Finding Hope and Love in Broken Relationships

And I think in this particular situation, one of the things that I take comfort in, I it's not an answer, but it's just something I take comfort in is that Jesus had difficult relationships in his earthly ministry, and at the end of the day like the rock bottom thing that I believe is Jesus was sinless he was perfect in the way he engaged with you know grace and truth and he had people who walked away from him he had people who misunderstood him betrayed him um couldn't get on board with him and that doesn't mean you know that we're perfect in everything that we did but it does leave room for earthly relationships to not be reconciled. [00:04:45]

I remember many years ago in a really difficult relational situation realizing um that I desperately wanted intimacy with somebody and that might never happen but that I could still love them, and so there was something for me about in that moment kind of distinguishing between intimacy intimacy is a feeling or a sense experience of closeness yes and that I can't have if the other person doesn't want it. [00:05:39]

Yeah um one is just to name the hurt you know part of what I feel like I'm learning a lot in this season is um that idea of owning with difficulty observe it welcome it and name it this just makes me sad and sometimes I just need to be sad but then to say even if I can't be intimate um I can will the good for this person and there's a strange uh kind of comfort in saying yep you might be able to hold me off but you cannot keep me from loving you I can still will your good and pray that for you. [00:06:28]

And um so uh that just that thought of uh I can continue to love I can continue to will the person's good yeah and and the trust there of I can surrender this person's life to the love and care of our heavenly father and I can seek the love and care from our heavenly father that I need so many times I think we can get so hung up in like god would you fix this thing that we don't get to what you said john I feel hurt and I can actually seek the comfort of the spirit in where I am and that is a prayer that I believe god answers even when maybe this other piece doesn't feel answered or doesn't feel resolved the way that we would desire in our human wisdom. [00:07:11]

You know um I never have to give up ultimately uh that notion that uh time lasts a really long while and then there's eternity and so it may look today like the relationship will never be repaired but I don't have to predict tomorrow or next week or next year other days will come and that beyond that um uh that notion of prayer uh I remember Dallas Willard writing in one of his books about Jesus with Peter where Peter's gonna go and deny him and Jesus knows this and he doesn't try to fix him but he doesn't give advice what he says to him Satan has desired to sift you like wheat but I have prayed for you. [00:08:07]

And it's like uh I think sometimes I can dismiss prayer as it's not very much it's it's kind of abstract it's kind of thin it's kind of distant but really for Jesus who would have been the best advice giver in the world and could have come up with real good solutions for Peter he doesn't try to fix him he just uh for Jesus the best thing he could do for Peter was to pray for him and that thought helps me. [00:08:49]

And I think um for me I think the thing that would be the stickiest in my faith in that particular scenario is I'd be asking the question what does resurrection life really mean if if something is if something is completely dead and I have no more control over like anything that I could do how is what is really like living hope and resurrection life look like and I think that might be the deeper question um and one of the one of the things I appreciate so much about dealing with hardship and relationships is I really think this is the way that we all become theologians like we really are asking the questions where is god in suffering and um what does it mean to have a loving god and what does it mean to live in this world right so and not just in an abstract way but how does that change the way I look and the change change the way that I feel and how do I relate to this other person. [00:03:20]

Gosh I just John I just imagine like writing that question you know and all the story behind that and all of the the pain and probably the hope and the trying and all of that that's gone on but um and I know you and I both we have a background in psychology and so often times I'm I'm first entering in and trying to enter in with a sense of yeah what would that feel like. [00:02:53]

And I think John I can't think of any hardship in my life personally that hasn't impacted shaped or deepened my understanding of god like so which means there is actual growing to do you know between what I thought I believed or what I thought I understood and then trying to really work that out through pain. [00:04:22]

I can want for there to be peace and I can try to bring peace I remember many years ago in a really difficult relational situation realizing um that I desperately wanted intimacy with somebody and that might never happen but that I could still love them and so there was something for me about in that moment kind of distinguishing between intimacy intimacy is a feeling or a sense experience of closeness yes and that I can't have if the other person doesn't want it. [00:05:35]

I think that's so good I think that notion that uh actually part of the answer to the question is uh I cannot make peace. [00:05:24]

I think sometimes I can dismiss prayer as it's not very much it's it's kind of abstract it's kind of thin it's kind of distant but really for Jesus who would have been the best advice giver in the world and could have come up with real good solutions for Peter he doesn't try to fix him he just uh for Jesus the best thing he could do for Peter was to pray for him and that thought helps me. [00:08:49]