. "When you and I start wanting something to change the way we are tempted to change that something is to criticize what we don't like so we start criticizing and we say things like this this isn't working ever said that before because when you start saying this isn't working you start saying that like all the time and in the meanwhile here's what we do because it's not something that we have that we wish we had we nag we whine we cry we scream about what we don't like that isn't working anymore and we fail to realize this truth the reason it doesn't work is because you can't change anyone." [51:42] (61 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)
### Quotes for members
1. "When you have come to a place and my marriage is over there's no hope I'm starting to believe this lie and I can't control what they're doing here's what can easily happen to you and I've seen it I've seen it trust me I've seen it when you have come to that place and you start believing that lie that Satan's whispering here's what happens you inevitably can't control it you don't even see it coming but here's what happens you begin to feel more self righteous you are the one that's always doing the right thing and they're the ones that are always doing the wrong thing and sometimes unbeknownst to you your self righteousness which is also a sin too your self righteousness can end up contributing to the problem that they have brought into the marriage." [01:12:49] (65 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)
2. "When your relationship is blessed that your enemy will always show up fast so what the foxes would do is they would attack at night because surprise surprise sin always grows best in the dark and they would first go after the fruit and then they would burrow underneath the ground to basically attack and destroy the entire root system and that's exactly what little unconfessed secret sins and uncontrolled desires do what are those Josh the little lustful thoughts that start to grow the little critical spirit that you start having towards your husband the little secret spending that starts to happen the little secret addictions that you think I haven't gotten caught no one's getting hurt they're no big deal Satan wants you to believe they really are no big deal but little by little they rob you of the fruit and blessings from a God honoring marriage or vineyard." [01:07:13] (82 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)
3. "When you feel discouraged like my marriage is in really bad shape I don't think we could ever heal the reason you are feeling that way is because I'm being honest with you there's a little bit of truth to you feeling that way because there has been a lot of pain and a lot of betrayal and the odds may actually be stacked up against you because you've come to a place probably that you realize you can only control you you can't control the other person which is a great revelation remember the earlier lie and for any marriage to be healed and whole it does I'm here publicly telling you it does take two people working for it to be healed and whole and the hard part is you can't control the other person." [01:11:47] (57 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)
4. "When things are going awry you would be shocked at how many people I have counseled in some serious counseling situations crisis management in their marriages and God is nowhere to be found and it's in those moments that I'm sitting here thinking do you realize why there's no progress whatsoever in your marriage start here this is another one Captain Obvious pray for God to change them if there's something in your spouse that is really out of line extremely hurtful in your relationship pray that God would change them ask him often to do a work because prayer is incredibly powerful I love what God's word says about prayer in James 5 16 the prayer of a righteous man availeth much it's powerful and effective." [55:14] (59 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)
5. "When you have come to a place and you start believing that lie that Satan's whispering here's what happens you inevitably can't control it you don't even see it coming but here's what happens you begin to feel more self righteous you are the one that's always doing the right thing and they're the ones that are always doing the wrong thing and sometimes unbeknownst to you your self righteousness which is also a sin too your self righteousness can end up contributing to the problem that they have brought into the marriage so I'm hoping to debunk this lie because remember Satan is a liar he's the father of lies so we as followers of Jesus these are the moments that we gotta dig deep and we gotta remember that no matter how bad it is and how bad it may be right now there is always hope in God." [01:13:20] (84 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)
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